Should I apoligize?

[Mauvilla4]

Hi guys.

On Thursday I was having dinner with my gf and I told her to "get the **** out of the restaurant".

Thursday was "woman's day" on my country. She was acting like a ***** (nagging) and by the time we hit the restaurant she became silent, I didn't even try to start a conversation. After an hour or so i asked her: "do you wan't to stay here?" She said "no". And I told her: "get the **** out of here, then".

I finished my dinner, but by the time I got home I realised she deleted me from facebook (never happened before).

Didn't say anything until now, but this morning she "ringed my phone". (Missing call, but not really calling, just the enough time to let a missing call on my phone). I did the same.

I don't know if I shoulf ask her to forgive me for telling her to leave in that way (GFOH). What do you think?

 

[sazc]

If I am with you it's because I have real feelings for you. Along with those real feelings comes the understanding that, if you are unhappy about something I am ready to hear about it so we can solve it. Hearing about your issue does not involve yelling, ugliness or anger. Let's talk about it, let's solve it.

As a female, I EXPECT my men to maintain some decorum and class in public and, as well, treat me like a human being in private. I would find you low class and be humiliated about what you did in that restaurant. I would never go back to that restaurant with you again. As well, I would be weary about being in public with you, since you think it's okay to verbally abuse me in front of strangers. In my world, this behavior would warrant a conversation about MY expectations. during that conversation I would tell you that I refuse to put up with that behavior and, if you cant approach me like a human being and treat me with dignity, we will end. Us ending has nothing to do with me not caring about you. I just refuse to be treated like dirt.

Dont ask her to forgive you unless you plan on not treating her like dirt again.

 

[El Payaso]

No.

 

[btownbuck2012]

If I am with you it's because I have real feelings for you. Along with those real feelings comes the understanding that, if you are unhappy about something I am ready to hear about it so we can solve it. Hearing about your issue does not involve yelling, ugliness or anger. Let's talk about it, let's solve it.

As a female, I EXPECT my men to maintain some decorum and class in public and, as well, treat me like a human being in private. I would find you low class and be humiliated about what you did in that restaurant. I would never go back to that restaurant with you again. As well, I would be weary about being in public with you, since you think it's okay to verbally abuse me in front of strangers. In my world, this behavior would warrant a conversation about MY expectations. during that conversation I would tell you that I refuse to put up with that behavior and, if you cant approach me like a human being and treat me with dignity, we will end. Us ending has nothing to do with me not caring about you. I just refuse to be treated like dirt.

Dont ask her to forgive you unless you plan on not treating her like dirt again.

"She was acting like a ***** (nagging) and by the time we hit the restaurant she became silent"

^What about that part, though? Why does that not warrant a discussion but his reaction to it does?

 

[Reykhel]

Hi guys.

On Thursday I was having dinner with my gf and I told her to "get the **** out of the restaurant".

Thursday was "woman's day" on my country. She was acting like a ***** (nagging) and by the time we hit the restaurant she became silent, I didn't even try to start a conversation. After an hour or so i asked her: "do you wan't to stay here?" She said "no". And I told her: "get the **** out of here, then".

I finished my dinner, but by the time I got home I realised she deleted me from facebook (never happened before).

Didn't say anything until now, but this morning she "ringed my phone". (Missing call, but not really calling, just the enough time to let a missing call on my phone). I did the same.

I don't know if I shoulf ask her to forgive me for telling her to leave in that way (GFOH). What do you think?

No, fvck her.

I don't think you "got angry". She was in a fvcking mood, it was big children's day and she was nagging and silent??? You simply asked her if she wanted to be there and she said "no". So you chose to say "get the fvck out bytch".

At the end of the day she was acting like a bytch so she got treated like a bytch. I mean there's a myriad of other options you could have chosen, but who wants to put up with that behavior. She sounds like a spoiled child. So she deleted you from Facebook. Good, that's over now. Just move on swiftly. Nothing more to see here.

Me personally, I probably would have mocked her. Especially being big children's day. Mock her in a very condescending way and drink wine. And have fun doing it. Always have fun, amusing yourself. Stupid behavior is there to be mocked. Ironically sometimes when you mock them they snap out of what ever little drama frame they had popped into. Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes you end up telling them to go away.

It's all good. No need to contact her again.

 

[sazc]

"She was acting like a ***** (nagging) and by the time we hit the restaurant she became silent"

^What about that part, though? Why does that not warrant a discussion but his reaction to it does?

Her acting like a nagging B ABSOLUTELY warrants a discussion. Of course! No female should ever do that to their man. If she had a problem she absolutely needed to open her mouth and let him know what was going on with her - in a calm and respectful manner. Oh no, my friend, in my world the female most certainly does NOT gat a pass because she has ovaries!

 

[CMNILS87]

If a gf or plate is in a bad mood, just reschedule. It's not worth the hassle to deal with someone complaining the whole time. You have limited time in the week for dating and spending 3 hours with someone that's in a bad mood is the least of my priorities.

 

[sazc]

Never let them pull you into THEIR frame

 

[BeExcellent]

So let me understand: You are unhappy with her nagging. Did you mention you were unhappy?

She got quiet and you chose not to start a conversation.

You then (apparently) respond to the uncomfortable awkwardness that has been created by failure to communicate AND failure to lead on your part and ask her does she want to stay.

She is uncomfortable so she says no because that is her honest answer...

And you say "GTFO".

You are the a s s h o l e. If you don't communicate it's on you. This is passive aggressive behavior. I'd drop you like you're on fire & never see you again. Ok so you didn't like what she was saying??? She flunked mind reading and can't know your thoughts. You failed to tell her the things she was saying bugged you.

My advice to her would be she made the choice to be respected as a person. My advice to you is no worthwhile woman is going to put up with this public abusive behavior.

People have to know where the goal posts are to know what is expected. You get an F- there. Next time communicate and you will avoid this type stuff altogether.

 

[Calum Tingham]

So let me understand: You are unhappy with her nagging. Did you mention you were unhappy?

You are the a s s h o l e. If you don't communicate it's on you. This is passive aggressive behavior.

She flunked mind reading and can't know your thoughts. You failed to tell her the things she was saying bugged you.

People have to know where the goal posts are to know what is expected. You get an F- there. Next time communicate and you will avoid this type stuff altogether.

This.

You should say, "What's happening in your head?" rather than just closing off and being silent.

Also, maybe she was on her period.

Plus, girls—just like men—cannot be expected to be in a good mood all the time.

Mind you, she did delete your Facebook which is extremely immature.

 

[Reykhel]

@sazc @BeExcellent

What I see from these two responses is a great example of the female's propensity for gender bias.

They call the guy an azzhole and tell him you wouldn't last with me while completely ignoring the female's abhorrent behavior.
Apparently the man should communicate like an adult and placate this childish behavior. Apparently the male in this case
is passive aggressive, while there's no mention of it been bad behavior that the girl is nagging or gone all quiet.

They're hen pecking at the op shaming the guy (you treated her like dirt, you're an azzhole, passive aggressive etc)

If a bytch is nagging and does not know how to communicate like an adult, why do they think it's the man's responsibility to "see what's wrong with her" and for the man to "communicate better". And apparently he's not "leading"??? He lead alright.......a nagging, dumb bytch who doesn't know how to communicate like an adult can get the fvck out

I remember a girl I was seeing a while back, who later had some bloody problem with thyroids and had to take medication for it.......and then got fvcking moody because of side effects........said this to me when I told her to sort her moods out ....."you should be more understanding of my situation!!!"

The self entitlement!!!!!!!!! Why don't you be more understanding about me having to listen to your bull****e instead, eh?

 

[sazc]

@Reykhel you either missed, or ignored, my subsequent post on that very topic.

A DJ doesn't let a female pull them into her frame.

Bottom line, this behavior, for either gender, is simply low class and trashy. You don't make a scene in public ever.

 

[BeExcellent]

Not at all @Reykhel. The point we both make is this:

Did the OP tell his girlfriend he didn't like her behavior? If the answer to that question is NO, then she doesn't know how he is recieving her behavior...he must have clammed up or stopped responding for her to get quiet...but this isn't female bias at all. Men gripe or get grumpy to their girlfriends too. If the guy had discussed let's say, something a colleague or buddy had done which pissed off OP & the gf got fed up hearing about it, got quiet & then told him to GTFO you'd all say she was the disrespectful a$$hat and I'd agree.

This thread isn't really about the topic. It's about communication. The OP should have told his gf "That's enough, I've heard enough" and changed the subject. If he DID do this then I'll assign more responsibility to the gf.

But complaining about her behavior to everyone else except her is passive aggressive, immature and shows lack of communication skills.

If someone didn't communicate that a behavior bothers them then don't complain when that behavior continues. It's not female bias at all...

And don't go 100% jerk when you do address it. Note that OP never did address with her what behavior he found offensive.

Tons of miserable married men ***** to others about the nagging of the wife but NEVER dare bring it up with the nagging wife. Those are weak men who fail to lead. No man should tolerate nagging. If it starts, open your mouth and require that it stop. If it doesn't stop then by all means get divorced or drop the offending woman. Life is too short.

But don't come here looking for validation when you are too weak to directly address it like a man. What the OP did is weak posturing after failing to address the original offensive behavior.

Congrats. He's lost his gf over it when he could have kept his gf and modified (or made the direct attempt to modify) her behavior.

The two people could have been male friends. Or a parent & adult child. Doesn't matter. Don't be a p u s s y and then come puffing your chest out when you never addressed the real issue.

 

[Mauvilla4]

Hi guys.

An update of what happened yesterday. (A honest one, not trying to make me look good bad whatever).

I could only read up to the second reply because then everything I relate here happened. (Thank you for the help guys).

After those "after missed calls" we had a conversation which went like this (H for her, M for me).

H:
M: sent her a picture of my niece who bought a new puppy).
M: look! Theres a new puppy and my dissapeared dog came back yesterday night.
H: he looks dirty.. you should bathe the dog.
M: guess what. My dog is out on the streets again and I believe someone kidnapped him to get his bytch pregnant. My dog is a dog stallion.
H: hahaha now he has to work to support the family.
M: Lindsay (her name)
H: Mike (my name).
M: excuse me for being angry on thursday. I shouldn't have reacted that way.
*** I read this in a post of the chatteau heartiste "relationship game week: a reader's journey", in which said that if you apologize, just once and not begging.
H:
M: what happened?
H: nothing.
M: tell me!
H: it wasn't on thursday... it was on wednesday hahah.
M: "black sunglasses smiling emoticon"
H: (she sent me a pic in which there's a quote that says that her expectations towards relationships have changed over time, that she doesn't want someone who promise to love her forever, and that will never leave her. That she doesn't want someone who always treat her tenderly and who won't ever get angry with her, but someone who tells what life is all about, for real, and who isn't afraid of put her in her place. She has to be able to be 5 hours without talking to me and still feel as a complete person. She is complete without me, but with me she is even better. She wants to feel stronger when she's with me. She wants us to grow together and help each other to grow individually. She doesn't need me, but she loves me so much. This may not work, but the fact that I understand this and see how our relationship will work, give us a very good chance. "
H: I wonder who was the girl whith whom you fought on thursday hahah.
M: You know.. I'm a very desirable guy.. a lot of girls want to be with me .
H: I won't say anything.
M: don't do it.. I just wanted you to know what was going on inside my mind
*** mistake?

After that the conversation became a little bit colder and after awhile of non-sense chat, I told her I was going to rest because I was tired, she told that it was ok and I said goodbye.

After a few minutes she came back and told me that that morning she dreamed of me hugging her and she started crying when she woke up because i wasn't there.

I told her to wait for me, I was going take a shower and go to her place.

When we met, I looked straight at her eyes, grab her hand, hug her.. and then kissed her. She kissed me back.

After that I spanked her ass lifted her, and grabed her ass (this is mine!).

We went dinner (sushi/mall) and she was like she used to be except for a little bit of agression from her part. (I usualley spank her and grab her ass in public, this time it was the same, but from time to time she played with my hair, I always stop her but maybe this is the result of apologizing myself, maybe)

After that I told her to get ready, because we were going to go to my friend's party.

At that time she was as affectionate as usual, and doing the same playful stuff that we do when we went dancing (telling me not to show my biceps because other girls would want me, pulling my shirt down everytime I tried to lift it because other girls would see my abs and stuff like that).

While dancing we had a great time and she was a affectionate as she used to.

At the end of the night, while we were on the taxi back home, she told me that she suspected I cheated on her.. I can't remember how really but I passed the **** test in a playful manner "agree and amplify".

While we were on the taxi, I told her that even though I was being chased by a lot of girls I enjoyed spending time with her, and that the little things she did, as taking care of me and always fighting for us to be together made it very difficult to leave her.

Somehow while we arrived I subtly changed the topic of the conversation to a sexual one and we ended up having sex on her parents house (her mother was sleeping, but her father had to travel).

*** matt forney, bold and determined blog moment: I silently sneak into her bedroom while she went to her mother bedroom to told her she was ok. Inside I didn't ask for a thing. While she was taking her dress off I put my pants down and she started doing her thing, and when I stopped her giving me head, I just stood up, put the condom on, and did my thing.

After that I told her to flush toilet so I could sneak out without being heard.

Later that night she wait for me to arrive home to send me a good night message.

Even thought everything is normal right now, I somehow believe that apologizing myself diminished my value, I just feel that. And thinking backwards I shouldn't apologize her and just ask her I was going to her place, but I dunno wheter this might create a passive/agressive behavior on her part.

This is the story so far.

 

[BeExcellent]

Good. All's well that ends well. Lead and communicate. Be the man she can follow.

Too many men fail to lead then whine after. I think your apology did you good. You cannot be a hard a$$ dictator and expect to foster love from others.

Your apology helped clear the air so things can move forward. Your absence helped her appreciate your value. If you didn't see value in one another you wouldn't continue. As it is everybody wins.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Initially, you reacted with emotion, which is never a good idea. Emotional tantrums are for children and stroppy teenagers. Telling her to leave the restaurant was over the top.

Apologies are rarely a good idea, except for when you've really fcked up and she did nothing wrong. Sounds to me like you both were being a bit childish and have an immature relationship going on where you're relying on mind games. She wound you up and you reacted.

By the time you're considering an apology, the damage is already done - you've shown weakness, and backtracking only makes you look weaker. All you can do is learn from the experience and deal with your emotions and your interpersonal relationships in a more calm and collected manner in the future.