POLL: In your opinion, who should pay for the date and why?

[devilkingx2]

I wanna see where sosuave is at on this right now, you know how board opinions sway with time, so what do y'all think right now, who should pay on dates: you, the girl, both, or something else?

In my opinion, except under special circumstances (one of you lacks money, you're 100% certain the date will go well, etc.) you should each pay for your own stuff. (ideally, i'd love to get a free meal, but lord knows that's unrealistic lmao)

To explain why, I will go with an anecdote. My brother once went out on a date with a girl, he was suggesting places they could go because she couldn't decide and he didn't particularly have a preference. He made the huge mistake of naming an extremely expensive fancy restaurant (I think it's called "red rooster"), as soon as he mentioned it he knew he should've retracted the option or something but it was too late. Once she heard it she had decided on it and didn't want to even consider going anywhere else, long story short he spent $200 between the both of them and at the end of the date she said "lets just be friends." He never heard from her again, to this day, he still sometimes laments spending a huge amount of money on nothing.

TL;DR: there's no reason to waste money better spent elsewhere if the date might go nowhere, unless you're simply made of disposable income

What do you guys think? who should pay on dates, what do you do on your dates?

 

[9Volt]

If I invite. First two are on me. If the chick doesn't even offer so much as to pretend to offer to pay even the tip or get me a drink I'm done. Tried ignoring my own common sense with one chick and wound up with a chick I dropped after a year of going out with every so often who never offered. Said Thank you. But again never offered. If you get a sense a chick is entitled and doesn't even offer she's done after the second date.

 

[QuadDeuces]

If I invite. First two are on me. If the chick doesn't even offer so much as to pretend to offer to pay even the tip or get me a drink I'm done. Tried ignoring my own common sense with one chick and wound up with a chick I dropped after a year of going out with every so often who never offered. Said Thank you. But again never offered. If you get a sense a chick is entitled and doesn't even offer she's done after the second date.

I had the same thing happen on a date once.
It was time to pay the bill so I got up and pay for 4 drinks or so, she didn't even offer to pay for her 2 drinks (which I would have declined) nor say thank you or anything.
There was no second date.

 

[9Volt]

I had the same thing happen on a date once.
It was time to pay the bill so I got up and pay for 4 drinks or so, she didn't even offer to pay for her 2 drinks (which I would have declined) nor say thank you or anything.
There was no second date.

Yep. I like going different places to do different things. I invite. First two times I pay no problem. Though if the second time a chick doesn't so much as even fake offer I'm done. And I ain't taking getting some as "payment" either. If friends are generous with me as I'm with them as I'm with a chick yet she can't even offer? She can take that shyt elsewhere. Many other chicks out there. I've had several offer. No problem. Dated one who I met at a previous job as a customer. (Found out she worked in a well known strip club in NY as a "waitress". SAME mentality as a stripper. Talked about money yet in two dates didn't even fake going for her purse. Didn't bother with her after the second. Saw her a few months later and she hinted at going out again. Brushed her off. Another chick who felt entitled. I tried to prove myself "wrong" in that I wasn't just dismissing people I suspected were toxic. Never once in a year offered to pay. Sex had it. That's not the end all be all for me. Dropped her and never bothered with her again. Same chick will eventually find some dude, try to get knocked up, and he'll have to support two kids. One kid and one entitled kid. These are the same types who whine that "men are the problem" when dudes hit and quit their azz.

 

[9Volt]

I voted it depends on certain circumstances, and I will elaborate:

I think whoever asked out the person on the date should do the paying. Since most of the time that is the man, then he should probably pay. However, as dates add up, the woman should pay here and there.

One caution: one of my most fvcked up gf's ever was a girl who paid for many of our more expensive dates. And my best gf ever, was a girl who pretty much never paid. So personally, I don't put much emphasis on how good a girl is based on whether or not she offers to pay. Some women just feel that men have a role (paying for dates, earning money, controlling the relationship and finances), and that women have a role as well (cooking, cleaning, providing support and great sex, raising kids). And I kind of like that kind of woman. Just a personal preference though.

IMO entitled chicks rarely if ever cook, clean, provide SUPPORT, or plan to raise kids (as in they'd expect you to work and pay for the child care). Doesn't mean I'm looking for "50/50" with money. It just sets a precedent when some chick even if you have no problems paying decides she likes the benefits of the "old fashioned" days while also expecting to also have all up to date entitlements.

Same with friends. Some dude hangs out and never offers to pay or contribute etc. Dudes slowly stop hanging with him.

 

[guru1000]

Seeking a complementary relation with a woman? You pay all.

Seeking an egalitarian relation with a woman? You pay only your half.

 

[9Volt]

Yeah i hear ya and i can only speak from my own experience. But I find that even with the most fvcked up entitled women, they will rarely demand you do everything. There are women like this, but I find most of them problems in a relationship happen when the guy is left doing 60 to 90 percent of the things in the relationship.. this is what sometimes keeps us hooked to women who are takers, because we don't logically see the full extent of the unfairness in the relationship, and we keep hoping that the few things she does do will be improved upon and get better. I think men tend to have a tremendous (and sometimes damaging) capacity to hope for the better.

I look at it like with friends or people you meet. You go out. You offer them a drink etc. They offer back. If you continue going out with them and they never offer you stop bothering. I've got friends that make a shytload of money. I could sit there and just take whenever they invite but I don't. I offer and get them too. It's the reciprocation. Chicks are no different. Doesn't mean I expect them to pay 50% at any time. But if they don't offer? They're entitled. They want "old fashioned romance" with all the perks of being "equal" in every other way. And a lot of them ae useless at cooking, cleaning, etc. You have a kid with a chick like that? You think after you investing for however long she's all of a sudden going to start pitching in? She'll expect you to pay for child care etc as she's used to having you pay. Again. Not expecting some chick to go "50/50" but damn if they can't offer it's like holding a door open for a chick and she just walks ahead without a thank you at least.

 

[9Volt]

Seeking a complementary relation with a woman? You pay all.

Seeking an egalitarian relation with a woman? You pay only your half.

Did you pay back all the money you scammed from others when you went to the joint for it? Or are you using their money to pay 100% for these chicks you meet off POF?

 

[Urbanyst]

I'm as generous with new women as I am with friends. So I'll pay for their first drink and offer to cover any activity that was my idea. If I cannot afford an activity, I will not suggest it. There are many cheap ways to hang out with a new woman that are totally free or close. My goal is to put myself in a situation where I am comfortable and we can both have fun.

I don't analyze the whole payment thing too much. However, I won't pay for a full meal unless I've already had sex with a girl. Dinner dates are not my thing. They always feel too intense for two people who are not already having sex.

 

[9Volt]

I know what you mean and before I would have agreed with you 100 percent. But in my last couple of relationships, I just noticed that the girl who paid for quite a few expensive dates turned out to be very toxic and the one who always expected me to pay for dinners was very giving in other ways.. she would spend money on other things like trips, car rentals, expensive shows. So I guess we agree on a girl paying her fair share.. just in different ways maybe?

I just don't use it as a gauge any more. I know a lot of guys will say a girl who never pays on a date is a taker, but my own personal experience has told me I can't use that as a measuring stick. And I'm not sure I'd agree with the statement that women you date should be treated the same as male friends. They're just not the same. I don't think guys should pay for a date just because they're guys.. but some women do have old fashioned ideas (such as the guy should pay) and it's up to you to decide if it's worth turning off a potentially great girl over saving 20 bucks. There are things that men do that turn women off (although they may even still stick with us even though we do it) and then there are things that women do that turn us off. It's all just a matter of finding what you're comfortable with.

Some good girls like to be taken care of. Shown that you will take care of them, and if I think I think it's worth it I will go out on a limb and pay the extra few bucks. If I don't think she is worth it and I have determined she is more of a taker than a giver, then I will generally just pay the bill and never see her again. I make good money and I'm not the type of person who will make an issue out of a few dollars, but that's just me.

I hear you dude. I know a few chicks who were big spenders on boyfriends (dudes I know and still hang with) but were nuts and got dropped. I don't just judge off paying alone. And no I'm not one of those clowns that is worried about spending over 20 bucks and sits in coffee shops or bars. That shyt is boring as fvck. I don't try to "buy" chicks either. It's just places I'd be going anyway on my own, or with friends. I do pretty well drive a nice new car etc. but I've known through circles dudes who even though they make good money are cheap as fvck too. People are still cool with them but don't invite them if they go out as they know they'll play the "broke" role.

Basically with me is showing reciprocation. Not expecting half everytime or even the chick to pay at all. Just friggin offer. At least show you would have my back as I would theirs.

 

[devilkingx2]

One caution: one of my most fvcked up gf's ever was a girl who paid for many of our more expensive dates. And my best gf ever, was a girl who pretty much never paid. So personally, I don't put much emphasis on how good a girl is based on whether or not she offers to pay. Some women just feel that men have a role (paying for dates, earning money, controlling the relationship and finances), and that women have a role as well (cooking, cleaning, providing support and great sex, raising kids). And I kind of like that kind of woman. Just a personal preference though.

I feel like I want to avoid an old fashioned mindset because I don't put it past a woman to be old fashioned in the ways that benefit her (e.g not paying for things) but modern and feminist where she pleases (e.g being unable/unwilling to cook and clean)

Yep. I like going different places to do different things. I invite. First two times I pay no problem. Though if the second time a chick doesn't so much as even fake offer I'm done. And I ain't taking getting some as "payment" either. If friends are generous with me as I'm with them as I'm with a chick yet she can't even offer? She can take that shyt elsewhere. Many other chicks out there. I've had several offer. No problem. Dated one who I met at a previous job as a customer. (Found out she worked in a well known strip club in NY as a "waitress". SAME mentality as a stripper. Talked about money yet in two dates didn't even fake going for her purse. Didn't bother with her after the second. Saw her a few months later and she hinted at going out again. Brushed her off. Another chick who felt entitled. I tried to prove myself "wrong" in that I wasn't just dismissing people I suspected were toxic. Never once in a year offered to pay. Sex had it. That's not the end all be all for me. Dropped her and never bothered with her again. Same chick will eventually find some dude, try to get knocked up, and he'll have to support two kids. One kid and one entitled kid. These are the same types who whine that "men are the problem" when dudes hit and quit their azz.

I think the next time you run into one of those, you should go on the third date and subtly hint that this time around she'd have to bring her own money, see if they have a problem or conveniently flake or lose interest or if they're perfectly okay with it or what.

i bet 9 times out of 10 they wanted their free meals, but there's that 1 out of 10 that has no problem paying for her own food, you just didn't say anything to her, you know?

 

[sazc]

Guy always pays for dates!!!!!

(that's SO not my reality, we take turns paying - but I wish it were my reality!! )

 

[devilkingx2]

oh yeah very true.. and even worse than that is the woman who demands to be old fashioned in the things that benefit her (free dinners, a working husband, etc) and modern/feminist where she pleases, but not only when it comes to being unable to cook/clean but also in terms of having sex with lots of men, getting double teamed, having sex with multiple men at the same time (sometimes on the same day) and yes I have actually met women like this who were even honest enough to tell me they did these things.

Women today can be very sick. You have to be very very careful when choosing.

personally i prefer my women to be fully modern, we live in the 21st century so I won't hold anyone to standards higher (or lower) than the 21st century standards, I think that's as far as fair can be

second best would probably be fully traditional, because a mix n' match is likely to be self-serving on her part

 

[guru1000]

I feel like I want to avoid an old fashioned mindset because I don't put it past a woman to be old fashioned in the ways that benefit her (e.g not paying for things) but modern and feminist where she pleases (e.g being unable/unwilling to cook and clean)

All women who I date cook, clean, and take any role deemed suitable to my taste. If you want women to act within their feminine nature, then, you act in your masculine nature, which is to direct, lead, and expect deference.

For a woman to submit, you must be a leader who she feels is suitable to completely submit to. A man fussing about a tab is not leader material. It's a trivial, small-minded mentality. You pick up the tab. In return, you expect and get complete deference.

Take a guy like 9Volt. He got taken advantage in his relationship not because he picked up the tab, but rather he is a trivial thinker, and does not command masculine respect or have a masculine presence. Blame the person here, not the tab.

Traditional relations work. Contemporary fail. I see no reason to obfuscate or abandon the male/female, direct/follow, traditional roles.

 

[9Volt]

All women who I date cook, clean, and take any role deemed suitable to my taste. If you want women to act within their feminine nature, then, you act in your masculine nature, which is to direct, lead, and expect deference.

For a woman to submit, you must be a leader who she feels is suitable to completely submit to. A man fussing about a tab is not leader material. It's a trivial, small-minded mentality. You pick up the tab. In return, you expect and get complete deference.

Take a guy like 9Volt. He got taken advantage in his relationship not because he picked up the tab, but rather he is a trivial thinker, and does not command masculine respect or have a masculine presence. Blame the person here, not the tab.

Traditional relations work. Contemporary fail. I see no reason to obfuscate or abandon the male/female, direct/follow, traditional roles.

Not taken advantage of son. A learning lesson to never doubt common sense signs.

But let's take "advice" from an ex-con who 100% pays for dates for chicks he meets off POF while using money he stole.

 

[9Volt]

I feel like I want to avoid an old fashioned mindset because I don't put it past a woman to be old fashioned in the ways that benefit her (e.g not paying for things) but modern and feminist where she pleases (e.g being unable/unwilling to cook and clean)



I think the next time you run into one of those, you should go on the third date and subtly hint that this time around she'd have to bring her own money, see if they have a problem or conveniently flake or lose interest or if they're perfectly okay with it or what.

i bet 9 times out of 10 they wanted their free meals, but there's that 1 out of 10 that has no problem paying for her own food, you just didn't say anything to her, you know?

Meh. By end of second if they don't have common sense or manners I've already lost interest to bother. I've known a few of these types of different ages. One chick who was a bit older that wanted me to come on vacation with her was dating a married dude and had some other dude sending flowers and buying her shyt. She was pretty damn hot but I look at more than that. The chick was toxic. Plus she sweated me hardcore and it got kind of annoying as I didn't want anyone else to think anything was going on between us. Chicks at jobs especially if they all know each other talk. Another one who wanted me to "take her to dinner" LMAO whom I never dated either had some dude buy her groceries. No joke. Then dissed the guy when he wanted to get some and he got fired. She was good looking too but if the chick is a conniving scumbag I really don't care how she looks. There's faaaaar too many chicks where I live who I know or meet to even bother with garbage.

 

[RangerMIke]

Whomever extends the invitation pays.

 

[dustmuffin]

I think it depends on the circumstances. If it's a special date to say a concert with expensive tickets I will make them buy their ticket. If it's just a normal date I will pay unless she offers to pay. Then I will accept her offer.

I really don't care about paying for the date becasue I have enough money and it doesn't bother me. If I get a vibe that I'm being used I just dump her and don't look back. Most of the time girls will offer to pay for dates.

 

[devilkingx2]

Whomever extends the invitation pays.

that's just a fancy/roundabout way of saying that the guy always pays lol. (and girls who think like that will "coincidentally" never invite)

 

[devilkingx2]

If friends are generous with me as I'm with them as I'm with a chick yet she can't even offer? She can take that shyt elsewhere.

Same with friends. Some dude hangs out and never offers to pay or contribute etc. Dudes slowly stop hanging with him.

I look at it like with friends or people you meet. You go out. You offer them a drink etc. They offer back. If you continue going out with them and they never offer you stop bothering. I've got friends that make a shytload of money. I could sit there and just take whenever they invite but I don't. I offer and get them too. It's the reciprocation. Chicks are no different.

personally I have a completely different set of standards for my friends and for women.

with my friends it's generally assumed that you're paying for yourself unless you establish beforehand that you are broke and they still want you to come along, and obviously that one guy who never has money is gonna need someone to spot him if you invite him along. but we usually pay each other back, eventually. there was a time when me and all my friends needed to keep notes on who owed us money and who we owed money because it was a complex network, but that's what friends are for, sometimes you take a second mortgage on them, sometimes they need a second mortgage on you, you know?

with girls it's different since if you're still working out the paying arrangement then you must've recently started dating which means you can't necessarily trust that any investments made will be paid back, any money you spend on her may never be returned in any form, which means you gotta be careful about just how many $7 shots you buy her if you can't get her back to your place afterwards, another main difference is that girls probably won't just tell you "I'm broke, can you spot me?" so you'll never really know if they just want a free ride or if they just don't have the cash for whatever date you've got planned