Potential wife material at the wrong time in my life. Did I make the right decision?

[Konada]

Posted this here because I want mature views on the situation rather than the usual 'if you are alpha you would have already banged her' replies.

Been dating this girl for 1 1/2 months. Overall, she has been a very sweet girl and I thoroughly have enjoyed our time together (investing a lot into me, bringing me a card & giving me flowers for my performance). Very submissive, never flaked on plans, always a joy to be around.

However, the thing is I never get past a makeout session with her and last night when I tried escalating she stopped me several times beyond making out (putting her hand on my c0ck etc). That's where I realized she's a traditional girl whose saving herself for marriage. In fact, in her past 3 relationships, she has never done anything sexual beyond making out and she seems pretty adamant about not breaking it. She told me that she couldn't give me what I wanted because its important to her not to 'lose control' and do something she might regret.

In the end, I realized that if I got into a relationship with her, it would only end badly because I'd end up sexually frustrated. I'm not putting this girl on a pedestal, objectively speaking she has shown me qualities what I would look for in a wife but I just can't compromise on having a relationship where my sexual needs aren't met at all.

We're both crazy about each other but we knew that our clashing values would doom our relationship from the start if we ever got into one. I think it was of mutual agreement that this wasn't going to work out in the long run and I suggested we part ways. She agreed even though I could see it hurt her to say it as well. What makes things worse is that my parents are giving me flak for dropping this girl whose saving herself for marriage as she is wife material, yet they do not understand that I would sacrificing a huge part of my own masculinity to get it.

I don't know whether I made the right decision to drop a seemingly perfect girl which we both have chemistry for, whose invested/chasing me and offered me companionship, affection but not fulfilling my sexual needs out of her own values.

What would have you guys done in my situation?

 

[sazc]

I agree with deesade you guys are not on the same page

 

[Alvafe]

plus there is always the question if what she is saying it true, plus you need to see the college age, pretty sure she will get wasted one night and all her i'm a pure girl will go out the window as fast as her panties

btw 1 month and half and your parents already know about her? wrong move IMHO

 

[BeExcellent]

Read what @Colossus has written about in his recent post.

So many men here complain that they can't find a good woman...but good women have values and respect themselves.

I've got flamed for pointing this out before but I'll say it again...don't gripe that there are no worthwhile women whilst dismissing worthwhile women for having value.

You don't have to respect her values. She does and some other man will too.

I've said repeatedly that this is how a good woman screens out guys who only want sex. Over time by respecting herself. Here's a woman who won't jump into bed with men...and yet you dismiss her as a result.

I'm not criticizing your choices however this is the logic flaw many guys here fail to appreciate and then go off complaining about the market.

Do you want this kind of woman for a wife someday? Don't expect they are easy to find as you get older. Rather they become harder to find. She might make a fine wife (and for someone, she will). You don't always get to pick timing in life.

You have to sort it out. She may be the rare gem you don't yet see the value in. The cruel irony is that when you do see it she'll be married to someone else.

What are your long range priorities? Are they important enough to forgo short term pleasure? This is the trade off men make historically to obtain the highest caliber women.

What's most important to you looking years down the road?

 

[oOh Nasty]

I personally think you made the right decision. Not because you haven't banged her yet, but because I'd be worried that she's thinking of you as a really nice guy who doesn't make her v@gina wet enough. Don't discount that as a possibility. Are you completely completely sure she hasn't done anything sexual in the past?

One route you could take is to play her little "wait" game and bang some f*ck buddies on the side.

Just giving you a different perspective so you don't end up playing into her relationship game.

 

[ubercat]

Classic oneitis. DJ101 don't take yourself off the market until they force the talk. And if sexual services r part of your requirements make that clear. Just make it clear that every man has needs and she's going to help you out some way. That leaves the door open for hot and heavy make out sessions and she we'll soon change her mind. if u crawl back now u ve lost your mojo.

Spinning plates isn't designed to punish or control women it helps to address the power imbalance and stop guys tying themselves in knots driven by all those nice brain chemicals

 

[CMNILS87]

Posted this here because I want mature views on the situation rather than the usual 'if you are alpha you would have already banged her' replies.

Been dating this girl for 1 1/2 months. Overall, she has been a very sweet girl and I thoroughly have enjoyed our time together (investing a lot into me, bringing me a card & giving me flowers for my performance). Very submissive, never flaked on plans, always a joy to be around.

However, the thing is I never get past a makeout session with her and last night when I tried escalating she stopped me several times beyond making out (putting her hand on my c0ck etc). That's where I realized she's a traditional girl whose saving herself for marriage. In fact, in her past 3 relationships, she has never done anything sexual beyond making out and she seems pretty adamant about not breaking it. She told me that she couldn't give me what I wanted because its important to her not to 'lose control' and do something she might regret.

In the end, I realized that if I got into a relationship with her, it would only end badly because I'd end up sexually frustrated. I'm not putting this girl on a pedestal, objectively speaking she has shown me qualities what I would look for in a wife but I just can't compromise on having a relationship where my sexual needs aren't met at all.

We're both crazy about each other but we knew that our clashing values would doom our relationship from the start if we ever got into one. I think it was of mutual agreement that this wasn't going to work out in the long run and I suggested we part ways. She agreed even though I could see it hurt her to say it as well. What makes things worse is that my parents are giving me flak for dropping this girl whose saving herself for marriage as she is wife material, yet they do not understand that I would sacrificing a huge part of my own masculinity to get it.

I don't know whether I made the right decision to drop a seemingly perfect girl which we both have chemistry for, whose invested/chasing me and offered me companionship, affection but not fulfilling my sexual needs out of her own values.

What would have you guys done in my situation?

Been there done that, 6 months of hell. You're a man and you want a relationship and sex. Denying that is only gonna push you down a dark path and you'll lash out at her verbally for no reason sometimes and say stupid **** because you think you're going crazy

 

[sazc]

So many men here complain that they can't find a good woman...but good women have values and respect themselves.
I've got flamed for pointing this out before but I'll say it again...don't gripe that there are no worthwhile women whilst dismissing worthwhile women for having value.

Honestly, this is the biggest thing that confuses me about y'all on this site. If she's not spreading her legs by the end of date #2 she's nexted for being low interest.
If she does spread her legs by the end of date #2, she's referred to as some form of trash and put on plate status to prove herself.
I'm guessing that the ones who need sex by the end of date #2, and who wont put up with no sex/waiting, are the ones who arent looking for a solid female and possible LTR? Or, at least, the ones who dont want to take the chance of investing (getting emotionally attached) and having it not work out (wasted time).
Yes, some of the females who play hard to get arent really hard to get. But if you are looking for a solid LTR and you have a good female in front of you who is saying "im looking for real, I want to wait" you might want to consider respecting that. If you're looking for plates then, yea, move on.

After all, it all works out for individuals as it is going to work out.[/user]

 

[ubercat]

So there u go advice from 4 guys who ve been there before. Now if u want to go back send a brief TXT. If she bites, remind her of the good times and then lay your requirements on the line. Billy Joel said it..Sooner or later it comes down to fate...I might as well b the one

 

[CMNILS87]

Honestly, this is the biggest thing that confuses me about y'all on this site. If she's not spreading her legs by the end of date #2 she's nexted for being low interest.
If she does spread her legs by the end of date #2, she's referred to as some form of trash and put on plate status to prove herself.
I'm guessing that the ones who need sex by the end of date #2, and who wont put up with no sex/waiting, are the ones who arent looking for a solid female and possible LTR? Or, at least, the ones who dont want to take the chance of investing (getting emotionally attached) and having it not work out (wasted time).
Yes, some of the females who play hard to get arent really hard to get. But if you are looking for a solid LTR and you have a good female in front of you who is saying "im looking for real, I want to wait" you might want to consider respecting that. If you're looking for plates then, yea, move on.

After all, it all works out for individuals as it is going to work out.[/user]

Hanging out a couple times a week for a month and a half is more than enough time to get to know each other and she'll know if she wants intimacy. A girl holding off more and more after dates has a lower and lower chance of having sex with him.

Desire can't be negotiated. First girlfriend at 19 wanted to wait till marriage being catholic and a virgin still. Something about me set her off, she wouldn't have sex, but it didn't stop her from dragging me into the bathroom and giving a passionate *******

 

[speed dawg]

Posted this here because I want mature views on the situation rather than the usual 'if you are alpha you would have already banged her' replies.

Yeah, you want to pick and choose your advice. Not happening here. Take that crap to loveshack. The good news is, SEX in and of itself isn't the problem here. Read on....

We're both crazy about each other but we knew that our clashing values would doom our relationship from the start if we ever got into one. I think it was of mutual agreement that this wasn't going to work out in the long run and I suggested we part ways. She agreed even though I could see it hurt her to say it as well. What makes things worse is that my parents are giving me flak for dropping this girl whose saving herself for marriage as she is wife material, yet they do not understand that I would sacrificing a huge part of my own masculinity to get it.

No, YOU are crazy about HER. She's not into you at all, values or not. I know this not because she won't have sex, because I think that's an admirable trait. I know this because she willingly accepted your "mutual" (LOL) agreement to party ways. If she had any attraction for you at all, that would have never happened.

I don't know whether I made the right decision to drop a seemingly perfect girl which we both have chemistry for, whose invested/chasing me and offered me companionship, affection but not fulfilling my sexual needs out of her own values.

You made the ONLY decision.

What would have you guys done in my situation?

First, I would quit trying to convince myself that this was about sex. Women don't think the way you do.

Secondly, for the future - take a step back and try to figure out what it was that turned her off. I mean you're talking about "wife material" and you've known this girl 1.5 months. I would imagine your oneitis and neediness showed through to her like a strobe light.

 

[Colossus]

Konada,

I dont think you made the wrong decision, and I'm probably the biggest virgin proponent out there. The reason I say that is that if your clash of values is THAT strong--and you both agree on it--likely this would be a strained relationship.

I married a virgin and I was perfectly willing to wait if it was her thing. Not because I felt I had to do this to "win" her, but I really wanted a woman who was sexually pure and I realized the gift I had in this. I had been with plenty of women and had tons of sex for many years. I wasnt a horny 23 year old dude who just couldnt wait (not insulting you)---I knew what was out there and that the grass was in fact NOT greener on the other side.

I ended up not having to wait but I never pushed the envelope and wanted her to be the active one in making that decision.

So at your age I dont think moving on is the worst thing.

 

[Desdinova]

However, the thing is I never get past a makeout session with her and last night when I tried escalating she stopped me several times beyond making out

This is where you need to have extreme self-control over your sexual urges. My mindset over this whole thing would be, "You wanna play that fvcking game? Fine, I'll make you suffer". I would push the sexual stuff right up against her roadblock until she kicks it down. Kiss her neck, make out, run your tongue up and down her back, rub her crotch, kiss her thighs, bite her shoulders.... Do absolutely everything you are allowed to get away with, but NEVER initiate sex. She put up that roadblock, so she has to kick it down.

If you need to deal with your sexual frustrations, there's always masturbation or a horny bar slvt.