How to proceed in a relationship with a bpd

[Lvdegen]

How do bpd chicks react when u initiate with them? do they prefer guys that are emotionally unavailable and do not initiate with them...Do bpds wanna hear guys express feelings because I basically am numb to feelings and never really feel too much towards a person. I've heard her talk about feeling emotions towards guys and have seen texts from guys being super sappy with her...this doesn't bug me because I can frankly give a sh 1t.. I might express I like them but usually more in a joking playful way never sappy really maybe on a rare rare occasion. I also do not initiate 9 out of 10 times

 

[Infern0]

Just go and buy some heroin and inject that stuff straight in, you'll get a better high and it'll be less damaging to you.

 

[bigneil]

She wants the ultimate storybook romance and will devour it hook, line and sinker if you push her buttons.

Here is the key: after you start having sex, let her initiate - always. Occasionally you will have to ask for a date. In that case, be theatrical and send her a formal invitation described to the last detail.

Sometimes a BPD is actually just a sweetheart who can't say no, and who thus gets taken advantage of. Sure, you loved her when you got to have your way but eventually she had to revert to the real her who can't accommodate every man she meets. By always letting her come to you (that is, after every date, the relationship ends until she reaches out - exclusively - you never reach out) you avoid the worst of BPD which is when she feels cornered (or abandoned).

Remember: her two fears are simultaneous and contradictory: 1) you will abandon her and 2) you will stalk her. What I had to do was (after we were in love around 3 months after sex) I broke up with her, but assured her I would always love her. Then I disappeared long enough that she was convinced I'd never stalk her. When I came back, and when a similar incident that caused the breakup happened I promised her I would never push her away again. This convinced her I would never abandon her. It's been all hearts for the 6 weeks since.

Also, know that she will be wild in bed and unfaithful at times so know what you are dealing with. A commitment must be her idea.

 

[QuadDeuces]

 

[Infern0]

From what I remember, expect a sh*tload of push/pull from her.

She will respond great to push/pull also.

Proper arsehole game is the way to go. Do not jump like a puppy when she texts you. That is important.

It sounds like she has adapted your behaviour to make you wait on her to summon you - be wary of becoming her lapdog.

What you should be doing is breaking the cycle by ignoring her - maybe for days at a time.

Oh dont encourage him.

If hes even needing to ask hes not at the level to attempt something this risky

 

[Lvdegen]

She wants the ultimate storybook romance and will devour it hook, line and sinker if you push her buttons.

Here is the key: after you start having sex, let her initiate - always. Occasionally you will have to ask for a date. In that case, be theatrical and send her a formal invitation described to the last detail.

Sometimes a BPD is actually just a sweetheart who can't say no, and who thus gets taken advantage of. Sure, you loved her when you got to have your way but eventually she had to revert to the real her who can't accommodate every man she meets. By always letting her come to you (that is, after every date, the relationship ends until she reaches out - exclusively - you never reach out) you avoid the worst of BPD which is when she feels cornered (or abandoned).

Remember: her two fears are simultaneous and contradictory: 1) you will abandon her and 2) you will stalk her. What I had to do was (after we were in love around 3 months after sex) I broke up with her, but assured her I would always love her. Then I disappeared long enough that she was convinced I'd never stalk her. When I came back, and when a similar incident that caused the breakup happened I promised her I would never push her away again. This convinced her I would never abandon her. It's been all hearts for the 6 weeks since.

Also, know that she will be wild in bed and unfaithful at times so know what you are dealing with. A commitment must be her idea.

So not even a text saying goodnight? No initiating texts whatsoever even if I'm not asking her anything or to do anything?

I know she is disordered and i let plenty slide with her..my gut says not even to text her at all like nothing..but sometimes I feel I have to say some nonsense like goodnight or something about how I slept a long time...i have said I missed her and the next day and 3days in a row i slept over but like u said it could be that she felt she couldn't say no etc but I didn't ask to hang out.

I have seen her texting her ex but he's irrelevant...he texts her how he wants to save up for a ring buy a house with her take care of her on and on and on but to me it's her living out that fantasy relationship she so desires via text because the dude lives in another state but I think he use to live with her for a few months a few years ago..i just let it go because she even said it herself she fantasizes about men and being in these fairy tale type relationships.

I understand it's no good to ask her anything first I have poked before and my best results have been from her initiating. I just can't wrap my head around if I simply say goodnight when we haven't seen or barley spoken to each other in a couple of days would be detrimental but I'm obviously not experienced with bpd girls only not girls. I feel I have to stimulate her and show her I'm not leaving her and to do this I thought sending a goodnight text can't be all that bad but I'm getting the feeling it is..am I wrong? Doesn't she need to know I have interest for her? Because if I didn't hear from someone I would assume they're not interested but i guess she's disordered.

 

[QuadDeuces]

BPD's are amazing fvckbuddies.
But the problem is BPD's don't want to be fvckbuddies, they will mold themselves to your character, they will be a perfect extension of you. If you like a certain band, they have all the albums and know all the lyrics, if you read certain books, they have read them and watched all the documentaries as well.
If you like traveling, they have been to all the places you have been and will make plans to go on a trp with you.
They will buy you gifts, and dinners, tell you that you were the one who saved them.
They will clean your house, with pleasure, cook you food to impress you, tell all their girlfriends how luck they are to have met you.
And they curl up to you like a little girl to snuggle you. They have high sex drives and will do anything you like. You will feel like you met your soulmate.
Once you feel like you found your perfect match and you have been isolated from your friends and family and other girls, because BPD's will take all you spare time.
This is when she starts to withdraw, she will stay out with friends more, sleepovers with strangers after parties "but nothing happened" (which she will tell you the next day at 5pm when she finally answers the text of 10pm the night before).
She will tell you she is losing attraction, it's something you've been doing, you have been controlling and demanding, it's you.
She will tell you about an ex that keeps calling her.
She will tell you that you have changed, although she is the one who really changed.
She will start drama and if you stay your ground she will give you the silent treatment.
She will smear you at her friends.
She WILL CHEAT.

This is the part when you should have gone completely NC.
If you stay she is gonna use every weakness you have against you.
She will tell new guys she's curling up to like a little girl that you were a controlling manipulative baby boy, she will tell you that the new guy can make her squirt 4 times in a row. She will tell that she was convinced to have a threesome with the new guys friend, not because she wanted it but because she used ectasy and the new guy is such a bad boy who treats her bad.

BPD's are Satan's offspring, they will utterly destroy you.

 

[El Payaso]

BPD's are amazing fvckbuddies.
But the problem is BPD's don't want to be fvckbuddies, they will mold themselves to your character, they will be a perfect extension of you. If you like a certain band, they have all the albums and know all the lyrics, if you read certain books, they have read them and watched all the documentaries as well.
If you like traveling, they have been to all the places you have been and will make plans to go on a trp with you.
They will buy you gifts, and dinners, tell you that you were the one who saved them.
They will clean your house, with pleasure, cook you food to impress you, tell all their girlfriends how luck they are to have met you.
And they curl up to you like a little girl to snuggle you. They have high sex drives and will do anything you like. You will feel like you met your soulmate.
Once you feel like you found your perfect match and you have been isolated from your friends and family and other girls, because BPD's will take all you spare time.
This is when she starts to withdraw, she will stay out with friends more, sleepovers with strangers after parties "but nothing happened" (which she will tell you the next day at 5pm when she finally answers the text of 10pm the night before).
She will tell you she is losing attraction, it's something you've been doing, you have been controlling and demanding, it's you.
She will tell you about an ex that keeps calling her.
She will tell you that you have changed, although she is the one who really changed.
She will start drama and if you stay your ground she will give you the silent treatment.
She will smear you at her friends.
She WILL CHEAT.

This is the part when you should have gone completely NC.
If you stay she is gonna use every weakness you have against you.
She will tell new guys she's curling up to like a little girl that you were a controlling manipulative baby boy, she will tell you that the new guy can make her squirt 4 times in a row. She will tell that she was convinced to have a threesome with the new guys friend, not because she wanted it but because she used ectasy and the new guy is such a bad boy who treats her bad.

BPD's are Satan's offspring, they will utterly destroy you.

This.

I don't even know why on Earth you would want to "proceed in a relationship with a bpd".

You're just asking for pain.

 

[Lvdegen]

This.

I don't even know why on Earth you would want to "proceed in a relationship with a bpd".

You're just asking for pain.

I actually have strong narcissistic traits and therefore don't feel emotion atleast often...i have gone thru a lot before so this isn't totally new to me. She actually texted me last night but I was asleep.

I have dealt with a full blown narc for 9 years now and I'm basically the last man standing with her. The reason is like i said I have narc traits I might even be disordered with it to a certain degree but that helped me stick around and also I did a lot of research on npd so i understood all the behaviors and meaning behind them..i went thru narc abuse for years so I'm pretty much numb to everything. I'm trying to do the same here....do I really miss her? sure why not..do I say it from an emotional stand point? No. I say it from a strategic standpoint to illicit a reaction from her and to test what she will do..becaise right now I'm new to her so I'm trying to figure out her behavior patterns so I know what to say and do to get what I want.

I battled with the narc for years up and down and epic epic blowouts now there are rarely any fights and I know what to say and do if I want something. I honestly think me and this bpd will be able to be around each other for a long period of time because of my npd tendencies of being unemotional..i don't like super closeness myself so I don't cling and I can disconnect quickly..currently I talk to 5 different girls and hang out with all them but I want this one as my intimate one.

 

[QuadDeuces]

If you're narcissistic yourself BPD's are going to have a field day with you, NPD's are the easiest prey for the BPD.
First they shower you with Narcissistic supply and build your ego up to godly status, then when you're getting used to it, because in the NPD's mind hey, I always knew I was awesome and this chick just recognises it!
At that point they slowly turn off the tap and give you the silent treatment when you confront them with this. And when they hoover you again after a few weeks, they will cause a major narcissistic injury when they tell you you weren't really that awesome at all, infact you were quite boring and annoying, and your replacement is richer, smarter, more handsome, bigger muscles, and has a bigger dik than you.
Narcisssists are especially vulnarable to BPD's manipulations.

 

[Lvdegen]

I'm not a pathological narcissist but I'm kind of up there. I do not get crazy when supply is cut I take a step back and create a game plan where I try to put myself in their shoes since bpds have the same qualities as npds and I am also atuned to behaviors and can feel out situations. I know when people are being real and when they are fake I either play along or I call them out depending how bad it is and if they are trying to get something serious from me etc. If they play really fd up games with me I'm capable of playing back usually thru jealousy...i literally have 5 -6 girls I can go too if need be and have played hard jealousy games as I can use my narc for it beca8se she is a solid 9.5 and I can get into scenarios with her to make sure other girls will see me with her. So a bpd can try to play games but at the end of the day I can play back too if need be but I prefer not too. I have plenty going for me incliding looks education a nice car and a well to do family..i have confidence also yea maybe some esteem because of the narc stuff but I can still hang.

I usually catch myself before i get to the point where I might burn the bridge entirely unless I really want too do it.

 

[Infern0]

I actually have strong narcissistic traits and therefore don't feel emotion atleast often...i have gone thru a lot before so this isn't totally new to me. She actually texted me last night but I was asleep.

I have dealt with a full blown narc for 9 years now and I'm basically the last man standing with her. The reason is like i said I have narc traits I might even be disordered with it to a certain degree but that helped me stick around and also I did a lot of research on npd so i understood all the behaviors and meaning behind them..i went thru narc abuse for years so I'm pretty much numb to everything. I'm trying to do the same here....do I really miss her? sure why not..do I say it from an emotional stand point? No. I say it from a strategic standpoint to illicit a reaction from her and to test what she will do..becaise right now I'm new to her so I'm trying to figure out her behavior patterns so I know what to say and do to get what I want.

I battled with the narc for years up and down and epic epic blowouts now there are rarely any fights and I know what to say and do if I want something. I honestly think me and this bpd will be able to be around each other for a long period of time because of my npd tendencies of being unemotional..i don't like super closeness myself so I don't cling and I can disconnect quickly..currently I talk to 5 different girls and hang out with all them but I want this one as my intimate one.

Which makes you a weak minded fool. Despite your ego convincing you otherwise.

Avoid the bpd shes better at this game thsn you

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I know exactly what you are talking about OP, and no, you do not have NPD. You may have APD instead. Hence the unemotional ability and being able to take a step back. Narcissists are not able to take a step back and strategically plan stuff out, sociopaths are (APD). No, there's nothing wrong with that (unless you go out and murder someone for sadistic pleasure); I am fairly similar when I need to be. You probably confused narcissists with sociopaths because both have big egos and manipulative tendencies. I recall a while ago how another person on here who was a sociopath was ina relationship with a BPD. One thing he stated that I remember was to "leave all the BPDs to us sociopaths because we're the only ones who are able to handle them", or something to that effect (many of the traits taught here are sociopathic too in a way, it's not even that hard to see).

I believe the reasoning for this is because BPDs are essentially the female version of sociopaths (who are predominantly men). When going through long term emotional trauma, men become sociopaths whereas women develop BPD (usually). If I recall correctly, I believe it is a defensive mechanism. But the thing is though, men are better at manipulation than women. The only reason women tend to beat men is because they commit to manipulation in ways most men don't. But if men were to commit to it in the same way, we would destroy even the best women. The greatest conartists in history were men for a reason.

You will be fine. The main difference is that she will test you more consistently than other women so you will need to respond in a certain way 'to get what you want' more often. It isn't that this is hard to do, but it is ANNOYING to do all the time. The more you respond correctly and manipulatively, she will love you for it (if she is a true BPD). But you will get annoyed at having to do it all the time because it gets to a point like 'b!tch just shut the **** up for one minute and let me eat already!' lol. But that shouldn't happen right away though, only later on in the relationship.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Treat her the same as any other woman. She just will have more extreme ups and downs.

 

[devilkingx2]

imagine dating a literal vampire. it'll be like that. just pray their love for you outweighs their desire to murder you and feast on your carcass and you'll be good to go.

 

[dude99]

How do bpd chicks react when u initiate with them? do they prefer guys that are emotionally unavailable and do not initiate with them...Do bpds wanna hear guys express feelings because I basically am numb to feelings and never really feel too much towards a person. I've heard her talk about feeling emotions towards guys and have seen texts from guys being super sappy with her...this doesn't bug me because I can frankly give a sh 1t.. I might express I like them but usually more in a joking playful way never sappy really maybe on a rare rare occasion. I also do not initiate 9 out of 10 times

How to proceed with a bpd? Don't.

Dump and do not look back. Nothing positive will come out of it.

 

[GunShow85]

If you're narcissistic yourself BPD's are going to have a field day with you, NPD's are the easiest prey for the BPD.
First they shower you with Narcissistic supply and build your ego up to godly status, then when you're getting used to it, because in the NPD's mind hey, I always knew I was awesome and this chick just recognises it!
At that point they slowly turn off the tap and give you the silent treatment when you confront them with this. And when they hoover you again after a few weeks, they will cause a major narcissistic injury when they tell you you weren't really that awesome at all, infact you were quite boring and annoying, and your replacement is richer, smarter, more handsome, bigger muscles, and has a bigger dik than you.
Narcisssists are especially vulnarable to BPD's manipulations.

QuadDeuces had some great input on this, thx!

The BPD/HPD is most often with narcissist. They build up the narc with endless compliments (you are so hot, sexy, strong, smart, funny, etc). The narc believes this and thinks finally I found someone who sees it all. This is hard for narc to lose all these praises, when she turns. BPD beats narc every time. I bet most guys on a sosuave forum are narcs and I've seen zero success stories with them manipulating BPD/HPD.

My question is:
Does the BPD give all these compliments (love bomb) because they really mean it or are they consciously setting you up for manipulation?

I've read that it is both. Personally, I don't think most are evil enough to feed compliments for months just to set you up for their mind control. I think they are extremely emotional and IN THAT MOMENT the BPD believes you are the most strong/sexy/smart guy ever. It's just that an hour later some other guy is the best ever. Girlchase.com has an article on cluster B about this saying they are so good st the game because they genuinely feel like you are the best guy (soon followed by genuinely feeling you are the worst). They're not faking it, it's just genuine wild swings in mood/views/emotions.

 

[kronreiff]

BPD's, NPD's, Psychopaths etc are not relationship material. If you don't understand how and why they do what they do, you're better off staying away unless you have low value in yourself and don't mind losing your soul in the process. Fvck them and cast them away like road kill. That's all their good for!

 

[MrAddiction]

bpds have the same qualities as npds

This is not true. A BPD has some narc traits but differs a lot. They are both Cluster B, but they are two different categories of Cluster Bs for a reason. BPD is like NPD is like saying coke is like heroin. I could handle to not get addicted to coke so I'll be able to handle heroin with the same ease. Sorry, it's just delussional.

So a bpd can try to play games but at the end of the day I can play back too if need be but I prefer not too

You prefer not to, but a BPD does not care. So you are trying to bear her at a game where she is worldchampion and you only middle class. If you are not a full blown sociapath your odds to win this game are more than against you. Do not waste time and Energy and play this game.

 

[MrAddiction]

If you don't understand how and why they do what they do, you're better off staying away

...and if you understand them stay away even further.