Why do they go cold for no reason then come back?

[Sdives]

Its not another dude, it was the chase ands go cold comment.That was correct but why do they go cold if you chase?

 

[9Volt]

Low interest. It's occum's razor.

Here is the thing about women...The level of awareness you think they are at is not where it's actually at. Especially if she is hot and has abundance. Most guys can't even sniff 25% of a hot woman's abundance.

They can actually afford to be illogical and random. They can afford to be inconsistent. It has no real repercussions in their lives. You think YOU'RE spinning plates? You ever slept with a hot woman who tells you about 5 guys paying her rent, buying her mink coats, taking her out to fancy dinners during pillow talk? I have.

This is why I am against micro-calibration. Here is the thing: You are actually playing the game with yourself. You think she is playing tennis with you? Nah. She is A.D.H.D. She probably contacted you again by pure accident. She was bored. Your name just popped up, etc.

Every negative thing that happens to me with women, I apply occum's razor. I chalk it up to low interest and move on with my life.

Highly interested women always find a way into my life anyway.

There is no need to try to micro-calibrate to every little flakey thing women do and play tennis by yourself. If you were a fly in her wall, you will discover that you probably don't even exist in her reality.

A woman is either highly interested in you and makes things easy or she is A.D.D and mindless. So don't give her any thought.

Don't try to make sense of her. Hot women with low interest are inconsistent because they don't really care.

Dude if some chick tells me she's got 5 guys burgers paying her rent, buying he minks etc. all I'm thinking is "you're a pile of human waste. thanks for the heads up toots. later".

if they don't care why should I.

 

[Sdives]

Only guys with abundance get laid. Chasing women tells them you have no other women wanting you. Women are all about value. A diamond is a woman's best friend because it is rare and valuable. Would a rare and valuable guy chase?

There are two ways you can go about it. You can either become a rare and valuable guy by working out, improving your finance, being well dressed, and becoming socially connected.

Or you can learn "game" and try to come across as a rare and valuable guy. These guys are often guys who hate on good looking and rich guys who don't have to do anything. They will mistaken the effortless attraction these guys generate and rationalize these guys as "passive."

Understand the difference between effortless and passive and you understand the reality of high value guys who don't have to chase.

Well I wasn't doing any intense chasing I upped the Anti a bit but nothing extreme. I saw the Pull back right away and copied that. Then she wants to know when Im free. I was busy and told her when a better time would be.

My theory is based on the dynamic of them in power position (regardless of what anyone says) and them trying to pick what they want. Like how its theorized that women in reality make the first move by signalling to us if our approach would be welcome.

What am I doing? This is a lazy answer by me. I've articualed this better before

 

[jester1x]

Well I wasn't doing any intense chasing I upped the Anti a bit but nothing extreme. I saw the Pull back right away and copied that. Then she wants to know when Im free. I was busy and told her when a better time would be.

Just make you intentions towards her crystal clear. Meaning that you would like to take her out, romance her a bit then sleep with her. You are not trying to add a female friend to your social group. Either she says Yea or Nay. The mistake I/We make is continuing to pursue when she has responded with a Nay or her actions clearly indicate a Nay. If you approach a woman and do not receive a positive response then do not give that woman anymore time or attention. Don't seek her out hoping to convince her to go out with you because it doesn't work. I've fallen in that trap many, many times and no longer do it The urge is strong to keep pushing but you better resist that urge.

In my experience, I've never had to guess if a woman is interested in me. Their actions will always betray them. They'll do things they won't do for a guy that makes then feel nothing or lukewarm. They will contact you directly or let you know as clear as day that they'd like to hook up with you. No need for guessing games nor escalation.

Women do initiate but it's not direct nor in your face like how we men do it. Your job is to pry that cracked door all of the way open to so speak.

I'd define chasing as pursuing without any encouragement from the woman.

Hope all of that made some sense. A good thing to look for is when a random woman looks at you like a piece of meat. I'm sure everyone has seen that look at some time in their life. I always take it as a compliment.

 

[bigneil]

But is it really high interest? No. How can a woman dissapear for no reason and come back be high interest? Who cares if it's not really really low interest. The principle is you only engage with really high interest.

Otherwise you risk her disappearing AGAIN for no reason and coming back 6 months later. Do you really want to do that to yourself?

Yes, OP needs to hit the gym to truly improve his circumstances. He thinks he can post a question about where she is and categorically declare the answer, but he cannot.

 

[Sdives]

Just make you intentions towards her crystal clear. Meaning that you would like to take her out, romance her a bit then sleep with her. You are not trying to add a female friend to your social group. Either she says Yea or Nay. The mistake I/We make is continuing to pursue when she has responded with a Nay or her actions clearly indicate a Nay. If you approach a woman and do not receive a positive response then do not give that woman anymore time or attention. Don't seek her out hoping to convince her to go out with you because it doesn't work. I've fallen in that trap many, many times and no longer do it The urge is strong to keep pushing but you better resist that urge.

In my experience, I've never had to guess if a woman is interested in me. Their actions will always betray them. They'll do things they won't do for a guy that makes then feel nothing or lukewarm. They will contact you directly or let you know as clear as day that they'd like to hook up with you. No need for guessing games nor escalation.

Women do initiate but it's not direct nor in your face like how we men do it. Your job is to pry that cracked door all of the way open to so speak.

I'd define chasing as pursuing without any encouragement from the woman.

Hope all of that made some sense. A good thing to look for is when a random woman looks at you like a piece of meat. I'm sure everyone has seen that look at some time in their life. I always take it as a compliment.

Well she wont meet me outside the gym yet. But she does tell me when she finishes training people. So she wants to talk to me more there. Likely to get know me better before I can go further.

 

[Sdives]

Yes, OP needs to hit the gym to truly improve his circumstances. He thinks he can post a question about where she is and categorically declare the answer, but he cannot.

This whole thing is in the gym. I'm there 5 days a week and this girl one of the trainer girls. I worked as a PT for 5 years, but I work in Finance now. I live in the gym.

 

[Sdives]

Alright, let's go by your meta-frame where the woman is in the power position. And somehow you managed to reel her back in by pulling back.

That's what you actually want to do. Don't play any games. Be up front and genuine. But when she pulls back, you pull back. When she moves forward, you move forward.

And vice versa. When you move forward, expect her to move forward. If she doesn't then she is playing games and you reject her.

Seduction is like a dance. You are not interacting with a lifeless mannequin.

Your mistake was probably you moved too forward when she didn't give you any cues.

Sometimes women need some rapport/comfort before she gives you a sign to escalate the interaction from platonic to personal to sexual/romantic.

My mistake was that I had clues tons for the past few weeks. But I moved the chess piece and extra square ahead of schedule. Could it be a test? .....possibly.

The rest of you post was gold and you seem to nail the situation perfectly.

 

[jester1x]

Ask her to join you for a smoothie or some healthy juice drink after her session ends. Isn't there a place next door or nearby?

If she wants to scope you out, tell her to take a look at your signup application.

Sometimes...the get to know you better is somewhat of a game because more than likely you are not the only guy looking to hook up with her. Make your play then escalate or move on.

If a woman has some real interest then she'll get to know you when you both hangout in a neutral place. If you want to play a game then workout when you know she won't be there. See how she is when she hasn't seen you for a few days.

I wish you luck but the ROI doesn't seem worth the investment of time or effort.

 

[bigneil]

If you are striving for SMV one point higher than your own, you are competing with guys 2+ pts. above your own. All actions which you deem confusing is simply low interest. The only time this dynamic changes is once a guy gets his hooks onto a girl, bangs her silly, and gets into her head emotionally. Here even a man of lower SMV can win the "game" with this woman.

True, but remember: it's not just looks we're talking about. 90% of a woman's SMV is based on her looks and can be deduced from a photo. Meanwhile, 90% of a man's SMV is based on his income, status and confidence while only about 10% is based on looks that can be deduced from a photo.

Case in point: my girlfriend described me as being in the 99 percentile of attractiveness (the most attractive 1% - an exaggeration), but my photos only score in the 70 percentile or top 30% (well below where my results suggest I am). In reality I'm probably in the 85 percentile of attractiveness.

 

[dude99]

This is continued from my other thread but:

I talk with this girl here and there she is trainer in the gym. We both know somethings up

She went cold for a couple weeks. No idea why so I left it be went NC and all of a sudden she comes up and asks when I will be around to talk after she gets off work( trainer in a gym). I was thinking she might have been still cold. but I was surprised it came out of nowhere.

Is this a test ?is it conscious? do they plan this? any sight guys

I think I passed as I was un reactive and went NC. Now she wants to see when Im around. WTF?

You fell off her radar. She realized you weren't orbiting her anymore and she is seeing if she can get your attention back. Coule be that she actually missed you. Could be that she just wants her ego stroked and you did what most of the thirsty guys who hit on her don't do. You went on with your life

Don't put the cart before the horse. Guage her interest and go from there. Don't spend too much time trying to figureout the actions of a girl you already nexted. Be prepaired to next her and go nc again if need be

 

[Sdives]

Ask her to join you for a smoothie or some healthy juice drink after her session ends. Isn't there a place next door or nearby?

If she wants to scope you out, tell her to take a look at your signup application.

Sometimes...the get to know you better is somewhat of a game because more than likely you are not the only guy looking to hook up with her. Make your play then escalate or move on.

If a woman has some real interest then she'll get to know you when you both hangout in a neutral place. If you want to play a game then workout when you know she won't be there. See how she is when she hasn't seen you for a few days.

I wish you luck but the ROI doesn't seem worth the investment of time or effort.

Well she's pretty cute and 18. So that's huge. I think personally she's not experienced at all this. So she's taking her time

 

[Sdives]

They gave you insight, and you rejected an entire portion of it (other men) up to and nearly chastising other men for pointing this out.

Now I am not saying that is the specific reason here, but it us a very common reason.

Because its not always another guy. This is common sense.

 

[Sdives]

True, but remember: it's not just looks we're talking about. 90% of a woman's SMV is based on her looks and can be deduced from a photo. Meanwhile, 90% of a man's SMV is based on his income, status and confidence while only about 10% is based on looks that can be deduced from a photo.

Case in point: my girlfriend described me as being in the 99 percentile of attractiveness (the most attractive 1% - an exaggeration), but my photos only score in the 70 percentile or top 30% (well below where my results suggest I am). In reality I'm probably in the 85 percentile of attractiveness.

Its not 90/10 No way

 

[bigneil]

Its not 90/10 No way

I was just estimating, but what do you think it is?

Studies show that a woman will marry a guy who is a 1 out of 10 in terms of looks if he makes $160,000 a year.

Men won't marry a woman who is a 1 even if she is a Billionaire.

 

[Sdives]

Back on topic . I wasn't available when she wanted but I will try again I told her on FB I wasn't blowing her off. I was surprised how she just came up to me and wanted to tell me when she was off work. I didnt see it coming

 

[bigneil]

He is just projecting his own SMV because it is mostly reliant on money.

You guys want to think that, but at age 46 I have a 21 year old HB9+ initiating by texting me for the fourth straight day and asking me out for tonight, which would be our fourth date this week. She has had no less than 30 orgasms with me and counting. She now tells me she loves me every time I see her. And I don't have any ex-wives to support either. I also have a 23 year old HB8+ texting me and asking me out for tonight.

So go out and find the hottest girl you ever saw (and find a spare) and get her to fall in love with you by the 7th date, and then tell me your SMV relies mostly on money.

 

[Sdives]

It is not ALWAYS another guy, but that is a poor reason to dismiss that as a possibility in your case.

My sense is that you are asking for any reason other than this one, because you do not want this to be the case for you.

Its not the case. Now this is widely off topic. Point is I was surpised that out of nowhere she same back

 

[Sdives]

It is only off topic if that is not the reason.

How do you know it is not the case?

Its just not. I dont give the total backstory

 

[bigneil]

My main point is I had rich hot women come over all the time in LA while women in philly require me to wine and dine them. Your SMV is not always 90/10 status/looks. It fluctuates based on demographics.

For you think think it is always 90/10 means you are not good looking enough for women to use you for sex in more superficial states like California. Because it does happen. And it happens a lot. In fact, there is a HOOK UP culture in LA. In LA you can literally be a hot looking beach bum and get laid 3 times a day.

I just find it hard to believe a supposed hot guy thinks his status outweighs his looks by a 90/10 margin universally. And I'm talking from actual experience living in different states and seeing different parts of my SMV fluctuate.

I've dated rich, hot women also. If you think a cougar in her 40's compares to her daughter, I disagree. I'm dating the daughter currently.

I've lived in California - twice. In Silicon Valley. Man Jose. Where I had free dates with 3 bikini models from Sporty's in Santa Clara. One was the most beautiful girl I ever saw until I met my current girl. I had two dates in two nights there once (October, 2013). One took me to her birthday party and then I literally had unlimited date opportunities - with strippers - for free.

My current girl tells me I'm in the 99% of looks (in reality I'm about a 6 or 7), mainly because I'm 6'5" 230, 17% body fat, with a full head of hair, striking blue eyes. Not that I believe her, but if you get 30 strippers to date you for free and date an equal number of equally hot non-strippers, you are doing something right. I've had about 1000 girls describe me as handsome and 100 describe me as beautiful.

I still think that a man's status and money are about 9 times as important as his photograph (at least in some areas, as you admitted). Why? Because you can't convey height, tone of voice, confidence, character and many other nuances in a photograph. Only prettiness.Then add income and skill on top of that, and add your own special talents and conversation skills. I'm just guessing, but for you to say it proves I'm not that good looking is something I can prove false.