Breakup/oneitus prevents you from being a father???

[Chev.Chelios]

Hey guys, some might have read my passed posts dealing with breakups..
and hate to sound like a broken record but have been searching for solid
advice..

im simply beatin down.. to my goddamn knees.. have been for over a year now.

I have a 2 year old son, me and the mom were in a 3 year LTR were deeply in love,
soon to get married and it all came crashing down in the most brutal ****ing breakup
known to my existence.

Some points i want to get accross first..

- Im happy this whole sh!t show occured, the pain has taught me SOOO much sh!t
- I know deep down everything that happens is perfect, the universe
teaches men in severly fvcked up ways. these are hard earned life
long lessons gained from fighting in the bloody emotional fvcking trenches..
(I plan to share everything iv learned when i finaly come out of it)

After reading several books, especially rational male, has gotten my mind bent
in so many ways i dont have any idea where to go from here, femenism, todays
society standards, social condition. I am simply stuck frozen solid, not knowing what to do.

This has gotten me so devastated my finances are in ruin, i cant get out of bed in the morning.
I constantly have horror dreams every night, my eyes are sunken in with deep bags around them
absolutly zero will power, motivation, no sex drive, im an emotional bucket with a millions holes
poked in the sides. My health has gone to sh!t, lost weight, my shoe size even shrunk a whole size.
Iv been going out every weekend for 8 solid months, trying to learn game from ground zero, and
am getting very poor results do to my chronic depressed state.. blahh

Not trying to ramble on about my problems, does feel good to vent. i guess my question is..

HOW THE FVCK DO YOU BE A SINGLE FATHER, while youre still not over the mom,
not even a little bit, their are times where iv gotten better, then fell right back down into the
dumps again. Im simply burned out, and do not know how the fcvk im going to push through
this, my son needs me to raise him, when i cant even drive down the street without almost
coming to tears every time i see the same model cars of hers drives by, its that bad.
Will only get worse if i continue to stay in contact with her.

Now i know why fathers walk out on the kids.
Some dont care, and some care way to much.

OKAY SO THAT WAS A SAD STORY, OMG LOL, SRY GUYS BEAR WITH ME

I have a set of questions that may sound dumb, im just going to scribble them down
because like i said, my brain is so full of info and ideas i cant even thing straight.
This whole time i have been the most beta sap the world has ever seen, i have
done everything wrong. EVERYTHING, so as im learning the ways of alpha men.
Guys that can handle this sort of sh!t without to much trouble and just seem to move
on in life, thats not me, iv been severely fvcked up my whole life.. this situation takes
the cake for anything iv ever faced, and iv alot.. Growing up homeless for years at
a time sence i was 8 all the way to 18, living in cars, being broke, my mother abandoning
me when i was 10, father was never theyre, Im learning how to be a man by myself.
Theirs nobody there to tell me what the fvck to do!

So basicley Im the man of the family, its my job to lead, protect and provide for my tribe.
which i failed at, the mother gets pissed and takes the children and leaves to another cave.
Does the man go to her new cave and beg her and the kid come back? is it the mans
job to pick up the child, walk back to his cave, nurture and care for the child by himself while
he is busy doing all the important man sh!t? fending off beasts, building and maintaining shelter, gathering resources etc..
while the mom gets gang banged by the new badass cavemen that took her in?

Sort of the situation Im stuck in, Society hammers away at men, "Be the best single father you
can be, its okay, just be a little beta male ***** looking after the kids while the mom is out
getting fvcked by other alphas..

Im coming to the realization, that single fathers that submit to taking care of the kids while the mother is gone are beta fags..

I FEEL LIKE IM STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF BETA AND ALPHA..

Neither i do a good job, raise the kid half the week and have a relationship with him by myself.

Or i cut ties with both of them, and go out and find build another life..
(Which i know in about a year not being able to see my son ever again will fvck me up
severly)

But what other choice does a man have? If a mother doesnt want to come back to the cave and raise the child together as a family should, go out and get knocked up by other guys shes fvcking who
are on top of there game, while the dad is at home crying like a little faggot because he lost his
cave girl.

Solution: Make a better badass cave, and become a better alpha man. to MAKE her want to come back, paradox is when i do get back to the level of being my own man emotionaly healed i wont even
want to take her azz back. ill be to busy fvcking hotter tail and getting my genes out their as much as i can..

All this beta vs alpha sh!t is making my head spin

THERES MILLIONS OF BETA CHUMPS READY TO PROVIDE...
Also the other thing thats crazy, there is so many godd@mn chumps
begging to lock her down in a marriage and raise this kid for me,
ITS FLAT OUT ****ING UNREAL the lengths these chodes will go
to just to be with a single mom, and take in another mans off spring.
begging them to take half there ****, their freedom, time and emotional
investment, they hand it to these girls on a silver platter..

TO ME SINGLES MOTHERS ARE FVCKING REPULSIVE

Niether they got knocked up by a crazy azzhole, or they got knocked up
by a alpha they poisen dripped into a sloppy beta chode that later got dumped
(aka me, chev...) and they go the single mom lifestyle, which society openly
supports and praises, getting free housing, wel fare, ****ty job that pays
the bills...

THEIR IS NO NEED FOR MOTHERS TO NEED MEN ANYMORE..

Thats really the harsh truth, the woman these days simply do not need men anymore.
A young girl can go work at a coffee stand full time, get food stamps and welfare,
and boy is she set for life, Men have created a civilization to comfortable woman
can survive and thrive on their own means.

SO THEN WHAT DO SINGLE GUYS/DADS DO??
We have no place anywhere anymore, just make your money, live alone in your
little overpriced apartment, with a roomate who is cool if your lucky, and
just go out to the bars every weekend to pump and dump *****s..

Last thing i want to add here, is my fvcking pride and dignity is diminished,
being a single dad feels dirty. and looked down upon, people assume im
just some ******* that knocked a girl up and ran out on them.
WHEN I TRIED EVERY GODDAMN THING IN THE WORLD TO TRY AND FIX
MY FAMILY, The girl simply just didnt want to do it..

this is all just speculation, i may sound crazy, just trying to get a grip on myself
and throw all these ideas out in the open for people to hopefully throw some opinions,
idk.. I love and want my son to become a great man, its hard when woman have all
the legal power and law backing them up, i feel completely helpless..

 

[Desdinova]

Now i know why fathers walk out on the kids.

This is something I've been able to understand more over the years. After going through a separation and divorce, I honestly don't blame men for simply dumping the whole thing and throw money at her to keep the stress at bay. I kept my boy in my life, but my best friend decided to let his ex-wife leave the city with their two kids. They haven't gone through an official divorce, but he instead sends her however much money she wants every month. I know damn well he does it so he doesn't have to deal with the whole divorce and custody issue. As I've already been there, I know how stressful it is.

HOW THE FVCK DO YOU BE A SINGLE FATHER, while youre still not over the mom,

Like it or not, you HAVE to separate your one-itis from your being a parent. Let's touch on the one-itis part first...

You NEED to make an active and full-blown effort to get over your one-itis. This is difficult as hell, but your effort will pay off. You have to cut off as much contact with your ex as you can. When you communicate with her, it should be business only. The only things you should be talking with her about are issues related to your child.

If you're still seeing that bytch every time you pick up / drop off your kid and it's majorly triggering your one-itis, then perhaps you should use a third party. You can use one of her friends or family members, or even one of your own. She would drop your son off with this person, and you would pick him up from there as well. Then you wouldn't have to see the bytch.

Growing up homeless for years at
a time sence i was 8 all the way to 18, living in cars, being broke, my mother abandoning
me when i was 10, father was never theyre, Im learning how to be a man by myself.
Theirs nobody there to tell me what the fvck to do!

This is all 5hit that should've been tackled before you started a family. Unfortunately, you didn't go that route, so you have to tackle this stuff now. Picking up this book might be a good place to start. It was extremely helpful for me when I was dealing with my resulting problems from my messed up parents.

Solution: Make a better badass cave, and become a better alpha man. to MAKE her want to come back

This IMO is not an option. She fvcked up the family that the both of you started. How do you forgive a woman for doing that? YOU DON'T. You're paying for it, and your son is ultimately paying for it. She fvcked up a family unit and three peoples' lives. She is NOT to be forgiven, and she should NOT be given a second chance. You made a dedication to having and supporting a family and so did she. Now she's off fvcking other men instead of caring for the family she willingly helped create. She could have aborted. She could have taken birth control. But no, she decided to go full term and give birth. She also accepted your marriage proposal. She didn't have to do any of that, but she did it anyway. Men get the blame put on them for being the highly sexual creatures, but the woman is ultimately in control over whether a child is born. They have all the birth control options. They are the ones who can abort. This bytch made the decision to birth a child.

I FEEL LIKE IM STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF BETA AND ALPHA..

Don't even focus on alpha vs beta 5hit. The only time alpha & beta 5hit means anything is when you're trying to get laid. You have bigger fish to fry. You have yourself to fix. You CANNOT fix your own problems when you have alpha vs beta 5hit on your mind. Your main goal right now is to fix your issues, fix your problems, fix how you feel, fix your perception, and fix your lifestyle.

You've been through hell and back even BEFORE you met this bytch and had your relationship fall apart. You've been through WORSE and you're still here. You've survived your hellish upbringing. You're a strong motherfvcker and you can survive this single parenting 5hit. A lot of other dudes wouldn't have survived the garbage you went through during your upbringing. If you can survive that 5hit, you can survive anything.

I want you to look at yourself in the mirror every fvcking morning and tell yourself "I'm strong as fvck for surviving all the 5hit in my life." Tell yourself that EVERY MORNING. You will eventually realize it. Once that happens, you can start rebuilding.

Sit yourself down and make a list of personal goals. Some stuff you can write down:

- Get a better job
- Fix appearance
- Get a new car
- Buy a house
- Get over bytchface
- Fvck a hot broad

Put down at least one goal pertaining to a hobby. If you play guitar, make it a goal to form a band or start playing out. If you work out, make a goal for weight loss or a certain lifting goal. But you need to make goals so you have something to live for. These will be your purpose in life. Raising your son is not your purpose, that is a responsibility along with paying bills. Having a relationship with a woman is not your purpose either. Just look at what the last one did to you. NEVER build your life on the foundation of another person (be it women, children, friends or family). If any of those people leave you or fail you, your life will come crashing down. Build your life on the foundation of your own personal goals and achievements. Those are the only things you can truly rely on.

being a single dad feels dirty. and looked down upon, people assume im
just some ******* that knocked a girl up and ran out on them.

This is not true. I am not dirty nor looked down upon. My GF thinks the world of me. My mother thinks I'm a tough SOB.

You also have to let go of other peoples' perception of you. This is your biggest roadblock to becoming successful. Nobody else matters when it comes to your personal life. They will only knock you down if you let them. Their opinion of you will only matter if you let it. Your opinion about yourself is the only thing that matters. If you realize how strong and tough you are for putting up with all the 5hit you've gone through, you will be able to succeed at whatever you put your mind to. Nobody can tear you down if you ignore them and/or kick them out of your life.

Eliminate those who are going to tear you down. If that means getting rid of everyone around you, then so be it. You'll be able to focus better on yourself if you're alone. If you've got someone to support you on your journey to self improvement, then keep them around. Otherwise, you'll need to go it alone.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

@Desdinova WOW MAN, thanks a ton for taking the time and writing that lengthy response, very much appreciated.

Woman DO NOT need men to survive anymore. Familys do not need to function for people to survive.
anybody can get a studio apt and live alone taking care of themselves. sure sometimes familys work
for a little while, and everyones happy, but when things get rough people are so quick to say the hell
with it all, i dont need this sh!t, IM A STRONG INDEPENDENT PERSON(because man made it possible
to survive by conquering nature)

Last night i sort of vommited all this speculation out in text before i went out to the bars with a good buddy wing of mine.
showed up feeling like p!ss, ended up having an amazing night and for the first time in a while hooked a set with
a stunning black haired beauty, icy blue eyes, tall, super chill and just had a great time. It made me realize the same old solution to this
hell men find there selves in all the time. Sure you can say it is one thing, but building yourself back up to live it is the real challenge.

Abundance of good woman and friends cures virtually everything in the long run.

Been going through a huge dry spell. Dating and hanging out with hotter woman you connect with
will make life so much more goddamn easier, reason why im so attached to my ex still is simply because
i dont have other hotter girls to hang out with right now and iv dumped ALL of my investment into her.
.. zero plates/options. being with that beauty last night was SOOO ****ing refreshing,
i literally forgot what it feels like for a girl to have chemistry and invest into you.
not saying to use other girls as a crutch, thats bad. Iv paid my moutherfvcking dues in this breakup
and deserve goddamn hot azz woman again.

You cant replace the love of your life overnight, losing the girl you love is losing a family member..
no stunner is going to heal your wounds.

Another point that is SOOOO key and has changed my perspective overnight.
LOVE YOUR EX regardless, do not halt that love, for anybody ever. If somebody
does you wrong, never cease giving them love. Coming from a guy that spent
half his life in complete bitterness and hatred for this girl, my family, old friends.. it only amplified my downward spiral
deeper into a pit. When i made the choice to love my ex regardless of what she ever does
to me, my emotions shifted immediantly, went out and killed it last night.
This is what christ teaches and man its money.

If you cut off the process(love)to one person, its affects everybody else you
interact with.

Iv dumped so much emotional, time, money investment into this ONE GIRL.
While at the same time not trusting her and hating her for being such a b!tch
i got caught in a loop of denial and frustration. she would play hot and cold.
When it looked like she wanted to fix things, the slightlest little hope i would
latch onto it and dump more investment into her. while she would barely
invest back. super sh!tty trap.
.
Out of all the breakup threads and videos iv watched this one here, from a PUA girl lol.
was the best iv read so far, at least for getting me over the hump to acceptance
http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-22617.html

Its being in that fvcking soul crushing depressed state, where youve lost everything, no girls, no friends,
no kids anymore, when life unleashes all its horrors at you.
having the ability to pull back out of something so severe as full blown oneitus depression unscathed
is a miracle really, iv heard countless storys of men losing theyre chicks/kids and going ape sh!t

- end up in jail for domestic..
- Restraining orders..
- get hooked on alcohol or drugs
- suicide (have known a few guys that did this)
- spend the rest of their life crushed(My father is still hurt over this one gf he had in the 70's!!!) jeeze lol
LUCKILY i didnt do anything of these, just watched alot of porn and spent all my time going out religously
getting my azz kicked hahaahah, i do however smoke alot now...

Learning game from ground zero
has so many benefits... BUILDS SUPER TOUGH willpower to go out and leverage all the emotional trauma into positivity and learning.

Ive become a master at going out with my guts dragging behind me, socializing with strangers and going home
feeling good everytime i go out now. the first couple months were just absolutly horrible. I can apply that in every other
area in my life now, going to work, hustling, working out, and the best thing is, I NEVER have to drink any alcohol while im out.
never give it a second thought, I only like to drink coffee when im out

I want this post to help any guys going through this sh!t storm, i know theyre tons of you out their
scowering the web for help.

 

[jimjam]

Gee, that's too bad