Girlfriend Flirts with Other Guys in Front of Me

[RangerMIke]

Here we go again... a discussion about setting boundaries. I really would like to hear from anyone that had success keeping their women happy by having chick-like boundary discussions.

Women flirt... it's what they do, I do not know your GF, but most women I know do this just as a natural way they communicate with dudes, and it doesn't mean anything.... well.... until she finds herself attracted to a man and then... well... women are not loyal. Understand that if you confront her, she will only dial it back when you are with her. When you are not around, she will still flirt, you can not stop this.

Your GF KNOWS for a FACT what you like and don't like. She knew before you told her that you don't like her flirting in front of other dudes, and she was likely doing it anyway. Why, because she intuitively knows that you two are not compatible... if you were compatible then her flirting would not bother you... you would be confident in your relationship that you can trust her... well this is what she is thinking, the truth is that you REALLY can't trust any woman to stay loyal. But an attractive man does not worry about their chick flirting because he knows that he can get another chick when ever he wants... so if she wanders off, then you just load up the next one.

There are billions of available women in the world. If you find yourself with one that makes you unhappy, fvcking DUMP HER.

 

[guru1000]

Women flirt... it's what they do, I do not know your GF, but most women I know do this just as a natural way they communicate with dudes, and it doesn't mean anything.... well.... until she finds herself attracted to a man and then... well... women are not loyal. Understand that if you confront her, she will only dial it back when you are with her. When you are not around, she will still flirt, you can not stop this.

Your GF KNOWS for a FACT what you like and don't like. She knew before you told her that you don't like her flirting in front of other dudes, and she was likely doing it anyway. Why, because she intuitively knows that you two are not compatible... if you were compatible then her flirting would not bother you... you would be confident in your relationship that you can trust her... well this is what she is thinking, the truth is that you REALLY can't trust any woman to stay loyal. But an attractive man does not worry about their chick flirting because he knows that he can get another chick when ever he wants... so if she wanders off, then you just load up the next one.

This is terrible advice.

There are billions of available women in the world. If you find yourself with one that makes you unhappy, fvcking DUMP HER.

This is correct advice. A girl like this merits neither exclusivity nor boundaries; either dump or relegate.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is terrible advice.

This is correct advice. A girl like this merits neither exclusivity nor boundaries; either dump or relegate.

guru1000,

I agree with RangerMike somewhat. "flirting" is the natural way many females communicate with men, they cannot really turn it off. It doesn't mean anything.

 

[guru1000]

guru1000,

I agree with RangerMike somewhat. "flirting" is the natural way many females communicate with men, they cannot really turn it off. It doesn't mean anything.

Qualify your women better and have standards she intuitively knows you won't corrupt.

I never had an exclusive girl who flirted in front of me. I also carry an aura of low tolerance for disrespectful behavior.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Qualify your women better and have standards she intuitively knows you won't corrupt.

I never had an exclusive girl who flirted in front of me. I also carry an aura of low tolerance for disrespectful behavior.

The ones I'm talking about think they are only being "nice" and "friendly" so it really would wreck them to try to shut it all down.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Qualify your women better and have standards she intuitively knows you won't corrupt.

I never had an exclusive girl who flirted in front of me. I also carry an aura of low tolerance for disrespectful behavior.

The ones I'm talking about think they are only being "nice" and "friendly" so it really would wreck them to try to shut it all down.

 

[wifehunter]

Walk

 

[RangerMIke]

This is terrible advice.

Exactly what advice did I give in those two paragraphs you cited? Just stating a fact about the nature of women. If you disagree please explain, I enjoy a good debate.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Exactly what advice did I give in those two paragraphs you cited? Just stating a fact about the nature of women. If you disagree please explain, I enjoy a good debate.

I agree'd with you, that many not ALL women have this nature of talking to men that would appear as "flirting" but they mean nothing by it. It's their normal means of communication. It doesn't mean that she's screwing the guys, or even intending to. She in her mind is being "nice", "pleasant" and "friendly"... To us it seems like poor boundaries, flirting, being too close, etc.

 

[Glassguy]

First off, I dont think I would have had "the talk" about flirting with her. She knows d@mn well what she is doing and I am sure can sense that it bothers you.

The second that YOU bring it up you have shown to already lost frame and you lose. She has to be the one to bring it up, and this is how you do it:

I would have started pulling away, meaning demote her to a "plate" or someone that you just fvck. No dates. Trust me, she would ASK YOU what has happened between you. At that point you can say that you cant take her seriously as a potential GF if she feels the need to flirt with other people. If she wants to make it work, she would STOP and NOT DO IT AGAIN. She would also have to put effort into you to get back to GF status (aka CHASING YOU). During this time I would start talking to other girls as well.

2 options:

1.) Keep going through this cycle. How long have you been seeing her? If less than a year, I would bounce.

2.) Turn her into a plate. Just fvck and hang out at your place or hers. Bounce when the deed has been done. Do EVERYTHING on your terms. She will either work hard to get her status back and understand you arent putting up with flirting with other guys, or she will tire of the effort it will take and find someone else. She will eventually do it to them too, so dont feel bad about it.

Make sure that you start "spinning plates" and looking for other options as you may need to monkey branch away from her sooner than later.

You must also realize WHY she may be doing this. I would assume on my end that she doesnt see a Cinderella future with you and is laying the foundation for other guys down the road through this flirting.

 

[guru1000]

Exactly what advice did I give in those two paragraphs you cited? Just stating a fact about the nature of women. If you disagree please explain, I enjoy a good debate.

I know do this just as a natural way they communicate with dudes,

and it doesn't mean anything

women are not loyal

Why, because she intuitively knows that you two are not compatible... if you were compatible then her flirting would not bother you
... you would be confident in your relationship that you can trust her... well this is what she is thinking,

Disagree with all above.

Flirting is not natural to the extent that it should not be expected behavior from an exclusive gf. Whether derived consciously or unconsciously, flirting in front of you is disrespectful behavior and does mean something--whether the girl is is unaware of ubiquitous social propriety or employing underhanded contrivances--it is a deal breaker in the context of exclusivity.

As to "loyalty." Some women are loyal. Others are not. Flirtatious behavior with other men will likely be subsumed among unloyal women.

Men need not tolerate or accept disrespectful behavior under the perverted guise that such behavior is "natural."

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Here we go again... a discussion about setting boundaries. I really would like to hear from anyone that had success keeping their women happy by having chick-like boundary discussions.

Women flirt... it's what they do, I do not know your GF, but most women I know do this just as a natural way they communicate with dudes, and it doesn't mean anything.... well.... until she finds herself attracted to a man and then... well... women are not loyal. Understand that if you confront her, she will only dial it back when you are with her. When you are not around, she will still flirt, you can not stop this.

Your GF KNOWS for a FACT what you like and don't like. She knew before you told her that you don't like her flirting in front of other dudes, and she was likely doing it anyway. Why, because she intuitively knows that you two are not compatible... if you were compatible then her flirting would not bother you... you would be confident in your relationship that you can trust her... well this is what she is thinking, the truth is that you REALLY can't trust any woman to stay loyal. But an attractive man does not worry about their chick flirting because he knows that he can get another chick when ever he wants... so if she wanders off, then you just load up the next one.

There are billions of available women in the world. If you find yourself with one that makes you unhappy, fvcking DUMP HER.

Alright flirting is definitely NOT a natural way of normal communication from a woman to a man. That's just freaking rediculous. I can assure you that my mother doesn't flirt with me or my brother and that my sisters do not flirt with my dad or me or my brother. Sure, it may be natural in the sense that a woman doesn't want to flat out say "I want you to **** me", but it is close enough to it. And that is the ONLY thing that flirting can mean; sexual interest.

And just because you can get another woman doesn't mean that you would want to go through all the bs to do so. That's akin to saying how just because I'm a billionaire doesn't mean that I don't care if my private jet breaks down. It's still an inconvenience.

 

[Roober]

Surprised nobody has said that "flirting" is completely subjective...

I have had a GF be nice to a dude (in his 60's) on a plane and it could be perceived as flirting as he was doing light kino, etc. To some guys, this may come off as flirting. To me, it is just the kind of personality she has where she is nice, and as usual, men perceive this as interest. The main thing is what is or is not okay? I am willing to bet everyone has a different opinion.

On the flip side, I have talked with a woman at a bar for an hour plus while her fiance was talking football to some dude. None of what I perceived was flirting, but eventually this mofo came over and started insulting me. So obviously, what he considering his fiance flirting was purely innocent to me.

My current plate makes friends everywhere she goes, male and female. It is just part of who she is. It is a matter of what you are comfortable with... and as @RangerMIke said, you can always know that you can swap her out at any time with a new one!

 

[RangerMIke]

Disagree with all above.

Thanks for clarifying... disagreement with a statement is not the same as giving advice.

Flirting is not natural to the extent that it should not be expected behavior from an exclusive gf. Whether derived consciously or unconsciously, flirting in front of you is disrespectful behavior and does mean something--whether the girl is is unaware of ubiquitous social propriety or employing underhanded contrivances--it is a deal breaker in the context of exclusivity.

All women flirt... come on man.... They often times do not realize they are doing it. How many times have you heard some chick say "I have no idea why he got the wrong idea and started hitting on me!" Flirting can range anywhere from playful banter, to touching a guy. So I suppose you may be right, depending on your definition of what 'flirting' is. The only way to know if the flirting is serious is to try and escalate, if she pushes back, then it's just chicks being chicks... nothing serious.

As to "loyalty." Some women are loyal. Others are not. Flirtatious behavior with other men will likely be subsumed among unloyal women.

No they are not. You are confusing loyality with a woman who happens to be in a relationship with a man, where she is happy and believes she's doing as well as can be expected. Or a women who has been socially conditioned to fear shunning from friends and family if she cheats. Given the right set of circumstances any woman is capable of cheating, it is in their nature.

Men need not tolerate or accept disrespectful behavior under the perverted guise that such behavior is "natural."

'Perverted guise'.... what the fvck is that! Just because something is 'normal' does not mean you need to tolerate it. Rain is 'normal' that doesn't mean you should never use an umbrella. Besides were did I say a man needed to tolerate anything... if you are a man and you can not stand your women talking to other men, and doing what you think is 'flirting', then you need to dump her and go find a chick that is a couple of levels below what you think you can get and be happy that she will not do ANYTHING to drive you away. Having 'discussions' with her about what is acceptable and nothing more than a waste of time. And all that is going to happen is when she is with her girlfriends she will laugh at you. But if you are trying to be exclusive with a hot chick... dudes are going to hit on her and she will flirt... she can not help it, just like it is REALLY hard for us not to look at attractive women.... yes we know that this bothers the girls that we happen to be with at the moment, but men are visual... it's part of our nature.

I'm not trying to be insulting, only a realist. Any man that believes that what they think is loyalty in a woman, is THAT important, then they need to become a member of a conservative religious community where your chick will be shamed into behavior, or you need to have as a girl friend a land whale.

 

[guru1000]

Let’s look at some of these statements:

You posit:

All women flirt... come on man....

As your statement is quite broad open to many interpretations, let’s narrow your argument to be:

All women will flirt with other men [in front of you]

I never had an exclusive gf flirt with other men in front of me. So … such assertion is false.

In arguendo, let’s narrow your argument to be:

All women will flirt [but maybe not in front of you]

Neither you or I have met every woman and (even if we had) observed their behaviors not in our presence to baldly allege this. So … this assertion, too, is unsubstantiated.

Rather ... some women will flirt with men in front of you. These are not women you should share your time with.

Given the right set of circumstances any woman is capable of cheating, it is in their nature.

Another broad bald generalization, originally incited by Rollo, now parroted by you. Let’s assume, in arguendo, this assertion were true, then its merit still does not contradict my position which is: “Some women are loyal. Some are not.”

My problem with your “flirting is natural” statement is it conveniently rationalizes behavior which should neither be rationalized nor excused. We have men in this very thread thinking, nodding, and agreeing that it’s OK for women to flirt with other men in front of you.

Men, give no free passes to women. Women flirting with other men in front of you is not natural, but rather disrespectful behavior from low-level contenders conditioned in the wrong school or directed purposeful manipulation as part of their behavioral machinations. Drop these women or relegate to FBs (as their value warrants).

 

[Desra Lyons]

1b


Bro. This was 11 years ago. Surely you can offer your input on a much more relevant thread.

Just because it's that old don't mean DJs in this time period won't view the thread

 

[zekko]

Flirting is not natural to the extent that it should not be expected behavior from an exclusive gf.

Right, this girl would never pass my screening process for a LTR. One thing I like to do is observe how they interact with males when they think I am not watching. Girls who flirt constantly like this are attention wh0res, no way would I date such a girl exclusively.

 

[RangerMIke]

Let’s look at some of these statements:

You posit:

As your statement is quite broad open to many interpretations, let’s narrow your argument to be:

Okay let me clarify... I agree 100% of women do not flirt, I don't think nuns flirt, or 90 year olds, or women in comas. Crazy ckicks do not flirt either. ALL attractive, sane women flirt. Women in love do not flirt all the time and they will not flirt in front of the guy they like. But she does flirt, the fact that you have not seen it, does not mean it does not happen.

I never had an exclusive gf flirt with other men in front of me. So … such assertion is false.

All this means is that you were never in an environment where this might happen. So what happened to all these exclusive chicks you had on a string? Clearly sh!t didn't work out. The fact they didn't flirt in front of you didn't really seam to make any difference in their desire to stay? So to be honest I really do not understand you point. Why would you care if a chick, who is only temporary anyway, flirts or does notflirt in front of you.

In arguendo

, let’s narrow your argument to be:

Neither you or I have met every woman and (even if we had) observed their behaviors not in our presence to baldly allege this. So … this assertion, too, is unsubstantiated.

Rather ... some women will flirt with men in front of you. These are not women you should share your time with.

Well then Ceteris paribus... if neither of our positions can be validated, by 100% observable fact, then the best we can assume is we are both wrong. Since we can not be both right?

Another broad bald generalization, originally incited by Rollo, now parroted by you.

So now you are insinuating that I do not have an original thought. Funny, you think I have an ego and you can get under my skin. Cute.... but please go on.

Let’s assume, in arguendo, this assertion were true, then its merit still does not contradict my position which is: “Some women are loyal. Some are not.”

Contradicto in adjecto. What is loyalty? I'm not trying to be an @ss... but if you are going to make a statement like some are loyal... some or not, you must define LOYALTY. Women can be loyal to their children and their families, but men they are in a relationship with they can not. Loyalty is the willingness to sacrifice themselves completely, ALWAYS. How many loyal women have you had in your life, besides your mother and immediate family? But to be fair I need to clarify, when I say women, I am assuming everyone understands that I am talking about women that you might be interested in dating, not family members.

My problem with your “flirting is natural” statement is it conveniently rationalizes behavior which should neither be rationalized nor excused. We have men in this very thread thinking, nodding, and agreeing that it’s OK for women to flirt with other men in front of you.

Really dude, where did I rationalize anything? Ex aequo et bono, neither you nor I are judges or arbitrators, so to rationalize indicate that there is a falsehood which need explaining. So if I am saying that 'flirting is natural', then your only logical counter to that is that flirting is not natural. But no... that is not what you are doing, you are saying you think my statement is somehow excusing behavior... sorry bother this is not logical. Not only is it not logical, but it ignored that fact that I have said that if a women flirts... and you do not like it, you should dump her.... please explain how this is rationalizing her behavior.

Men, give no free passes to women. Women flirting with other men in front of you is not natural, but rather disrespectful behavior from low-level contenders conditioned in the wrong school or directed purposeful manipulation as part of their behavioral machinations. Drop these women or relegate to FBs (as their value warrants).

Men... if it bothers you that the chick that you are currently fvcking, because it happens to be your turn, is flirting with other dudes, and this bugs you so much that it pulls you off center, then by all means dump her... as I have always said. For me, well I don't give a fvck... She flirts, I flirt... so the fvck what. That does not mean that I am no longer willing to fvck her... Jesus how stupid is that? Unless... you happen to think that a in demand attractive woman, in this culture will remain loyal to you. Pardon me while I laugh hysterically.

 

[zekko]

What do you think, if a woman only starts doing once you are serious?

A good question. I have to say that I have never encountered this situation, because I avoid women of this personality type (for LTRs). I would never grant exclusivity to such a woman.

Now it is true that people can change, and I suppose it's possible that 10 years down the line, a girl might suddenly start acting in this super flirty, hands all over guys, manner. But such a drastic personality change would be throwing up red flags all over the place. I would say by the time this has happened, the relationship is in the rear view mirror anyway. It would be too late to salvage. So I guess the answer would be straight up dump, as you put it. She wouldn't be acting like that unless the relationship was screwed.

 

[RangerMIke]

...... a girl might suddenly start acting in this super flirty, hands all over guys, manner. But such a drastic personality change would be throwing up red flags all over the place. I would say by the time this has happened, the relationship is in the rear view mirror anyway. It would be too late to salvage. So I guess the answer would be straight up dump, as you put it. She wouldn't be acting like that unless the relationship was screwed.

Truth.... read and understand this. In modern western society you CAN NOT control women, they will do what they do and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it... if you try to set boundaries the 'girls network' will unanimously label you as abusive and 'scary', then they will set up your girl with other dudes to fvck her. If she thinks your 'relationship' has run it's course, your 'turn' is over, get off the ride and let the next dude have his turn, do this like a man and you just might have another turn on the ride... but if you try to cling to something that is dead... well... society labels you as 'dangerous' and not only are you done with her... but anyone else in her social circle.

You go find another ride... that is the fvcking way it is today... get used to it... embrace it, it's not so bad once you get to the point of accepting this.