I had a similar incident, within myself, the crazy thing is that it could change your world completely. It would tear down everything.
But I can't just help think, what if the woman isn't a bpd, and that she isn't aware of being manipulative, It's not like she has the motive to do so with you. It's always up to you, the man to decided whether you want to fall for it again or move on. No matter how much you view her as a god.
I've had a similar thing going on for about 4 years with a woman, and I did call her out few times on being manipulative, being this and that and she would just get triggered claiming that I'm wrong. I also feel for the same exact thing, reading those posts.. man it's so crazy how much it's relatable, I also went on to drugs for a period of time, seeing prostitvtes, travelling, doing things that goes against everything I stand for and every way I've been brought up as.
The thing is, the whole time I was aware of what direction I'm going. I'm not going to lie, at moments, it will just blind you. I knew that staying with this woman, would X my life out. Even trying to go NC wouldn't work. We tell ourselves that whenever they decide to come back for us, they just want to put us down.
What I've done for her is unfathomable. apart from renting out clubs, hotels, the designer-brand presents, the vacays. I nearly got into a fight with a guy who has a crush on her at a bar, with 4 of his friends. I went ahead and bought a gun license a week later. But I can't blame all that as me falling for her 'tricks'. I just simply loved her. Even though she was a 5 at best, according to all my friends. I'm new to this forum, and seriously, after going through a lot of topics and sections, I woke up today feeling better than I've ever felt, focused on my career. no more anxiety, depression(never suffered those before her).
I remember when I used to drop her and spend the rest of my evenings in downtown Dubai, snapping about it. She used to always write me then, trying to bring me down though. There was a time when everytime I was in Dubai, she would try to get closer and closer to me. I'll never regret that experience, I grew as a man from it. The only thing I'll ever regret is crying over her, and crying infront her, every time I decided to leave her. All that talk, she has a 4 year relationship with a guy, who she was supposed to break up with last year, but apparently he cried for a month straight, and her parents don't 'want' her to end up.
I agree on the fact that you should never ever put your pride down or beat yourself up over the fact you decided NC a BPbitch. Because I assure you a minute later she's clubbing with her friends, crying by the end of the night from the alcohol. Just like how I spent my nights the past few days locking myself, feeling destroyed while she's spending a week in belgrade hoeing around with her artificial friends .