I chose pride over a potential same night lay...

[Reyaj]

I'm tired so I don't want to type out all the details... but basically met this 35 year old POF milf on Wednesday. They have like a 2 year old daughter and share joint custody, she tells me her and her ex just fell out of love and their break up was amicable. Her ex already is in another relationship.

I meet her at a restaurant bar for drinks.. She got there first and actually ordered a whole bottle of wine for herself, she said she was going to order a glass but they had it on special so she figured why not. She looked pretty good, wore a real sexy outfit with laced area on her chest... we start out talking.. I slowly work in the kino by touching her shoulder every now and again and eventually rubbing her back a little. She would learn her head on my shoulder... So when we left she said we could hang out in her car for a few minutes... Well we got in there and I made the move to kiss her and we start making out hardcore.... I eventually start kissing her neck, and she later undoes her blouse to let me suck on her titties.. She smelled really good and was very sexual and feminie with her moaning and words. She kept saying she was so horny and wanted me in her but then said she doesn't do that on the first date and wouldn't.. I said neither do I and she was like what... like you would refuse me if I wanted to do it, and I told her I would... Anyway she kept kissing me and we hooked up. She said she was going to sext me a picture when she got home. I ended up leaving and she texted me when she got home.... 15 minutes later I texted her "no pic " She responded back that she fell asleep... I ended up falling asleep too. We texted a bit the next day but not much... then the day after which was Friday she started texting me more flirty...

We made plans to see each other that night. I told her I had a work call at 8pm, I wasn't sure how long it would last but I'd let her know when I was done. I told her I could pick her up and she said great, we can get a late dinner and some drinks and then come back to my place.

So right before my call I text her that I'm starving (as I haven't eaten since we had late dinner plans).. She texts me back saying to be strong, and how she is out with one of her friends right now just drinking wine, watching her eat. So when I get done with my call I text her, and she says to come to the bar she is at with her friend to meet her... Already I'm thinking this is a little bit of a red flag, cause instead of picking her up at her house to go out together, she is asking me to come to a bar to meet with her friend.... So I ask her "so you don't want to go to where we planned and hang out at this bar instead??" She said "no just come here and meet my friend"

So I'm thinking ok whatever.. I'll go pick her up at the bar, say hi to her friend and then bounce with her on our date. So when I get there and I locate her, there's 2 guys already talking to them. Her friend is hot as hell... definitely way better than she is but whatever.. I go up to her say, say hi to the guys that are talking to them and meet her friend. So she starts drinking her wine kind of fast almost trying to chug it, giving me the impression we are going to leave together soon. I hang there for a few mins while her friend drinks, talks to these guys hitting on her, and has a plate of nachos at the bar which they both obviously shared. I tell her you cheated lol. and she's like yeah I couldn't help it... So at this point I am starving and just want to go eat with this girl like we planned... then suddenly she says "I don't want to leave her with these 2 guys alone"

Well at the moment the realization that she made plans with her girlfriend when we had plans first and now is making me wait on her came rushing through my head... I put my hand on her should and said take care... I then turned around and walked out and left. She didn't text me or anything after... I didn't either at least until a few hours later..

I was thinking the best thing was to just ignore this girl and focus on other plates... but I started thinking about how ridiculous it was that we hooked up so good and now this crap happend... so I send her this text with the intent to hurt her "isn't it ironic how your husband found a stable relationship and you're out at bars getting drunk having one night stands?" She didn't respond until...

This morning when I got a text from her that read "it's like 2000 spoons when all you need is a knife"

Alright I'm getting lazy to type out the whole thing word for word but she basically said she didn't do anything wrong, she didn't want to leave her friend alone with 2 guys and that I was insecure and the bad guy to make accusations that she sleeps around. I told her I couldn't care less what guys she talks to, but that I am secure enough not to put up with her inconsiderate behavior when already had plans. I then told her "remember this when your friend ditches you for some guy in the future ;" Then she was like "ok you got me, I saw you and I realized I made a mistake and wanted you to leave, congrats" I responded "now if someone was really insecure that might believe that ;"

That's it.. thats the story. yawn good night I'm tired.

 

[oOh Nasty]

Sounds to me like you had pretty decent frame, even after showing up at the bar which was not part of the original plan. The part that hurts is when you texted her first trying to gain an upper hand. I understand that sometimes we want to have the last word, but it would have been cool if you had just hard nexted her and waited for her to text you first.

You should have made a post about your annoyances with her on the forum before sending all of that silly text to her. If your goal was to not look butt-hurt to her, it kind of did the exact opposite, but I'm sure you know that already. Welps, you live and you learn. Good luck on the next one .

 

[Reyaj]

Sounds to me like you had pretty decent frame, even after showing up at the bar which was not part of the original plan. The part that hurts is when you texted her first trying to gain an upper hand. I understand that sometimes we want to have the last word, but it would have been cool if you had just hard nexted her and waited for her to text you first.

You should have made a post about your annoyances with her on the forum before sending all of that silly text to her. If your goal was to not look butt-hurt to her, it kind of did the exact opposite, but I'm sure you know that already. Welps, you live and you learn. Good luck on the next one .

You are right sir. I also appreciate you stating in a nice mature manner instead of flaming me for it too. I admit the reason I did it was partly out of anger but also out of curiosity... I know I shouldn't care but I was curious what she thought of my action. You said it looked like I had a strong frame, but I was wondering if she saw me as a 'jerk' for leaving. Regardless I shouldn't have said anything to her. Looking back on it I probably should have been calm and said something like "ok well I'm hungry, I thought we had plans, so I'm going to get going, have a good night" and then left. I get irritable when I'm hungry though

It just sucks because this looked like it had great probability for a potential lay and then I got thrown the curve ball. I chose my pride over hanging in there hoping I get the lay that night which I sort of expected. I guess one of the lessons here is that nothing is guaranteed and expect the unexpected?

 

[btownbuck2012]

Pretty much your standard, run of the mill 'dating' experience with american women here.

In the future, I would stop trying to get the last laugh or "one up her". It literally doesn't matter. You're not scoring any points with her. She's already so damaged and on top of that has a never ending supply of male attention, it's useless to try and win at any type of game with her. The fact that you banged her is absolutely irrelevant and means nothing to a woman like this.

"she basically said she didn't do anything wrong, she didn't want to leave her friend alone with 2 guys and that I was insecure and the bad guy to make accusations that she sleeps around."

LOL, of course she did. I'll be she's never done anything wrong in her entire life

 

[sazc]

Wow, that got unnecessarily ugly....
You were in the right. She made plans with you and then disrespected you by trying to change then. The simple solution would have been to ASK her friend "were leaving, do you need a ride or are you okay here" and let her friend do her own adulting.

You dodged a bullet early. Be thankful!

 

[Reyaj]

Pretty much your standard, run of the mill 'dating' experience with american women here.

In the future, I would stop trying to get the last laugh or "one up her". It literally doesn't matter. You're not scoring any points with her. She's already so damaged and on top of that has a never ending supply of male attention, it's useless to try and win at any type of game with her. The fact that you banged her is absolutely irrelevant and means nothing to a woman like this.

"she basically said she didn't do anything wrong, she didn't want to leave her friend alone with 2 guys and that I was insecure and the bad guy to make accusations that she sleeps around."

LOL, of course she did. I'll be she's never done anything wrong in her entire life

You're right as well, its just hard when you get so angry feel like you've been disrespected you know? But you're right, the more I think about this I definitely agree with all of you. Sending those mean spirited messages gave her justification to think I'm at fault and diverted from the issue at hand. Women are classic for doing this when they are logically wrong on something. I didn't bang her though, we hooked up good in her car, and it looked promising I would bang her on Friday but then this happend. She lived close by and would have been an awseome booty call..

So I guess that's what it come down to with women right...is putting up with their shvit worth the lay? In the heat of the moment on Friday I felt it wasn't... but now that I don't have her to bang I'm honestly having 2nd thoughts

Wow, that got unnecessarily ugly....
You were in the right. She made plans with you and then disrespected you by trying to change then. The simple solution would have been to ASK her friend "were leaving, do you need a ride or are you okay here" and let her friend do her own adulting.

You dodged a bullet early. Be thankful!

Her friend actually picked her up... I feel it was up to her anyway if she wanted to leave... She seemed to have reservations... In retrospect I think I should have told her herself in a calm manner "I'm hungry, I thought we had plans, you can stay here if you want but I'm going to eat" and then leave if she didn't want to come with me.

Texting her some sort of apology for my remarks now would not be advised right? I don't think I'm wrong on the principle of matter, but just for the unnecessary hurtful texts I sent her. What if I said "I want to apologize for some of my comments to you, they were unnecessary" or something like that?

 

[sazc]

I wouldn't bother texting her anything. You both got volatile with each other pretty quickly. To me that indicates the kind of dynamic that might play out if you continued to date each other. No sense in choosing a female whom you definitely would struggle with, eh?

Just let it go. Chalk it up to an experience, try to learn from it (hindsight and reflection seems to have given you a different way to handle yourself) and try to integrate the lesson into who you are moving forward.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Expectations are premeditated resentments?

More good news, you saved some $$ and didn't end up having to buy dinner. Win win!

I don't know that I would have cared? It's a POF single mommy that orders wine by the bottle, what's to get upset over? I get it you were hungry, irritated and wanted alone time or whatever. Just seems a little over dramatic for me, broads bring enough already. There was a good thread recently about not "giving" woman a heads up. This is how I personal work as well, make mental notes of "possible" disrespect etc. But hey man you do you, whatever you have to do.

I probably would have tried for a 3 some with the hot gf. You'd be really surprised these days, especially with recently divorced broads.

Nothing ever goes planned like I hope it goes. Ok maybe occasionally but not all that much, especially when it comes to broads.

 

[Roober]

Sucks man... should have went with something like @sazc said or maybe just cancelled altogether. Once she said she was with her friend, you could have just said, "have fun with your friend, we can get together some other time"

 

[dude99]

Sucks man... should have went with something like @sazc said or maybe just cancelled altogether. Once she said she was with her friend, you could have just said, "have fun with your friend, we can get together some other time"

Or have fun with your friend. And then just nexted her.

 

[teebear]

Not bad, but that last text was proof of hurt feelings. It's easy to talk about outcome independence I know, but hard to practice.

 

[Glassguy]

A few things here:

1.) I think you put way too much expectation on this girl. She obviously is a total wh0re and does this all the time. Nothing wrong with that as long as you accept it for what it is.

2.) She only said she didnt want to leave her friend alone because she felt that there was a better option than you. Maybe it was one of the two guys, maybe a friend of theirs was coming later. Who knows and its not that important.

3.) If it was me, I would have went to the bar to meet her, said hi to the friend and told her "I'm hungry. Lets get out of her and get back on track for dinner". If she said no, just bounce.

4.) You completely lost frame when you texted her after leaving. Its like you just had to get a jab in on her. Next time something like this happens, just walk away.

I had a similar situation a few weeks ago. Met a chick that had been messaging me on FB, met up for drinks. Within 20 minutes her friend shows up and asks if she can join. Within 30 minutes I am talking to her friend more than her and her friend had way more personality. The chick I originally met was running around being social butterfly as her friend and I hung out at the table talking.

I wrote down my number, gave it to her friend and told her I was leaving. That was that.

The next morning-

Her- Why didnt you tell me you were leaving? I looked for you and you were gone. Did you give your number to my friend last night?
Me- I sure did. She has a great personality and seems like a lot of fun.
Her- You dont think I seem like fun too?
Me- I wouldnt know. You were only at the table for 20 minutes and I was there an hour.
Her- Thats a jerk move taking me on a date and getting my friends number.
Me- Take care and thanks for the free drinks (I left a $5 tip and got up and left, leaving her with the bill).
Her- you are an a$$hole.

2 days later both her and her friend are texting me.

He/she who speaks first most often loses. Never reach out after a woman has not done anything to deserve your attention.

 

[Roober]

A few things here:

1.) I think you put way too much expectation on this girl. She obviously is a total wh0re and does this all the time. Nothing wrong with that as long as you accept it for what it is.

2.) She only said she didnt want to leave her friend alone because she felt that there was a better option than you. Maybe it was one of the two guys, maybe a friend of theirs was coming later. Who knows and its not that important.

3.) If it was me, I would have went to the bar to meet her, said hi to the friend and told her "I'm hungry. Lets get out of her and get back on track for dinner". If she said no, just bounce.

4.) You completely lost frame when you texted her after leaving. Its like you just had to get a jab in on her. Next time something like this happens, just walk away.

I had a similar situation a few weeks ago. Met a chick that had been messaging me on FB, met up for drinks. Within 20 minutes her friend shows up and asks if she can join. Within 30 minutes I am talking to her friend more than her and her friend had way more personality. The chick I originally met was running around being social butterfly as her friend and I hung out at the table talking.

I wrote down my number, gave it to her friend and told her I was leaving. That was that.

The next morning-

Her- Why didnt you tell me you were leaving? I looked for you and you were gone. Did you give your number to my friend last night?
Me- I sure did. She has a great personality and seems like a lot of fun.
Her- You dont think I seem like fun too?
Me- I wouldnt know. You were only at the table for 20 minutes and I was there an hour.
Her- Thats a jerk move taking me on a date and getting my friends number.
Me- Take care and thanks for the free drinks (I left a $5 tip and got up and left, leaving her with the bill).
Her- you are an a$$hole.

2 days later both her and her friend are texting me.

He/she who speaks first most often loses. Never reach out after a woman has not done anything to deserve your attention.

That's savage!

Good ideas though. At least go to meet her. Maybe the friend is hotter, which could open new opportunities. If not, you can always just split...

 

[Bible_Belt]

I probably would have tried for a 3 some with the hot gf. You'd be really surprised these days, especially with recently divorced broads.

You're on the right track with that idea. I was about to say that group sex jokes are the fastest way to chase away the other two guys.

But I would like everyone to imagine the events in the OP's post happening, let's say after you had just come from an afternoon fvck date with another girl and gone straight to the bar. You have bed-head hair, you smell a little bit like the other girl's perfume, and your d!ck probably tastes like pvssy. I wouldn't be angry that there were other people there. Hell, let them entertain her, less work for you. idk if you drink or not, but that's what I think bars are for. They also serve food. If you're hungry and in a restaurant, just order some damn food. All you had to do was sit there and be a placeholder for a couple of hours to get laid. And if you had just had sex, you wouldn't care so much about it, and that's probably what would have happened.

 

[RalphaWreck]

met this 35 year old POF milf

I stopped reading here....

Just kidding bro. But now you have a pretty good idea of how these types go now. I've had experiences with two pof women and both were trashy. Only a few dozen profiles pop up in my area. I've since deleted the app.

Yeah. I'd have left her at the bar too only thing I would have nexted her until she contacted me with some kind of appology.

 

[guru1000]

Ya, her behavior was misplaced, but in all fairness, you pedestal-ed her and the relation, when she owes you nothing. What is the end goal, to get married and live happily ever after? Or to enjoy the process? Think about this for a moment.

So you had a good first date? And?

I would have went into that bar, seduced her friend shamelessly, and pushed for a three-some ... unapologetically. You gotta have fun with these women. Never take it personal; it's all a game. Your job is to win this "game." You win by re-framing and enjoying what life throws at you.

 

[Reyaj]

lol some great replies guys! You all are going to kill me when I tell you about my follow up after but whatever. I actually am meeting another POF MILF (this one is 30) for drinks in a few so have to get ready. I'll post back soon.

 

[Roober]

lol some great replies guys! You all are going to kill me when I tell you about my follow up after but whatever. I actually am meeting another POF MILF (this one is 30) for drinks in a few so have to get ready. I'll post back soon.

Looking forward to it! POF is littered with single mommies and hot garbage for hte most part. they get their validation fix on there...

 

[Reyaj]

Interesting night with the new milf, I am not sure if I should pursue it though, I will post about yesterday's experience in a new thread as I don't want to high jack this one.

So lets get to your replies:

Expectations are premeditated resentments?

More good news, you saved some $$ and didn't end up having to buy dinner. Win win!

I don't know that I would have cared? It's a POF single mommy that orders wine by the bottle, what's to get upset over? I get it you were hungry, irritated and wanted alone time or whatever. Just seems a little over dramatic for me, broads bring enough already. There was a good thread recently about not "giving" woman a heads up. This is how I personal work as well, make mental notes of "possible" disrespect etc. But hey man you do you, whatever you have to do.

I probably would have tried for a 3 some with the hot gf. You'd be really surprised these days, especially with recently divorced broads.

Nothing ever goes planned like I hope it goes. Ok maybe occasionally but not all that much, especially when it comes to broads.

Lol yes I was thinking about the saving money aspect of it. I ended up going to get myself a nice steak, ended up spending like $30 but it was all for me. Nothing does ever go as planned though, I guess the saying "expect the unexpected" is true and I need to be aware of it. I doubt a 3some was possible, I don't think her friend was divorced or had baggae, she looked Mid 20 late 20s, very attractive and obviously very used to receiving attention. Had I not been hungry and just focused on extracting my girl and getting out of there, I could have stayed and been more social and learned more... oh well.. I think it's because I have a girl so I'm focused on instant gratification and anything that requires more effort that I want to put forth I get put off by.

Sucks man... should have went with something like @sazc said or maybe just cancelled altogether. Once she said she was with her friend, you could have just said, "have fun with your friend, we can get together some other time"

I was definitely thinking of doing this, but she said to just come there and meet her friend and then we would go off on our own. Since she told me she was already drinking wine I was thinking it might even be easier too.

Not bad, but that last text was proof of hurt feelings. It's easy to talk about outcome independence I know, but hard to practice.

Absolutely. The other part I didn't mention were the feelings that were going through my mind after this happend.... I was angry but I also kept thinking that there was a good chance she'd now hook up with one of the guys they were talking to, that's actually what made me send that text.

A few things here:

1.) I think you put way too much expectation on this girl. She obviously is a total wh0re and does this all the time. Nothing wrong with that as long as you accept it for what it is.

2.) She only said she didnt want to leave her friend alone because she felt that there was a better option than you. Maybe it was one of the two guys, maybe a friend of theirs was coming later. Who knows and its not that important.

3.) If it was me, I would have went to the bar to meet her, said hi to the friend and told her "I'm hungry. Lets get out of her and get back on track for dinner". If she said no, just bounce.

4.) You completely lost frame when you texted her after leaving. Its like you just had to get a jab in on her. Next time something like this happens, just walk away.

I had a similar situation a few weeks ago. Met a chick that had been messaging me on FB, met up for drinks. Within 20 minutes her friend shows up and asks if she can join. Within 30 minutes I am talking to her friend more than her and her friend had way more personality. The chick I originally met was running around being social butterfly as her friend and I hung out at the table talking.

I wrote down my number, gave it to her friend and told her I was leaving. That was that.

The next morning-

Her- Why didnt you tell me you were leaving? I looked for you and you were gone. Did you give your number to my friend last night?
Me- I sure did. She has a great personality and seems like a lot of fun.
Her- You dont think I seem like fun too?
Me- I wouldnt know. You were only at the table for 20 minutes and I was there an hour.
Her- Thats a jerk move taking me on a date and getting my friends number.
Me- Take care and thanks for the free drinks (I left a $5 tip and got up and left, leaving her with the bill).
Her- you are an a$$hole.

2 days later both her and her friend are texting me.

He/she who speaks first most often loses. Never reach out after a woman has not done anything to deserve your attention.

Good feedback GlassGuy. Let's go through your points:

1.) I think you put way too much expectation on this girl. She obviously is a total wh0re and does this all the time. Nothing wrong with that as long as you accept it for what it is.

I did... but it was more so because I was very attracted to her. She was very feminine, clean, smelled good, and also very sexual... When we were messing around after our first date we both were incredibly turned on. She lives about a mile away from me, and would have made a great FWB or STR or whatever you want to call it. So I did already have these future thoughts in my head and took any additional work I'd have to put in for granted or shvt tests for that matter.

2.) She only said she didnt want to leave her friend alone because she felt that there was a better option than you. Maybe it was one of the two guys, maybe a friend of theirs was coming later. Who knows and its not that important.

You know what... this thought did go through my head... Just being honest here it may have been part of the reason I walked out like I did. It was just more of a feeling that she would have rather stayed hanging with her friend than spend time with me. When she said she didn't want to leave her friend alone with the 2 guys it's like that instinct hit me and all the annoyances hit my brain at once, and I reacted right away by leaving. I need to control my emotions better... I should have said "Well I am hungry and I thought we had plans, I'm going to go eat have fun" and then left..... or maybe I should have stayed with them longer? I don't know... I just know I no longer have this girl.

3.) If it was me, I would have went to the bar to meet her, said hi to the friend and told her "I'm hungry. Lets get out of her and get back on track for dinner". If she said no, just bounce.

Yes I should have said something like this...

4.) You completely lost frame when you texted her after leaving. Its like you just had to get a jab in on her. Next time something like this happens, just walk away.

I texted her a few hours after.. but I agree. Great story on your situation btw... I think if I wasn't so focused on eating, then drinking, then banging i might have elected to hang in there and talk to her friend. I guess I was short sighted.

I stopped reading here....

Just kidding bro. But now you have a pretty good idea of how these types go now. I've had experiences with two pof women and both were trashy. Only a few dozen profiles pop up in my area. I've since deleted the app.

Yeah. I'd have left her at the bar too only thing I would have nexted her until she contacted me with some kind of appology.

Yes, that was my original plan when I left but then I started thinking that if she were to bang that other guy I'd want nothing to do with her.

Ya, her behavior was misplaced, but in all fairness, you pedestal-ed her and the relation, when she owes you nothing. What is the end goal, to get married and live happily ever after? Or to enjoy the process? Think about this for a moment.

So you had a good first date? And?

I would have went into that bar, seduced her friend shamelessly, and pushed for a three-some ... unapologetically. You gotta have fun with these women. Never take it personal; it's all a game. Your job is to win this "game." You win by re-framing and enjoying what life throws at you.

I think I agree with your frame of my mind, but all these 3some comments aren't very realistic..

 

[hockeyfreak79]

I think I agree with your frame of my mind, but all these 3some comments aren't very realistic..

You'd be really surprised man, I'm telling you!
A wing buddy of mine pulled a divorced 35yr ole POF last weekend. She caught up with us having drinks. She was better looking than I expected. Found out her marriage was open RL, swingers or some sh*t. Anyway about 90mins into it, and some drinks of course she asked us if either of us had ever done DP. NOPE I'M GOOD! Of course she like broads too. Yeah I'm out on the DP.

I don't know that I would even do a 3(another chick) way with that broad. Open RL for 10yrs and swingers, she could easily be in the 200-300 range. NEXT!