Going out into social situations alone

[AlphaNate]

Alright, men. I've been away for a while, but I'm almost completely back. My body is nearly where I want it, my wardrobe is slick and classic, and my confidence is up. Still working on myself, too. I've had some recent success with social circle chicks and OLD, but that's getting stale quickly.

I have a new problem, though - I don't really have any friends where I live now. My work buddies are all married saps that stay home with their women. My one guy friend that's single is lazy and doesn't really go out.

So, I've got to get this done solo. I looked up some articles about going out solo, but it's all a bunch of bull****, probably written by women.

Can I get some real advice? I do live near a big city, but due to being stuck in an LTR for the past few years, I haven't ventured out much yet.

Gimme the good stuff, SS.

 

[Serenity]

Back when I was single and going out a lot I sometimes ended up alone, never really went out alone from the start. Same would apply for that though.

Use curiosity indiscriminately. Work up your energy and mood, then go up to anyone you're curious about and start talking. Take note of stuff you just randomly notice and ask questions, even stupid questions. Do not try at all to be correct in your behavior, just flow with whatever comes to mind the next moment. That's hitting "the zone".

If it's a group of friends then try to connect with the entire group first, figure out who knows who and how by asking a bunch of questions. You really want that relational map to avoid potentially bad situations and knowing who's relatively safe to hit on.

Don't over-invest in an outcome for a night, just keep a lookout for opportunity and nudge things in whatever direction you want. Most importantly, be in it for the fun to not appear like a desperate chump.

Fun > sex, in cases where the two are not the same. You must be proactive when going out solo and completely block off any insecurity that might arise in you, just ignore it and continue with your first ideas.

 

[BeExcellent]

Three words:Target Rich Environment.

In other words where can you go solo with a high probability of meeting women?

Social dancing (Latin, ballroom, swing, country western) is a solid choice. Take lessons & learn to lead. The girls love a good dancer.

Social sports, particularly tennis. Golf is too male dominated (it's great for a single woman to meet men...but it's not a high odds environment to meet women).

Running or cycling. Running is better to meet women. If you get into doing local 5Ks you will have casual opportunities to chat people up after the race.

@da dynamically has great tips. I saw him post about heading to yoga on a Friday evening. Brilliant.

You can go out lone wolf (I do this all the time when I'm away for business) but be sure you are comfortable with yourself & being alone. I have met incredibly fascinating men having dinner or a drink at the bar of a nice venue.

Places like Union Square Cafe or Grammercy Tavern or Balthazar's for example in NYC (Google them) are great venues where you can get a meal or a drink at the bar & chat with interesting people. Uchi in Austin, or Justine's. Mastros anywhere they have locations out west or Chicago etc. These are all places that are on the expensive side (adjust this if a $15 drink is too much) but you can always get a club soda or a Coke for much less & an appetizer or something to nosh on.

Karaoke places are good venues...live band karaoke being best. They have this in PHX and NYC I know for certain...but there's great karaoke in SoCal too. Often on non-weekend nights. Gaggles of girls go to karaoke.

Those are ideas I have observed. I'm sure others will have more feedback for you.

 

[AlphaNate]

Thanks guys, good advice. My date just flaked, so I may try some of this tonight!

 

[Tenacity]

Alright, men. I've been away for a while, but I'm almost completely back. My body is nearly where I want it, my wardrobe is slick and classic, and my confidence is up. Still working on myself, too. I've had some recent success with social circle chicks and OLD, but that's getting stale quickly.

I have a new problem, though - I don't really have any friends where I live now. My work buddies are all married saps that stay home with their women. My one guy friend that's single is lazy and doesn't really go out.

So, I've got to get this done solo. I looked up some articles about going out solo, but it's all a bunch of bull****, probably written by women.

Can I get some real advice? I do live near a big city, but due to being stuck in an LTR for the past few years, I haven't ventured out much yet.

Gimme the good stuff, SS.

I've gone out alone before back in the day, not so much these days. I assume when you saying go out alone, you mean going to a social place where you don't know ANYBODY there, correct?

- When I would go to clubs alone, because we are all jammed into this hole in a wall, with people on the dance floor, at the bar, etc., it really didn't feel nor LOOK like I came alone. I would just spend time dancing with chicks and talking to various people.

- Have you looked into just not going anywhere alone? Guys diss OLD on here, but this is one of the main benefits of it. You can sit on your computer without ANY social circle and BUILD up a social circle from the comfort of your computer. You can setup 6 dates for the week, have 2 flake, go out with the 4 and fvck 2 of the dates. BAM, now you have 2 women that you can "use as companions" for places you want to go.

- You can honestly do the same thing with guys, just obviously don't hit up guys on OLD, but you can hit up guys on social media and join various discussions, groups, etc. (pretty much how we do here on Sosuave). Build up some good "buddies" from the comfort of your computer, meet up with 7 guys you met from there, hit it off with 4 of them, and now you have 4 "buddies" to go chill places with.

 

[AlphaNate]

Well, I went out Saturday night. I hit two nightclubs and a bar between 11-1. My sole focus was to have fun, per your suggestions, and I didn't worry about anything else.

I spoke to some people, had a couple laughs, but genuinely wasn't having fun. The last place had good karaoke, so that was okay.

I think I'm going to have to lean more toward finding ways to go out with company instead of alone, like Tenacity suggested. I may have to drag some buddies out of their houses, or better yet, set up a couple pivot chicks.

I'd now rather have simply gone out for approaches on Saturday, but I really wanted to find out if I'd enjoy soloing. I didn't.

 

[fastlife]

I'd now rather have simply gone out for approaches on Saturday, but I really wanted to find out if I'd enjoy soloing. I didn't.

Too early for you to make that call. You have to get good first--and that takes some time since we're pack animals and feel status anxiety if we're out alone in an unfamiliar environment. In the caveman days, that meant possible death.

I don't always 'like' going out alone--I much prefer having a couple buddies, if possible--but it's not always possible. Unless I'm going to be tied at the hip to one location & dependent on the whims of my friends (a lot of whom are 'wifed up' & never leave the house anymore ), I have to be able to go out & get what I want.

Plus, logistically it's 100x easier to pull when you don't have friends to worry about.

As far as mindset stuff & actions to ease the process:

• You're never alone. The whole venue is on your side. Assume familiarity.
• Everyone is bored, lonely, insecure & stuck in their heads--you're doing them the biggest favor by making their night interesting.
• Just going out by yourself makes you the sh1t--I mean, who has the balls to do that.
• If you mess up, no one cares. If you don't approach, you don't even pop up on the radar of anyone there.
• Talk to the easy sets. As soon as other people see you talking, or even standing next to a group, they assume you belong to that group. If you find a set you like, suddenly the anxiety's gone & you're having fun.
• Self-amuse. I like to say outrageous sh1t or to introduce people I don't know to each other and whisper to one of them to wish the other a happy birthday (always hilarious). I like to merge sets until I'm surrounded by like 20 people who don't even know why they're all talking to each other.
• Give yourself permission to leave. I have bad nights, for sure; probably 2:1 bad nights to good nights. But it used to be more like 7:1. When I can tell I'm 'off' I just switch venues or chill by myself & meditate in the corner of the bar lol.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Three words:Target Rich Environment.

In other words where can you go solo with a high probability of meeting women?

Social dancing (Latin, ballroom, swing, country western) is a solid choice. Take lessons & learn to lead. The girls love a good dancer.

Social sports, particularly tennis. Golf is too male dominated (it's great for a single woman to meet men...but it's not a high odds environment to meet women).

Running or cycling. Running is better to meet women. If you get into doing local 5Ks you will have casual opportunities to chat people up after the race.

@da dynamically has great tips. I saw him post about heading to yoga on a Friday evening. Brilliant.

You can go out lone wolf (I do this all the time when I'm away for business) but be sure you are comfortable with yourself & being alone. I have met incredibly fascinating men having dinner or a drink at the bar of a nice venue.

Places like Union Square Cafe or Grammercy Tavern or Balthazar's for example in NYC (Google them) are great venues where you can get a meal or a drink at the bar & chat with interesting people. Uchi in Austin, or Justine's. Mastros anywhere they have locations out west or Chicago etc. These are all places that are on the expensive side (adjust this if a $15 drink is too much) but you can always get a club soda or a Coke for much less & an appetizer or something to nosh on.

Karaoke places are good venues...live band karaoke being best. They have this in PHX and NYC I know for certain...but there's great karaoke in SoCal too. Often on non-weekend nights. Gaggles of girls go to karaoke.

Those are ideas I have observed. I'm sure others will have more feedback for you.

This is good. Even better still, become a PT, which I'm thinking about and you earn money, keep fit and meet people at the same time. The PTs that I know have contacts coming out of their ears, all the way up to international standard athletics.

Otherwise, I like club game. You don't even have to drink if you don't want. A lot of women don't drink much when they go to clubs. They are literally there to meet men.

The only thing I would add to 'Target Rich Environment', is 'Appropriate Social Context'. I am convinced that classic 'PUAs' limit their success by spending far too much time approaching in the wrong social context - during the working day, on the street, in shops blablabla. Women are incredibly social creature and have to be primed, or at least familiar with others in their environment to relax and become socially malleable.