Why do you guys want to get married?

[icantgetlaid]

The main reason men want to get married today is because of monkey see monkey do.

I don't think a lot of men put much deep thought into what it means for them. They just follow the crowd and their friends. They do what is expected of them based on their age.

I'll never forget this article I read by a man on his death bed who was exposing his regrets. One of his regrets was living the life others expected him to live instead of the life he wanted to live. I'll never forget that and I'll never make that mistake.

you have a link to the article?

 

[BeExcellent]

There are any number of "soft" benefits mentioned by @Howiestern and others I see in this thread. These things are subjective and not empirical.

The single empirical benefit I can see for a married man is that he then has control over who has access to his minor offspring.

That's an important thing because if you end up divorced or you get a woman pregnant outside of marriage you cannot control who has access to your kids and the courts will be complicit in removing this control.

It is no secret that

a.) Children from intact families have healthier sense of self worth and are less damaged than children from non-married backgrounds
b.) Children from intact families have greater opportunities due to unified resources to assist the children in educational or other pursuits (in other words your financial engine is concentrated on benefiting the family as a whole rather than being split up in divorce) the family is more likely to have a house, cars, vacations (shared experiences), assets if it remains intact.
c.) It is well known that sexual predators of minor children are statistically often the significant other of a single parent. Such predators are opportunistic. Just as men here don't want to raise some other man's kids...guess what? Some other man does not want to raise yours either. But there are plenty of men who will take advantage of minor children who live in the home. And by the time you find out it's already happened and the damage is already done. There was a post on here just recently by just such a creep. Do you want that possibility for your kids?
d.) You have the most (+) influence as a man for your children in an intact family. Your sons are close enough to get a good look at what a man is supposed to be and your daughters are close enough to understand what to seek in a marriageable man.

So to me all the benefits have to do with children and child rearing. There are other benefits which are individually dependent but these I see as pretty universal.

 

[Urbanyst]

you have a link to the article?

Can't find the long version I read, but this is probably it. Says the same thing.

http://www.businessinsider.com/5-things-people-regret-on-their-deathbed-2013-12

 

[Dingo]

Don't ****ing get married !.... Its a trap !!

Some of you guys sound no different than girls trying to live the Disney fantasy.

The girl you marry will not be the same ten... twenty years later. They all change... You change.

Trust this older married guy.. Stay single.

 

[resilient]

A successful marriage is one that adapts and grows with the times. There are lulls, peaks and valleys. There will always be temptations, it's how a marriage faces those temptations that show the true strength of its bond.

My marriage of seven years failed after I exhausted all efforts to save it with senior DJs help, marriedmansexlife forum, books, individual/couples counseling and the church. Without getting into specifics, I would say I still have hope for marriage as an institution, yet the prospects are tough these days. Sure I spin plates now as this site preaches, yet I'm much more detached, logical, and shrewd when evaluating someone as long term potential. I'll entertain, laugh, and enjoy a date, yet find I think carefully later when I evaluate if I want to continue seeing that person. I 'next' earlier than I used to. I do my best to not let my hamster get in way of logical decisions. I'm looking for attraction, Christian values, and emotional stability. Other factors: how does this person treat service people, waiting staff, friends, family, hows the relationship with the parents, are they still together? How does this person handle social media, communication/texting, debt, alone time. It's a tall list, I realize, yet these are meaningful factors in a long-term relationship.

A DJ has to screen hard, even then he isn't guaranteed a successful marriage. We all have free will and can walk away at any time. A marital partner can decide to check out 7 months, 1-3 years, 7 years, decades later, who knows. Marriage is a gamble. The family unit in itself has depreciated in respect in the last few decades, yet that's been discussed ad infinitum elsewhere...

Despite my tone in this post, I can say marriage isn't a total downer. I know some couples today of various ages and lengths that I know that are still going strong. Like fires, they continue to burn with passion, adoration, and mutual respect. Burning slowly, yet steady with the elements. There's a mutual respect that you see in their interactions. The way they talk to each other, body language, simple gestures, random notes -- all reminders of what initially sparked the desire for one another. They're independent, yet know how to support the other half emotionally and physically. Loved ones will die, someone may lose a job, someone may get in a debilitating car accident, struggle with a mental/physical illness. It's life, storms will come. Many are unavoidable to an extent. It's how the married couple emerges through events matter (for better or worse right?)

 

[Tenacity]

A successful marriage is one that adapts and grows with the times. There are lulls, peaks and valleys. There will always be temptations, it's how a marriage faces those temptations that show the true strength of its bond.

My marriage of seven years failed after I exhausted all efforts to save it with senior DJs help, marriedmansexlife forum, books, individual/couples counseling and the church. Without getting into specifics, I would say I still have hope for marriage as an institution, yet the prospects are tough these days. Sure I spin plates now as this site preaches, yet I'm much more detached, logical, and shrewd when evaluating someone as long term potential. I'll entertain, laugh, and enjoy a date, yet find I think carefully later when I evaluate if I want to continue seeing that person. I 'next' earlier than I used to. I do my best to not let my hamster get in way of logical decisions. I'm looking for attraction, Christian values, and emotional stability. Other factors: how does this person treat service people, waiting staff, friends, family, hows the relationship with the parents, are they still together? How does this person handle social media, communication/texting, debt, alone time. It's a tall list, I realize, yet these are meaningful factors in a long-term relationship.

A DJ has to screen hard, even then he isn't guaranteed a successful marriage. We all have free will and can walk away at any time. A marital partner can decide to check out 7 months, 1-3 years, 7 years, decades later, who knows. Marriage is a gamble. The family unit in itself has depreciated in respect in the last few decades, yet that's been discussed ad infinitum elsewhere...

Despite my tone in this post, I can say marriage isn't a total downer. I know some couples today of various ages and lengths that I know that are still going strong. Like fires, they continue to burn with passion, adoration, and mutual respect. Burning slowly, yet steady with the elements. There's a mutual respect that you see in their interactions. The way they talk to each other, body language, simple gestures, random notes -- all reminders of what initially sparked the desire for one another. They're independent, yet know how to support the other half emotionally and physically. Loved ones will die, someone may lose a job, someone may get in a debilitating car accident, struggle with a mental/physical illness. It's life, storms will come. Many are unavoidable to an extent. It's how the married couple emerges through events matter (for better or worse right?)

- So you acknowledge that no matter how hard you screen or hard you work on yourself, it's still random.

- Answer me this, what benefits does a man get with a marriage contract that are completely ABSENT outside of it? Give me the answers and remember, the benefits have to NOT BE AVAILABLE outside of the marriage contract.

 

[resilient]

Yes I acknowledge, screen or not, marriage is still susceptible to factors that impact relationships as a whole regardless of marriage.

Good question, Tenacity... I think my answers may reflect the first page of this thread. Financials aren't my specialty, yet there may be some benefits depending on combined income, filing taxes jointly. Spousal IRA to grow savings, tax-free or tax-deferred. Marriage is associated with a lower mortality risk than divorcees or separated individuals. I want to say buying a house together, yet you know as you stated are in fact available without a marital status.

 

[Tenacity]

Yes I acknowledge, screen or not, marriage is still susceptible to factors that impact relationships as a whole regardless of marriage.

Good question, Tenacity... I think my answers may reflect the first page of this thread. Financials aren't my specialty, yet there may be some benefits depending on combined income, filing taxes jointly. Spousal IRA to grow savings, tax-free or tax-deferred. Marriage is associated with a lower mortality risk than divorcees or separated individuals. I want to say buying a house together, yet you know as you stated are in fact available without a marital status.

Right, I can obtain special tax benefits and more tax deductions without a marriage contract.

What benefits do I get that are exclusive to a marriage contract that are not available outside of it?

There isn't any. Marriage is nothing but additional risks that a man takes on without ANY uniquely identified rewards. That's the worse contract in the history of contracts. The ONLY reason a guy signs it, is for purely emotional reasons based on Disneyland perceptions.

 

[resilient]

I agree with most of your points, Tenacity. Divorcing once has been one of my life's hardest tribulations. I have grown more as a man living through the roller coaster process than any other point in my life. My life is def. getting better and I currently have a more positive outlook on my future than I have in a long long time.

Do I want to rush out and get remarried now that I've financially (and emotionally for the most part) recovered? No.

Marriage today with most women in America feels dulled and has lost it's Disneyland 'fairy-tail' appeal as you put it. I've found a few people in the last year to date that didn't have as much baggage as my ex-wife... I just wasn't matched well them, be it chemistry, similar interests, faith, maturity, or multiple factors. That's the dating field right? It's hard to get the complete package without having first to be the complete package myself. For example: financial security, I'm in a career transition that will take 2-4 more years, it wouldn't be prudent to approach a LTR thinking I could sustain IL and sail off into the sunset easy peasy.

I am though, not completely putting marriage off the table. If I do decide to take that gamble down the road, I hope and pray it's with someone that has her sh!t together and is an equal match. Like I've said, I'm still not guaranteed safety and could land in myself in a harsh reality of divorce #2. I just hope I don't make the same mistakes in myself and the partner I choose to match marriage for compatibility.

 

[AlphaNate]

The ONLY reason a guy signs it, is for purely emotional reasons based on Disneyland perceptions.

Religion. Some people marry for religious reasons.

I'm not interested in marriage (anymore), but for the sake of argument, there are reasons other than "Disney."

 

[Tenacity]

Religion. Some people marry for religious reasons.

I'm not interested in marriage (anymore), but for the sake of argument, there are reasons other than "Disney."

Religion/Spirituality would fall under an Emotional reason.

 

[AlphaNate]

Religion/Spirituality would fall under an Emotional reason.

Religious nutjobs are the way they are because of blind faith and indoctrination. Emotion doesn't have to play with those.

 

[Tenacity]

Religious nutjobs are the way they are because of blind faith and indoctrination. Emotion doesn't have to play with those.

Blind faith and indoctrination are founded on emotion. The emotion is the supposed "spiritual connection".

Which is weird, because gay people are allowed to get married today and NO WHERE in any major religion have I seen that listed. So if marriage is supposed to be based solely on the spiritual/religious foundation, how in the world can two dudes take vows and they call that a marriage lol?

Can't you dudes see this marriage shyt is NOTHING but a business? That's why they are letting anything be called "marriage" today, it just continues the pay-off for the Family Court related lawyers, Judges, and the rest in that industry. The Marriage Industry is BOOMING.

 

[AlphaNate]

The Marriage Industry is BOOMING.

Divorce, too.

 

[Tenacity]

Divorce, too.

Right. I mean it's just like the NightClub business.

- Women are allowed to get in FOR FREE or significantly less than dudes.

- Dudes are required to pay at the door and usually for more than it costs for chicks to get in.

Why? Because the chicks are a part of the marketing/business operations of the NightClub owners. They want the chicks to come there dressed up and with portions of their A.SS hanging out, so the dudes can come in there thirsty looking to buy the chicks drinks, food, and other shyt that the NightClub offers for the "HOPE" of getting a phone number, a kiss on the cheek, or piece of ran through pvssy.

The chicks are used as PROPS and the chicks themselves KNOW they are used as props, which is why their BYTCH SHIELDS are usually up the highest in the NightClubs because it makes the guys "work harder" to get their attention.

The same thing is happening today in the Family Law industry. The Judges, Lawyers, etc., use the women as PROPS to bait the guys into the system. Once the guys get into the system then BAM.....that's where the revenue comes from.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Marriage is a healthy environment for children, one I aspire to when im older. However a formal "marriage" isn't necessary. When I'm ready I'll have a common law marriage with an exotic woman who will father me 6 children. The 1st being a boy.

 

[Tenacity]

Marriage is a healthy environment for children, one I aspire to when im older. However a formal "marriage" isn't necessary. When I'm ready I'll have a common law marriage with an exotic woman who will father me 6 children. The 1st being a boy.

More cartoon shyt

 

[SmooveMooves]

More cartoon shyt

The last statements were jokes. When I'm ready to settle down it will be common law though.

 

[Killakittie]

January of 2015 i asked my wife to move out, told her it was over, and that i was moving on..Here's what lead to this.

Negatives:

-Pathological liar.
-Cheated physically/emotionally.
-Would openly attack my character in public.
-Would name call and degrade.
-Physically assaulted me on 3 occasions.
-Threatened to kill me.
-Had zero remorse or empathy.
-I started having anxiety issues.
-Health began to decline.

After she moved out i started dating and here's how her tactics changed.

-Create email after email to contact me.
-Create multiple social media accounts to stalk and contact me.
-Continued to tell me she loves me.
-Tells me she is sorry/continues behavior.
-Wants to be with me.
-All the while she's talking to other dudes..
-She starts an affair at our church 'we are both modestly religious' and i stop attending.

It's now Feb, over a year later, and she's still trying to convince me to accept her behavior and be with her. She has two kids from a previous relationship to an alcoholic, her disfunction, and that doesn't stop her from attempting to manipulate me into settling for her ****.

Here's my blue pill afc mindset in the beginning before i became red pill aware.

Positives:

-Validation.
-Being love bombed.
-Crazy and intense sex.

That's it guys..the negatives far far far outweighed the limited positives. I'm still working through forgiving myself and have a few woman wanting to be with me but I'm taking some time for myself.

Marriage is a bad deal and imo not necessary unless you know for certain she's a good woman.

 

[The Duke]

Howie, it sounds like you were relying on her working for disposable income.

Not at all.