Attack on the World

[TheCuckSlayer]

Just saw this thread, apologies for my reference to hookers in the other thread, you prob don't want to hear that sh1t lol.

Congrats on getting the job! That's gotta feel great.

Are you allowed/Is it okay to be revealing as much specific information like names and projects as you are here?

And hmm, look and act African. Are you one of those cool, somewhat nerdy black dudes who like comics and anime?

 

[TheFixer14]

Just saw this thread, apologies for my reference to hookers in the other thread, you prob don't want to hear that sh1t lol.

Congrats on getting the job! That's gotta feel great.

Are you allowed/Is it okay to be revealing as much specific information like names and projects as you are here?

And hmm, look and act African. Are you one of those cool, somewhat nerdy black dudes who like comics and anime?

LOL, it's okay. And thanks it did feel good.

I can't reveal much of anything, but the film that I am working right now is very exciting. I wrote it and will star and direct it.

And nah. I remember how an old manager told me that she couldn't peg me. I have a lot of different interest ranging from film, music, manga/anime, sports (racing in particular), and my style is unique. I never have been into labels.

 

[marmel75]

I keep learning just how truly alone we are. Not the "I am lonely" alone. But alone in that we really don't have anyone who will take care of us. I asked for a loan from my mom, money for my dad and a cousin. And so far none are willing to help, my cousin wouldn't even answer my text. To be fair him and I did have a falling out and I don't really care about him anymore. My mom would be the most likely to help out. But her attitude has been annoying the hell out of me. And my dad has always been a bum.

This is a cruel world. We are out here to fend for ourselves. The majority of the world doesn't care if you live or die, even your parents don't care if you can't pay rent. So we must fight. Use adversity as motivation to get stronger.

I was starting to feel sorry for myself last night, something that I rarely do. So I began to read the Full Metal Alchemist manga. I watched the anime and found it extremely inspiring. But never really read the manga. It helped me shift back into the right mindset. An incredible journey with crazy ups and downs. That's Full Metal Alchemist. But that's also life.

Oh and women? I haven't even really thought about them. Not even jerking off right now. I am all about me.

You are a grown man. The only one you should ever need to count on and depend on is yourself. What the hell has happened to the younger generation? Where has the ambition gone? The pride of not needing anything from anyone? The ability to take care of themselves and stop looking for support from everywhere? Is it a product of the ever falling testosterone levels in men?

I just don't get it, I truly don't.

 

[TheFixer14]

You are a grown man. The only one you should ever need to count on and depend on is yourself. What the hell has happened to the younger generation? Where has the ambition gone? The pride of not needing anything from anyone? The ability to take care of themselves and stop looking for support from everywhere? Is it a product of the ever falling testosterone levels in men?

I just don't get it, I truly don't.

Your generation ruined the world.

 

[marmel75]

Your generation ruined the world.

Sounds exactly like the snot nosed, bratty, have Mommy and Daddy give me everything so I learn no responsibilities and have no clue what working hard actually is type of lazy ass too many of my generation raised.

Nothing is ever your fault, it's always on someone else, anytime something goes wrong you run home to Mommy and Daddy and cry about how mean people are...

Sounds like you are a perfect candidate to wind up strung out on heroin because you just "can't deal with life" due to you having the mental toughness of a toddler.

Go get your testosterone level checked, Sniffles....they can turn you into a man yet...

 

[TheFixer14]

Sounds exactly like the snot nosed, bratty, have Mommy and Daddy give me everything so I learn no responsibilities and have no clue what working hard actually is type of lazy ass too many of my generation raised.

Nothing is ever your fault, it's always on someone else, anytime something goes wrong you run home to Mommy and Daddy and cry about how mean people are...

Sounds like you are a perfect candidate to wind up strung out on heroin because you just "can't deal with life" due to you having the mental toughness of a toddler.

Go get your testosterone level checked, Sniffles....they can turn you into a man yet...

LOL, you sound like an old arse man.

 

[marmel75]

LOL, you sound like an old arse man.

Might be, but at least I know how to act like a man. Something your generation has long forgotten. Now go run home to Mommy because I said some mean things and see if she'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich and tuck you in with Snuggles the bear...

 

[TheFixer14]

Might be, but at least I know how to act like a man. Something your generation has long forgotten. Now go run home to Mommy because I said some mean things and see if she'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich and tuck you in with Snuggles the bear...

I've been living on my own since I turned 21. Sorry I didn't work at the steel mill like you.

 

[TheFixer14]

Anyway here's today entry.

So yesterday was an interesting day. Went to work for an hour and headed to my acting class. It rained hard yesterday morning. The last few weeks have been filled with heavy rain down here in L.A. That's a great thing too as there has been a drought for five years. It's rained more in the last month than it has in the three years that I've been here.

So I walked in the rain for 45 minutes and got to my class when my chick scene partner texted me saying that she has an audition in Venice and that she would try to make it. She of course never showed. It's a bummer that we had all that bull**** this week and we didn't even get to perform the scene. I ended up doing a scene that I've never read with some guy. It went well and I still got some stuff out of the class. But I wish it didn't end like that. Oh well.

We got new partners and at first I was assigned to work with that same dude. Nothing against him, and he has talent. But I want to work with another actress. Before I got the email I had chosen a scene from the play This Is Our Youth. The character that I would be playing I relate too nearly 100%. It is a great scene. I've realized now with the scenes that I gravitating to that I am clearly trying to work some sh!t out. And this is helping me. Even working with that annoying chick has helped me.

I remembered what I learned from the Power of now after re reading it. We have the right to say no. We don't have to do anything that doesn't ring true to us. If you don't like a situation either accept it, change it, or leave it. I decided to change it and explained what I wanted to my teacher. And I got what I wanted. So it worked out.

Had a voice over audition yesterday. It was for guns. A few days ago I auditioned to be the voice for the Super Bowl Half Time show. That would be a cool gig to get. I have an audition for Of Mice and Men on Monday. I am pretty excited about that. I love the book and it's a great play.

This morning I got up and started to go over my film script again. Not to toot my own horn, but it might be the best thing that I've ever written. Like outside of typos I am hardly changing anything. Part of that is due to the fact that every morning that I would write I'd start from the beginning and edit the previous day's writing.

Outside of relationships with women, things aren't going to bad actually. I'm just going to keep focusing on me for while.

 

[marmel75]

I've been living on my own since I turned 21. Sorry I didn't work at the steel mill like you.

Aww, cute story. Steel mill? Sorry bro, while you and your friends in the video are riding big wheels and crying about life

I was busy teaching myself computer programming for several years and work as a programmer versed in C#, VB.net, R, Python, JavaScript and various frameworks like Angular 1 and 2, Typescript and jQuery...and currently taking classes to get my Computer Science degree even tho I don't even need it anymore...it's called ambition. Kinda like how I'm jacked and your generation sees me at the gym and asks me what I did to get like this...the answer is hard work. Which is why they still look he same after 3 years in the gym. My generation still has drive to make something of their lives. Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself for 5 minutes and learn about it.

But keep riding that big wheel with your friends...life will get better somehow little Johnny...someone will come along and give you a winning lottery ticket one day...one day...

 

[TheFixer14]

Aww, cute story. Steel mill? Sorry bro, while you and your friends in the video are riding big wheels and crying about life

I was busy teaching myself computer programming for several years and work as a programmer versed in C#, VB.net, R, Python, JavaScript and various frameworks like Angular 1 and 2, Typescript and jQuery...and currently taking classes to get my Computer Science degree even tho I don't even need it anymore...it's called ambition. Kinda like how I'm jacked and your generation sees me at the gym and asks me what I did to get like this...the answer is hard work. Which is why they still look he same after 3 years in the gym. My generation still has drive to make something of their lives. Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself for 5 minutes and learn about it.

But keep riding that big wheel with your friends...life will get better somehow little Johnny...someone will come along and give you a winning lottery ticket one day...one day...

I don't understand what you are going about. Are you upset about where you are in your life and that I am more than likely ahead of you?

Btw, I am rejoining the gym and about to start martial arts classes next week thank you very much.

 

[marmel75]

Hardly. You live in LA where you pay a ridiculous amount of rent to live in a below average house with roommates. It takes you an hour on good days to go anywhere because of the traffic. And you act like a toddler throwing temper tantrums at the world.

Yeah, I'm so jealous.

 

[TheFixer14]

Hardly. You live in LA where you pay a ridiculous amount of rent to live in a below average house with roommates. It takes you an hour on good days to go anywhere because of the traffic. And you act like a toddler throwing temper tantrums at the world.

Yeah, I'm so jealous.

I don't pay a ridiculous amount amount of rent and my house is pretty damn nice. The traffic does suck. But it's sunny as hell.

But you are jealous because I am further along than you and I've got way more opportunities than you.

 

[marmel75]

I don't pay a ridiculous amount amount of rent and my house is pretty damn nice. The traffic does suck. But it's sunny as hell.

But you are jealous because I am further along than you and I've got way more opportunities than you.

Right because computer programmers are so not in demand these days, lol...

 

[TheFixer14]

Right because computer programmers are so not in demand these days, lol...

It's not that. But who dreams of being a computer programmer?

 

[TheFixer14]

The few days have been an adventure. On Saturday night I ended up going to a meetup at this bar on Sunset Blvd. I've been there before for another meetup so I knew that the location was nice. While Sunset isn't what it used to be, it's still pretty legit and beautiful at night.

Anyway, the meetup has champagne and there were some women there. But the hotter and friendlier women were across. I met up with some friends and we smoked hash on the balcony. I went and danced with these three women and the dance turned out so bad with two of them. They went from interested to "no thanks" as I watch some other dude with moves still dancing with a hot girl. I was drunk so I was rather pissed and kinda exploded before I dipped. One of my friends and I went to this bar on Sunset. But after a bit I was done.

I've decided that since dating here is superficial, that I am going to play that game too. I am going to go out and do what I did before: just go for one night stands. These women here don't prove themselves worthy of more.

I decided to do a few things that will aide not only this aspect of my life, but my career and overall health. I got a few week at L.A fitness and started on Sunday. My goal is to get to 8% body fat by April which will be pretty easy as long as I stick to the plan. Today I am starting martial arts classes again. Tai Chi and Kung Fu. And I am looking for a salsa class.

At first I started going back to the gym and taking martial arts classes solely for my acting career and for this film that I am developing. But if these women are so superficial then I am going to get as ripped as possible. I already have the face, height, and my current body is solid. So now I am going to go from cute to hot and get any woman that I want.

I've been feeling really good since going back to the gym. I've started a diet too. Only one cheat meal a week (a nice steak at Sizzler's on Saturday sounds good) and I am trying for no meats. I think it will be good for me to have this kind of discipline in my life.

My acting work just continues to get deeper and deeper. I am really glad that I am taking this class. I am learning so much about myself. If it wasn't for this class, I wouldn't have started any of this.

 

[marmel75]

It's not that. But who dreams of being a computer programmer?

People who love computers and have an implicit ability to think like a computer does like me?

 

[TheFixer14]

I've been awfully busy the last few days. And I've been experiencing some sh!t.

I already discussed in another thread about seeing my old scene partner and what came up of that. You can check out the thread for details. At the moment I don't even know if I am going to go after her anymore. What I think what happened is that I had the falling in love chemicals come in and they were very real for two days. But after that it slowly died down. I've randomly thought of her during the week. But not as much as another girl in that class and it was just a glancing thought.

I did my new scene for the first time on Friday. It was fun. I feel as though I am continuing to improve as an artist and I keep pushing myself as an actor. I am really digging deep into emotion and going to those dark depths. I am working on a scene from a play this is our youth by Kenneth Lonergan (Writer/Director of Manchester by the sea). It's a scene where the main guy is getting flaked on by the main girl in person after spending the night at the plaza and him cumming way too quick. The characters are 19 so it was interesting to go back and think about who I was at 19.

The homework given last week was to follow our instincts. I've been doing just that. I contacted a woman that I dated a month ago and asked out this actress that I directed and acted with. I got a date from the actress and the other woman waited two days to text me. She says that the holidays happened and she has been seeing someone new the last few weeks. I believe that I still have a shot with her. If she wasn't interested at all she would have just ignored my text. She is about seven years older than me and just more experienced at this game. I've gotta step up.

On Sunday I was thinking about just going home after going to the gym. But I was like **** it and went to the Sunday kickback/party that I go to sometimes. I am glad I did. I met this remarkable 18 year old girl. I was interested as soon as she walked in through the door. Cute, a little chubby, and an interesting fashion taste. When we started speaking she impressed the hell out of me. Her spunk, that fact that she knew anime that I didn't know (romantic anime), and she would call me out and ****. She was like Christina Ricci, but more attractive. I got her number and we are going on a date Friday.

So, about that actress. We were supposed to go out tonight. I show up at the coffee shop waiting for her. She isn't there. I hit her up and she says that they are holding her on set. She says that she will find out when she can get out. She then said that it won't be until 9:30pm. I then suggested that we just go to a bar after afterwards and then she said that we should just reschedule because she has to pick someone up from LAX at 11.

I don't know how much of what she said was true. It could be all, some, or none. But I do know that I offered her a boring date. I've known her for nearly two years. She is a few years older than me too. She deserves more than a coffee date. I got a cool thing going on Saturday night. I'm going to invite her to that. I won't lie that I felt like **** for a second and drowned it in nacho cheese dipped tacos at taco bell. But the fact that she said that we can reschedule means that she would still want to go out with me.

I've gotta become a better man. I've gotta just state what I want with these women and make it happen. I can't let good women go by the wayside.

 

[TheFixer14]

Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I've posted an entry in this journal.

A few things have happened since the month began. From dating things, finishing up my acting class, my film and etc.

So let's start with dating. I have to admit, I am getting real tired of my putting myself out there. I just feel like there is no women for me. Each woman that I get involved with just feels like a waste of time.

I had one girl who is an actress who I directed and acted with arrange a date with me. She isn't there so I hit her up and she starts to come up with excuses. She tells me to reschedule. I say cool. I do just that and she says an excuse. I told her that she could just be honest. She told me that she is unhappy with her career and wants to focus more on it. She then proceeded to whine about how disappointed she is. I believed what she said. But what a selfish chick.

I had also contacted back this woman that I went on two dates in December. She said that she is seeing another guy. I tried to get her to go out with me again. She said that she isn't that kind of gal and if things changed we could get back together.

And then I went on this date with this 18 year old chick a week ago. I wrote a little about that already. But let's just say that I have no plans to go out with her again.

Along with meeting a cool girl at a super bowl party who just seems to want attention from dudes I am once again sick of women.

So now acting class. Just finished that up. I plan on continuing with their ongoing classes as well. I did for the last time a scene from This is our youth. Of course my female scene partner didn't show up. After all the dream work, physical work and etc she flakes. I couldn't believe it.

I ended up doing the scene with another girl. She was cool and scene was good. But it definitely was not what it could be. I did learn something from this: letting go of having control and going more with the flow. I'll admit it, I like control. It gives me confidence and it's easier for me to function when I have it. But sadly we cannot control most things which includes other people.


We have been developing my film the last few weeks. Investors are digging the script and taking a deeper look. I am pretty excited about that.

I am hoping that the next few months can go a little better.

 

[Papa_smu]

Kudos for keeping up with the journal! And keep at it man! It's just a matter of running the clock till you get to your tipping point.

I'm sorta in the same boat but I'm transitioning into the web development industry. I even so much as quit my job and devoted full time to refining my skills. So, I understand the "going alone".