She was honest with you, how about you be honest with her? She's looking to get to know someone for an LTR. If you're not into that, tell her you guys arent looking for the same thing and move on.
Are you looking to make keep her at status plate even tho she was hones with you about what she was looking for?
Terrible advice. You're advocating that
what she says she wants = what she really wants. Unfortunately,
@Konada will hear variations on this exact same riff: "I only fvck guys I'm in a relationship with," "We're not having sex tonight," "I'm looking for a relationship," "I would never cheat on my boyfriend" any number of times throughout his journey with women. 99% of the time these are all bullsh1t. Women HAVE TO SAY STUFF LIKE THIS. Even if they really, really, really want to sleep with you, they HAVE to say stuff like this in the off-chance that sleeping with you would lower her social value in your eyes or the eyes of her friends.
The good news is that this means SHE SEES YOU AS HIGH VALUE. Your opinion matters to her; and she doesn't want to mess this up. The bad news is that YOU'VE ABNEGATED YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A MAN TO LEAD, TO OUTLINE EXPECTATIONS, TO PROVIDE HER WITH COMFORT THAT SLEEPING WITH YOU WOULD BE A GOOD THING.
So let's take what she says: "You seem like a player" and break it down into it's subtext: "You're doing things that are turning me on. If you're turning me on, you probably turn other girls on. But I need reassurance that you turn other girls on, or else I'm about to make an error in hypergamy. And I need reassurance that you are the kind of guy who turns a lot of other girls on so that I know you won't judge me if I sleep with you." Basically, a congruence test; she needs to
know that you are what you're presenting yourself as.
However, the problem is that, from what I know of you're posting history, is that you're not...yet. So she's putting social pressure on you. Men who feel the weight of social pressure (low value men--sexually, anyway; inexperienced men) will cave. A player is 'bad.' 'Women don't like players.'
Me? No, I'm not a player; god, I hate men who mislead women. For her, when she hear that, she thinks: "Thank, God! This is a man who hasn't turned other women on. Well, it was nice meeting you--but I'm just not ready for a relationship." Men in the middle range will think, "Ohhhh, she's a 'good girl.' I need to take this one out to dinner a couple times. Maybe she is a unicorn--girlfriend material--I better be a gentleman." To this, she thinks, "Oh, he has high boyfriend value--I can get his commitment and he is easily influenced. But he has low lover value; since if he had been with more women he'd know I was full of sh1t." The middleground may or may not lead to a relationship and eventually sex. In 2017,
probably neither but she may need a boyfriend for pictures on social media since it's been a while and she doesn't want to seem like a slvt and, well, all of her friends are in relationships and Valentine's Day is coming up.
But what would the high value, sexually-savvy (or at least the man aspiring to be high value & sexually savvy) do? He knows that the fact that he is popular with women will only add to the attraction; but he also knows that being too overt will engage her ASD and social-conditioning. So he might tease her, joke, pressure flip, defer engagement (like you did). Better yet, he'd be congruent and imply his experience with women before she had the chance to call him on it: "Most women do this...most women do this" are your best friends in conversation. Doesn't even have to be accurate--girls will believe that your experience with women potentially outweighs their own. Or you can use "Most guys...." I.E. "You know, most guys would
beg for the chance to be your boyfriend. Buy you flowers.
Ashley, why won't you text me back. What did I do wrong."--which implies that you also know what women experience and is basically your way of calling her bluff indirectly: "I know how I'm
supposed to react to this sh1t test but I'm not that guy."
Once you're actually seeing other women and have passed this kind of test before, you're much less likely to get this particular sh1t test in the first place. These days, I might get one or two really hard sh1t tests on my open: "We can't talk to you. I'm telling my friend how I got an abortion today." Or "Wow, did you really just say that. You're a fvcking d1ck." Things of that nature. (The closer she is to sleeping with you or the older/more experienced the girl--the much harsher the tests, usually). But I pass those tests and it's smooth sailing. I've had 3 or 4 girls in the last couple months tell me on their own volition, more or less, "Look, I know you
have to see other girls. It's just who you are and I'm OK with that."
But back to this particular situation. You haven't fully passed this test yet. She still doesn't know whether you're
that guy or whether you're the guy who will invite her to a nice dinner, refrain from escalating, etc. In the future, skip the kiss but try to take her home--you can kiss her there but kissing her before you get her home is pretty much telling her you're just looking for the consolation prize/cheap validation. If I were you, I'd still try to invite her over via text after a couple days' radio silence--to play Uno or drink wine or some other reason that won't trigger ASD. She either will or she won't; she might need more comfort--a couple back & forths via text message is fine, but keep it short. If she doesn't respond, wait a week or two & invite her for drinks somewhere. But basically, you want to directly & shamelessly confront the incongruence she tested you on.
