I've had to start over so many times. I'm tired now

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I have had to start over so many times all due to factors outsode of my control. I went to a private school when I was younger. Stayed there for 9 years. I hated it a lot, but I built a decent social group and was actually the leader of it at one point. I got involved in the school a little bit too but kids there eventually became too arrogant and fake so they backstabbed each other. I looked for another outlet and began getting involved in my city and made friends there. Built a great outlet through that. I felt like that one cool kid with a big group of friends. But we moved because my dad just wanted to. Nothing wrong with that house really, maybe a bit small, but he didn't like it. I hated it at first because it was right before high school and I actually knew a lot of kids which meant that I may have actually had a social group there. But it doesn't matter though because we moved to the city right next to it, meaning that the school I went to was the archrival of the school I would have gone to. No biggy, gotta make the most of it right? I worked my way up the chain to having a huge group of people probably about 20 or 25 deep, got decent grades that actually got better each year and I was out with my friends a lot doing a lot of fun things, some crazy but extremely fun. We didn't even drink or smoke either, we just knew how to have fun. I was even apart of a sports team and shocked the school with my performance. Almost broke a record. Junior year was one of the best years of my life. Senior year was supposed to be even better. But it didn't happen that way because we moved a second time. Had to start over again. I went to a new high school.Their team wasn't nearly as good as the former but I did what I could. I got slower though. The coach messed me up because she had a really old-fashioned way of doing things, and because their team was slower, rather than having them work up to my speed, they had me work down to theirs. I took pretty much all blowoff classes that year and didn't care about my grades. They were crap, but it didn't matter because I still got accpeted to the university I'm at right now. My parents did not want me to go to any other university anyways so I didn't have much of a choice to be honest. I wouldn't be able to pull out a loan because I'm still not 18 yet. I tried joining their sports team and they were extremely fast, I was playing catch up a lot but eventually I was able to hold my own and wasn't the slowest person there. I had to stop though because of some issues with my physical. I had some cardiac issues before and the school got sued for 20 million so basically they found an excuse to kick me off. It's fine though I suppose because my grades were slipping and I brought them back up a ton. I was getting 4 - 5 hours of sleep too so now I get so much more. I think that was because I commute though. If I was dorming, it would have been a lot easier, I probably would have made some new friends to hang out with, and wouldn't be making this post. I'm just tired of starting all over again. It's overwhelming me especially right now because this is the least productive I have been in my whole entire life. Everytime I get close to achieving greatness and my goals start to materialize, something happens that pushes my underground again. Not just woth the stuff above, there are other things that are more specific but I prefer to remain anonymous. I just keep pushing and pushing and now I'm just tired. I still am dependent on my parents for some goals because I don't have much money and getting a good paying job without a masters or phd is almost impossible. My parents ask why I am so lazy and don't want to work. Well I hate working for $9.25 an hour. Not to mention that I don't even get to keep all $9.25 either. I don't feel it is worth my time to tire myself put all day, hurt my joints and deal with retard customers just to make $50 or $60 a day. Sometimes I do it anyway though. I look at this and sometimes I think that someday I will be great. That it will get better and a lot better. I hate it because it never does. That hopefulness. I hate it. It never did me a bit of good in my life so I need to get rid of it. Stupid expectations that aren't aligned with reality. I need to grow up more. This is another reason why I asked how to harden myself up more. I think I'm too emotional. I need to be more logical and rational. The only emotions I feel nowadays are anger and sadness. It's boiling up and I feel I might snap soon. I hate looking at my parents as parents because they aren't. I need to look at them as people who pay rent for me in a house I sleep in. I've got a long way to go. I am not anything like that 15 year old boy who was happy and in love with himself and in the world. I've degenerated. Advice would be useful and much appreciated.

 

[Serenity]

This is normal. You're in the sh!ttiest age range right now. You're still young and living with your parents.

Things will get better when you can move out and you have a decent job. Until then it's probably gonna be sh!t. Basically it will pass, unless you let this break you. That is something you do have control of, remember that.

I didn't think my life was going well until 2 years ago, I had a lot of sh!t working against me too. I just got through it, focusing on the long-term setup of my life and slowly working towards it. Stuff that's outside your control will happen, better get used to it and work around it.

 

[sazc]

Wow, take a deep breath. Maybe, to date, this isnt what you would have picked for yourself, but it isnt how life is going to be.
I can assure you that a kid who stayed put has exactly the same thoughts you do.
When I look back on my school years, till I graduated, I remember how insecure and unhappy I was, believing that other kids were more secure and happy. Now I realize that everyone was just as insecure and unhappy as I was. We were all trying to make our way, trying our best to hide the fact that we were scared about everything.

Once you graduate your life, and freedom will begin. Go to college. Get a profession. Get started.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

You want to be great, heh? So does everyone else. What distinguishes YOU--from--them?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You want to be great, heh? So does everyone else. What distinguishes YOU--from--them?

I can visualize myself very clearly achieving this greatness. I've had this feeling in me since the day I was born and it hasn't ever wavered no matter how low I felt. The only thing that has happened was me wondering if I should give up for it being too difficult to where it is unattainable, and that only happened recently. Whenever that has happened, something in life always seemse to tell me not to, random occurrences that never happened before or happened almost too coincidentally.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

I can visualize myself very clearly achieving this greatness. I've had this feeling in me since the day I was born and it hasn't ever wavered no matter how low I felt. The only thing that has happened was me wondering if I should give up for it being too difficult to where it is unattainable, and that only happened recently. Whenever that has happened, something in life always seemse to tell me not to, random occurrences that never happened before or happened almost too coincidentally.

And when these random occurrences stop, and they will, will you give up then?

If not, why not?

What are you willing to sacrifice to be GREAT? Everybody wanted to be great at one point in their life. Again, besides your desire to be great, what distinguishes YOU--from--everybody else??

 

[sazc]

you are FAR too young to give up on yourself and your dreams. everything in life occurs to teach us. it's up to you how you want to process the information - ar you going to let it wear your down? or are you going to let it springboard you into action.

you say you've had to start over so many times and you feel down about that.... how about "i've had to start over so many times I am becoming a master at overcoming adversity!" how about, "I've had to start over so many times I am a master at handling change!"

Life, at your feelings about it, are all about how you VIEW it

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

And when these random occurrences stop, and they will, will you give up then?

If not, why not?

It will depend on my current life situation. At the moment, I do not think so because I would have restarted again by the time they do stop.

What are you willing to sacrifice to be GREAT? Everybody wanted to be great at one point in their life. Again, besides your desire to be great, what distinguishes YOU--from--everybody else??

In my visualization of greatness, I had sacrificed nothing. And that is what would make me greater than others. I would have been the first to do it all. What separates me from others is my mindset. There are some who have had the same mindset as me out there, but they are rare.

I am currently rewiring my thought process towards a certain aspect of my life. This post sparked it. I won't let myself degenerate into the man who was cheated on by his wife for 10 years like in the other thread.

you are FAR too young to give up on yourself and your dreams. everything in life occurs to teach us. it's up to you how you want to process the information - ar you going to let it wear your down? or are you going to let it springboard you into action.

you say you've had to start over so many times and you feel down about that.... how about "i've had to start over so many times I am becoming a master at overcoming adversity!" how about, "I've had to start over so many times I am a master at handling change!"

Life, at your feelings about it, are all about how you VIEW it

The problem is that there is a deadline. You say say I am too young to give up, but the greatest feat I wish to accomplish can only be done within 3 years and a half years. I have been working towards this goal at least somewhat since I was 13, and when I was 15 I made it clear I would strive for it 100%. Why so young an age? You have to start at an early age to develop your strength and skill for it.

 

[sazc]

It will depend on my current life situation. At the moment, I do not think so because I would have restarted again by the time they do stop.

In my visualization of greatness, I had sacrificed nothing. And that is what would make me greater than others. I would have been the first to do it all. What separates me from others is my mindset. There are some who have had the same mindset as me out there, but they are rare.

I am currently rewiring my thought process towards a certain aspect of my life. This post sparked it. I won't let myself degenerate into the man who was cheated on by his wife for 10 years like in the other thread.

The problem is that there is a deadline. You say say I am too young to give up, but the greatest feat I wish to accomplish can only be done within 3 years and a half years. I have been working towards this goal at least somewhat since I was 13, and when I was 15 I made it clear I would strive for it 100%. Why so young an age? You have to start at an early age to develop your strength and skill for it.

That's a GREAT attitude, it will carry you far in life. Sometimes you have to acknowledge that you are doing all you can and give yourself a break. The alternative is getting legit depressed about how you've failed, and then you have a whole other mess on your hands. Acknowledge your successes. Acknowledge that you might have miscalculated the timeline (?) Committ to continuing to persevere because you know you can accomplish it.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

That's a GREAT attitude, it will carry you far in life. Sometimes you have to acknowledge that you are doing all you can and give yourself a break. The alternative is getting legit depressed about how you've failed, and then you have a whole other mess on your hands. Acknowledge your successes. Acknowledge that you might have miscalculated the timeline (?) Committ to continuing to persevere because you know you can accomplish it.

I don't get depressed. I refuse to. Maybe you are right about needing to take a break, but the problem is are these setbacks that FORCE me to take breaks that I do not want to take. For example, I completely wasted last year. nothing productive was done. Absolutely nothing. I was in my intellectual prime and PHYSICAL prime. I was more athletic and socially superior than I had ever been, but because we moved it was wasted. I took TOO much of a break you see? I wasted my talent when it was at its best. This is why I am tired of it all now. I do not know if I can ever get to that prime ever again. That was the transition stage, the last chance for me to either remain that way or become an average mediocre joe. I hate it.

 

[amazingswayze]

I don't see why you would want to be "great". Great at what?

I think a more realistic goal is simply becoming a superior man.

Increase your looks, money, and status.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I don't see why you would want to be "great". Great at what?

I think a more realistic goal is simply becoming a superior man.

Increase your looks, money, and status.

This specific goal of mine would greatly increase my status.

 

[Roober]

Bringing up your friends so much, it seems as though a lot of your happiness is based on surrounding yourself with other people. Happiness needs to come from you and your goals, not from your social circle. Aside from that, you are still really young, and have a ways to grow into maturity. Men don't really begin to realize their potential until 30 or so...

Just keep pushing yourself! Don't get lazy!

 

[Papa_smu]

I know it's difficult to realize that you have the whole life ahead of you and despite your setbacks, you still are in a greater position than most of us on this forum. That in itself is the challenge, and without being at that age where you can look back, makes it difficult to have that confidence in where you're going.

If it was me that was in your shoes, I would focus on what you love doing and chase after things that seem interesting (if it's legal). Because believe me, unless you're planning on becoming a pro athlete, a lot of these "little" failures just aren't going to mean anything when you turn 20.

 

[fastlife]

Part of being (or at least staying) a man is your ability & willingness to start over. You're craving comfort--stability, security, reliable validation--but the minute you start attaching yourself to those things, or even the idea of those things, you lose a degree of agency, you lose a degree of freedom, you lose an aspect of your masculinity.

Masculinity exists in the achieving, not the having. Anything you're unable replace isn't yours, it's just a fluke--be that a car, a job, a girl, a social circle, a level of status; if it gets taken away from you and you can't replace it then it was never really yours to begin with. When the thought of losing those things inspires a fear of loss, then you start becoming passive & you start becoming the effect instead of the cause.

At your age, it probably sucks--but you have to look at the big picture. No matter how popular you are in high school, you're going to have to do it again in college; no matter how popular you are in college, you're going to have to do it again afterwards; when you're 30, no one's gonna care what you accomplished in your 20's, etc., etc. The only thing you can reliably take with you are the skills you develop--those become an innate part of who you are. Obviously, there are exceptions--for example, if you confine yourself to a single geographic location your entire life, you might not ever have to start over; or if you achieve an outstanding level of greatness you might can get by on the afterglow for sometime after that. But these days, people move too often; the 'next big thing' is a Youtube video away; our memories are shorter than they've ever been and our access to diverse interests is greater than it's ever been--thinking one great thing'll keep you relevant beyond a small niche is no longer realistic. Thinking that doing things the old way will work in today's environment is unrealistic--at least as far as content creation, artistic endeavors, athletic achievements, being good with women, etc. go--will lead to severe disappointment.

Just working hard and wanting it are no longer enough (if they ever were), you have to be willing to do it at any cost and remain super flexible with whatever means meet your end. Excellence =/= Recognition and being Lucky/Well Connected is often >>> than Being Excellent. What I'm getting at, is that you have to be able to set aside your expectations--actually fvck expectations lol, fvck outcomes, fvck anything you don't have direct control over--and learn to do things for their own sake, no matter where the cards fall. And then learn how to do it again and do it better. Learn to take responsibility for EVERYTHING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. NEVER BE A VICTIM. Everyone starts at a different floor and has a different ceiling--I wasted so much time & effort blaming my parents, blaming society, blaming changes in certain industries, comparing myself to other people--and all of that is a waste.

Being a man is the ability to look at everything collapsing around you and asking yourself, What can I do now?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Bringing up your friends so much, it seems as though a lot of your happiness is based on surrounding yourself with other people. Happiness needs to come from you and your goals, not from your social circle. Aside from that, you are still really young, and have a ways to grow into maturity. Men don't really begin to realize their potential until 30 or so...

Just keep pushing yourself! Don't get lazy!

I felt most free when I had that group. Feeling amazing and doing fun things on your own is fine and all, but it is so much better when you have friends to share it with too. That's why.

If it was me that was in your shoes, I would focus on what you love doing and chase after things that seem interesting (if it's legal). Because believe me, unless you're planning on becoming a pro athlete, a lot of these "little" failures just aren't going to mean anything when you turn 20.

And what if you are? Then what are you supposed to do?

Part of being (or at least staying) a man is your ability & willingness to start over. You're craving comfort--stability, security, reliable validation--but the minute you start attaching yourself to those things, or even the idea of those things, you lose a degree of agency, you lose a degree of freedom, you lose an aspect of your masculinity.

Masculinity exists in the achieving, not the having. Anything you're unable replace isn't yours, it's just a fluke--be that a car, a job, a girl, a social circle, a level of status; if it gets taken away from you and you can't replace it then it was never really yours to begin with. When the thought of losing those things inspires a fear of loss, then you start becoming passive & you start becoming the effect instead of the cause.

At your age, it probably sucks--but you have to look at the big picture. No matter how popular you are in high school, you're going to have to do it again in college; no matter how popular you are in college, you're going to have to do it again afterwards; when you're 30, no one's gonna care what you accomplished in your 20's, etc., etc. The only thing you can reliably take with you are the skills you develop--those become an innate part of who you are. Obviously, there are exceptions--for example, if you confine yourself to a single geographic location your entire life, you might not ever have to start over; or if you achieve an outstanding level of greatness you might can get by on the afterglow for sometime after that. But these days, people move too often; the 'next big thing' is a Youtube video away; our memories are shorter than they've ever been and our access to diverse interests is greater than it's ever been--thinking one great thing'll keep you relevant beyond a small niche is no longer realistic. Thinking that doing things the old way will work in today's environment is unrealistic--at least as far as content creation, artistic endeavors, athletic achievements, being good with women, etc. go--will lead to severe disappointment.

Just working hard and wanting it are no longer enough (if they ever were), you have to be willing to do it at any cost and remain super flexible with whatever means meet your end. Excellence =/= Recognition and being Lucky/Well Connected is often >>> than Being Excellent. What I'm getting at, is that you have to be able to set aside your expectations--actually fvck expectations lol, fvck outcomes, fvck anything you don't have direct control over--and learn to do things for their own sake, no matter where the cards fall. And then learn how to do it again and do it better. Learn to take responsibility for EVERYTHING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. NEVER BE A VICTIM. Everyone starts at a different floor and has a different ceiling--I wasted so much time & effort blaming my parents, blaming society, blaming changes in certain industries, comparing myself to other people--and all of that is a waste.

Being a man is the ability to look at everything collapsing around you and asking yourself, What can I do now?

I suppose you are right. I have to keep on moving forward and being productive. I just found one outlet now actually so I am starting to be more productive again.

 

[Papa_smu]

And what if you are? Then what are you supposed to do?

Well, since you asked

• I would be hitting up meet-ups in your area. Being at a young age, there is much more time on your hands than you would have as an adult. That, and you gain more experience being around adults working full-time and dealing with real world problems. A good example of this: I'm part of a technology group that has a lot of the major players within our industry. This kid, who by the way was sixteen, decided to come to one our gatherings and announce his new product that his "start-up" was developing. It wasn't the most impressive product but that wasn't important. What was important was that he showed initiative, ballsyness, and willingness to work on real problems. It's been a year since he started coming to our meet-ups and he is now working at a software company making more as an entry-level developer than what I'm making at my current job. That's three years of hard work and a degree to get where I am now compared to a kid that had some drive and confidence to step out his realm of the teenage social ladder.

• I'd start vlogging experiences. You said it yourself, you miss your old friends and life before your move. Why not give them something for them to remember you by capturing your new day-to-day life? Hell, I would vlog my boring routines because apparently people get a kick out of watching other people brushing their teeth or riding the bus. But not only that, it would push me to do more interesting things. Like going snowboarding, playing basketball, or approaching that hot chick from the other school district. Plus, now I would be able to look back at all the stuff I did in the past and have some DHV when I have my girl over at my house.

• Start taking more road trips. Travel will make you a better person, and you don't have to travel far to reap the benefits of it. And I can compound the effect by the fact I'm vlogging my experiences.

• I'd start meeting people outside my school or neighborhood. It's a fact that the more people you interact with, the less you're going to feel regretful when you get older.
  
  I'm trying to make a point here. The more you think about your obstacles or shortcomings and how much they're in the way, the more likely you're going to feel like you'll never get ahead in life. And you when you feel like you're not getting ahead, the more missed opportunities you are going to encounter.

 

[BeExcellent]

There is some wonderful advice in this thread.

Embrace your situation and the challenges it presents. @fastlife is totally correct you are always starting over in life. See those starting over times as the opportunities they are to expand who you know. Build relationships with people from these new opportunities and keep up with those from the old. Get people together, introduce them.

In this way you become known as a connector. It's rewarding to see others benefit from an introduction for example.

Just keep embracing & overcoming your anxieties. You'll reach a point where you welcome the new environments and when you reach this point you will already be grounded and secure in who you are. You'll be self validated. You will be very attractive in your self assured stance and you will have abundance because people will be drawn to you.

I know that sounds like hocus pocus right now but it isn't. Flip your script & look at it differently. Few people really embrace unfamiliar situations. Those who excel in life do it as effortlessly as breathing.

It's a wonderful way to exist. And I struggled like you for years. You have greater awareness than I did as a youth so you are light years ahead of where I began. You'll get there much faster. You will.