Did I go too beta on this?

[Juanto]

I´m f*cking this girl for roughly 2 months and a half now, and basically nearly everytime we meet we end up hooking up. We are not in a relationship since we never talked about it, but she has been treating me quite well, cooking for me, never denying sex, pretty much all smooth so far.

However today I think I messed up a bit, looking back. She mentioned me she had invited her language teacher (which hadnt accepted the invitation yet) for dinner tonight at her place where it would be just the 2 of them. Now, obviously since she is a plate and did mention this guy before as her teacher, I should have not cared about it. However I went beta and said that since we are not using protection (from my side, only birth control on hers) maybe we should consider it if she is entertaining other possibilities. Told her I wasnt judging her and that she can do what she wants, like I can, but I didnt want to risk any diseases. She said that she never had any intentions with this guy since he has a GF and that since she is living abroad with no friends here, she just wanted some company as friends (yeah right....). I kept my frame and didnt back down from what I said before, trying to tell her that an invitation for 2 alone in her place is not conducive to mere friendship. She then said that she was very surprised I woudl think she would do something like this and started to get emotional, but again I didnt fall for that and kept what I said before. Finally, she said she would be not be meeting this guy ever under these circunstances.

Looking back, I dont think what I did will maintain or raise her level of interest on me. What would be the correct course of action from now on, in your opinion? Dont want to make her my GF, but I do want to keep f*cking her. Next planned date is on saturday and im planning on going radio silence til then.

 

[Reykhel]

Lol nice and suave....

You kept your frame? Explain that one. The frame you presented is one were your value is lower than hers.

You say she's a plate. Do you have any other options? Are you fvcking any other women? Without protection too?

A man with options would act nonchantly, tell her to have a pleasant evening and then go hang out with another plate.

If your that concerned about diseases shouldn't you be taking responsability for that?

What to do? Well you've definately lowered her interest level with your insecurity...

Ask her to hook up. See her response..

 

[AttackFormation]

These situations are tricky, because girls generally don't want to be held accountable for stuff that could put them in a bad light in their own views or others' and sex is one of those things. They don't want to (be seen as) plan(ning) for sex. While at the same time, stds and pregnancy are real risks so if you never bring up testing/protection and/or birth control, you can screw your life up. I've come to the conclusion that bringing those things up directly is generally a bad risk, and you should discuss it in passing without relating it directly to her. They don't want to be responsible. In your situation that would mean waiting until after they've fvcked and then mention how you'd like to get tested because of *make up a brief story about some person who caught an std in a situation her brain will relate to hers (bonus points if it "was just last week!") and convey a feeling of shock in the end so she will mirror it and feel shocked too and agree to testing*.

 

[Juanto]

Lol nice and suave....

You kept your frame? Explain that one. The frame you presented is one were your value is lower than hers.

You say she's a plate. Do you have any other options? Are you fvcking any other women? Without protection too?

A man with options would act nonchantly, tell her to have a pleasant evening and then go hang out with another plate.

If your that concerned about diseases shouldn't you be taking responsability for that?

What to do? Well you've definately lowered her interest level with your insecurity...

Ask her to hook up. See her response..

You are correct Reykhel, and I do realize now I lowered myself. Maybe its precisely because she is the only plate now why I acted like this.

Will see how she reacts on saturday when she is going to sleep over at my place.

 

[Juanto]

These situations are tricky, because girls generally don't want to be held accountable for stuff that could put them in a bad light in their own views or others' and sex is one of those things. They don't want to (be seen as) plan(ning) for sex. While at the same time, stds and pregnancy are real risks so if you never bring up testing/protection and/or birth control, you can screw your life up. I've come to the conclusion that bringing those things up directly is generally a bad risk, and you should discuss it in passing without relating it directly to her. They don't want to be responsible. In your situation that would mean waiting until after they've fvcked and then mention how you'd like to get tested because of *make up a brief story about some person who caught an std in a situation her brain will relate to hers and convey a feeling of shock in the end so she will mirror it and feel shocked too and agree to testing*.

Yes, part of her reaction to what I told her was that she didnt want me to think she was a sl*t...

 

[AttackFormation]

Yes, part of her reaction to what I told her was that she didnt want me to think she was a sl*t...

Yeah there you go. Like I said, these situations require some finesse/skill because you have to make her get tested and/or start using birth control, but you can't make her think there's something about her that makes it necessary.

 

[Juanto]

make her get tested and/or start using birth control,

She is already on birth control

 

[AttackFormation]

She is already on birth control

Yea I know. I meant in general.

 

[Reykhel]

You are correct Reykhel, and I do realize now I lowered myself. Maybe its precisely because she is the only plate now why I acted like this.

Will see how she reacts on saturday when she is going to sleep over at my place.

Well there you go. You have no other options and I think you want to present yourself to her as a man with options. When you saw that potentially she was going to have a second plate and outdo you......your ego couldn't handle it....

Look, you're going to eat on Saturday anyway. Invite her over and feed her. Buy wine. Long term plates can develop into mini relationships (obviously with the exclusivity or commitmemt) rather than pure fvckbuddy situation.

So you're spending new years eve with her?

 

[Juanto]

Well there you go. You have no other options and I think you want to present yourself to her as a man with options. When you saw that potentially she was going to have a second plate and outdo you......your ego couldn't handle it....

Look, you're going to eat on Saturday anyway. Invite her over and feed her. Buy wine. Long term plates can develop into mini relationships (obviously with the exclusivity or commitmemt) rather than pure fvckbuddy situation.

So you're spending new years eve with her?

She invited me to her place for dinner, after a concert, watch fireworks at midnight and finally coming back to my place.

 

[Atlasoh]

I used to have casual sex with a trusted girl for several months without protection. My only episode of such. Before we had sex we showed evidence of being STD-free and were exclusive. I never ejaculated inside her either although she was on the pill. I think these discussions are important to have. Of course have them in the right setting and with appropriate finesse and style.

 

[Juanto]

I used to have casual sex with a trusted girl for several months without protection. My only episode of such. Before we had sex we showed evidence of being STD-free and were exclusive. I never ejaculated inside her either although she was on the pill. I think these discussions are important to have. Of course have them in the right setting and with appropriate finesse and style.

Yes, clearly picked the wrong setting to bring it up.

 

[Juanto]

They don't want to be responsible. In your situation that would mean waiting until after they've fvcked and then mention how you'd like to get tested because of *make up a brief story about some person who caught an std in a situation her brain will relate to hers (bonus points if it "was just last week!") and convey a feeling of shock in the end so she will mirror it and feel shocked too and agree to testing*.

Good tip here.

 

[ubercat]

If u don't want to take the chance y not just turn up with novelty condoms ribbed, vibrating, glow in dark and shrug it off as ...For a change. Anything else will come across as you pushing for exclusivity which is a massive fail.

 

[Juanto]

If u don't want to take the chance y not just turn up with novelty condoms ribbed, vibrating, glow in dark and shrug it off as ...For a change. Anything else will come across as you pushing for exclusivity which is a massive fail.

Definately will not pull off something similar again to what I did on this instance, just came across weak from my side and it did make her quite uncomfortable. Will see how she acts on saturday.

 

[ubercat]

Haha watch your feels mate. So it is about a g/f audition. Nothing wrong with that as long as she meets your minimum attractiveness standard and hasn't red flagged herself. 3 months is the normal make or break point. Keep the frame keep pounding her good and kick her out early occasionally because you have stuff to do.

 

[Juanto]

and hasn't red flagged herself.

Some things im not too sure about. She had weight problems in the past (meaning she got too skinny) but now she is healthy. However she did show me a couple of older pics of her where she looked dangerously too skinny, which indicates that maybe mental issues also occurred at the time....
She also never wears bras (maybe irrelevant, I dont know) and she also doesnt wear trousers, only dresses. Again, maybe small things, but I dont know....

 

[ubercat]

How old?

And what's her attitude to food and fitness now. From the little I know about eating disorders it's not they love or hate food but are obsessed with it as an issue.

Dresses in these times - sheer gold.

No bra - is there much that needs retaining?

 

[Juanto]

How old?

And what's her attitude to food and fitness now. From the little I know about eating disorders it's not they love or hate food but are obsessed with it as an issue.

Dresses in these times - sheer gold.

No bra - is there much that needs retaining?

She is 38.

Now she goes to the gym 4/5 times a week, and although doesnt eat much she does eat (but no meat).

About the bra, she doesnt have much to retain no, but just found it awkward, never met a girl who never wears a bra.

 

[ubercat]

All sounds fine. Not much to think about. Just get on with your goals