Got dumped by girlfriend 2 months ago

[lizardking82]

Hello everyone, this is my first post here.

I had a very good relationship (the best up to date in all aspects) with this girl(I am 23, she's 19 now) for 2 years and 1 month. 3rd of October, after we had a fight about sth that (at least imo) was nothing big, she asked for space and said she's been feeling like that for the last 5/6 months. That hit me hard because I was absolutely head and shoulders in love with this girl and in the past months she had shown no signs of being bothered by sth whatsoever. I chased her, tried to change her mind, but this girl changed inside a week from someone that had mental and physical orgasms by staying with me and being together to someone that I don't know who she was anymore

After chasing without any result for about a month, I decided to stop because it was just madness and led nowhere. I ceased any kind of contact from my side beginning the 4th of November and up until her birthday, the 14th of November, where I sent her a simple "Happy birthday" SMS, I didn't contact her at all. I noticed in the meantime that when I cut all contact, she started liking posts of mine in Facebook and Instagram more often. Except for the birthday wish, I kept on with the no contact and have not broken it yet and I don't intend to, meaning I didn't like back anything or contact her in any kinda way. However, I was fixating on her social media and checking her Instagram daily. One day I found out (she's a model) she had filmed this short, artsy video with this dude and after the breakup, I had a gut feeling she was flirting with him. When I saw she'd filmed a video with him where she did not get payed or earn anything at all (not even imagewise because she's more famous than him), it completely messed with my mind and the thoughts that they might have had sex together got me boiling completely (although it is quite possible nothing happened between them). May sound *****-ish to you guys here, but right now, the thought of her having sex with someone else doesn't feel good at all. Maybe after a couple of months I won't care if I see dudes gangbanging her, but right now...

So, to my last paragraph before the questions. Last night I decided to delete off of Facebook and unfollowed/blocked her on Instagram. I just cannot take it anymore watching her post daily and although she's just (apparently at least) doing her thing with her life, everytime a picture of hers pops up in my Instagram feed I get this ****ed up, messy feeling. Moreover, how could she miss me when she also sees my posts on Instagram everyday? I feel a bit awkward, but yeah, I deleted her online after 2 months.

I have found some peace of mind since I took her off online, but am curious on your take on all this. This is a girl I really felt and practically still feel strongly for, but NC for the last month almost means she doesn't know I still love her. Could she be wondering already? I've heard this a lot lately that "if she is interested, she will show up herself, you don't need to do anything anymore now and probably you've done too much"

Thanks in advance for any reply.

 

[El Payaso]

She doesn't care about you because she's fvcking and sucking other guys.

Start dating other women and forget about her.

Deleting her off social media is a good start. Delete her everywhere else. Block texts, phone calls etc.

 

[sazc]

You are both young and she is a baby. She's 19, very immature, especially in relationship. She thinks the grass is greener out there and she want to spread her wings. It's not about you, it's about her. You didnt do anything wrong. She's just young.

Do what @El Payaso says. No contact, nothing. It's really for the best.

Read the DJ bible, read posts on this forum and take some time for yourself. Eventually you will get back out there and meet females and have a great time.

 

[lizardking82]

You are both young and she is a baby. She's 19, very immature, especially in relationship. She thinks the grass is greener out there and she want to spread her wings. It's not about you, it's about her. You didnt do anything wrong. She's just young.

Do what @El Payaso says. No contact, nothing. It's really for the best.

Read the DJ bible, read posts on this forum and take some time for yourself. Eventually you will get back out there and meet females and have a great time.

I have lately gotten a hold of myself better. I still struggle emotionally some days where I awkwardly feel just sad, but it's getting better. No contact will continue from my side and if she ever reaches out, I know what to do. I am already dating some other girls, but not looking for a relationship right now since that is almost impossible, shadow of her still lurks almost everywhere.

 

[dude99]

Hello everyone, this is my first post here.

I had a very good relationship (the best up to date in all aspects) with this girl(I am 23, she's 19 now) for 2 years and 1 month. 3rd of October, after we had a fight about sth that (at least imo) was nothing big, she asked for space and said she's been feeling like that for the last 5/6 months. That hit me hard because I was absolutely head and shoulders in love with this girl and in the past months she had shown no signs of being bothered by sth whatsoever. I chased her, tried to change her mind, but this girl changed inside a week from someone that had mental and physical orgasms by staying with me and being together to someone that I don't know who she was anymore

After chasing without any result for about a month, I decided to stop because it was just madness and led nowhere. I ceased any kind of contact from my side beginning the 4th of November and up until her birthday, the 14th of November, where I sent her a simple "Happy birthday" SMS, I didn't contact her at all. I noticed in the meantime that when I cut all contact, she started liking posts of mine in Facebook and Instagram more often. Except for the birthday wish, I kept on with the no contact and have not broken it yet and I don't intend to, meaning I didn't like back anything or contact her in any kinda way. However, I was fixating on her social media and checking her Instagram daily. One day I found out (she's a model) she had filmed this short, artsy video with this dude and after the breakup, I had a gut feeling she was flirting with him. When I saw she'd filmed a video with him where she did not get payed or earn anything at all (not even imagewise because she's more famous than him), it completely messed with my mind and the thoughts that they might have had sex together got me boiling completely (although it is quite possible nothing happened between them). May sound *****-ish to you guys here, but right now, the thought of her having sex with someone else doesn't feel good at all. Maybe after a couple of months I won't care if I see dudes gangbanging her, but right now...

So, to my last paragraph before the questions. Last night I decided to delete off of Facebook and unfollowed/blocked her on Instagram. I just cannot take it anymore watching her post daily and although she's just (apparently at least) doing her thing with her life, everytime a picture of hers pops up in my Instagram feed I get this ****ed up, messy feeling. Moreover, how could she miss me when she also sees my posts on Instagram everyday? I feel a bit awkward, but yeah, I deleted her online after 2 months.

I have found some peace of mind since I took her off online, but am curious on your take on all this. This is a girl I really felt and practically still feel strongly for, but NC for the last month almost means she doesn't know I still love her. Could she be wondering already? I've heard this a lot lately that "if she is interested, she will show up herself, you don't need to do anything anymore now and probably you've done too much"

Thanks in advance for any reply.

Deleting her and blocking her was the best thing you can do. Stay no contact and move on with your life.

She stopped caring for you 6 months ago as you pointed out she started pulling away then. Women only do this when new attention enters their lives. Your gut told you some other guy was in the picture and you were right. The only reason they ask for space is because they want to be available for the next dude. You should have dumped her 6 months ago.

No more happy birthdday texts, no merry Christmas texts, she is now history. Go meet new women. Forget her. Go spin plates and focus on yourself.

 

[Poon King]

Once women lose attraction they usually lose respect too. They also drop their "act".

You mentioned how you don't know who she is anymore. Well.. what you are seeing is her true personality now that she no longer wants you or needs you. Women put on an "act" when they want you. Once they lose interest.. they show their true cold hearted colors.

Chasing women and clinging to them is demeaning, degrading and pointless. Women despise men that show any weakness, because they want to be taken care of. They don't want to be your mother. So when a woman wants to leave you should never resist. Not even a little bit. Welcome it. The only thing you should resist is any attempt she makes to get back together. Women only get one chance to dump you (if you respect yourself). Once a woman dumps you she is demoted to sex toy / booty call at most. She should be blacklisted from your emotional life for eternity (again.. if you respect yourself).

Finally.. its important to remember that we are living in a time where female hypergamy is supported, rewarded and encouraged. So the chances of any woman you date (specially at your age) sticking with you for life is very low. Most women don't start becoming insecure enough to stay loyal until their 30's.

MEN: Never take women under 30 seriously and you will save yourself a lot of emotional suffering, no matter what your age.

 

[logicallefty]

Lizardking82, I agree with everything Poon King said above^. Except I would say never take a woman under 40 seriously not 30. But that is irrelevant in your case. Relationships are extremely tough for men your age. For everyone really, but your age I think is especially hard because you are likely experiencing your first love that is not puppy love or just lust.

I had to laugh when you said she started liking your stuff on social media once you went NC. What that was was her throwing out some scraps to see if you were still there.. She may want you as an orbiter.. Don't fall for it. You did the right thing by getting her out of your online world, blocking her, etc.

Welcome to the forum by the way.

 

[wifehunter]

She could be 18 or 49, age doesn't matter!

YOU need to BE their best option!

Be a catch, and they will chase. It solves the fickleness problem.

 

[lizardking82]

It has been very tough emotionally for me. I think I oneites-id this girl a lot and it's not like I will say now "she's a bad person" or anything like that. But I just think she handled this very immaturely. We spent two years together, even made plans to leave for Germany after about a year and she even took real steps towards this, entering German courses and that warmed my heart in the sense that I felt this girl wanted to build sth real and longlasting with me. I have no problem attracting women in my life, but the classic quite "I thought she was the one" applies here, I guess.

It was so ****in' tough to see a person change their behaviour from like a little puppy that loves you and just melts in your arms at any given time to someone that tells you, with their eyes looking down "I don't feel the same anymore". My first reaction to that was "what the ****, 2 hours ago I could literally see your eyes being dreamy about me like they always were and now you don't feel the same?".

Two of her most repeated quotes after she asked for space were "I can't explain what I feel" and "I just don't want a boyfriend right now and probably will not want one for months to come. I just wanna be alone". It's like she kicked me out just like that. That ****in' hurt a whole ****in' lot.

Strange ****: after two weeks of no contact, I just bumped into her in the street and she was with a group of girlfriends; she leaves the girlfriends without even talking to them and half-runs towards me and hugs me tight like she's been missing me or sth, then turns completely normal and after 1 minute we both say bye. That **** got me even more confused.

 

[lizardking82]

Deleting her and blocking her was the best thing you can do. Stay no contact and move on with your life.

She stopped caring for you 6 months ago as you pointed out she started pulling away then. Women only do this when new attention enters their lives. Your gut told you some other guy was in the picture and you were right. The only reason they ask for space is because they want to be available for the next dude. You should have dumped her 6 months ago.

No more happy birthdday texts, no merry Christmas texts, she is now history. Go meet new women. Forget her. Go spin plates and focus on yourself.

But listen, here is the funny thing: she might have stopped caring or slowly losing interest, but it never showed! The sex was just as wild and good as before, we went out, she was just as sweet, she even followed through with the plans we'd made until that point so it came out of the blue to me completely when she decided to break it off like that, you know..

I did not start doubting about any guy up until about two weeks into the breakup, I was confident enough I am giving her what she desires from a relationship so that she doesn't need to start looking at other guys. Even now, it is still just a feeling of mine, a gut feeling, she might be seeing this dude and if she is, bad for her cause it's a rebound and it won't lead her anywhere.

No "Happy..." anything quotes from now on, I don't even feel like.

 

[lizardking82]

Lizardking82, I agree with everything Poon King said above^. Except I would say never take a woman under 40 seriously not 30. But that is irrelevant in your case. Relationships are extremely tough for men your age. For everyone really, but your age I think is especially hard because you are likely experiencing your first love that is not puppy love or just lust.

I had to laugh when you said she started liking your stuff on social media once you went NC. What that was was her throwing out some scraps to see if you were still there.. She may want you as an orbiter.. Don't fall for it. You did the right thing by getting her out of your online world, blocking her, etc.

Welcome to the forum by the way.

I kinda laugh at it myself now, but about a month ago, when I saw "Person has liked your photo" it was like every memory kinda came back with that simple ****in' like and it was eating me up inside. On the other hand, back then, I could not get myself to delete her from anywhere.

 

[lizardking82]

Been here a year now, and my reply is based off of that.

You are one of many that come here looking for advice on how to game a girl. I call this 'sniper game'.

This is not how the game is played. If you are looking to game for this one particular piece, you are missing the point entirely - and I'm not sure that anyone can really help.

That is my opinion. It requires a real change in mindset.

This girl isn't sh*t, and you can replace her this weekend. If you don't believe it, you need to get to that place.

Fvck her nonsense. Don't micromanage any one woman. Zoom out, and get perspective/abundance.

I just wanted to see what you guys think of this. Maybe it's still just my mind playing games on me, thinking this is still "the one". I am slowly zooming out now, takes some time, I guess..

 

[lizardking82]

My thoughts are that 90% of men never raise themselves above the level of being a tool. That is my current thought.

You can do much much better. But it takes effort.

I will give you a quote from Machiavelli:

"Make mistakes of ambition - not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things - not the strength to suffer"

Do not make the mistakes of many that come here. They come here looking for a magic solution for the one woman that they have a chance with. That is not how this game works.

Forget any PUA stuff that tries to sell you a magic pill. This sh*t is a lifestyle.

If you are willing to change your lifestyle, you will become much better and realize your value. If you just want to get a quick-fix, you will suffer.

I am working hard on changing my lifestyle. I don't want no quick fix or magic pill. I know I have a chance with more than one woman, it's just that she was my main center of attention for a while and got taken away from me in 5 minutes. I think it's the addiction that keeps me hanging on somehow

 

[Julian]

its gonna hurt for awhile. just remember these relationships got expiration dates and these hoes aint loyal. this is how these bishes operate. instead of airing out what their problem is in the relationship and trying to fix it they will instead lie and act like its all good while at the same time getting banged by yoir enemy. then slit your throat when you aint lookin.

this is why im a player..i play these hoes because the game is something you cannot avoid

 

[Poon King]

But listen, here is the funny thing: she might have stopped caring or slowly losing interest, but it never showed! The sex was just as wild and good as before, we went out, she was just as sweet, she even followed through with the plans we'd made until that point so it came out of the blue to me completely when she decided to break it off like that, you know..

I did not start doubting about any guy up until about two weeks into the breakup, I was confident enough I am giving her what she desires from a relationship so that she doesn't need to start looking at other guys. Even now, it is still just a feeling of mine, a gut feeling, she might be seeing this dude and if she is, bad for her cause it's a rebound and it won't lead her anywhere.

No "Happy..." anything quotes from now on, I don't even feel like.

When it comes to dating.. women can be ruthlessly pragmatic. Its about what they want TODAY. Yesterday doesn't matter to them.

It doesn't matter if you are "a great boyfriend" and "amazing in bed" and "never forget her birthday" or whatever. At some point she will get bored and see you as a "been there, done that". A lot of men don't seem to understand just how shallow and opportunistic women really are. The majority of younger women need constant drama, excitement, gossip and change. Being a "good guy" doesn't matter to them unless that's what they want in that moment.

For men to have power in relationships they need to lose ALL white knight mentality. Stop trying to save a hoe or be her ideal partner. Worrying about "Am I a nice guy?" and "Am I making her happy?" and "Am I giving her good sex?" is submissive and subservient. The average man has been conditioned to think he is worthless.. which is why he is so obsessed with proving his worth to women. Men are quick to accept servitude in their relationships, then they wonder why women don't respect them.

 

[lizardking82]

its gonna hurt for awhile. just remember these relationships got expiration dates and these hoes aint loyal. this is how these bishes operate. instead of airing out what their problem is in the relationship and trying to fix it they will instead lie and act like its all good while at the same time getting banged by yoir enemy. then slit your throat when you aint lookin.

this is why im a player..i play these hoes because the game is something you cannot avoid

This. This is the **** that hurt me the most. That she was not even ready to sit down and talk about it and maybe give it another try. I mean, 2 ****in' years, plans and everything. But I guess, as PoonKing said, it matters what you offer in the now, not what you did..

 

[Roober]

Hey man, I feel your pain. Very similar situation to mine. Got the "i need space" talk after 3 months, got more distant at 4 months, super distant at 6 months. I labored through the last month until I came here. It sucks, it really does suck. But use this opportunity to grow into a better man. Use this opportunity to make a better version of yourself and DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!!! I brought it up multiple times and she was always very aloof at really communicating. I thought I was being a big man and trying to resolve the issues. The truth is is what poon king says, as much as it sucks...

If you apply everything successfully, you will end up in top physical shape, mental shape (as long as you are sleeping), focused on your career and enjoy the time of your life.

At 34, I wish I had more single years in my 20's. You should be filtering the crap out of women right now...

 

[Roober]

When it comes to dating.. women can be ruthlessly pragmatic. Its about what they want TODAY. Yesterday doesn't matter to them.

It doesn't matter if you are "a great boyfriend" and "amazing in bed" and "never forget her birthday" or whatever. At some point she will get bored and see you as a "been there, done that". A lot of men don't seem to understand just how shallow and opportunistic women really are. The majority of younger women need constant drama, excitement, gossip and change. Being a "good guy" doesn't matter to them unless that's what they want in that moment.

For men to have power in relationships they need to lose ALL white knight mentality. Stop trying to save a hoe or be her ideal partner. Worrying about "Am I a nice guy?" and "Am I making her happy?" and "Am I giving her good sex?" is submissive and subservient. The average man has been conditioned to think he is worthless.. which is why he is so obsessed with proving his worth to women. Men are quick to accept servitude in their relationships, then they wonder why women don't respect them.

And one of two things happen... they end up in a lifeless marriage, or run through relationships until their 30's and their clock begins to tick...

 

[sazc]

Sheesh! Some of us are all right.....

 

[Poon King]

Sheesh! Some of us are all right.....

I would say ALL women are "all right" when it benefits them OR when they fear retribution. Its not like today's women are biologically different from women 100 years ago. The difference today is women can get away with sh!t they previously could not.

Weak men are a big part of the problem too. Modern women are unpredictable and lack loyalty because they no longer depend on men in the capacity they used to. This uncertainty about what a woman might do from one day to the next has created stronger male attachment. Desperate, pathetic betas who want commitment so bad they would chop off their foot to get it. Its impossible for a woman to respect such a man.