She wants to put things on "pause"... What do I do?

[HW1984]

Been seeing this girl for 3 months and we had our first argument. She accepted why I was mad and took full responsibility for it but said she needed space. I gave it to her and didn't contact her for a week. She finally called and we set up time to talk. She said the way that I spoke to her reminded her of her ex husband and put her in a really negative place. Along with that she has finals in two weeks so she is extremely busy and thinks we need to put things on pause. I asked about seeing other people and neither one of us is going to do that. I wanted to be sure that we were still going to work on moving forward after things calm down for her a bit and she said she didn't have an answer for that right now. The ex husband thing hit her pretty deep. I did express my want to work on things when she's ready and she did say we can continue to talk as we have been through this pause and we will see each other again. However I am reluctant to continue to call a girl and text them when in a break phase as you wanted space... Here you go. Does this "pause" deserve no/limited contact?

 

[Scars]

The whole "pause" and "let's take a bring" thing is a cop out man. You should expect her to be talking to other dudes, finals or not. Eventually you'll get that dreaded message "I met someone. Sorry." and it's going to sting even more. It sounds like she isn't interested, and she's just trying to rationalize some excuse to make it ok. When she says she wants a break, it really means she is done with you, and is going to find someone else, and she hopes you do the same. I've never had a "let's take a break" conversation with a girl and then suddenly things became good months later.. too much time to be swoon by other guys. Too much time to be influenced by friends/family.. it's just no good. Go NC and consider it done my friend. You don't have to tell her your seeing other chicks, and she doesn't even have to know.. but to think she is going to remain faithful to an ex that she's not even legitimately dating... well that's just absurd.

 

[dude99]

Been seeing this girl for 3 months and we had our first argument. She accepted why I was mad and took full responsibility for it but said she needed space. I gave it to her and didn't contact her for a week. She finally called and we set up time to talk. She said the way that I spoke to her reminded her of her ex husband and put her in a really negative place. Along with that she has finals in two weeks so she is extremely busy and thinks we need to put things on pause. I asked about seeing other people and neither one of us is going to do that. I wanted to be sure that we were still going to work on moving forward after things calm down for her a bit and she said she didn't have an answer for that right now. The ex husband thing hit her pretty deep. I did express my want to work on things when she's ready and she did say we can continue to talk as we have been through this pause and we will see each other again. However I am reluctant to continue to call a girl and text them when in a break phase as you wanted space... Here you go. Does this "pause" deserve no/limited contact?

Pause means one thing. She wants the freedom to pursue other men. And if it doesn't work out then you are her security net.

Dump and don't look back. Asking for a pause is her asking for permission to cheat.

 

[AttackFormation]

Answer in quote

Been seeing this girl for 3 months and we had our first argument. She accepted why I was mad and took full responsibility for it lol, sure thing buddy but said she needed space. I gave it to her and didn't contact her for a week. Good She finally called and we set up time to talk. She said the way that I spoke to her reminded her of her ex husband and put her in a really negative place. How did she sneak this baggage through the check-in without being caught? Along with that she has finals in two weeks so she is extremely busy and thinks we need to put things on pause. Why would she need to put things "on pause" just because she has finals? what would that even mean? this bullsh!t is obvious I asked about seeing other people and neither one of us is going to do that. LOL, yeah right. She's lying consciously or subconsciously. What you'll hear is either "it just happened" and now she's happier or some backtrack excuse for why it was over before that anyway I wanted to be sure that we were still going to work on moving forward after things calm down for her a bit Are you planning on having a family with this woman? serious question and she said she didn't have an answer for that right now. This woman is playing you The ex husband thing hit her pretty deep. Bringing up her past that you have no control over and blaming it on you. Are those finals for her manipulation degree? I did express my want to work on things when she's ready These kinds of statements let her know she can say and do whatever she wants with you, because you are taking her bullsh!t seriously and not calling her on it, she already has or will quickly lose respect for you and she did say we can continue to talk as we have been through this pause and we will see each other again. You can always "continue to talk" with a woman. They like orbiters However I am reluctant to continue to call a girl and text them when in a break phase as you wanted space... Here you go. Your backbone is showing through Does this "pause" deserve no/limited contact? If I liked the sex with her then I would go to one of my favorite solutions, which is "agree & amplify". Say you think the space could be a good idea, then let a little while pass before you say you really liked the space and she was a genius for bringing it up. Now decline whatever she wants to do unless it's about her coming to have sex with you, and there you go. If you don't like sex with her then just go no contact.

 

[RangerMIke]

There is another dude in the picture giving her attention. Women who are happy and in love will not go around picking fights with you.

Listen to what she did, she's trying to put it all on you. YOU did something that remained her of her ex.... This is what chicks do... it's always your fault.

This is what you should do. Call her and tell her you respect that she needs space and will give it to her, but that you are going to date other women, and your relationship has changed to casual. Than disappear. Don't get mad or upset, just go away and date other women. How she responds will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[HW1984]

Thanks guys. It's easy to get in your own head with this sh*t to make you believe that this time is different. Haha. After a week of me not contacting her she calls and asks to meet up talk. That talk as I mentioned just led to let's put things on pause. I would have actually preferred to just have not heard from her again than to have that talk. What's the point?

I'm going to wait til her finals are done then call her. That way there are no excuses for her to give about being too busy and just lay it out there. At that point whatever mixed feelings she may have should be cleared up and if I can't get a done or not done response then I definitely know she is playing me. Until then going nc.

 

[AttackFormation]

There is another dude in the picture giving her attention.

Let me emphasize this point. Women ALWAYS have other dudes in the picture, they just keep them in reserve until they need or want them. Don't take their vows of exclusivity or whatever as authentic, because they don't.

-


Reply in quote

I would have actually preferred to just have not heard from her again than to have that talk. What's the point? To keep you as an orbiter

I'm going to wait til her finals are done then call her. Let her call you and start meeting other women That way there are no excuses for her to give about being too busy and just lay it out there. Lay what out there? she already did, you just don't recognize it At that point whatever mixed feelings "Mixed feelings" is BS she may have should be cleared up and if I can't get a done or not done response 1. Look at her actions not her words/"response", 2. whatever she says now can change in 5 minutes depending on how she feels and she will justify it, 3. You are giving her control over you by letting her decide whether it's "done or not done". Do what YOU want to do and move on. You don't get that she doesn't operate on the same reasoning you do, she's a woman and you can't expect her to behave like a man then I definitely know she is playing me. You already know Until then going nc.

 

[Scars]

Thanks guys. It's easy to get in your own head with this sh*t to make you believe that this time is different. Haha. After a week of me not contacting her she calls and asks to meet up talk. That talk as I mentioned just led to let's put things on pause. I would have actually preferred to just have not heard from her again than to have that talk. What's the point?

I'm going to wait til her finals are done then call her. That way there are no excuses for her to give about being too busy and just lay it out there. At that point whatever mixed feelings she may have should be cleared up and if I can't get a done or not done response then I definitely know she is playing me. Until then going nc.

Don't call her after finals.. I can sense that you think there is some glimmer of hope.. like she is going to bang all these dudes, then after finals, runs out of excuses and comes back to you... nope my friend. The sooner you eject, go NC and move on, the better.

 

[El Payaso]

She's gaslighting you.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Please don't call her after finals. Have some dignity and self respect.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She's gaslighting you.

Use the burn to get some good workouts in, don't worry about her for a week and tighten up on your diet and fitness or something.

 

[dude99]

Please don't call her after finals. Have some dignity and self respect.

If anything he should call her after finals to say they are through. (Sarcasm)

 

[Alvafe]

If anything he should call her after finals to say they are through.

nah, I would consider a waste, that would mean to her he is still thinking about her.

what he should be doing is dating other woman, forget her existence, and if she call him at all say well I kinda forget about you. I would ask how old is she but waste of time since there is nothing good from this.

the OP should have ended when she said to pause things, understand pause, time, space, that is all just her getting ready to kick you, so you do it before,

 

[HW1984]

If anything he should call her after finals to say they are through.

The worst part is on my way to meet her I told myself if she says anything other than we are good and going to one forward with then I would tell her we're through. Completely forgot all about that once we started talking. I put the control right back in her hands after gaining after going NC. F* these game. Where do you find straight forward and to the point kind of women? Haha.

 

[dude99]

The worst part is on my way to meet her I told myself if she says anything other than we are good and going to one forward with then I would tell her we're through. Completely forgot all about that once we started talking. I put the control right back in her hands after gaining after going NC. F* these game. Where do you find straight forward and to the point kind of women? Haha.

Shounds like she knows exactly how to tug on your feelings.

I would treat this situation like you are already single and go date other women. Ignore her attempts after finals and if she actually catches up with you just say "sorry but being on pause has me soooo busy with other women. We should have done this a lot sooner "

Then resume no contact

 

[dude99]

nah, I would consider a waste, that would mean to her he is still thinking about her.

what he should be doing is dating other woman, forget her existence, and if she call him at all say well I kinda forget about you. I would ask how old is she but waste of time since there is nothing good from this.

the OP should have ended when she said to pause things, understand pause, time, space, that is all just her getting ready to kick you, so you do it before,

Agreed. I meant it tongue and cheek.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I agree with the majority here - a pause is a gutless way of breaking up, or at least putting you on the back burner, where she can come back and get you if these other dudes don't pan out. Pan pun, intended.

 

[HW1984]

That's exactly what I did after I got the I need space comment after our first argument. Went NC for a week. When she called me she made a comment about me not calling her. I said, you said you wanted space so I gave you space. Meanwhile I had just been on two other dates the day before.... Back to it. Love this forum. Always sets your head straight. Thanks guys.

 

[AttackFormation]

That's exactly what I did after I got the I need space comment after our first argument. Went NC for a week. When she called me she made a comment about me not calling her. I said, you said you wanted space so I gave you space.

This woman is an A-grade gaslighter. Don't take her cr@p seriously and remember this for future women. You see any signs of this stuff, go the other way. You should consider the fact that you were planning a future with this woman as a learning experience that could easily have ruined your life if you let it get that far, you're just seeing the tip of the iceberg of her at this point. Leave her, don't look back when she calls you, and move on with new women.

 

[wolf]

This woman is going to burn you so badly that you are going to need more than Aloe Vera for those burns.

NEVER i repeat NEVER "wait" for a woman to make up her mind about you. By showing her you are willing to wait you are in turn showing her that you don't respect yourself. So suit up and boot up and make your way out of dodge before this fire has started.

Or stick around and enjoy your cuckold ambitions....