The main thing holding you back from women: ego and pride

[bb47]

The reason everyone is scared about other people think about them is because of their PRIDE and EGO. Ego/pride is also the reason why people get into pointless fights, spend tons of money on stuff they don't need, hold grudges, get jealous, etc. The SOLUTION to your problems is to LET GO of your pride

Just imagine you're actually giving a public speech and people laugh at you and say you're stupid and boring. Just walk away from them. Then, SURRENDER the desire to attack them back. It is not worth expending so much energy holding a grudge towards them and needing to defend yourself.

Prideful people are in constant FEAR because they have to defend their ego. People are a threat to their pride, so they expend time and energy defending that ego. By letting go, you stop identifying with your ego and you will FREE yourself from the need to "win" and outcompete others. Why do you need to win so badly anyways? What is going to actually happen if you are "exposed" and "lose"?

People buy expensive clothes and cars, and crave social status to protect their ego. It's sad and astonishing how most people in our society end up being manipulated into working jobs they hate just so they can earn enough money to buy stuff they don't need just because it improves their social status. The need to compete, win, and protect our egos is so strong in our society, that people have to resort to alcohol and drugs just to deactivate the part of their brains that responds to fear. Think about that!

The simple solution to their problems is to just let go of their pride. By letting go, you also ironically become more confident and interact alot more naturally and effortlessly with people in general.

This is one of the best books I've ever read that addresses this problem: "Letting Go" by David Hawkins

The book also talks about letting go of other things such as a painful past, fear of public speaking, etc

 

[Serenity]

Yeah, basically some people needs to give less of a fvck about what everyone else thinks. Indifference is a word that seems to be forgotten in recent times on this forum, but I remember it used to be a hot topic.

The ego is a trap to letting everyone else determine our lives. Where our smallest choices is governed by what others might think about it.

I had an ego a couple of years ago, it felt like imprisonment. I obsessed about what others thought of me, especially what women thought. It completely crippled me on the dating scene. One step at the time I challenged my fears, only to realize having an ego is so common that very few had thoughts about me at all. They were all thinking about themselves and judging themselves, meaning I can roam freely and nobody gives a fvck.

I also agree that holding grudges and seeking revenge is a complete waste of time and energy. That's time and energy that I will never get back which I can use to serve myself. There's nothing real to be won, it's all for the ego which is completely immaterial and makes no difference in reality.

The ego is counter-productive too, seeking social status and in that process ruining it. I stopped chasing status and now I've got more than I ever had. I stopped competing and now I'm winning over all those who continue to compete, because I spend my energy solving problems rather than thinking about how to win.

I even stopped chasing my ego's desire to have a girlfriend, 3 weeks later I met a girl who later became my girlfriend. No stress, no anxiety and no dependence on outcome.

 

[bb47]

I had an ego a couple of years ago, it felt like imprisonment. I obsessed about what others thought of me

..

The ego is counter-productive too, seeking social status and in that process ruining it. I stopped chasing status and now I've got more than I ever had. I stopped competing and now I'm winning over all those who continue to compete, because I spend my energy solving problems rather than thinking about how to win.

I even stopped chasing my ego's desire to have a girlfriend, 3 weeks later I met a girl who later became my girlfriend. No stress, no anxiety and no dependence on outcome.

Wow, that's amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope this inspires others as well

 

[bigneil]

At the end of the day we have so say to her "I hereby declare that I like you. You now have the right to choose whether you like me. You may now reject me and I am man enough to face it".

When we tippy toe around rejection to avoid pain they see us as acting weak.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Yeah right Ego is bad..so guess Napoleon conquered Europe and gave it more or the less the current lines because he was free from his ego and the fact that he identified his country worth with his.

The guy sweating and bleading on the field yet running and pushing untill the final goal surely dropped his ego and pride.

Sorry I dont buy this stuff as much as I dont buy the "keep in touch with your feminine side", I surely dont need any mindset to keep me good, calm and tolerant.

Why shoot a thief after he is running away from your house or why beat someone who touched your gf ass? I mean she is still with you, you beat him just cause you care about your ego right.

Ego and pride are necessary to achieve victory, to improve your social position and make you the best of what you can be.

We can agree that too much of it can be bad and counterproductive but to say "drop ego" is ridicolous beyong any limit, as if some new age guru knows best than nature that gave us those.

You say we take revenge cause of our ego? I say I take retaliate cause if I dont others will think Im an easy target, guess nature tought the same thats why make us feel like we do near an attack.

You status and reputation which are doubletied to your ego and pride are also strongly connected to your status and social position.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yeah right Ego is bad..so guess Napoleon conquered Europe and gave it more or the less the current lines because he was free from his ego and the fact that he identified his country worth with his.

The guy sweating and bleading on the field yet running and pushing untill the final goal surely dropped his ego and pride.

Sorry I dont buy this stuff as much as I dont buy the "keep in touch with your feminine side", I surely dont need any mindset to keep me good, calm and tolerant.

Why shoot a thief after he is running away from your house or why beat someone who touched your gf ass? I mean she is still with you, you beat him just cause you care about your ego right.

Ego and pride are necessary to achieve victory, to improve your social position and make you the best of what you can be.

We can agree that too much of it can be bad and counterproductive but to say "drop ego" is ridicolous beyong any limit, as if some new age guru knows best than nature that gave us those.

You say we take revenge cause of our ego? I say I take retaliate cause if I dont others will think Im an easy target, guess nature tought the same thats why make us feel like we do near an attack.

You status and reputation which are doubletied to your ego and pride are also strongly connected to your status and social position.

Agree with this too, as with anything there's a balance. The guy who completely "lets go" of when his girl is with another man is the guy who got cuckolded out of the gene pool 5000 years ago. I think the point is that when your ego and happiness align, that's great, but don't sacrifice your happiness for your ego and be aware of what drives come from your ego vs. what you actually need so you can make informed choices. That's my take on it anyway.

 

[wifehunter]

When I was younger 15-17, girls would drop me after they saw thru my front.

Thinking that you are better than you really are, is a setup for failure.

 

[Serenity]

@Who Dares Win You retaliate because if not others will think you're an easy target, this is exactly the weakness of being controlled by your ego. You bend yourself to how you think others think of you.

Napoleon fought for his country and not his status and reputation. He served others, not himself.

Ego and pride will keep a person from doing what they want, because someone could think of it in a bad way. It is an obstacle.

Clearly we have different definitions on what ego actually is. What you think is acts of an ego is the opposite.

 

[Who Dares Win]

@Who Dares Win You retaliate because if not others will think you're an easy target, this is exactly the weakness of being controlled by your ego. You bend yourself to how you think others think of you.

Napoleon fought for his country and not his status and reputation. He served others, not himself.

Ego and pride will keep a person from doing what they want, because someone could think of it in a bad way. It is an obstacle.

Clearly we have different definitions on what ego actually is. What you think is acts of an ego is the opposite.

I disagree totally with that.

If some bully steals your lunch money and you do sh1t about forget about being left alone at school, you call it ego I call it reality and intelligence, you're damn right Im concerned what others think of me, thats basically what stops nations to piss off Russia and Usa, to know that they will retaliate if attacked, prideful countries we may say.

Someone wiser than both of us said "tolerante an offence and you'll encourage the commission of many" apparently he was an ego maniac too despite being one of the most brilliant general ever existed.

If something exists its for a reason, nature dont do stuff out of nowhere for the sake of it, ego and pride are one of those.

You're wrong about Napoleon too, he wrote in his diaries plenty of times how he didnt feel welcome in france (he was from corsica which was part of italy when he was born, as his family name shows) and how he disliked french, not my opinion, he was used to get called "corse dog" during his youth in France.

So all the guys here are controlled from other here according to such vision, I mean the guy pumping his muscles, the guy buying the sport car as much as the one buying the fancy clothes...after all a jumper and pijama are more than enough to get warm right.

Go to a bank asking for a mortgage with some old dirty clothes, tell them you dont care what they think and you dress the way you want cause you dont have to prove them anything.

Guys seriously stop showing off bragging how much you are more cool than others or how in control you are, your blood is warms just like everyone else, plus I kinda dislike new users who dont even reach a dozen of posts and already start lecturing others as wannabe gurus.

Or maybe its just me being as assh0le all it could be.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Pride seems important. When I do a good job at work I feel pride. I like the feeling. I want the children I teach to feel proud of themselves too.

Ego can be a problem or a powerful tool. When Fidel Castro arrived in Cuba after a disastrous landing (only about 3 of his freedom fighters survived) he said "the revolution is here" and look what he ended up doing. Linked to an enormous ego quite often is enormous self-belief. Muhammed Ali, or any top athlete all believed they could be the best in the world and worked until they were.
I think ego and pride are like any other aspect of being a human being. You can use them to help you but if you let them control then they can destroy you. I feel the same about anger, love, lust etc.
When I go out my rational brain says, there are better looking guys than me here. My ego says I am a sexy mother****et. I listen to my ego because it makes me feel confident and sexy.

I would say the issue is not having enough ego to deal with rejection and being too outcome dependent. Ego is what tells you after you have been rejected that you were too good for her anyway and it was her problem, not yours.

If you are a 5ft tall overweight neckbeard and your ego tells you that you are a sex god and deserve a hb 10 that could be a problem. If it makes you edcalate you hard to improve your smv to become successful (like Dudley Moore and Danny Devito did) then your ego is a powerful tool. If it turns you into a violent woman hater because of years of rejection by h 10s then it is bad.

 

[om1xr]

You guys need to read some of OSHO books...it's not about game but all this ego crap and mind games and the human psychology is explained in a really interesting way. and this op is having a wrong idea; the intention is well but his understanding of what he read is wrong; those books or ideas is about dropping the mind and getting back that childhood livelihood, spontaneity, harmony with life. but first you need to drop the mind and then with the dropped ind the ego disappear and then you start seeing the reality of how things work and the reality of life and all that jazz. that's the whole thing.

but poor op is trying to explain something but with mind filters and prejudices it's not going to get through or understandable. I'm not saying I buy this ego idea because my mind is there. but OSHO is a genius when it comes to understanding a lot of things. you may have your prejudices and judgements about what happened in his last years and the whole biochemical murders and he may have gone mad in his last days or whatever but the books are just great and the guy has like 600+ books lol...so if you have time check the guy out.

 

[GoodOne123]

Sorry but I disagree. It does make sense in theory, but not too practical. Here's my perspective:

The character you describe, with no ego or pride, gets looked down on and a target for abuse. It's a type of person that doesn't think of himself as above anyone else, as any better, it's that "were all equal" bullshiit.

Well let me tell you that women will disrespect you, men will challenge you, you won't be taken seriously, all because you don't retaliate. Essentially there is no desire on other peoples part to take you seriously. You have no desire to be a winner, to be dominant. Therefore people see you as not a winner, as not dominant. How is that desirable?

If you want to have lots of women money succsess, then it needs to be tuned into your ego. All succsessful people of history were egomaniacs actually. They had a strong belief that they were succsessful and were the best at what they do, hence a strong ego, and thats what made them succseed. Like they say "as you think, so shall you become".

With that said, I don't think dropping my ego and pride is such a smart move.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sorry but I disagree. It does make sense in theory, but not too practical. Here's my perspective:

The character you describe, with no ego or pride, gets looked down on and a target for abuse. It's a type of person that doesn't think of himself as above anyone else, as any better, it's that "were all equal" bullshiit.

Well let me tell you that women will disrespect you, men will challenge you, you won't be taken seriously, all because you don't retaliate. Essentially there is no desire on other peoples part to take you seriously. You have no desire to be a winner, to be dominant. Therefore people see you as not a winner, as not dominant. How is that desirable?

If you want to have lots of women money succsess, then it needs to be tuned into your ego. All succsessful people of history were egomaniacs actually. They had a strong belief that they were succsessful and were the best at what they do, hence a strong ego, and thats what made them succseed. Like they say "as you think, so shall you become".

With that said, I don't think dropping my ego and pride is such a smart move.

We do have to keep reigns on it to keep it from getting us killed or actually hurting our chances. Because there are many cases of this. But I do think a level of pride and ego is necessary for success or to be outstanding.

 

[SmooveMooves]

@Who Dares Win

I was about to get on this post and say something similar. I also agree with the wannabe guru sentiment.

I find myself unable to buy into ideologies such as this that seem to fequently pop up. They seem to be disconnected from the real world. I have a superiority complex. Not an unhealthy one but I want to be the best. I want to be the best looking, the best dressed, the smartest, the most well adjusted, the happiest. And if I can't get to the top of those things then I'm working to get as close as I possibly can.

You can say ego and pride don't matter but I feel that's untrue. Ego and pride are what drives us. What gives us the desire to conquer. I'll relate a short story I was once told which fuels my desire:

I had worked my way up and developed connections at many places with many powerful people. One day, my grandmother had an emergency, a dire one. We drove to the hospital and waited in the ER. After 10 minutes watching my grandmother dying I could not wait any longer. I looked at the packed ER room. Many whom had been waiting there much longer than I. I made a phone call to the hospital director and my grandmother was taken in almost immediately. The people looked at with me with hatred but they know they would trade places with me in a heartbeat. You know you would've made the phone call too. Wouldn't you love the power to protect you family?

 

[Serenity]

@Who Dares Win You don't understand because you have probably not had an issue with your own rage fvcking up your life. You don't understand because you probably don't have regrets about not doing something because it could put your ego on the line.

If a bully stole my lunch money I'd knock him down and take my money back, which has nothing to do with ego btw. I'm doing it for my money, not to show how fvcking strong and powerful I am.

You don't understand my point of view anyways, maybe one day.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Anger isn't ego. Anger is an innate biological response to powerlessness.

 

[zekko]

At the end of the day we have so say to her "I hereby declare that I like you. You now have the right to choose whether you like me. You may now reject me and I am man enough to face it".

If you are a guy who approaches, I think you have hit the nail on the head. By initiating and/or giving a compliment, or asking for her phone number, you are pretty much saying "I hereby declare that I like you", and from there it's her choice.

It's hard to see that on this forum though, because it's so buried under all this stuff about keeping her guessing, flipping the script, making her chase you, being indifferent, being a challenge, etc, etc, etc. The focus is all on that stuff and not on telegraphing any interest (which is an essential step IMO, unless you are literally doing absolutely nothing and waiting for girls to approach you). Obviously you should take your shot and not smother her in it, but I think you have boiled it down to its essential components.

 

[Scars]

If you are a guy who approaches, I think you have hit the nail on the head. By initiating and/or giving a compliment, or asking for her phone number, you are pretty much saying "I hereby declare that I like you", and from there it's her choice.

It's hard to see that on this forum though, because it's so buried under all this stuff about keeping her guessing, flipping the script, making her chase you, being indifferent, being a challenge, etc, etc, etc. The focus is all on that stuff and not on telegraphing any interest (which is an essential step IMO, unless you are literally doing absolutely nothing and waiting for girls to approach you). Obviously you should take your shot and not smother her in it, but I think you have boiled it down to its essential components.

I agree. I think this forum, society, music, and how PUA has become some popular in general kind of breeds these "**** boys". I'm not saying you need to be a *****, blue pill popping bastard, but guys forget the fundamentals. Initiate a conversation, approach a girl, show interests, if she is positive to your advances, then take it further. Too many mother ****ers over thinking things. Thanks to this forum, you got a bunch of dudes who go to bars looking "fly" and when a girl finally approaches them they say something smartass and bomb it.. you so C&F duuude

 

[bb47]

Agree with this too, as with anything there's a balance. The guy who completely "lets go" of when his girl is with another man is the guy who got cuckolded out of the gene pool 5000 years ago. I think the point is that when your ego and happiness align, that's great, but don't sacrifice your happiness for your ego and be aware of what drives come from your ego vs. what you actually need so you can make informed choices. That's my take on it anyway.

That guy could just go find another girl. It's important to have an abundance mentality. The guy who needs to get into a fight if his girlfriend is with another guy is needy.

As for being cuckolded out of the gene pool, that's social darwinism BS that is prevalent in our society based on consumerism. Darwin actually said that cooperation is one of the keys to a happy, successful life. The super rich elite people who have all the power in the world want you to believe in social Darwinism instead so they can get you to view everyone as competition, so they can get you to spend money on their products: expensive clothes, homes, cars, etc

A great movie that talks about this is American Beauty

Napoleon fought for his country and not his status and reputation. He served others, not himself.
.

Exactly. It's good to fight when you're fighting to defend innocent people and for moral reasons. But you become miserable, insecure, fearful, worried, and stressed out when you fight for your ego and status. The book "Power vs Force" by David Hawkins explains this

I kinda dislike new users who dont even reach a dozen of posts and already start lecturing others as wannabe gurus.

It's a free country, you don't have to believe my advice or post in this thread. I didn't "lecture" anyone as a "wannabe guru". I posted this because I recently had an insight, it's made my life much better, and I wanted to share this to anyone who would be interested

I would say the issue is not having enough ego to deal with rejection and being too outcome dependent. Ego is what tells you after you have been rejected that you were too good for her anyway and it was her problem, not yours.

Ego leads to fear, because you have to defend your ego and you get threatened by those who have it better than you. If a girl rejects you and you say you're too good for her, that's basically a defense mechanism because you have to protect your self-image. If you had no ego, you would instead say "oh well, move on to the next girl!" with no bitterness or defensiveness to it

 

[bb47]

Sorry but I disagree. It does make sense in theory, but not too practical. Here's my perspective:

The character you describe, with no ego or pride, gets looked down on and a target for abuse. It's a type of person that doesn't think of himself as above anyone else, as any better, it's that "were all equal" bullshiit.

Insecure, little people would look down on and try to abuse an ego-less person. Think about why they would even need to. If they were already happy and confident, would they need to look down on and abuse an ego-less person? These insecure people resort to that because they feel like crap and need some way to feel like they're "winning" in the competition of life

Well let me tell you that women will disrespect you, men will challenge you

One of my best friends has a very minimal ego. But he can get dates every week. So your claim that women disrespect these men is totally false. Yes, some men will challenge guys like him. But again, those men have alot of fear (of losing, needing to protect their ego) which is why they think putting down someone would help them feel better.

you won't be taken seriously, all because you don't retaliate. Essentially there is no desire on other peoples part to take you seriously. You have no desire to be a winner, to be dominant. Therefore people see you as not a winner, as not dominant. How is that desirable?

ok then, go into a bar full of biker thugs and get into a fight to prove how manly you are, because if you don't retaliate, those biker thugs will not take you seriously and think you're feminine. After they hurt your feelings by calling you a sissy, you then spend months building up as much muscle as possible. You also get a ton of tattoos to show off tough you are. You go back to that bar and physically beat those guys in a fight ... and also get charged with assault and thrown in jail... Yeah, are you sure that's a good life?

If you want to have lots of women money succsess, then it needs to be tuned into your ego.

There's plenty of successful and famous actors, rock stars, and athletes with lots of money and women. But some of them are also so miserable they literally want to numb the pain of their miserable lives with alcohol and drugs.

. All succsessful people of history were egomaniacs actually. They had a strong belief that they were succsessful and were the best at what they do, hence a strong ego, and thats what made them succseed. Like they say "as you think, so shall you become".

You're just seeing the facade. Some of those "successful" people probably had extremely miserable lives. They probably suffered from extreme high blood pressure because they were in constant fear as they had to ensure they were always "dominant" and could not ever lose.

Let's give an example of someone we can all agree was successful and an egomaniac: Michael Jordan. Sure, it's admirable that he learned from his failures, was resilient, and never wanted to quit. However, he was also a total ******* who yell at and bully his own teammates and guys much smaller than him. Why would he resort to that? Anger with himself because he was constantly scared that any weakness of his could get exposed and the neediness to be better than everyone else

An ego-less person has no fear because he has nothing to protect. If someone tried to humiliate him, there would be no reason to react and get defensive.