Mistaking my kindness for weakness...

[wifehunter]

I have this problem...or it their problem?

People draw conclusions about me without getting all the facts. We end up talking past each other. And it really throws people for a loop, sometimes.

And, sometimes I seem intimidating and unapproachable.

What can I say, dynamics are my thing. It's when people try to fit me into their own narrow minded categories, do we run into problems. Wild cards, and unfamiliar patterns are alien to most people.

Is there anyway to breakthrough people's normal preconceived ideas quickly?

 

[C00lAF]

What others think of you is non of your biznis. Try having a relaxed body language

 

[WitnessGR]

I myself have started treating it like I treat my frame with women. I would say that I am a nice guy, with a polished veneer, but when it comes to my frame, and my core principles I establish from the beginning what is acceptable and unacceptable to me. The biggest problem with nice guys is that they are afraid of confrontation and adversity, (to scared to go against the grain, to engage in coarse conversation).

Being nice, inability to participate in confrontation, unwillingness to say what you want and need, is weakness and any shark can smell that a mile away. As long as you understand that you can still be a nice guy whilst not having to take **** from anybody, and in addition to that, calling people out on when applicable.

I also think that @da dynamically post has some good ideas in it as well.

 

[Poon King]

99% of the people you meet in life don't matter.

Act accordingly. Until someone proves to have certain key qualities that make them an important part of your life there is no reason to really give a sh!t what they think.

Do these people have something you want or need? If so.. focus on how to extract it from them. Do they want or need something from you? GOOD.. that gives you leverage. Use it.

 

[narcissist]

Who gives a fvck what other people think of you.

 

[Von]

All you need in life is 1 yes... but you sure can increase the odds.

My take: Relaxed-Balance framed centered around a goal

 

[wifehunter]

Who gives a fvck what other people think of you.

I get it, I'm just trying to connect with people more quickly. Could be impatience, on my part. This stuff takes time.

 

[C00lAF]

Introverts typically fvck up the basic stuff such as posture/eye contact (body language) and vocal tone.

Introverts and social awkward people are 2 different things

 

[GoodOne123]

Well I can say I have had both those problems to a certain degree.

I do look intimidating. But that's because I have resting-biitch-face. Nothing I can do about it.

As for taking kindness for weaknesses, I have learnt to get much better at fixing this. I learnt to show people that I have a backbone and can be mean if I want to. This is when the situation calls for it, or the person genuinely deserves to be treated that way.

 

[wifehunter]

Well I can say I have had both those problems to a certain degree.

I do look intimidating. But that's because I have resting-biitch-face. Nothing I can do about it.

As for taking kindness for weaknesses, I have learnt to get much better at fixing this. I learnt to show people that I have a backbone and can be mean if I want to. This is when the situation calls for it, or the person genuinely deserves to be treated that way.

Lol!!! Yeah, I have a resting biitch face too, along with the classic INTJ death stare. I can be quite cold at times. And, I'm constantly analyzing and observing.

Once people get to know me, I'm more animated and fourthcoming. I enjoy having fun!!!

The backbone part gets communicated by me walking away from high drama situations:

"Leave the presence of a fool,
for there you do not meet words of knowledge."

 

[wifehunter]

Introverts and social awkward people are 2 different things

Agreed, I think the social awkwardness part is really lack of experience. I was socially awkward, until I learned to be social. Years of foodservice and retail jobs required social skills.

Now, I do Uber/Lyft, so its even more important. It's fun, though!!! I meet and talk to people all the time. I'm constantly making improvents to make things smooth and free flowing.

It's definitely a learned skill. I enjoy it now because some people surprise me, and make things interesting.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Hey man if you want to be treated properly by people you have to play ball first. Everything in life is kinda like a sales pitch in the sense that your audience needs to understand where you are coming from in their own way. It's like working for a company... You might be the most knowledgeable guy on the team, but if you don't sell yourself first nobody will know, and that dude that talks to much will get all of the recognition.

Speaking personality if I encounter a person being overly nice/making more of an effort to be nice to me I tend to wonder what they want. Because nobody wants to end up owing someone anything. This is how the world works, nice people usually want something. But since they give me the kindness up front I kinda feel obligated to oblige them. And this makes me feel uncomfortable. I might even treat that person being kind poorly do they understand it's not appreciated and that no reciprocation is coming their way. These are the dynamics that being that overly nice weirdo creates.

If you want to be nice you have to relate the illusion of selection to your target of kindness. What I mean by this is you need to let that person know why you are being nice to them. "Oh you like the Miami dolphins too?! Man I don't know any dolphins fans around here we need to stick together now!" Now this person understands I'm being nice to them because of football. Now this person knows I'm probably not going to try and make out with them randomly some day because our connection is all about football.

 

[wifehunter]

Hey man if you want to be treated properly by people you have to play ball first. Everything in life is kinda like a sales pitch in the sense that your audience needs to understand where you are coming from in their own way. It's like working for a company... You might be the most knowledgeable guy on the team, but if you don't sell yourself first nobody will know, and that dude that talks to much will get all of the recognition.

Speaking personality if I encounter a person being overly nice/making more of an effort to be nice to me I tend to wonder what they want. Because nobody wants to end up owing someone anything. This is how the world works, nice people usually want something. But since they give me the kindness up front I kinda feel obligated to oblige them. And this makes me feel uncomfortable. I might even treat that person being kind poorly do they understand it's not appreciated and that no reciprocation is coming their way. These are the dynamics that being that overly nice weirdo creates.

If you want to be nice you have to relate the illusion of selection to your target of kindness. What I mean by this is you need to let that person know why you are being nice to them. "Oh you like the Miami dolphins too?! Man I don't know any dolphins fans around here we need to stick together now!" Now this person understands I'm being nice to them because of football. Now this person knows I'm probably not going to try and make out with them randomly some day because our connection is all about football.

I've always been creeped out by overly nice people (they seem to be trying too hard), they remind me too much of my family. There's always an ulterior motive. Paranoia is common, too. It's very common among overly religious people or people trying to hide something. Makes me sick. Wolves in sheep's clothing.

Kindness, on the other hand, has no strings attached. It's free, open, and these days, rare. But, it can be mistaken for niceness, quite easily.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

wifehunter is right, I was a caring,genuine,loving guy my kindness got taken for weakness a lot. should see me now im a ***hole

 

[wifehunter]

wifehunter is right, I was a caring,genuine,loving guy my kindness got taken for weakness a lot. should see me now im a ***hole

Yeah, I'm a jerk when I have to be... Example: a really hot chick tried to ride for free/carjack me. My response... In a calm but stern voice I said: "I'm going to have to ask you to exit the vehicle". She thought since I was " Uber" and I should take her where she wanted to go. Much to her dismay, I'm not so easily manipulated.

"She don't know me very well, do she?" (Bugs bunny voice)

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Yeah, I'm a jerk when I have to be... Example: a really hot chick tried to ride for free/carjack me. My response... In a calm but stern voice I said: "I'm going to have to ask you to exit the vehicle". She thought since I was " Uber" and I should take her where she wanted to go. Much to her dismay, I'm not so easily manipulated.

"She don't know me very well, do she?" (Bugs bunny voice)

and that was all folks

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

wifehunter ever had a bpd gf? how did that go? I would be interested to hear from your experience,

 

[wifehunter]

wifehunter ever had a bpd gf? how did that go? I would be interested to hear from your experience,

Most of the really hot ones have serious psychological problems from having every thing handed to them. They expect you to fall in line. They have serious character flaws. Don't walk away, run away! Or drive away! Lol!

Is that bipolar or borderline??

Anyway..bpd, npd, all stem from selfish arrogant pride that only Satan would be proud of. Pride or unbelief, being the most heinous of sins.

Pride and jealousy... Any hope of recovery, is God's department.

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

Most of the really hot ones have serious psychological problems from having every thing handed to them. They expect you to fall in line. They have serious character flaws. Don't walk away, run away! Or drive away! Lol!

Is that bipolar or borderline??

Anyway..bpd, npd, all stem from selfish arrogant pride that only Satan would be proud of. Pride or unbelief, being the most heinous of sins.

Pride and jealousy... Any hope of recovery, is God's department.

sadly I don't think any of them recover I kept making excuses for mine, afc lol, 3 years and it never got better only worse, mind you I was even accused of being a filthy peodophile by her. and ended up in jail I think 3 times because of her proberly had a orbitor hanging around,

 

[wifehunter]

sadly I don't think any of them recover I kept making excuses for mine, afc lol, 3 years and it never got better only worse, mind you I was even accused of being a filthy peodophile by her. and ended up in jail I think 3 times because of her proberly had a orbitor hanging around,

Without God's intervention, don't expect them to recover.

Move on!