Girlfriend admitted to using Tinder for male attention. Dumped her. Right call?

[bigneil]

On Thanksgiving my new date checked her phone before going to my restroom. She is an HB8-9, bisexual, 21 year old stripper. And no password! Imagine what I could have learned. But if I did that, I would deserve to see MP4's of her getting gang banged by black men, so I checked my phone instead (which thankfully had no such videos).

 

[narcissist]

Far too many men on here caring about what some broad is up to, when they should be focusing on themselves.

The entire mindset in this thread is fvcked up. Turn your attention to some other women instead, and get some perspective. Hell, fvcking ghost her and play the Playstation for a bit. No woman is worth losing your head over.

Agreed. Why the hell are you even on her facebook and sh1t? Thats hamstering to the nth degree! When she gave you her passwords you should have laughed and said h3ll nah! and never talked to her again. You are SERIOUSLY considering still keeping this girl in your life?????? She was on tinder in an exclusive relationship. That is more than enough to eject in my books.

I just did another thread talking about how some people have WAYY too much self-respect that they immediately eject every single girl on their first flake/date-cancellation, and as a result lose out on countless opportunities because they take anything as a slight to their ego and dignity. And then we come to posts like these where we are rationalizing far too LITTLE self-respect... What the fvck.

There is a weird dynamic between far too little self-respect and far too much self-respect going on here at SoSuave. We need to have a discussion about what is the healthy balance.

 

[narcissist]

I completely agree. It is difficult to find that balance.

Personally, I think this fellow has the wrong end of the stick concerning women. He seems to be trying to game some sort of security from her....

Women were not naturally meant to be a man's security blanket. I am certain of that. Looking for some sort of security in life through women is madness (his actions are madness).

I think if you encounter this game through an honest method (you don't pretend to be a 'friend', or a 'provider'), and if you follow your own sexual strategy, then you really can't go very far wrong.

The problem occurs when men follow a woman's sexual strategy thinking that it will encompass their own.

I am going to make a thread about this self-respect dynamic soon, so we can all talk about it. It think its important to get this straightened out.

You are completely spot on with the idea that he trying to derive security from women. Not the way to go about it.

 

[JohnChops]

Wifing up girls on an app designed for hook ups is a bad idea. A plate, yes, but pushing to be exclusive? You cannot turn a hoe into a house wife. Dump her, keep her as a plate (as long as you can keep your emotions in check) and then find different girls to date.

 

[narcissist]

Wifing up girls on an app designed for hook ups is a bad idea. A plate, yes, but pushing to be exclusive? You cannot turn a hoe into a house wife. Dump her, keep her as a plate (as long as you can keep your emotions in check) and then find different girls to date.

Cant turn a hoe into a housewife

A fvcking precept to live by.

 

[Desdinova]

Far too many men on here caring about what some broad is up to, when they should be focusing on themselves.

I think a man has every right to know what that broad is up to if he's considering being exclusive with her. If he's just casually fvcking her, then he shouldn't care.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm not one for mate-guarding.

It has nothing to do with mate-guarding. It has to do with watching your investment. If you suspect something's not quite right with it, then you gotta look into it. If that chick was spending every waking moment with him, then he'd have absolutely no reason for checking her FB and 5hit and likely wouldn't have done it.

 

[narcissist]

It has nothing to do with mate-guarding. It has to do with watching your investment. If you suspect something's not quite right with it, then you gotta look into it. If that chick was spending every waking moment with him, then he'd have absolutely no reason for checking her FB and 5hit and likely wouldn't have done it.

So you recommend looking into sh1t if something in your exclusive relationship doesn't seem right? What exactly has to happen to give you justification to start looking into things? I am genuinely curious, because I have a girlfriend.

 

[Desdinova]

What exactly has to happen to give you justification to start looking into things?

Any kind of unusual change in behaviour. Humans are creatures of habit, so anything unusually new is a sign that something's going on. If she's taking up a new hobby that she's never shown any interest in before, it may be an indication that someone's showing her new things. For example, if she enjoys taking pictures and then decides she'd like to pursue photography, that wouldn't set off any alarms because she's shown previous interest in it. However, if the same girl decides that she wants to take up fishing and has never fished in her life, that's an indication that she's done it with someone else or is planning on doing it with somebody.

If she previously spent a lot of her spare time with you and is suddenly hanging out with a new friend from work, that could also indicate that something's going on.

These are situations where you can't prove that something's going on, but to prevent wasting your time with someone who's potentially looking for love elsewhere, you should look into it. I would only recommend it if you're seeing odd behaviour. If there's nothing unusual about her behaviour, then I wouldn't bother looking into anything. If you're looking into her "cheating" without any reason to suspect her of doing it, then you're just a paranoid a55hole.

 

[Glassguy]

To the OP....why dont you create a Tinder account/profile with a very good looking guy's pics and see if she takes the bait?

Get her to swipe, start the messages out slow and easy and get a feel for why she is on there.

Or dont waste the time, too much pvssy out there anyway....

 

[PantyWhisperer]

When it comes to small lies and even smaller red flags, I have a saying that, although I believe it to be 100% true, I have to keep reminding myself of its truth: If someone lies about the little things, they are also lying about the big things.
The little things aren't usually worth even lying about.

 

[Roober]

Two things:

1) most women you meet on dating apps such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish know exactly what those apps are for. If woman are looking for relationships, they will use the other plethora of other dating apps. That being said, I probably wouldn't ever GF anyone on those apps, especially Tinder.

2) She is still using it means she is still looking. She just needs the right guy to grab her attention. She is keeping her options open. If things go sour with you, she will have plenty of men ready to spread her legs.

As messed up as it is, attractive women in the mid to late 20's essentially love attention so much that they will always be seeking what they perceive to be the upgrade...

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I think OP did fine, too many people overthinking this. Is using Tinder acceptable behavior to OP? Answer is no, so why should he put up with any woman who engages in this unacceptable behavior?

 

[Filter]

To the OP....why dont you create a Tinder account/profile with a very good looking guy's pics and see if she takes the bait?

Get her to swipe, start the messages out slow and easy and get a feel for why she is on there.

Or dont waste the time, too much pvssy out there anyway....

She's already out. Thread is really only for discussion... have no intention of getting back with her in any context. Too much pvssy out there as you say.

Like I said I dumped her the other night. And no, I wouldn't date anyone from Tinder again. I was really just having fun. I have pretty limited experience with exclusive relationships, they're not something I usually do. I'm 26 and have given exclusivity to three women (that I actually meant it). Cheated on some of them... wanted to see if I could actually be faithful and thought more experience couldn't hurt. Had several opportunities to cheat on the girl in question and at least I've grown up enough that I can say "no." Including to a cute Asian girl, which I regret doing now.

When I made the very first post, I thought throwing her out at 2am may have been a little bit harsh since it was raining and she doesn't have a car and had to call a cab, which I made her wait outside for. But after I learned more, I realized it was the right thing to do. Thought it was interesting how much she lied.

2) She is still using it means she is still looking. She just needs the right guy to grab her attention. She is keeping her options open. If things go sour with you, she will have plenty of men ready to spread her legs.

As messed up as it is, attractive women in the mid to late 20's essentially love attention so much that they will always be seeking what they perceive to be the upgrade...

Absolutely agree. She's been texting me nonstop saying that, "if me opening that app was enough for you to kick me out, you didn't really care about me." Stupid crap like that. Firmly believe her tears weren't out of actual love but that they've been out of her getting caught in a series of lies.

I don't think she actually met anyone off the app, given the logistics of her and I seeing each other while in my city, or while she was away since she was with her ex (lol), but her opening it is a huge red flag or more problems to come. Again, not I'm not really butthurt over this, but I do find it interesting. Maybe this thread can help someone else out someday.

When it comes to small lies and even smaller red flags, I have a saying that, although I believe it to be 100% true, I have to keep reminding myself of its truth: If someone lies about the little things, they are also lying about the big things.

The little things aren't usually worth even lying about.

Exactly. Went through her Facebook because I knew I'd find more. People saying it's best not to look... yeah, I agree. But I also agree small lies lead to bigger lies and was curious as to what I'd actually find. I didn't take this relationship very seriously and felt like it was a learning experience. Most girls I've actually dated don't lock their phones... never went through one before. Never thought it'd actually be interesting. And as relaxed the relationship was, if I'm not seeing anyone else, I fully expect the same. I won't eat women out unless I firmly believe they're not seeing anyone else, and I missed doing it. From what I found, I don't think she slept with her ex, but gave him a ride home. Not to be all detetctive, but with the messaging exchange rate they had, there just wouldn't have been any time for them to do anything. But she still lied about seeing him.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The OP attracted a cheater because he is a cheater. That's just how it works.

 

[Filter]

The OP attracted a cheater because he is a cheater. That's just how it works.

Can't say I disagree.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I have another saying about lying but it is first person focused: Never lie unless you have to and even then, tell the truth of the story right up until the part where you have to lie. Much less to keep track of with that method. Always wrap a lie with as much truth as you have available. Don't become a fiction writer when trying to cover up that you went out with the boys and ended up banging some skank.

And never give too much detail when lying. It's a huge tell for the savvy lie detector wife/girlfriend. Keep it short and simple

 

[Filter]

I have another saying about lying but it is first person focused: Never lie unless you have to and even then, tell the truth of the story right up until the part where you have to lie. Much less to keep track of with that method. Always wrap a lie with as much truth as you have available. Don't become a fiction writer when trying to cover up that you went out with the boys and ended up banging some skank.

And never give too much detail when lying. It's a huge tell for the savvy lie detector wife/girlfriend. Keep it short and simple

Yep. Plus the exact lie I've used to cover up Tinder usage in a past relationship was that I was showing it to a friend.