What Should I Do? This is consuming me! :(

[ModernMan1988]

Hi all - I need some advice!

I'm 30 & I met an amazing woman (26) who moved to my home town just over a month ago. We started speaking via FB before she arrived, everyday. She would ask me many questions about me & she seemed very interested.

Two weeks after she arrived here & she got a job she asked what can we do to celebrate. The day after we had our first date & as I dropped her home, she told me she enjoyed the day a lot & thought I was a very interesting guy.

During the date I asked her if she wanted to join me two days later to buy something for my mother. The day after she asked if we are doing it & we did, we went out again & when I dropped her home we kissed passionately & I could see she was very happy. As i arrived home, I was greeted by another 'I had a lot of fun with you today'.

The next time we met 5 days later (whilst texting everyday in-between) she kissed me upon her arrival & we had another great date, where we were very close and touching each other elegantly on a sofa in a bar.

We met again a few days later & again at the beginning and end of the date we kissed (with her initiating both). The following day, she didn't write me and in the night, I asked her if she wanted to go away with me that weekend and stay there. She said she can't afford it right now & that this weekend she wants to be at home.

I asked her if she no longer wanted to meet anymore & she said 'i don't know, today I did not miss you as much as i thought i would, before i was always excited to see you but today everything is blurred, i don't know if it's my negative days or it's us'

I left her alone & she wrote me the following day, asking how i am. I replied and then didn't get a reply. After four days, I wrote her again asking what's wrong & she said that she needs to feel more to continue our dates, we have moved very quickly and when that happens the excitement goes and she doesn't want that.

At this point, I made a mistake of rationalising to her, saying i think it's because you just moved here, it's all a bit overwhelming and quick. I agreed we were moving too quick and suggested we take it slow, relax, no expectations, keep in contact and meet again in future & see what happens.

She said, "i agree with that plan - let's take things very slow, without ever trying to force anything, let's take our time with everything - because I don't know how i would react now & let's see what happens".

I replied to her message saying "I agree & that I hope she has a nice day". I have not seen this girl in three weeks & my last text (above) was 2 weeks ago.

She hasn't wrote me and I haven't wrote her - to be honest, I expected she'd write me by now because her interest level was high previously.

I made a mistake on the 3rd & 4th date, of showing her i was too easy and not a challenge. I was kissing her forehead and shown her, i was hers. As I said, i've met many women and just today I've had to tell another girl I want to be friends with her but this girl i'm talking to you about, i think she's very special we see life the same way and i want another shot, I just don't know whether I remain cool and just see one day she writes me or i write her and try to progress someway.

what you guys think?

 

[Jetleg]

You made a lot of mistakes, i didnt read all of it but you were too easy, abd you basicly friendzoned yourself.

Inviting her to buy something for your mom was really weird, texting her uf everything is ok is also a big no no, it shows you are needy.

Forget her its over. Next time be more distant when starting dating, and more agressive.

No fagg0t sh1t, just plain simple dating and pursing her pu$$y.

 

[ModernMan1988]

So you are saying I'm totally out of the game with this one? No recovery? I know i've made mistakes & I agree with what you are saying but this girl did at one point have a high level of interest in me as told by her willingness to be affectionate in moments.

She has said, that this situation frustrates her as I'm the perfect guy & we had the best dates but she needs to feel more.

I'm not short of options, but this girl is top quality & I'd like to know the best approach with her - is it to open up and defuse an awkward situation or is it to just not write her at all, so she is thinking (if anything) hmm he asked for another chance, i said let's take it slow and he disappeared?

 

[ModernMan1988]

After my rationalising she wrote although right now i don't see you as something more, i continue to appreciate who you are and were and i'd like to keep the contact.

'after this we are going to do things that you say, let's go slower and see what happens, i would like that we take our time, more relaxed for everything because i don't know how i can react now, without ever trying to force things.

This is a girl who's attraction level was high to me and yes I made some stupid mistakes but hopefully there is a way to recover or get back in the game and that's what i'm asking for advice on, what's the best way?

 

[EverSure75]

.

She has said, that this situation frustrates her as I'm the perfect guy & we had the best dates but she needs to feel more.


Desire cannot be negotiated. If a woman doesn't feel it all initially it's extremely unlikely she ever will. She may come around to seeing that being with you might be beneficial to her but she won't "feel more" over time.

If you're not careful you'll turn into that nice guy who has the hot female friend he swears he has a chance with. They hang out, may flirt or even make out a few times but it will never last long or go past a certain level of intimacy. He'll eventually get upset with her leading him on, explode one day and give her a real reason to not want to be with him.

Also...if she's as hot as you say she is and just moved to a new town...don't think for a minute you're her only suitor. She may have met someone she "feels more" with.

You say you're not short on options...stick a fork in this one and move on to options b,c AND d.

 

[ModernMan1988]

I get that, but If i want another shot at it? I'm best leaving her alone or actually asking her out and taking it from there?

I Believe I was too accessible, if I get a date and we have fun and then distance myself a bit this time around, it could work

 

[Infern0]

Leave it alone for now.

You made quite a lot of mistakes, planning to see her again while on the first date is a big no-no

You have some inner game work to do "it's consuming me" "I think she's special" this thinking is an absolute disaster.

This girl DID have initial attraction but you eroded it quickly and turned her off and it's gone from like a 7-8 to a 4-5.

The good news is I think she will come back around if you back off and do the right thing from now on. She will be expecting you to call, if you do, you drop below a 4 in her eyes, if you don't you MAY creep back up to a 7

The right thing:

Back off, give PLENTY OF SPACE

Calm the **** down

Read the DJ bible, and I recommend corey wayne: how to be a 3% man.

Get on to the above RIGHT AWAY because this girl potentially could come around rather quickly

If she doesn't come back, you will have learned from your mistakes by doing the above so it's a positive experience.

Don't worry about it, as I say she will probably come back around but you need to know how to handle it if she does, I've been in this position when I was still learning, you'll look back at it and laugh. But if you want a crack at something with her, doing the above is the best chance at salvaging it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Leave it alone for now.

You made quite a lot of mistakes, planning to see her again while on the first date is a big no-no

You have some inner game work to do "it's consuming me" "I think she's special" this thinking is an absolute disaster.

This girl DID have initial attraction but you eroded it quickly and turned her off and it's gone from like a 7-8 to a 4-5.

The good news is I think she will come back around if you back off and do the right thing from now on. She will be expecting you to call, if you do, you drop below a 4 in her eyes, if you don't you MAY creep back up to a 7

The right thing:

Back off, give PLENTY OF SPACE

Calm the **** down

Read the DJ bible, and I recommend corey wayne: how to be a 3% man.

Get on to the above RIGHT AWAY because this girl potentially could come around rather quickly

If she doesn't come back, you will have learned from your mistakes by doing the above so it's a positive experience.

Don't worry about it, as I say she will probably come back around but you need to know how to handle it if she does, I've been in this position when I was still learning, you'll look back at it and laugh. But if you want a crack at something with her, doing the above is the best chance at salvaging it.

Not talking to her AND having other females that your spending time with or talking to will help even more. Don't respond to texts, let calls slip for 3-5 days. You where busy working on something, or whatever.

Let her pursue you for conversations.

 

[El Payaso]

The next time we met 5 days later (whilst texting everyday in-between)

There's your problem. The bolded part.

 

[ModernMan1988]

Yes, I understand that - she did mention when she said she didn't miss me, that she didn't have time & by that - it's because we spoke. The mystery disappeared and i wasnt a challenge for her.

Like i said, usually I'm very distant from women and they chase me but that's because I'm not really into them like this one.

I'm going to listen to you boys and not write her, I do feel it's risky as i'm out of the picture and she will be meeting other people.

She hasn't wrote me in two weeks now, i'm not sure i'll be hearing from her.

I am starting to read 3% man actually and it's very good!

anyone else have an alternative apporach or all agree to do nothing?

 

[Roober]

From what I gathered...
-Too much text = no mystery and no reason to meet with you
-Talked about your guys status too much, especially so early...

From the guy that made every mistake in the book with my exgf, just write it off as a learning experience and start working on yourself

 

[mrgoodstuff]

From what I gathered...
-Too much text = no mystery and no reason to meet with you
-Talked about your guys status too much, especially so early...

From the guy that made every mistake in the book with my exgf, just write it off as a learning experience and start working on yourself

WHere you able to ever attract exgf back?

 

[ModernMan1988]

My concern is that maybe she does want to be in contact but now things are awkward, not comfortable.

is there not an argument for me to reach out and make it a comfortable setting? or is keeping my distance really the best approach

 

[ModernMan1988]

She could think, well it's clear he thinks this is uncomfortable too, so let's not bother.

However, if i talked normal without intense it could be something to begin again? This is where I'm lost, drawing the line between opening inocently and waiting for her to contact me

 

[Filter]

Did you only kiss her or try to fvck her?

 

[Atom Smasher]

You were too much of an eager beaver. You tipped your hand and revealed yourself way too early. That removed all the mystery. She knew she had you.

Women want to be played and left in the dark and wondering (I know, the direct opposite of what we men like). Once a woman know the ending of a movie, why would she want to see it again? The emotional tension would be gone.

You unfortunately removed the tension that keeps a woman suspended in your web. Target fixation will do that. It sounds like you conveyed "I would like to be your boyfriend" right off the bat.

Like the others have said, it's just a learning experience. Believe me, there are other women you will run across that surpass her in every way. It doesn't seem like it to you right now, but you can take that to the bank.

Your mistakes weren't "stupid". They were just mistakes, a part of your learning process. We've all been there.

Women NEED and CRAVE a man whom they perceive as superior to them. It can be very hard for men to understand this as we are trained in our feminized society (and by our mothers and sisters) to be "nice" to women and even supplicating. Women think that is what they want, but the reality is that they despise it.

Never forget that you are superior in strength, intellect, and in many other ways, and that women are here to be helpers and an adjunct to your life. They WANT you to lead. They WANT you to seem aloof at times. They WANT to work for your attention and affection.

I know, it makes no sense to us men, but that's how they're wired. Most of us guys here would rather be nice, polite, decent people, because these are the things that men value when they relate to each other. But every normal woman wants a man who establishes dominance and who makes it known that he can do just fine without her. It is counterintuitive and if "feel" like this is a sure-fire way to turn a woman off, but it is nevertheless true.

It's fine to be nice, gentlemanly, and polite, but that must be within a framework of dominance and mystery. She MUST be made aware that you can do fine without her.

Anything else comes from what Hollywood has taught us. It's all illusion. SS breaks the illusion and enables us to embrace and leverage reality.

 

[dude99]

Hi all - I need some advice!

I'm 30 & I met an amazing woman (26) who moved to my home town just over a month ago. We started speaking via FB before she arrived, everyday. She would ask me many questions about me & she seemed very interested.

Two weeks after she arrived here & she got a job she asked what can we do to celebrate. The day after we had our first date & as I dropped her home, she told me she enjoyed the day a lot & thought I was a very interesting guy.

During the date I asked her if she wanted to join me two days later to buy something for my mother. The day after she asked if we are doing it & we did, we went out again & when I dropped her home we kissed passionately & I could see she was very happy. As i arrived home, I was greeted by another 'I had a lot of fun with you today'.

The next time we met 5 days later (whilst texting everyday in-between) she kissed me upon her arrival & we had another great date, where we were very close and touching each other elegantly on a sofa in a bar.

We met again a few days later & again at the beginning and end of the date we kissed (with her initiating both). The following day, she didn't write me and in the night, I asked her if she wanted to go away with me that weekend and stay there. She said she can't afford it right now & that this weekend she wants to be at home.

I asked her if she no longer wanted to meet anymore & she said 'i don't know, today I did not miss you as much as i thought i would, before i was always excited to see you but today everything is blurred, i don't know if it's my negative days or it's us'

I left her alone & she wrote me the following day, asking how i am. I replied and then didn't get a reply. After four days, I wrote her again asking what's wrong & she said that she needs to feel more to continue our dates, we have moved very quickly and when that happens the excitement goes and she doesn't want that.

At this point, I made a mistake of rationalising to her, saying i think it's because you just moved here, it's all a bit overwhelming and quick. I agreed we were moving too quick and suggested we take it slow, relax, no expectations, keep in contact and meet again in future & see what happens.

She said, "i agree with that plan - let's take things very slow, without ever trying to force anything, let's take our time with everything - because I don't know how i would react now & let's see what happens".

I replied to her message saying "I agree & that I hope she has a nice day". I have not seen this girl in three weeks & my last text (above) was 2 weeks ago.

She hasn't wrote me and I haven't wrote her - to be honest, I expected she'd write me by now because her interest level was high previously.

I made a mistake on the 3rd & 4th date, of showing her i was too easy and not a challenge. I was kissing her forehead and shown her, i was hers. As I said, i've met many women and just today I've had to tell another girl I want to be friends with her but this girl i'm talking to you about, i think she's very special we see life the same way and i want another shot, I just don't know whether I remain cool and just see one day she writes me or i write her and try to progress someway.

what you guys think?

She is seeing another guy. No longer interested in you. Next. She blew her chance.

You bought her lies which is a shame. When she said "i don't miss you as much today." What she was really saying " i don't like you anymore and hopefully you will take a hint and go away."

Besides why are you texting this girl every day? All you are doing is lowering your value and driving her interest DOWN

Her wanting to take it slow and see what happens means she wants to see what happens with another guy.

Next. Stop wasting your time.

 

[dude99]

My concern is that maybe she does want to be in contact but now things are awkward, not comfortable.

is there not an argument for me to reach out and make it a comfortable setting? or is keeping my distance really the best approach

Who cares what she wants. She blew her chance. Right now if she reaches out to you, you should ignore and next everything that comes from her. Unless you want to drive the friendzone bus instead of riding it.

Go date other women

 

[ModernMan1988]

I don't think there was another guy then, i think it's:
- she arrived to a new city/country less and within a month that's too quick to start something
- I did the things you've said above and that's put her off

There will be another guy now, or maybe more than one as i believe she'd of wrote if there isn't.

Well I understand what you guys are saying, i've been out with many many women and I did paint a picture of this one, it's clear she's a very nice girl and matches my criteria, hopefully meet another like her.

I had all the tools to be cooler, i had two other girls when i met her and friendzoned both of them because of her (& can't get them back now) - i'm not writing her, but it would be nice if she came back - because i think (not know) we'd be really good together

P.S the reason i was texting her everyday is because she wrote me everyday

 

[El Payaso]

Like i said, usually I'm very distant from women and they chase me but that's because I'm not really into them like this one.

There's your other problem. The bolded part. You placed her on a massive pedestal.