Help me read her.

[Throw_away787]

Hi there. First and foremost, I want to admit that I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating. I know that I have made a lot of rookie mistakes and this situation may be beyond salvageable. But I figured I would at least ask.

A family friend set me up with a woman one month ago. We are both in our late twenties and looking for something serious.

We meet up for coffee and things go well. Within a week of meeting each other, we hang out about 4 times. We are texting all the time and everything seems to be going great. We meet up 3 or 4 more times. Every time, we do different activities (dinner, orchards, etc). She starts to escalate physical activity, light pecks on the lips, etc. I reciprocate, but never take control (big mistake, I know). About two weeks into the process (several dates and hours of conversation), I ask if we should be exclusive (another mistake, I know). She says it is too early.

After that date, she continues to text and call me everyday. About three days after that, she suddenly goes cold turkey. She takes hours to respond to my messages and doesn't answer my phone calls. I try to set up another date and she reschedules for the next day. She's still taking forever to respond, so I end up ignoring her for a few hours. She finally caves and texts me, asking what I am up to. We meet up one more time and hang out for several hours. I try to go for a kiss, but her body language in general is completely different. She continues to talk about future dates with me.

Frustrated, I wait a few days and call her one more time. She asks me if I want to grab dinner the next day. We grab dinner and she even pays for it. The next morning, I head out of town for 12 days. She texts me every day, but does not answer phone calls and it is hard to have any meaningful communication.

Four days ago, I decide to just ignore her. I stop responding to her texts. She has sent me about 3 text messages and I have not responded. Not a single message asks if anything is wrong and she has not tried to call. Should I ghost on her? Or should I call and confront her and just be willing to walk away? I honestly wish I had talked to her in person.

My philosophy: If she cares enough to make this work, she should at least try to call me and see what's going on. For a week and a half, we barely texted or talked on the phone.

My mistakes: I made myself too available (texted way too much), I asked to be exclusive, and I did not take physical control like I should have. I realize all of this.

My questions:

1. Why is she maintaining a line of communication? Am I a back-up until someone better comes along?

2. Should I call her? Or should I just ignore her and see if she tries to get back in touch?

3. Is she even interested? We hang out and she still texts me. But she does not seem as engaged as before.

I'm frustrated because I now know where I messed up. I did not give myself nearly enough value and there was no chase for her.

I just want to salvage it since she is the first girl in several years that I have been really into.

 

[Jetleg]

Mistake #1 - somone introduced you to her, nothing fatal but not off to a good start.

Mistake #2 - you meet too often, this is something she does with her best g@y friend. You are too available.

Mistake #3 - you text too much, this also puts you in the friend zone.

Mistake #4 - you didn't pursue the p*ssy.

Mistake #5 - you are needy.

How would you act if a chick calls you every day? I would see it as a needy.

I would say you messed up too much, find other women and dont be so needy. And yes the fact she hasn't returned your calls means she doesn't give a sh!t. She inly texts you if she is bored.

 

[Throw_away787]

Communication was mutual. She would call me everyday (sometimes twice). The first two weeks, she was suggesting that we meet up all the time. Then she went cold turkey. I never blew up her phone. There were never any double messages on my part. If she did not respond, I wouldn't bug her.

Since I have left town, I only called her once. I seriously do not spam her.

 

[Roober]

You have to be mysterious, especially in the beginning. Wayyyyyyy too available, you guys were acting like a couple. If there is one thing I have learned is that girls don't really develop that strong emotional connection until secks...

 

[Throw_away787]

I know. I realized my mistake. She was pushing that sort of behavior. I just felt that things clicked. I made rookie mistakes.

If I go no contact for a while, is there any way this is salvageable? She texted me three times since I have stopped responding. I am also out of town for another week or so.

 

[dude99]

Hi there. First and foremost, I want to admit that I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating. I know that I have made a lot of rookie mistakes and this situation may be beyond salvageable. But I figured I would at least ask.

A family friend set me up with a woman one month ago. We are both in our late twenties and looking for something serious.

We meet up for coffee and things go well. Within a week of meeting each other, we hang out about 4 times. We are texting all the time and everything seems to be going great. We meet up 3 or 4 more times. Every time, we do different activities (dinner, orchards, etc). She starts to escalate physical activity, light pecks on the lips, etc. I reciprocate, but never take control (big mistake, I know). About two weeks into the process (several dates and hours of conversation), I ask if we should be exclusive (another mistake, I know). She says it is too early.

After that date, she continues to text and call me everyday. About three days after that, she suddenly goes cold turkey. She takes hours to respond to my messages and doesn't answer my phone calls. I try to set up another date and she reschedules for the next day. She's still taking forever to respond, so I end up ignoring her for a few hours. She finally caves and texts me, asking what I am up to. We meet up one more time and hang out for several hours. I try to go for a kiss, but her body language in general is completely different. She continues to talk about future dates with me.

Frustrated, I wait a few days and call her one more time. She asks me if I want to grab dinner the next day. We grab dinner and she even pays for it. The next morning, I head out of town for 12 days. She texts me every day, but does not answer phone calls and it is hard to have any meaningful communication.

Four days ago, I decide to just ignore her. I stop responding to her texts. She has sent me about 3 text messages and I have not responded. Not a single message asks if anything is wrong and she has not tried to call. Should I ghost on her? Or should I call and confront her and just be willing to walk away? I honestly wish I had talked to her in person.

My philosophy: If she cares enough to make this work, she should at least try to call me and see what's going on. For a week and a half, we barely texted or talked on the phone.

My mistakes: I made myself too available (texted way too much), I asked to be exclusive, and I did not take physical control like I should have. I realize all of this.

My questions:

1. Why is she maintaining a line of communication? Am I a back-up until someone better comes along?

2. Should I call her? Or should I just ignore her and see if she tries to get back in touch?

3. Is she even interested? We hang out and she still texts me. But she does not seem as engaged as before.

I'm frustrated because I now know where I messed up. I did not give myself nearly enough value and there was no chase for her.

I just want to salvage it since she is the first girl in several years that I have been really into.

You were way too available for this girl. This lowered your value in her eyes. You showed her you had no other options.

2. When you asked her to be exclusive, this showed her you had no other options. Her answer "too soon, " was womaneeze for " im waiting for something better." As soon as she gave you that answer you should have kicked her to the curb then. In the future you never ask them to be exclusive. That is their job.

3rd. When she started taking longer and longer to answer your texts, don't bother to call her out on it. She will just lie and blame it on you. Just next her.

4. Shouldn't have gotten this far but when she doesn't answer the phone or return your calls is because she got a better option.

Don't just ghost this girl. Next her. No contact and delete all methods she can contact you. She will only waste your time and make youn an orbiter

 

[sazc]

kino should start by the end of date 2 and you should try to escalate going forward. the posters here are not wrong when they say the quicker you can 'get it in' the more affinity she will have for you.

She's cold on you. There's nothing you can do about that, and there is nothing you did to cause it. To me, what I read is, she's really NOT ready for a serious relationship. Women who are legit serious about getting into an LTR appreciate and respect the consistency you showed. The fact that she went cold means she has commitment issues, vulnerability issues or both.

You should move on.

 

[dude99]

I know. I realized my mistake. She was pushing that sort of behavior. I just felt that things clicked. I made rookie mistakes.

If I go no contact for a while, is there any way this is salvageable? She texted me three times since I have stopped responding. I am also out of town for another week or so.

No. Next her. She will use you as plan b and an orbiter. Do not waste anymore time on her
It will only bring you frustration

 

[Throw_away787]

Fair enough. I only just discovered this forum. Damn. I had this in the bag and made every rookie mistake there was. She seriously made it so easy for me. That's what bugs me. In terms of value, I had the upper hand going into this.

 

[dude99]

Fair enough. I only just discovered this forum. Damn. I had this in the bag and made every rookie mistake there was. She seriously made it so easy for me. That's what bugs me. In terms of value, I had the upper hand going into this.

As long as you learn from your mistakes, they are valuable lessons in making a better you.

 

[RangerMIke]

My questions:

1. Why is she maintaining a line of communication? Am I a back-up until someone better comes along? Yes. My guess is that there is another dude in the picture. You really should not be locking onto this one girl. My advice is to go date other women. If there is another guy he is likely just as clueless as you were and he will screw up as well, you just need to be patient and not let your desire to do something to 'fix' this go go date other women, back off this one a bit and pull back on how much you see her.

2. Should I call her? Or should I just ignore her and see if she tries to get back in touch? Don't call her, but don't ignore her either. Don't get into long convos with her thought text or on the phone, when she contacts you ... try to make a date. If she won't go out with you, thank her for contacting you and tell her to let you know when she is free because you would like to see her. Every time she contacts you assume she wants you to ask her out and do it.

3. Is she even interested? We hang out and she still texts me. But she does not seem as engaged as before. I think she has borderline interest, but the only way to know for sure is if she is willing to see you and go out with you. As long as she is still interested in that, she is interested. Try to make dates, if she keeps them she is interested, but you need to read the DJ Bible and Book of Pook. Since you are a relationship guy, you should also read "The System" by Doc Love.. it's easy to read and funny, and covers it all. If you want Doc Love with sex, then Cory Wayne is a good choice, he's got videos on line and it's all free, I really can't watch it because he is always plugging his book, his coaching service, and begging for donations. But if you can put up with that, his stuff IMO is pretty spot on because he focuses on personal development, which is key, and understanding te nature of women.

I'm frustrated because I now know where I messed up. I did not give myself nearly enough value and there was no chase for her. Don't beat yourself up, you were raised in a world where the nature of women was hidden from you and our culture and media has you believing the world is one way, when it really is another. If after you realize all this and then fail to do anythign about it.. well, that's what we call Blue Pill.

I just want to salvage it since she is the first girl in several years that I have been really into. Wrong attitude brother, your attitude should be "I'm going to fix my mindset, work on myself, and practice on as many women that I can get into." While you are fixing yourself, then date as many women as you can... if this one comes around, great... you can fvck her too.

 

[Throw_away787]

So I am out of town right now. I realistically cannot even meet her up until December. I started ignoring her on Thursday.

She texted me Friday and Saturday. I never responded. Stay the course?

 

[dude99]

So I am out of town right now. I realistically cannot even meet her up until December. I started ignoring her on Thursday.

She texted me Friday and Saturday. I never responded. Stay the course?

Yup.

Why waste any more time on a girl who wants you only for a plan b or maybe even plan c?

Next.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

You showed her you were her next bff... So she treated you like one.

You talked about being exclusive before you had even boned her! WTF!

She found someone else she is interested in because you showed her you are not very sexually confident. If she is initiating kino she is DTF and you didn't.

Move on. If you want to chat to her it's not a crime but date other women and maybe she will see that you still have high SMV and bevome interested again because she is not interested now.

 

[The Duke]

Women are very fickle, especially when they are aren't totally sure about you or not had sechs with you.

I'd guess there is another guy in the picture. I don't know a woman out there that doesn't have several guys wanting to get with her. Also likely you weren't strong enough for her and the mistakes you made shed some light on that.

In the end who knows. It either works or it doesn't. We can sit here and mental masturbate this thing to death. But this relationship you have is not working, therefore its time to look elsewhere and do a better job next time.

For something to work with any woman, she really needs to be into you and this one is not. The ones that are totally into you like they need to be for long term success will leave no doubt in your mind.

Some times you need to show a little patience or they will shut down. A females attraction for a guy needs to marinate for a while, but at some point she needs to get on the same page as you.

 

[Throw_away787]

She just texted again today wanting to make sure if everything is okay. Any advice on how to handle this? Am I moving into the driver's seat?

 

[narcissist]

She just texted again today wanting to make sure if everything is okay. Any advice on how to handle this? Am I moving into the driver's seat?

Dont give in. Delete text, and keep her nexted brother. The second you contact her, she will go right back to treating you like she was treating you before. Women will blow up your phone until you cave. They just want you to cave, and know that they have you wrapped around their fingers. I would say keep her nexted forever. But if you want to start things back up again on a fresh note, stay absolutely no contact until you go back home in December, and then come back to this site and we can direct you.

But right now, the only course of action is to truly next her. Get her out of your mind.

And WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TALK TO HER MAN.

Please dont let us down. And please dont let yourself down! I can see that you really have the desire to learn so stick around this site/forum and in a year you will not believe how far you come.

 

[dude99]

She just texted again today wanting to make sure if everything is okay. Any advice on how to handle this? Am I moving into the driver's seat?

Ignore.

She is testing to see if she has you on the hook.

Ignore. Delete.

 

[Skyline]

It doesn't matter that you saw each other a bunch or messaged each other non stop, what matters is you didn't physically escalate when you should have. On top of that, you don't seem to have a "one foot out the door" mentality.

No girl is ever worth it, unless she's your daughter. Even if things are going as good as that, always, and I mean always, find an excuse to be 50/50 about her. This could be anything, literally anything. The more you think about that/those reason(s) the bigger turn off it will be for you.

You can do all of that stuff, see each often, message consistently, but as long as you keep those exchanges with a 'foot out the door' mentality. Even get personal and talk about potential relationship status with her, as long as you are 50/50 about it. Just don't give her a sob story, make it an actual reason.

I would answer that text with a phone call and ask her to meet up somewhere in about a week. Just go dead silent in that week. If she doesn't answer or want to meet up, then it's unsalvageable.

 

[sph21]

She just texted again today wanting to make sure if everything is okay. Any advice on how to handle this? Am I moving into the driver's seat?

Your emotions obscure your view of this relationship.

Can't you see that you're just her backup plan? She was just testing how much self-esteem in you.

If you really understand your mistake by texting too much, then you should've understood that this relationship is over from the start.

What she was saying is, "I'm just trying to be nice with you and I want you to be my orbiter".