Breakup 11 weeks ago

[5chm1dd1]

Hey guys,

So my gf of 9 months broke up with me 11 weeks ago.

To make the long story short: I'm 22, she's 17. From January to July, we had an Ldr due to the fact that I'm a soldier. We saw each other every weekend and during the holidays, she lives near my hometown.

From the end of July to the end of August, I was at home for the holidays, and we spent a week in Turkey together, and almost saw each other every day in the following 3 weeks.
Then she went for a one week party trip with her female friends.

When she came back, she told me that she is unsure about her feelings for me, it's not like at the beginning of the relationship. Plus the relationship doesn't mean as much to her as it did in the beginning, she realized during her trip how much she misses being "free" with her friends.
Also, she said she felt cramped in the last weeks, and can't handle my jealousy (I was jealous a.f., due to things in my past and low self-esteem, plus being a real beta pvssy) anymore. So we "agreed" to break up, for that is the best chance to "reconcile at some point later." (her words)
Plus she said that she wanted to stay in contact and meet some times, due to the fact that she still has feelings for me, not much, but maybe it'll work out some time.
When I came home, she asked me via messenger if I still have our picture as background, to which I responded no, there's no need to. She said, she still has it at her phone.

The next day, I blocked her everywhere (I realized what really had happened at that point), and received the following texts:

Her: "Hey, it's a shame that you blocked me, I was hoping to stay in contact because I still have feelings for you, not much, but maybe it'll work out"
Me: "no, I need to focus on myself right now, maybe some point later we can reestablish contact, but not now."
Her: "I don't understand your change of mind, you agreed to that when we broke up."
Me: "i thought about it, and decided that I don't want and can't stay in contact, because I can't rely on that maybe."
Her: something about but what if it works out in the end, bla bla
Me: "if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. I accept your wish to break up, so please accept mine to not stay in contact anymore. Tell me when you know what you want, but please leave me alone until then."

2 weeks later, I sent her a text for her birthday(mistake, I know), and received a friendly answer. Since then no communication at all (wasn't familiar with the NC at that point)

Breakup was 11 weeks ago, her birthday 9 weeks ago. Since then, NC.

What I've been doing since the Breakup:
- Sports, sports, sports
- Building my self-esteem and confidence
- Finding out the reasons for my jealousy (various, working on them since then)
- Analysing my mistakes in the relationship, and trying to figure out the reasons and how to avoid that in the future (I was a typical blue pill, it was my first "real" relationship)

In general, I'm happy with my life, and I've been doing cool stuff since the Breakup (parachute, concerts, partying,...)
Problem is: I still miss her, and still want her back.
Plus I can't help myself but believe her words and texts, even though I know that it's bullsh1t to keep me in her orbit.

So guys, what am I to do now? I've been reading here for the last weeks, and been busy to implement the ideas and rules into my life, to in the end become a DJ(hopefully)

P.s.: sorry for any mistakes, if there are. German dude here.

 

[user43770]

She probably cheated on you on her trip. If she didn't cheat, she at least realized how easy it would be.

She called you out after that, searching for the upper hand in the relationship. After she realized you wouldn't relinquish frame, she moved on.

She has low interest. Focus on meeting other women.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Alright, got it.

Yeah I've met some women after that already, but the Oneitis is still strong unfortunately. But I guess time will help to overcome it.

And let me guess, there's no chance to get that interest back, right?

 

[MrWood]

she wants to try other c0ck, she is 17.
If she decides she likes yours, after comparing two or ten, she will check her HIGH SCORE list

IF YOU ARE THE PINBALL CHAMPION SHE MIGHT PICK YOU

hint: keep doing what you are doing since the breakup... her, or another girl will eventually come into your life

 

[5chm1dd1]

Well, then she can do that, not my problem anymore, I've had enough girls before her, and she won't be the last (got a date tomorrow with a fwb-girl)

If that might be the case, in a few years or months, then it's still up to me to decide whether I want her back or not. I've got so many qualities which I'm aware of, and many more yet to be discovered.

At the moment, I'm trying to get myself to the point to make "One chance per girl, never a second." my mantra, but as I said, Oneitis is still quite strong.

 

[SteR]

One thing that may help you: Use the break-up as motivation to better yourself. A couple of times in the past, particularly when I was younger, I had particularly painful splits where the girl ended it and I used it as a driving force to get in better shape, earn more money etc.

Down the line the girl often came crawling back, but by that point in time I felt I had grown so much that she wasn't in my league any more. It's an incredibly satisfying feeling to be in this position (although part of me felt sad for the girl, realising what she threw away).

Pook himself talks about girls fearing missing out on 'the great catch'. Make yourself that great catch. There's no doubt whatsoever that better women will cross your path in the future.. so just use this to prepare yourself for them

EDIT: Make sure you stay NC. From here on out she never existed...

 

[5chm1dd1]

That's what I've been doing for the last few weeks, and I already feel the changes.

Problem here is, that my biggest motivation is still to impress her with that, and in the end get her back due to my inside and outside changes. So I somehow need to change my motivation in my subconsciousness from "Do that for her and me" to "Do that for me, and me only"

Any tips how to do that? Or will that come over time?

 

[SteR]

I think it'll come with time. Initially I think it's okay to use that as motivation (as it'll probably trigger the biggest emotional response) but you'll find down the line that as the changes take effect, better girls start paying you attention.

So when you really are in a position to take her back, you'll realise she's not worth it and there are better choices around.

Basically just cling to whatever causes the greatest motivation for now.. your feelings will change as you progress.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Alright, got it, thank you!

So I'll just go along with NC, and continue to work on myself. Then time will do the trick, right? No matter what direction/outcome.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

That's what I've been doing for the last few weeks, and I already feel the changes.

Problem here is, that my biggest motivation is still to impress her with that, and in the end get her back due to my inside and outside changes. So I somehow need to change my motivation in my subconsciousness from "Do that for her and me" to "Do that for me, and me only"

Any tips how to do that? Or will that come over time?

It takes practice. This will probably not be the last time you go through this. However, each time, you learn a little bit more and the process becomes a bit easier. For the moment, just have fun with lots of women (spin plates); it's easy in your age group. Don't go looking for long term relationships. Have fun and learn how women work, especially if you're going to be travelling all over the place. Long distance arrangements rarely work out.

With the travelling, you have a britlliant opportunity to travel the globe, meeting all different kinds of people. Make the most of it by not being tied down. The freedom will give you a greater respect for yourself than any long distance relationship ever will.

 

[Tamura]

No new insights here, right buddy? I reckon you're suffering from nice-guy-syndrome.

Try this
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/nice-guys-get-dumped-read-this.15620/

 

[5chm1dd1]

Haha tamu, nice.
I thought to myself, why not combine and learn from as many sources as possible?

Thanks, already discovered this one.

 

[dude99]

Hey guys,

So my gf of 9 months broke up with me 11 weeks ago.

To make the long story short: I'm 22, she's 17. From January to July, we had an Ldr due to the fact that I'm a soldier. We saw each other every weekend and during the holidays, she lives near my hometown.

From the end of July to the end of August, I was at home for the holidays, and we spent a week in Turkey together, and almost saw each other every day in the following 3 weeks.
Then she went for a one week party trip with her female friends.

When she came back, she told me that she is unsure about her feelings for me, it's not like at the beginning of the relationship. Plus the relationship doesn't mean as much to her as it did in the beginning, she realized during her trip how much she misses being "free" with her friends.
Also, she said she felt cramped in the last weeks, and can't handle my jealousy (I was jealous a.f., due to things in my past and low self-esteem, plus being a real beta pvssy) anymore. So we "agreed" to break up, for that is the best chance to "reconcile at some point later." (her words)
Plus she said that she wanted to stay in contact and meet some times, due to the fact that she still has feelings for me, not much, but maybe it'll work out some time.
When I came home, she asked me via messenger if I still have our picture as background, to which I responded no, there's no need to. She said, she still has it at her phone.

The next day, I blocked her everywhere (I realized what really had happened at that point), and received the following texts:

Her: "Hey, it's a shame that you blocked me, I was hoping to stay in contact because I still have feelings for you, not much, but maybe it'll work out"
Me: "no, I need to focus on myself right now, maybe some point later we can reestablish contact, but not now."
Her: "I don't understand your change of mind, you agreed to that when we broke up."
Me: "i thought about it, and decided that I don't want and can't stay in contact, because I can't rely on that maybe."
Her: something about but what if it works out in the end, bla bla
Me: "if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. I accept your wish to break up, so please accept mine to not stay in contact anymore. Tell me when you know what you want, but please leave me alone until then."

2 weeks later, I sent her a text for her birthday(mistake, I know), and received a friendly answer. Since then no communication at all (wasn't familiar with the NC at that point)

Breakup was 11 weeks ago, her birthday 9 weeks ago. Since then, NC.

What I've been doing since the Breakup:
- Sports, sports, sports
- Building my self-esteem and confidence
- Finding out the reasons for my jealousy (various, working on them since then)
- Analysing my mistakes in the relationship, and trying to figure out the reasons and how to avoid that in the future (I was a typical blue pill, it was my first "real" relationship)

In general, I'm happy with my life, and I've been doing cool stuff since the Breakup (parachute, concerts, partying,...)
Problem is: I still miss her, and still want her back.
Plus I can't help myself but believe her words and texts, even though I know that it's bullsh1t to keep me in her orbit.

So guys, what am I to do now? I've been reading here for the last weeks, and been busy to implement the ideas and rules into my life, to in the end become a DJ(hopefully)

P.s.: sorry for any mistakes, if there are. German dude here.

Go date other women. 17 is way too young.
You're doing the right thing by focusing on yourself

Stay no contact as this onw will just waste your time

 

[dude99]

She probably cheated on you on her trip. If she didn't cheat, she at least realized how easy it would be.

She called you out after that, searching for the upper hand in the relationship. After she realized you wouldn't relinquish frame, she moved on.

She has low interest. Focus on meeting other women.

She totally cheated on her trip. Sudden unexplained drop in interest = new guy attention in her life.

 

[dude99]

Alright, got it.

Yeah I've met some women after that already, but the Oneitis is still strong unfortunately. But I guess time will help to overcome it.

And let me guess, there's no chance to get that interest back, right?

Not if you chase her. It won't work.

Besides you shouldn't want her interest back. She had her chance. She blew it. Go spin plates

 

[Roober]

Not if you chase her. It won't work.

Besides you shouldn't want her interest back. She had her chance. She blew it. Go spin plates

This is the hardest thing to accept from an ex...

 

[5chm1dd1]

You can never trust this girl again. She cheated on the vacation. Put her out of your goals and focus on new women.

Makes sense, even though I thought she was "the special snowflake".

Well, fvck it. Not my problem anymore.
As I said, already got a date tomorrow, let's see how this goes.

 

[5chm1dd1]

She totally cheated on her trip. Sudden unexplained drop in interest = new guy attention in her life.

Well, during the weeks before, we were arguing more and more, the more often we saw each other, but still, this makes perfect sense.

Fun fact: her bigger sister (27/28, dunno) insisted that she mustn't break up, that she doesn't know what price she has with me, and so on. Same goes for her mother, father and literally the rest of her family.
We'll see what happens as soon as she gets used the same way I was used some years ago.
But again, not my problem anymore. Everyone has to learn from pain, and as far as I can tell, she will.

 

[5chm1dd1]

No women are special when it comes to desire and ability to cheat, they're obsessed.

Agree.

 

[Roober]

Just move on dude. fvck her!

She will regret it later, but that is not your concern. It's hard as sh!t, but that has to be your mantra.

Learn from this and make yourself a better man!