The Next Chapter - Life

[BeTheChange]

God damn I love bishes

But as fun as it is, once I have moved out my current flat this weekend I need to start focusing on my goals.

That means career, business, reading, travel, gym and other hobbies need to be the priority.

Limiting myself to 3 date nights a week (3 different chicks of course). These girls are going to have to start fighting for my attention.

 

[BeTheChange]

Last couple of days have been a bit up and down. The move to a new place has been stressful but is now almost all sorted.

Ex has moved to another city but is still buzzing in my ear about some sort of LDR - off and on - I let her get to me more than she should, but it isn't affecting my peace of mind anymore like it used to.

Had a couple of flakes but trying not to let it bother me.

Italiana is pushing for something a bit deeper but I'm not really present at the moment.

Now that I've chosen to reduce focus on my career and business I'm finding that I have too much spare time and feel somewhat empty.

My social circle is lacking. Luckily I live with one of my best friends and the house share is a bit of a frat environment so hopefully things are looking up there.

I've built up some savings, got myself a solid career. Now I need to enjoy my twenties before they pass me by.

My main priority over the next few months is to get myself out there doing new things, socialising and meeting different people and of course continue dating, not to be fazed by the inevitability of flakes, rejection and crazies. It's all part of the experience. Live to live.

 

[Aesthetix29]

If I made anything even close to 100k a year I'd be living like a king without a care in the world ... That kind of money gives you the freedom to do what you want whenever you want .. FACT. Cool story bro

 

[BeTheChange]

If I made anything even close to 100k a year I'd be living like a king without a care in the world ... That kind of money gives you the freedom to do what you want whenever you want .. FACT. Cool story bro

Thanks!

Very much business dependent (as the 100k is both my regular income and side business) so I have to work for it! Upwards of 50/60 hours a week.

Ideally I'd like to be in a position where I can work part time and generate 100k from passive income and working combined.

Also tax is a b*tch here in the UK.

 

[BeTheChange]

Miss the old lady today. The wh*re!

Would never be in a relationship with her again or any of that malarkey, but 3 years doesn't just disappear.

She was still a friend, for a time. Been about two weeks since I last saw her. She's back in Germany now forever anyway.

Have a date tonight with a new girl with prospects looking positive. I love that feeling you get from seeing a fresh naked body and fvcking them for the first time. Like a lion devouring its pray. King of the jungle.

Things with the Italiana are going well, although in my mind I know I could never give her an "exclusive" LTR even in words only. Comes with too many expectations on their side. I don't need a girl blowing up my phone while I'm on a date with another woman. She's cute. Nice face, great ass but she lacks the knockout looks I'd desire for a more serious arrangement and at 27 years old she's hit her best already.

 

[BeTheChange]

The job situation has promoted more introspection.

I know I've had issues with negative thinking and a lot of the problems in my life stem from this. I didn't enjoy my current or previous job because I spent so much of my time focusing on the drawbacks. Although it spurred me to look elsewhere - for example by motivating me to pass all my finance and accounting exams and start a side business - it has also led to of unnecessary hurdles such as less than stellar work performances. I've also seen this within the dynamics of my LTR. For the first year she was a GREAT girlfriend, for the most part, and even after we had a few major hurdles she kept trying. Can't deny that. But I still found fault with her for something and let things escalate. One of the things she said to me after we ended things and the dust had settled was that she tried so hard to make things work, to be a good girlfriend and I still treated her like crap too often, so why bother being "good"? I could sympathise with that point but ultimately the ship had sailed. It's water under the bridge. Live and learn.

So with that in mind I have determined the primary root cause of my issues to be a negative mindset.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.


To start I'm going to:

1. Keep hitting the gym on a regular basis FIRST THING in the morning - this really helps get the blood flowing and that early dopamine hit. I always feel more positive when I'm regularly exercising
2. Spend 5 to 10 minutes a day before work everyday just relaying all the things in my life I'm thankful for. Take a few moments to step away from the rate race and constant self improvement to just enjoy.
3. Try and see the opportunity in any situation
4. When things seem bad and the clouds of negativity start to appear just go for a walk and take stock
5. Turn my phone off when I'm at the work to boost productivity
6. Delete facebook app from my phone - I find social media distorts your perception of other people's lives
7. Don't visit this site on the weekends (except Sunday evenings to update this thread and create and review goals)

 

[BeTheChange]

Feel a bit like Bukowski in Women with random girls turning up to my house.

Sunday night, almost 12am and Italiana texts to ask if I'm still up. I reply yes and she tells me she's 5 minutes away and asks if she can come over. I was just about to have my nightly tug so it seemed convenient. We banged, chatted and then slept.

Then tonight some Polish girl I had gamed a few weeks ago but have yet to bed told me she was in the area and wanted to hang out. I declined since I wanted to hit the gym.

Tomorrow (Thursday) is my first salsa class in a few weeks. Really need to start getting more involved. Chatting to both guys and girls. There's a stunning chick I've seen there a few times. Going to start laying the foundations if she is about those week.

Then Friday I have a date with a HB9. I taught her last year but she had an on and off boyfriend at the time, which she never actually mentioned throughout our classes when we were flirting outrageously with one another. We almost hooked up then but she held back on the night I took her out for drinks to celebrate the end of her exams. It's been more than a year since we've seen each other as she went back to uni for her final year and then did some travelling but now she has moved to my city due to a job. She's keen and I think she's hot so it's a pretty good combination. If she flakes I've got a tinder date or two in the works who can take her spot.

Then Italiana on Saturday. And random tinder date Sunday. The way I see it, I'll be spending most of the day either with my boys or prepping for these interviews next week so I've more than earned the right to blow off some steam.

 

[BeTheChange]

Date with HB9, my former student, went well. Good fun until the end, when we had a few issues due to me leaving her to go and find a taxi. Didn't react much to her changing her mind about coming back to mine.

Try to arrange a date with her for next week and she pulls a complete 180 and LJBF me. Not going to lie. I had to lol in real life. Was genuinely shocked as I thought I had this one in the bag. Especially since she had her tongue down my throat and my hand basically up her dress on Friday night. Not worth pondering as we never even fvcked. I don't think I was any more keen than I would have been with anyone else.

However, I'll be honest and say it bothered me slightly to lose this plate. And it actually annoyed me more that I was bothered to begin with so I sat and tried to figure out why. Here's what I came up with.

Now she was a 9. Full package, I'm probably an 8 or 9. IMO a 9 is someone who is "better" than 90% of their competition. So I wasn't walking round thinking she was better than me. HOWEVER I was b*tching to my best mate this week about how it's difficult to find 8s and 9s to game so without realising it perhaps I was creating a scarcity mentality for the 8s and above.

I think the problem is my overreliance on Tinder. 9s, who are on there for anything more than attention are virtually non existent. 8s, who will meet up are also pretty scarce, but are pullable. I missed Salsa this week out of laziness AND skipped out on Saturday night, prime time for sharking, because I was tired from drinks with the HB9 the night before and also because I thought she was a guaranteed lay for the week after. So I'm more irritated by myself than anything else.

So here's what I propose to avoid that scarcity mindset from creeping in when dealing with the 9s.

1. Minimise Tinder usage and start being highly selective about who you'll even consider for a date.
2. Friday and Saturday nights are for hitting the bars and clubs with the lads only or a HB8+ you're already fvcking. HB7s (I don't date below this) are relegated to weekdays...There's are Friday/Saturday meet ups that I always seem to forget about. Don't forget from now on.
3. Hit Salsa every Thursday without fail and become a social butterfly. It's time to start hitting that social circle game hard with all of these sexy latinas
4. Join one or two female centric gym classes like Yoga - I need to increase my flexibility as it is anyway
5. Join a midweek Spanish meetup

 

[Firestar786]

I've come across quite a fair few 9s on tinder lol

But even chatting up slags in Sainsburys, the bank, opticians etc is very easy lol

 

[BeTheChange]

I've come across quite a fair few 9s on tinder lol

That you've met up with in real life and then banged?

9s are only going to make up the top ten per cent of women so how many is a "fair few"...

But even chatting up slags in Sainsburys, the bank, opticians etc is very easy lol

I'm not talking about average chicks. Most guys can bag a 6 or 7 fairly easily if they know what they're doing. Maybe your definition of 9 and mine are a bit different.

 

[BeTheChange]

Changed my Tinder profile pic to a shirtless photo and it's reaping dividends. I get the attention and matches now but converting them into dates still takes more effort than ideal - having said that when it comes to OD I'm a lot lazier than I should be.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men the gatekeepers of relationship. Need to keep reminding myself of this and the number of times these chicks have provided minimal amounts of attention and reacted with an air of indifference for the first few dates only to start blowing up my phone as soon as I've fvcked them.

Just have to put in that work to get them out and diversify so it doesn't bother me when the inevitable flakiness and sh*t tests set it.

 

[fastlife]

The job situation has promoted more introspection.

I know I've had issues with negative thinking and a lot of the problems in my life stem from this. I didn't enjoy my current or previous job because I spent so much of my time focusing on the drawbacks. Although it spurred me to look elsewhere - for example by motivating me to pass all my finance and accounting exams and start a side business - it has also led to of unnecessary hurdles such as less than stellar work performances. I've also seen this within the dynamics of my LTR. For the first year she was a GREAT girlfriend, for the most part, and even after we had a few major hurdles she kept trying. Can't deny that. But I still found fault with her for something and let things escalate. One of the things she said to me after we ended things and the dust had settled was that she tried so hard to make things work, to be a good girlfriend and I still treated her like crap too often, so why bother being "good"? I could sympathise with that point but ultimately the ship had sailed. It's water under the bridge. Live and learn.

So with that in mind I have determined the primary root cause of my issues to be a negative mindset.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.


To start I'm going to:

1. Keep hitting the gym on a regular basis FIRST THING in the morning - this really helps get the blood flowing and that early dopamine hit. I always feel more positive when I'm regularly exercising
2. Spend 5 to 10 minutes a day before work everyday just relaying all the things in my life I'm thankful for. Take a few moments to step away from the rate race and constant self improvement to just enjoy.
3. Try and see the opportunity in any situation
4. When things seem bad and the clouds of negativity start to appear just go for a walk and take stock
5. Turn my phone off when I'm at the work to boost productivity
6. Delete facebook app from my phone - I find social media distorts your perception of other people's lives
7. Don't visit this site on the weekends (except Sunday evenings to update this thread and create and review goals)

Awesome entry. I came to similar conclusions with my BPDex--I definitely had some narcissistic tendencies and unrealistic/harmful expectations that, while it may not have totally facilitated the way things ended (that part was probably inevitable), definitely played a role in the overall dysfunction and was part of the dynamic I was responsible for. Nothing to feel guilty about, though I have at times, but still something that I realized was my responsibility to correct.

Girls, especially, will literally be whatever you them to be deep down--though other people adhere to that principle as well. If you expect conflict, you'll get that. It sounds a little blue pill, but I've internalized the mindset that, 'I love women. Women are wonderful They're on my side. They want what's best for me and will provide me with everything I need from them'--and that's largely been the case. When I've had thoughts like, 'All women are disloyal, backstabbing, manipulative,' that was also true. They'll live up to your conception of them and often when you do get burned you can trace that back to a belief you held subconsciously.

Also, get the fvck off Tinder!!! You can do way better. Burn that boat--it'll force you to go out and experience life. Men were born for the hunt. Commit to going out and cold approaching for at least three months and see if you even want to get on there again (P.S. the girls you can get IRL will be way hotter & you'll have a better frame starting off, since you demonstrated to her your ability to go out and bed women).

All the best.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Best journal I've read. Inspirational. Definetly keeping tabs on this one.

 

[Roober]

Looks great man! I am at the beginning of your journey now...

Thought about looking into OLD, but I think I will wait a couple weeks at least. I have tried making eye contact, starting up conversations, etc., but I think I am still giving off that "I have a GF" vibe. Took my boys to the zoo yesterday, and definitely had some opportunities, just couldn't bring myself to do it... not sure if I could ask for a number in front of my boys...

 

[fastlife]

not sure if I could ask for a number in front of my boys...

I'm not a parent, and certainly not privy to whatever dynamic you have with their mother (whether something like that getting back to her would be used against you)--but something like that could be a tremendous teaching example for them to see that:

1.) There's nothing shameful about having interest in women and acting on it. How powerful would it have been for all of us to have had that modeled for us, instead of feeling petrified about the thought of asking out that girl in middle school?

2.) Dad's a regular guy just like everybody else--boys tend to idealize their fathers (I did) but eventually they'll realize you're just a human, with flaws like everybody else; that's often a painful realization. Let them respect you for the man you are.

3.) If you get rejected, you're giving them permission to get rejected (and they will get rejected--by girls, for sports teams, via graded tests). By being unaffected by rejection, you'll be modeling the fact that it's OK to be rejected and you don't have to let it affect your mentality.

Again, I'm not feigning any expertise. Your kids, obviously, come first. But ultimately by suppressing all of your own desires for their benefit will be modeling unhealthy behavior that they might internalize as 'correct,' creating a sense of obligation to you and a sense of guilt when it comes to prioritizing their own needs. Just a thought.

 

[BeTheChange]

Looks great man! I am at the beginning of your journey now...

Thought about looking into OLD, but I think I will wait a couple weeks at least. I have tried making eye contact, starting up conversations, etc., but I think I am still giving off that "I have a GF" vibe. Took my boys to the zoo yesterday, and definitely had some opportunities, just couldn't bring myself to do it... not sure if I could ask for a number in front of my boys...

What?? I can't think of a better example to set for your kids than picking up attractive women in their presence - as long as you do it in a classy way without any sexual overtones.

Half the reason for this site is that many men lack strong male role models in their lives. You would be doing a great service to your boys if you can unashamedly demonstrate positive masculinity.

 

[Roober]

Thanks guys! I have really been on the fence about the whole idea. One of the biggest things I want to teach my boys is about confidence and dealing with women, something I am finally learning... I don't feel like my dad ever displayed that for me... ever in a good way anyways... I have to say though, they have pushed along the convo before though when I started up random conversations... "daddy, who is that?" ... "I didn't get your name..."

Didn't mean to thread jack...

 

[BeTheChange]

Thanks guys! I have really been on the fence about the whole idea. One of the biggest things I want to teach my boys is about confidence and dealing with women, something I am finally learning... I don't feel like my dad ever displayed that for me... ever in a good way anyways... I have to say though, they have pushed along the convo before though when I started up random conversations... "daddy, who is that?" ... "I didn't get your name..."

Didn't mean to thread jack...

No worries bro. Feel free. This is thread is all about discussions and bettering ourselves.

 

[BeTheChange]

Hooked up with three different girls last week. Two of them new lays.

First was an ex plate on Tuesday. Spent half the day in bed. She dropped her classes at uni to come and visit me.

Then I had a tinder date on the same evening. She was fun and open. Immediate IOUs throughout the night. For example we grabbed a table and I was turned into the table itself. She arched her chair so that she was directly facing me. Super responsive to my kino. I could see what was happening so after a few drinks and a bite to eat we headed straight back to mine and I proceeded to put it on her. Great fvck. She plays netball so had a phenomenal lower body. Legs for miles. Best ass I've seen in a long while and I'm a massive fan of those ahteltic hammies and quads that girls can only get from doing sports. I thought I fvcked her pretty well but now she's being a bit funny about replying back so interest seemed to have cooled pretty quickly...or maybe I just got pumped and dumped!!! I FEEL SO USED...I'M SUCH A SLVT!

Third girl was this Saturday while I was out with a few mates clubbing. Saw her towards the end of the night and opened her up to the idea of me going home with her. As soon as she told me we I could come with her but we weren't having s3x I knew I'd fvck her that night and I wasn't wrong.

All in all a pretty eventful week.

 

[BeTheChange]

On gardening leave until I start my new job in January so I've decided to have one day on one day off.

In other words one day working on my side business and other ventures such as reading books on real estate investment as this is where I see myself investing my excess cash long term.

Then the next day (off day) focusing on just having fun.

Today is an off day. I've been in this city 4 years now and there are so many touristy things I've still not done yet. Nows the time to really soak this city in and to work on my day game. I'm going to visit a museum or galley and maybe have some lunch outside as it's fairly sunny today. Then later I might grab a coffee and do some light reading before heading to Salsa tonight. I'm looking at doing doing minimum ten cold approaches today.