Girlfriend wants to be exclusive

[IBreatheSpears]

She walked out last night after explaining that she can't stomach the thought of me having sex with someone else, that it makes her feel like she's not enough for me. I told her it was only sex and has nothing to do with how I feel about her but she said she's developing strong feelings for me and feels sick if she thinks about me with another girl. She said she's been trying but she can't ignore it any more.

I'm still not willing to be exclusive, so we're at an impasse.

I really like this girl and want to keep seeing her, but I'm not giving up my freedom. What's the likelihood she changes her mind? Is there anything I can do? I'm going away for a week today and I'm not going to contact her in the meantime, let absence make her heart grow fonder or whatever. I know the chances are low but I really do like her. I have another plate and can get more, but she's quite boring. I just wish there was a middle path. The only alternative I can think of is to tell her we're exclusive and then cheat on her, but I'm not doing that.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

If you are in any doubt at all, don't do it.

I heard someone recently describe any LTR as a 'practice marriage'. Ask yourself then, what men and women as separate species go in to marriage for....Makes sense.

If you continue to treat her the same as you always have, she won't go anywhere. That is, until/unless she really wants commitment, whereby she'll likely eventually leave for a safer, probably lower value guy who is willing to commit. That's the gauntlet you run.

 

[Roober]

It's just a matter of where you are at in life... if you want a relationship, go for it! If not, then don't.... just don't turn into a beta!

Not sure if you want a relationship. Do you have a list of red flags? Does she meet any of those? Yellow flags? How about those?

 

[El Payaso]

With time, most women will push for exclusivity.

You simply replace her with another woman when that point comes.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm not going to contact her in the meantime, let absence make her heart grow fonder or whatever

Not contacting her after this may do the opposite and make her have her feelings for you released.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

If you continue to treat her the same as you always have, she won't go anywhere. That is, until/unless she really wants commitment, whereby she'll likely eventually leave for a safer, probably lower value guy who is willing to commit.

I was thinking about this. Just pull a Costanza and act like nothing happened. Nobody actually used the words "break up".

It's just a matter of where you are at in life... if you want a relationship, go for it! If not, then don't.... just don't turn into a beta!

I want an open relationship. I want to have my cake and eat it too, along with all the other cakes I can find. This was our agreement, an open relationship (for both) but she was only going along with it because she likes me (which I knew the whole time). I was hoping that if it was clear I was only having casual sex with other girls, she wouldn't be hurt.

Do you have a list of red flags?

Not really, I play by ear.

Not contacting her after this may do the opposite and make her have her feelings for you released.

Good point. I broke NC to tell her to grab some stuff she left at my place and she sent back: "Ok thanks. Have a great time in Paris x". She's not the type to send kisses frequently which makes me think it means something this time. In fact I somewhat suspect this is a ploy and she has no intention of breaking up with me.

 

[KingofPuss]

If you don't want it, then walk away. Either you do it or you don't, but eventually she will want more. If you're not the man to give it to her, then so be it. Don't go exclusive just because she's giving you an ultimatum.

Go away, come back and hit her up. Invite her over, have some drinks, and see where it goes. I would not bring it up, and if she does, tell her you want to wait longer. Either she'll agree or she won't.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I was hoping that if it was clear I was only having casual sex with other girls, she wouldn't be hurt.

Unfortunately that never works. A girl's feelings will change over time, doesn't matter what she said at the beginning. In fact, quite the opposite. You think you've established and "open relationship" so you don't feel the need to keep her happy. That creates the EXACT behavior that will INCREASE her desire and eventually she'll ask for an exclusive relationship.

WHAT SHE OR YOU SAID EARLIER IS IRRELEVANT

Feelings change over time. To expect that not to happen is ridiculous.

To expect the opposite is to expect to not suddenly feel hungry when somebody puts a plate of grub down in front of you.

There's NO WAY to have your cake and eat it too.

The INEVITABLE downside to dating multiple women is when they want to be exclusive, and you don't, there is NO WAY you can talk them out of it. The ONLY SOLUTION is to cut them loose.

Part of being a MAN who dates multiple women is you will inevitably HURT some women. It is inevitable.

Deal with it.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yeah, by saying you want an open relationship so you can fvck all these other girls who wanna get it from you, you may have thought you wouldn't hurt her and that may be true. But you showed her that other women want you, that you don't need her, and that you're a challenge to get and keep. Those are like the 3 commandments of how to make a girl want you. Like @taiyuu_otoko said, you made her want to be exclusive with you more than before. There's no avoiding a decision here, either you agree to go exclusive and cut the other girls off or it's over with you two and she'll probably find some beta who's willing to be exclusive with her during which she'll keep thinking of you.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

I don't really wanna accept this situation but obviously I have to. I'm going to date/bang a new girl or two, and if I still want this one, then, and only then, will I consider being exclusive with her. If I still want her after fųcking other girls for a couple of weeks, then I'll know she's worth it.

 

[Trainwreck]

I think the concept of getting in to a relationship based on fear of cheating is the stupidest reason ever. If she can't trust you then that's her ******* problem and that **** needs to be dropped to the curb. My girl asked for exclusivity for that reason and I told her if wanted to cheat on you, I would cheat on you regardless of what label you put on the relationship. She was bitter at first, but I ended up ****** the **** out of her like 15 minutes later lol. Some girls just need a small dose of reality slapped in their face.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

I think the concept of getting in to a relationship based on fear of cheating is the stupidest reason ever. If she can't trust you then that's her ******* problem and that **** needs to be dropped to the curb. My girl asked for exclusivity for that reason and I told her if wanted to cheat on you, I would cheat on you regardless of what label you put on the relationship. She was bitter at first, but I ended up ****** the **** out of her like 15 minutes later lol. Some girls just need a small dose of reality slapped in their face.

I wasn't cheating, she agreed to an open relationship, but she doesn't want it to be open any more.

Anyway I know what I need to do now.

 

[Trainwreck]

I wasn't cheating, she agreed to an open relationship, but she doesn't want it to be open any more.

Anyway I know what I need to do now.

Open relationships are stupid anyway. Like I said, putting labels on **** is pointless and a waste of time.