opposite-sex-friendships

[SgtSplacker]

Interesting study about opposite sex friendships, kind of predictable. Interesting to see though that the percentage of women who felt something for their "friends" was kinda high. Sooo

STOP BEING PUUSSIES YOU PUUSSIES AND GRAB EM BY THE PUUSSY!

Science doesn't lie.

Anyways they want it if you have the money or whatever lol

http://bigthink.com/arpan-bhattacharyya/opposite-sex-friendships-in-heterosexual-young-adults

 

[fastlife]

I've had some really awesome female friends over the years. My all time best wing'man' was a chick--and I've had a couple that cooked for me or invited me to parties or got me jobs or set me up with other girls.

That said, when I was younger/more blue pill I'd always have WTF moments where they'd come onto me too strong when we were drunk--for the most part these were girls that I wasn't that attracted to--and now that most of them are married or in long term relationships (i.e. bored) I can really only see them once or twice a year without things getting weird. Of those I was attracted to, we ended up sleeping together and, well, those 'friendships' didn't last.

So I guess it's been a bit of a mixed bag--at certain times my female friendships were super beneficial socially and for personal development, but they were definitely way more enjoyable when I was more blue pill and it all seemed a little more sincere.

 

[EverSure75]

When I first swallowed the red pill and came across this site I immediately cut off all female friends.
It was the best thing I could've done at the time. It forced me to solidify my male friendships which helped me tremendously. It also made me realize how much horrible advice I was taking from women and how many bad life decisions I made as a result.
It made some of them actually persue me.
I also realized that deep down I was secretly hoping that a few of them would wake up and see what a good guy I am.
I'm laughing as I type this. I was so pitiful.

Since then I've cut some off totally and only speak when they reach out by text. I keep the talk very superficial and avoid any questions about my personal life.

There are one or two though that I have reconnected with. But this is only after I've fully realized that there is no attraction between us.
I have one for example who is an academic and brilliant with a sharp mind and wit. We might actually be going into business together soon. She shares more of her personal life with me than I do with her. She actually introduced me to someone a few weeks back who I'll be going on a date with soon.

Saying all this to say I don't think female friends are necessary, but in some cases when there is absolutely no hope/desire for anything on your part...it mightn't be a bad thing. Especially if you have things in common.
My 2 cents.

 

[NSX-R]

I keep female friends for the reason that females attract females and they can be used as wing. I mean what's a better social proof for other women if you are with many women?

Even though one of my best friends gf is also a very good friend of mine , i always notice all these things that you guys mention. I always hold my distances whenever i notice such moves .

 

[Poon King]

I don't know how many times I have said on here that I don't keep "female friends". I have taken a good deal of flak on here from that.

Get over it you fags. There is a time and place for women, and it certainty isn't as 'friends'.

One of my men friends wanted my advice recently, his female friend was sh*t-testing him. I had to laugh. The only reason to put up with a woman (other than family or work) is in a sexual-relationship. For goodness sake. I have to shake my head at men often.

True.

Female friends always want special treatment for being females.. but they provide no special benefit (sex). If a woman is not providing me with sex, then she needs to provide something else of high value. Otherwise, there is no reason to associate with her. She will just waste my time and resources that could better be spent on myself, male friends, family or women I'm actually f*cking.

Men who have female friends they are not f*cking (or planning to f*ck) either don't value their own time OR are too chicken sh!t to make a move.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Think there are generally two camps in this debate, as demonstrated herein, which I think really depends on a man's inherent personality, opposed to the female species as a whole, per se... men who will never be just friends with a female, and those who can.

Personally, I'm in the latter. I grew up in my formative years primarily with my mother, grandmother and five female cousins, until my father adopted me and my brother and male cousins came along. These early experiences obviously have an influence on us later as adults.

Two points of clarification as is TMKs usual way.

1) I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to my female friends, not in the way I am with male friends. But still, they have their place. I also cannot be friends with particularly girly girls - weirdly though, these are they who I am sexually attracted to in general terms.

2) I don't keep friends with women who I am interested in sexually. Rather, most of those I keep are clearly interested in being more than friends, to varying degrees. I also don't tend to spend extended amounts of time in the company of females, other than at work.

but they provide no special benefit (sex)

This is too simple a philosophy. Sure, they may not be direct sexual options themselves, but what they do bring, among other things already mentioned, are other females as other sexual options. In fact I'd say the number of options I've been granted indirectly from female acquaintances outweigh those gained from male acquaintances is probably by about 9-1; no exaggeration.

Example; I just moved in with two females. We don't tend to socialise together much, but they are organising a Christmas Pub Crawl next month, to which in attendance there will be at least half a dozen girls I've not met before.

Example; previous girls I've known introduce me to their friends, sisters, cousins blablabla. I even had an 18month relationship with the sister of one female friend.

I can honestly say it doesn't happen to this extent with male friends.

Long story short, if you don't have female friends, you should try it.

 

[wifehunter]

female friends :

1. semi-unattractive or unattractive friendzoned orbiters

2. younger/older ladies that fall into the younger/older sister/mother category.

There is value there(social proof and connections), just no direct prospect opportunities.

 

[MrWiggles]

I would say I have female ACQUAINTANCES but not actual friends like I do with men. I believe there is a difference there. Women can come in handy sometimes

 

[Poon King]

This is too simple a philosophy. Sure, they may not be direct sexual options themselves, but what they do bring, among other things already mentioned, are other females as other sexual options. In fact I'd say the number of options I've been granted indirectly from female acquaintances outweigh those gained from male acquaintances is probably by about 9-1; no exaggeration.

Example; I just moved in with two females. We don't tend to socialise together much, but they are organising a Christmas Pub Crawl next month, to which in attendance there will be at least half a dozen girls I've not met before.

Example; previous girls I've known introduce me to their friends, sisters, cousins blablabla. I even had an 18month relationship with the sister of one female friend.

I can honestly say it doesn't happen to this extent with male friends.

Long story short, if you don't have female friends, you should try it.

Seems you didn't read what I wrote.

I said a woman must provide something of VALUE if not sex. Read it again. "Something of value" can be connections to other women or any number of things. But having female friends just to have them is pointless. They have to bring something to the table that makes them worth associating with like anybody else.

 

[BeExcellent]

I've had (and still have) long term male friends. NOT oribiters. I used to be the wing woman for a couple of them along the way a la @fastlife . What great fun that was. Most have gone on and gotten married so I don't chat to them much anymore (maybe once every few years) because their wife occupies that space of confidant and adviser and best female friend now. That is how it should be. Neither person should be pining away for more than a friendship. Some people can't do this and for those, opposite sex friends are just going to end up in disappointment. I agree about the value statement. You shouldn't occupy your time with anyone who doesn't add value to your life, male or female.

Seasoned friendships are wonderful things and you never really know what friendships may last the duration. The people who have turned out to be my real long term friends (20 years plus) are a surprising mix of people to be honest.

One of my dad's oldest and best friends is a woman he knew in college. They are still close friends now in their late 70s and early 80s. She has been married to her husband more than 50 years; my dad has been married to my mom and step-mom a combined 50+ years. Her value to him was always her no BS advice and approach to life, her humor (she is hilarious) and her wit. They adore each other but in a brother/sister sort of way. So I grew up seeing healthy male/female friendship.

 

[MrWood]

I have few that I didnt fvck, lets say 4 or 5 over 50 years of life...
No need to waste time with women unless you plan on fvcking them the FIRST time/date (esp if they willingly come to your place)
I can say they are great emotional tampons for YOU and to run weird ideas by, all kinds of shvt because you are super no-fvcks
AND you gain, possibly some vague glimpse of female nature insights.

 

[resilient]

I think opposite-sex friendships can help after a break up as "bridge/band-aid" until plate spinning goes full speed.

Think of it this way, if the broken up guy became a hermit and didn't socialize with the opposite sex, drank, played video games, MMORPGs, whatever 24/7, his game would get rusty and lose calibration. It's a temporary solution, yet shouldn't be the crux of avoiding opportunities to spin plates.

I used to have a best female friend that I grew up with in my home town until I got married. I wasn't physically attracted to her, yet she helped me figure out female psychology in the beginning or in between STR/LTRs, so she provided value.

 

[Trump]

This is too simple a philosophy. Sure, they may not be direct sexual options themselves, but what they do bring, among other things already mentioned, are other females as other sexual options. In fact I'd say the number of options I've been granted indirectly from female acquaintances outweigh those gained from male acquaintances is probably by about 9-1; no exaggeration.

Perhaps bro but that's a pretty big risk. To remain platonic friends with a girl on the off chance she may introduce you to a girl down the line that you may be attracted to and have sex with is pretty small. No female is going to set up an orbiter with one of her good friends so she can have sex with him. It's offers no benefit to her. Unless the man is looking to add to his friend count on facebook, it's pointless.

Example; I just moved in with two females. We don't tend to socialise together much, but they are organising a Christmas Pub Crawl next month, to which in attendance there will be at least half a dozen girls I've not met before.

Why aren't you sleeping with these girls?

Example; previous girls I've known introduce me to their friends, sisters, cousins blablabla. I even had an 18month relationship with the sister of one female friend.

I can honestly say it doesn't happen to this extent with male friends.

Long story short, if you don't have female friends, you should try it.

From the sounds of it every girl you meet is trying to pass the buck, but props.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Perhaps bro but that's a pretty big risk. To remain platonic friends with a girl on the off chance she may introduce you to a girl down the line that you may be attracted to and have sex with is pretty small. No female is going to set up an orbiter with one of her good friends so she can have sex with him. It's offers no benefit to her. Unless the man is looking to add to his friend count on facebook, it's pointless.

Why aren't you sleeping with these girls?

From the sounds of it every girl you meet is trying to pass the buck, but props.

It's a case of cultural differences probably. Being in a woman's social circle is big here in the UK. Basically gives licence to behave as you please.

I don't sleep with my flat mates becuase I don't want to have to deal with sexual tension / prospective relational drama every day. I have things to do bro. Left and right of it: don't p!as on your own doorstep.

I'm not relying on 'intoductions'; I'm embracing the opportunity of circumstance. There is a huge difference. Dating/meeting people is hugely different between continents.

Long story short, I'm embracing people I like with view to meeting other like minds. It's not rocket science, sausage.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I feel there can never be a good discussion about this topic because the terms are very general.

There have to exist categories that are used when discussing this stuff. There's acquaintances, friends and romantic interests. And in my opinion if one person is romantically interested then it's not a true friendship between either of them.

I call a girl who's friends you want to bang a mother goose. That's not a friendship, you are using her for her friends.

For me to decide if a person is a real friend I have to see there is no need present that if not met would cause the relationship to end or interests to dwindle. And this level of personal honesty is almost non-existent. I would have to see this in person to believe a person is capable of being this honest with themselves.

So for a girl to be my friend she would have to be a person that is not attracted to me but that still thinks I'm cool. We might bang, but neither would want an ltr with the other. Our attraction would exist based on how we think and our common interests.

Almost like a sister brother thing but without any rules. And since this kind of thing is hard to find and still would get in the way of a real relationship and would require effort to maintain I just pass on these relationships to make my life easier.

I feel that women like to use the term friendship when it comes to men that are attracted to them. Because they do not feel obligated to provide any romance while still receiving the benefits that having an attracted male around provides and it's ok because he is just being a gentleman and she does not have to address his sexual interests in the name of friendship.

So before I ever get serious with a girl I'm sure to ask her if she feels the need to maintain relationships with men while in a relationship. If she says that she has her guy friends she must see then she never rises beyond plate status for me.