Success Starts Between Your Ears

[BeExcellent]

For a while now I've thought about sharing some thoughts about what a successful person is and how a successful person behaves differently than the majority of people. I thought I'd create a thread about the process because all I knew when I got started was that I had a deep seated desire to become a success but no real idea how to get there. I trust others here may be in that same boat as I once was and so here are some ideas and words to encourage you.

Let me start by saying I am still learning and there are people here who are more successful and more accomplished than myself. Please feel welcome to contribute your thoughts and words of wisdom here, your comments are appreciated.

I'll also share for those that don't know that I am a woman. I have found that I have had to overcome some preconceived notions about being a woman over the years, and I have come to believe if I can do this anyone can provided you have enough desire.

With that - on to the details. See next post!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The way you started this convo off is awesome "success starts between your ears"

 

[BeExcellent]

Thought 1: All success is predicated on desire for success, whatever that means to a person. It can't be a dreamer's desire however, meaning hoping and wishing, rather it must become rooted in a foundation of action. That means you must take actions to manifest the desire. This is ambition. Without ambition nothing happens.

Thought 2: Success depends on slaying fear. How do you slay fear? You face it and overcome it. Head on. I used to be very shy. I used to worry that people wouldn't like me or would reject me. So I made myself take on roles requiring leadership and speaking before others. I had a blinding fear at first but I kept at it. After a few times the fear started to wane. After a while the fear left altogether. It never came back.

Thought 3: Welcome conflict. Conflict is having a different opinion than someone else at it's core. To welcome conflict is to be unafraid of conflict and therefore engaged in reaching consensus through negotiation in some cases, or to understand a perspective different than your own in other cases and to be able to act in accordance with those differences as a situation dictates. Sometimes you negotiate, sometimes you escalate, sometime you appreciate.

Thought 4: Positive thinking is NOT gooble-D-gook. This one was hard for me. I was convinced "positive thinking" was serious non-sense and spent lots of time trying to debunk it. I thought it was a bunch of la dee da non-sense that meant painting a polly anna picture of ain't life grand. What I found through experience was that positive thinking is self encouragement. To be a success you are going to make decisions at times that may seem contrary to what the majority is doing. You have to encourage yourself and believe in yourself at times when no one else will. For this you must maintain positive thoughts and self encouragement and self belief. Banish negative thinking from your mind. It is poisonous and crippling.

Thought 5: Your subconscious mind will believe whatever you tell it habitually and act accordingly. Read that and re-read it. This is why positive thinking is a key to success in any field. Your mind is going to adopt your habitual thinking patterns in a vacuum. Whatever the inputs are beget the outputs. If you tell yourself you are smart your mind is going to find ways to support that you are smart. If you tell yourself you are not smart your mind is going to find ways to support that instead. Guard well what you feed your mind. Your subconscious mind in this way is either your greatest ally or your greatest enemy. If you have been feeding your mind negative messages it will take some time to habituate your mind to different patterns. Write down your new message to yourself and put it somewhere you will see it. Your shaving mirror, your rear view mirror, your refrigerator, put positive messaging to work for you. I keep positive messages taped to my laptop near the keyboard and I also keep them in my wallet where my ID resides. My mind is reinforced in its positivity training constantly.

Thought 6: Pick something to do for which you have a talent, affinity or ability. If you also happen to like it, great but pick something you are good at. I think the financial markets are cool, but I stink at finance. I don't have the patience for it. Consequently I pulled my money out of the markets. But I know how to perform in my field as a consultant and I know how to buy things low and sell them high. So I horse trade things and do real estate, which is to me a type of horse trading.

Thought 7: Find mentors who are successful at doing whatever it is you aspire to do. If it's medicine find a doctor and see if he or she will advise you, if it's sales or law or finance, same thing. Find some people and ask them if they will help you succeed in that area. You will find that many successful people have a desire to share what they know. They can't take it with them and they often find it rewarding to see someone else flourish as a result of their help.

More later, including some books worth reading. Feel free to add to this.

 

[BeExcellent]

More thoughts. Forgive me for not having a particular order. Its a rather random list of things and characteristics that I have developed in myself over the journey and also observed in others who are my peers and those who have accomplished far more in life than I have.

But first the reading list: There are many many books out there. These are my personal favorites as far as HOW to do it. I had the "WHY" covered. I wanted the nitty gritty, the "How to..." I've personally read every book on this list, given many away to people and bought new copies (generosity is a success trait folks) and refer to them often. I won't get into the topical library of philosophy, science, real estate or financial success books, these focus more on mindset/nuts and bolts and how to be (behave) & deal with people, which is where the power lies in life.

I'm older than many of you and some of these books are going to seem stodgy. But guess what, humans haven't changed a whole lot over the millennia and so read them anyway, even if the diction and the linguistic style may not strike you as terribly contemporary. The good news is these are widely available and cheap in paperback, pdf or whatever.

The truth is the truth is the truth. Put some of this in your brain (see Thought 5 above) as you go to bed each evening. Do it at least a month to build a new habit. Then just keep going. Results will amaze you as your thinking patterns begin to change.

Happy bedside reading Gents!

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
2. The Art of War - Sun Tzu
3. The Richest Man in Babylon - George S. Clason
4. Nothing to Lose...Everything to Gain - Ryan Blair
5. The 48 Laws of Power (my current personal favorite) - Robert Greene
6. How to be Rich - J. Paul Getty
7. Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill
8. The Prince - Niccolo Machiavelli
9. The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
10. David & Goliath - Malcolm Gladwell
11. The Four Hour Work Week - Timothy Ferris
12. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
13. The Power of Positive Thinking - Norman Vincent Peale

 

[BeExcellent]

More thoughts about what it takes to be/become successful:

Thought 8: Commit and Never Quit. Success is as much a game of attrition as it is of ambition. Once you decide you are going to succeed you must get 100% invested in that idea and sell out to it. Those who quit (which is the majority of people) remove themselves from the running. This means there is unlimited opportunity for those who don't quit. But it may not be easy. Not quitting doesn't mean tunnel vision to the point where you lose flexibility, however. Sometimes a modification in strategy or process is needed. Other times it is sheer persistence. Walt Disney comes to mind. He had to pitch his idea for Disney theme parks over 300 times before he found backers. I am awed by that figure. How many people would have quit at the 10th pitch, how many at the 100th, at the 250th, the 298th and so on? Disney was completely sold out and invested in his vision and was determined to make it a reality.

Thought 9: Tell People what you are going to do. Do NOT keep it to yourself. Too many people fear rejection (see Slay Fear above) and keep their precious ideas and ambition under wraps. And so they are never held accountable for what they speak or what they seek to create. Most never manifest the things they might be capable of. The only thing to keep secret are actual trade secrets or things that you know might be stolen by someone else for manifestation. But if you are working on something or aspire to something, talk about it. Stick your head up above the crowd and take some tomatoes in the face. If you are writing a book, say so, if you want to be a performing artist, say so, if you are going to build a company or be a lawyer or an architect, say so. Put it out there and things will be set in motion. What things? Well you'll find out who supports you, who ridicules you (and which of those two things provides greater motivation for you), and who might be able to help you or connect you to someone who can help you. If you never open your mouth you'll never get all that valuable information. My family was full of ridiculers. I looked at real estate markets for years researching where to buy and what to buy. I was strategic and systemic. At the holidays everyone would jokingly ask what was the city of the month? (Where I was evaluating the market) and they would laugh. Fast forward a dozen years and many investments later. No one is laughing any more. Speak up about what you are going to do. Feel the encouragement and the rejection. This makes you accountable for your intent. Embrace that accountability.

Thought 10: Create a journal or a blog or a diary. Something you can look back on in the future and be able to see your progress, particularly the progression in your thinking. I am a list maker and a (written) goal setter. I am old school and use weekly planner type calendars. I keep the ones from years past. I have my goals, my notes, my milestones all written down. It is in this way I can see and quantify my progression in life (and also see my deficiencies too). This is a means to determine how far you've come and where you need to go next.

Thought 11: Cultivate the naysayers. This is related to Thought 9 above but different. Naysayers are going to exist. The blessing of the naysayer is that they do you the favor of making your skin thick, making your resolve resolute and pointing out everything that can go wrong. The naysayer is valuable in that he or she provides a counterpoint and a critical thinking element that may assist you in finding weaknesses in your strategy and pointing out pitfalls you may not have considered. The naysayer is an information source and someone who, if you can keep your ego in check, may actually be doing you a favor by making you defend or evaluate your project closely. One of my biggest supporters in my investments has been at times a naysayer. He has picked things apart for me and frankly he has pissed me off at times. But he has done me a valuable service in taking the time to point out potential flaws that I can then plan for or around.

Thought 12: Start with a finite exit strategy or end goal and make a step-wise progression to get there. When you start out to accomplish something, you need that something to have parameters. This is also inherently self-limiting. However there is value in self-limitation while you build belief. Maybe you aspire to be President one day. That is great but that isn't the initial office to seek unless you are someone like Donald Trump who has sufficient chops to be taken seriously with President being his first attempt in running for office. Trump has tons of other experience that the public can look at and say "OK. I can take this guy seriously as a Presidential contender." Not so the local fraternity member or the IT manager in an office somewhere. But the fraternity guy can run for student government, the IT guy for school board or county commissioner, etc. Once you reach an interim goal you can start building from there. Ann Richards, former governor of Texas, started as a county commissioner. She worked her way up to governor and rose to national prominence from her position as the leader of Texas. You can always adjust your strategy and expand it once your belief catches up. Huge goals are often so far away that we get discouraged before we get started. I used to think I would never get to 12 properties. When I had 5 suddenly 12 seemed attainable so I reset my end goal to 24. When I got to 18 I reset to 36, etc. Something else amazing happens here too when you are positively reinforcing your ability to reach attainable goals. You start to leap ahead faster and faster as you become intrinsically aware that self-limitation is just that...and you start to remove your limits, which catapults you along that much faster.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Well, to play the devil's advocate, I don't think it's really that important what you do in your public life. What's really important is keeping a healthy private life. Public life is just to keep the wolf from the door; private life is for cultivating your own garden.

When people get too obsessed with success, they tend to identify their life with all the external 'trappings'. They then loose the richness of their inner life, and that is all we can take with us after retirement from the world.

 

[BeExcellent]

When people get too obsessed with success, they tend to identify their life with all the external 'trappings'. They then loose the richness of their inner life

True enough. I think many people have the opposite problem however, that being an inability to focus on success sufficiently to move purposefully in that direction. I'm not suggesting you are one of those people - I'm simply pointing out that the view you have expressed is fairly common out there in the world

There is the temptation to assign "bad juju" to the pursuit of success. It is my belief that people who assign "bad juju" to the pursuit of success are not the ones out there seeking success (remember this means success in whatever way a person might define it - for one person that might be a college degree and the ensuing job opportunities - for someone else it might mean having a 7 figure net worth or higher,)

My goal is an 8 figure net worth and passive income to do as I please, live as I please and handle whatever end of life expenses I and my ex might incur. I just barely have a 7 figure net worth now. I have university expenses looming for 3 children. So I have more to go toward my goal.

I think I have good quality of life. I have historically worked my tail off in order to obtain the financial freedom I am seeking and I am close to my goal. I can now often sleep in while everyone else gets up and goes to work. Or I get the children to school and come home to catch a morning nap. Of course sometimes I have to get up and go to work too, and I do travel a great deal, but I get to do it more on my schedule than most people and can prioritize my personal life and work my career around those priorities. I can afford domestic help when I'm away. I could care less about trappings for the sake of appearances. I do like good quality things, which tend to be more expensive (and also last longer), and I despise paying full retail for anything. I don't consider myself wealthy (yet) but I am self-sufficient and well off. It's nice to be able to pay for things without worrying about money, whether those things be the house payment, the kids soccer league fees, a new article of clothing, some steak (meat is horrendously expensive) or the summer vacation (or three) without borrowing and without worrying.

If I don't work for 3 months, or 6 months, my family will be OK. Perhaps even a year. If needed I can always strip assets or sell something to stay in financial good graces. There is a richness, confidence and secure feeling that comes from having one's affairs set up in such a way. It is more than worth the sacrifices I made (and I did make some). I'd do it all over...no I'd start 15 or 20 years earlier if I had it to do over again knowing what I know now. I hope some of the young guys in particular get some value from this thread. These are the things I am teaching my son and my daughters. No one taught me when I was just getting started so I had a great deal to figure out the hard way and learned through many expensive lessons I could have done without.

But I'm also aware that people distrust those who pursue success to a degree. Especially in the beginning when the only tangible attribute is desire. If you seek success guard your desire and do not let anyone discourage you no matter what; not your friends, not your parents, not your boss or teacher. Do not let any body steal your dream.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thought 13: People are not going to like it when you start talking about success, moving toward success or achieving a success oriented goal. These people are at times going to be the ones closest to you. Your mom, your brother, your best friend, in some cases your wife or girlfriend. Why? Because the people close to you (and those around you generally) do not think you are any "better" than they are. You aren't in a human sense...but if you want success your thinking (which they can't see or quantify) is going to set you apart from those who do not have success thinking.

What this means is that as you start moving ahead of those closest to you and those in your current peer group, people around you may feel threatened by your new perspective and your successes. This is because since they think they are the same as you they actually will feel inferior to you for not having the balls to do what you are doing. They will become envious in some cases and project their negativity on you.

You must not allow these projections from others to dilute your desire. Nearly everyone in my own family laughed at me. My mom said I was materialistic and selfish, my aunt called me an aspiring slum lord, my dad refused to lend to me, my step-grandfather refused to advise me (besides telling me to read "Richest Man in Babylon" - which I did and then I bought him a new copy since he had lost his). None of these people with the exception of my step-grandfather had managed to accumulate any wealth, and my step-grandfather had grown children who were constantly looking for hand-outs so I could understand his hestitation (he thought I was looking for a hand-out too.)

My high school best friend thought I was a social climber (we have re-connected now and she doesn't think this anymore), and lots of people put me down along the way...but I kept going and found lots of people who did encourage me and who did want me to succeed.

When my step-grandfather was terminally ill with cancer I took my then 14 month old son and family to visit him and my grandmother. My Pops (as we called him) invited me into the formal dining room. By then I had been making a 6 figure income for a number of years and supporting my family on my income alone. What happened next was poignant and sad (although validating).

My step-grandfather said to me: "I remember a few years ago you came to me for financial advise, and I gave you a book to read and nothing more. I regret that decision. Clearly you were looking for my wisdom rather than my money. I see that now. I regret not taking the time to teach you the things I know about business, the markets, and success because I could have taught you a great deal. I'm proud of what you have accomplished on your own and I hope you continue to create wealth and handle your affairs. I hope you can forgive me. I misjudged you."

Talk about bittersweet. He was dead a month later. I will never forget his apology. I had earned his respect.

 

[switch7]

This thread is very inspiring. Thank you BeExcellent.

 

[switch7]

Hey BeExcellent - it would be very interesting to hear your approach/thoughts on staying consistent i.e. daily routines, habits etc, how you tackle procrastination and anything related to willpower - if possible. Thanks

 

[BeExcellent]

Thought 14: Do not sit idle. Do not procrastinate.

Remember from basic physics the Law of Inertia: A body at rest tends to stay at rest; a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

Building success is dependent on motion. Take baby steps to reach your goals. Refer to Thought 10 above about journaling or blogging or writing down goals but this is an expansion of that. This is similar to Thought 8, Commit and Never Quit, but this is earlier in the manifestation process.

Some of the people closest to me in my life have wasted YEARS waiting around for the "perfect" circumstances, the "perfect" opportunity, the "perfect" idea or concept. The fact that something isn't perfect becomes the justification for not doing it at all. The US Marine Corps has a mantra to find the 70% solution (because the 100% perfect solution may not be out there!!)

Just get going and you'll figure it out on the fly. @switch7 wanted some thoughts on battling procrastination. Be too busy doing something to procrastinate. This is where very basic habits become EXTREMELY important.

Remember from Thought #5

Your subconscious mind will believe whatever you tell it habitually and act accordingly.

If you habituate your mind to staying put, to being still you become stagnant. Procrastination is a stagnant mental state. The way to remove stagnation and procrastination is through motion. Now. That initially may not be motion toward your stated end goal. If you have some big end goal and yet you are a habitual procrastinator your end goal is going to overwhelm you just by existing. You have to start small and teach your mind, (which if you recall accepts whatever inputs you provide as absolute truth) that you CAN do something, however small. Your mind needs to see results to build belief.

So find an action to do that you can do on a daily basis that will over time give a desired result.

For example, go lift weights. Make a list that today you are going to lift weights and put on there that you are going to do 3 sets of bench, 2 sets of squats and 2 sets of dumbbell flys. Or make a list that you are going to walk 2 miles, or make a list that you are going to read a chapter in a book that you want to read, you are going to say hi and smile at 3 people today or 5 people today, whatever it is, make it something you can 1. Write down, 2. Cross off, 3. See a result from. Set a time to do this activity and then hold yourself accountable for doing it. This is key.

Set an alarm on your phone. Gee time to go run, time to go walk, time to chat up people while grocery shopping...if you are a musician, set aside 30 minutes to practice each day...whatever! Do this new habit for 30 days. Make a 30-day commitment to yourself. Each night make the next day's list of things to do, and each night review and look at your progress from the day before. This way if you feel like you didn't get anywhere even if you did your things...you don't quit...you've given yourself a 30-day period in which you are going to do whatever IT is, no matter what. After 30 days of consistent action you will establish a new (+) habit and you will be able to see a manifest result from the habit. You are moving forward.

Over time this clears stagnation from your mind and runs off procrastination. You are re-programming your subconscious to be a doer.

Have other people assist you in getting going for your run say, or off to early coffee or to the gym. Make your bed when you get up each morning, tidy up your space. You'll feel better and be less likely to crawl back in bed (I love to sleep in and I tend to run late to everything if I am not disciplined - I often do better if I have to meet someone).

Once you establish basic habits that you can see results from expand the practice to other aspects of your life. If you don't like your current job, set a goal to start interviewing, look at 5 job postings a day, work for 20 minutes a day on reaching out to potential employment leads, to tweaking your resume, etc. Put it on your list with your work out and your other goals. If you are now running a couple of miles a day, see if you can run them a little faster. Always reset your goals to keep improving. Create an improvement mindset. An improvement mindset is a success mindset.

But start small if you need to. There is no shame in starting small. That is better than not starting at all. You have to create different inertia.

To go from being a body at rest (procrastinating) to being a body in motion (doing things/building habits) energy is required. So commit to expend the energy, however small the amount may be at first. The good news is that once you get into the habit of doing the things from which you can see results, it is easier to continue to do them.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thought 15: Reward yourself for hard work and goals accomplished. We are all a little like Pavlov's dogs in some way or another. If you train your brain to a reward based upon a goal reached, guess what, you are going to create a motivation to accomplish more things, and you are simultaneously going to create an expectation for additional rewards when you accomplish more. This is an ascending cycle so the reward piece is in my opinion very important.

The reward can be anything but take care that your award doesn't undermine your accomplishment. Example: Don't eat ice cream to reward yourself for losing 10 pounds. This reward counteracts your reinforcement of your goal. Similarly don't buy yourself something expensive on your credit card as a reward for paying off your credit card debt.

If you lose 10 pounds, get yourself a new shirt; get yourself a professional shave - something else to reinforce your improvement of your looks and your health.

If you pay off all your credit card debts, get your self a little something with cash - or go enjoy a little half day trip somewhere cool - reward yourself yourself in a way that reinforces your step toward financial freedom.

I tend to get my nails done, get a massage, or go out for a drink somewhere nice when I want to reward myself. Or I get something personal for my home or some bubblebath (I'm a chick so go figure) but I reward myself based on the accomplishment. I might buy a cute skirt if I lose a little weight I wanted off, or I might buy myself something a bit bigger if I pay off a house.

The main thing is establish some kind of reward system so you are patting yourself on the back (and reinforcing to your subconscious that you are doing something of merit.)

More later (and please be invited to contribute...some of you are more successful than I am; I can gain from your insights just as perhaps some may gain from mine.)

To Your Success Gents!

 

[BeExcellent]

Shameless Bump.

Thought 16: Be Your Own Best Advocate (and Reward Those who Believe in You)

Who believes in you the strongest? Who advocates hardest on your behalf? Your mom? Your wife? Your buddies? The answer for the most successful people in the world is ME!!!

You must become sold out to your abilities and also become impervious to your haters, detractors and those who want to see you fall flat.

This means you are your best advocate, promoter and staunchest believer in yourself. Along the way you will meet other people who are also convinced you are great. Some in this group will believe strongly enough in you to offer you opportunities. Take these opportunities and reward their faith in you by your actions.

In my life I have private money investors one of whom has known me since I was a child. I sought him out as a mentor. After he had been advising me about business affairs for several years (and seen me screw up a time or two) I called for his perspective on a deal that seemed really great, but was a huge stretch for me. It was a deal where I saw enormous opportunity but I had no idea how I was going to get it financed. As we were analyzing the deal he said "Tell ya what BeExcellent, I like this deal. I'll back you on it"...and he did, along with subsequent deals. I meet my obligations to him like clockwork. I REWARD his trust & belief in me. His trust and belief has greater value than $.

What would have happened if I had said to myself "Well darn. Sure wish I could do that...."?

That deal was the springboard from which I DOUBLED my real estate holdings and catapulted my net worth over 1M. It closed 2 weeks after my divorce was final...so I didn't let "bad timing" get in my way either.

 

[fastlife]

Awesome collection of information. With the qualification that I'm very much a work in progress, I'll add a few of my own. At first brush, some of them might seem contradictory, but I don't think that's the case at all; I can think of very few successful principles that aren't, on some level, paradoxical.

Embrace Failure. It's not only inevitable, but also extremely valuable. Learn to enjoy it--trying to avoid it results in fear & procrastination; Learn to let it go--basking in it or overintellectualizing it (What if I had done X instead of Y?) leads to victim-hood, self-pity, and neuroticism. There is no shame in doing the best with what you know at the time & trusting that you'll do better next time.

Assume FULL Responsibility. Recognize there are things beyond your control--but prioritize your own agency always & still take responsibility. Things didn't go as planned--you're responsible. An inadvertent disaster struck--you're responsible. Your partner fvcked up--you're responsible. Now responsibility =/= self-blame. Recognize there are things beyond your control & forgive them and yourself. Harboring resentment is counterproductive. Self-victimization is counterproductive. Blaming the market, your partner, anything outside of your control is counterproductive.

Risk Tolerance is a Time-Depreciating Resource. Take chances when you're young. Success can be had at any age; but you'll never have more potential opportunities & thus anti-fragility than when you are young. Too many people play it safe when they're young and think that once they're secure in X, Y, and Z they'll be in a better position to chase their dreams. But it doesn't work that way. Yeah, you might have more capital but you'll have more to lose, more responsibilities to other people, fewer chances to start over. I think you'll agree, @BeExcellent that you're a bit of an anomaly in that regard. Doubtless you learned things in your 20's that contributed to your success--but the fact that you took those risks at that place in your life is pretty astounding. Most people won't. Inertia and all that.

Know when to walk away. This seems directly in contradiction to Thought 8, but it's not. Be fully committed to your plan of action; act decisively; embrace adversity; don't give up when things get hard. But know when to quit. Ego will keep you pushing down paths that lead to nowhere or sticking to actions that have proven themselves ineffective. But time is a finite resource & emotional fortitude has its limits. Pushing too far can lead to much longer set backs. Again, it comes down to embracing failure: much better to lose the battle on your terms than to set yourself up to lose the war. If you're honest with yourself, you'll know when it's time to throw in the towel & regroup.

Be flexible with your goals. Again, this seems contradictory to some of the Thoughts, but it doesn't have to be. Have a specific vision, but realize that you will grow, your goals might change, and things ain't always pretty. Some people stay so committed to having things look a certain way that they miss out on other opportunities. Some people become ego-invested that they spend tons of time chasing something that they don't even really want anymore.

Recognize the role of luck. This seems paradoxical to assuming responsibility, but luck plays a role. Some goals will simply never be achieved without some dumb luck along the way. Right place, right time, right people. But luck is also somewhat within your influence. The harder you work, the more you network, the more chances you give yourself to succeed, the luckier you'll be.

You are not defined by your successes. This is a point on which I've gotten into it a lot with other, probably more successful SS members. But if your success defines you, failure also defines you. Your self-concept is at the mercy of external forces and you are not your own mental point of origin. Detach yourself from your actions and from their results. Prioritize the process; the process is what gets you where you want to be. Everything else is just noise. Your ego will want to focus on the applause, but the applause can just as easily change to jeers and boos.

Overall, awesome thread & hope my contributions were useful and that we'll have some other members chime in.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thought 17: Be VERY Specific

Years ago I was a network marketing business owner. I used to hear messaging all the time about "build your dream" and so on. Long ago I thought that was hokey along with the positive thinking stuff. I now understand neither is hokey. Not even a little.

What do you want? The degree of specificity with which you answer this question will program your mind (see Thought 5) to find pathways to manifest your dreams and goals.

I do not fully understand WHY this works...I am here to tell you it does. I'm amazed by it constantly, which reinforces my belief that it involves the subconscious mind.

Put exactly what you want to achieve, obtain or overcome out into the universe. Be specific. The other weekend I looked at 2.5M dollar homes on a Sunday. Guess where I will reside in the near future?

 

[BeExcellent]

Really appreciate your points @fastlife and agree with them.

As Guru would say, we must maintain fluidity.

Life is dynamic & we must always observe & respond to the conditions around us.

If an old lady like me can do this anybody can.

Now will you?

 

[synergy1]

First i'll say thanks for posting content like this. I have been a member on these forums for a better part of 9 years or so, and many threads can easily be derailed by anything and everything. Some folks post very useful content, which is why I stick around! I don't know your background, but you seem like the type who has just made things happen and have the wisdom to share.

I wanted to expound on Item #5 from your post. I recently read a book on Influence and our physiological triggers. As it turns out, humans are creatures of consistency. This mental shortcut actually serves us well because we are able to automate most tasks in order to achieve things we need to. For our ancestors, it was usually just securing provisions and hunting. By maintaining consistency, we were able to subdivide out labor efforts and ultimately achieve more. That sort of thing. However now, these heuristics actually can plague us.

During The Korean Wars, the Chinese were able to convert Americans to communism. These were prisoners of war that were battle hardened, and never gave out more than rank or name. How did the Chinese do it? They played upon our need for consistency in our actions. At first, they didn't interrogate men who were captured, but instead offered them additional provisions if they did seemingly simple tasks. These tasks usually started out by WRITING down things about America that needed work, or about how China wasn't as bad as they thought. For example, a pow might write something that Communism doesn't work, but state an instance of where it might work. Conversely, they might write about how the USA is a good place to live, but certain things need work. What was happening here? By writing down their thoughts, the americans actually were re-aligning their personality and since it was written down, they could not deny it to others.

So you might ask, well didn't other American POWs decide to ostracize those who wrote slightly pro chinese or anti American sentiments? Well actually no. Because many were doing this, and the group was beginning to develop a new mental trajectory. The Chinese would hold essay competitions where the american who wrote the best essay would receive additional benefits ( better food etc). These weren't always pro-chinese essays that won...some were pro american. In time, the many captured american wrote home about the good care they received, and many returned with anti-american sentiment.

What was happening here? People want to remain consistent in their thoughts and actions. as soon as they wrote down small concessions about china, they started actualizing this belief. Many believe that this is the reason that the pows subverted efforts for others to escape and started holding pro Chinese opinion.

The Chinese knew they could convert people by the simple act of writing things down. People seek an outward appearance of approval, and this is done via consistency between actions and beliefs. So many of the prisonors actually started believing what they were writing, not by coercion, but by the simple fact that our mental shortcut is to maintain said consistency.

So back to your point, writing stuff down *can* actually change you. Until last week, I thought this stuff was kinda BS. I am really hard on myself. I am in the same position as you in the sense of trying to develop my own business and become financially independent. But I tell myself often that women don't like me ( they won't date me as a result) or even at times that my work isn't good enough ( those projects never went too far as a result) Now I am fully convinced by understanding this facet of thinking that there needs to be a change for me here.

To bring actionable items to the table here - I'll cite an example of how this works in a good way (and by accident, this is how I did things without understanding this principal). I have been developing my own ecommerce site from scratch. a daunting task for someone who switched careers and is basically living minimum wage. What I have been doing to get this project done is the same way you outlined earlier - I list the action items i need to do, than email my business partner about what will get done. No gimmiks, just putting a complicated task on the table and doing it. For example, in one case I needed a better backend...I stated that it would be done in the first week in feburary. I need to get a fully PCI compliant system done in 5 days in march. It got done. I need to get secure nginx web server up with highly encrypted certificates? I did it. period. I make the list and cross it off.

The whole thing got done. Its amazing how well this trick worked. So while I was down on myself at points, the actionable items helped me ( someone with *no* development experience outside of my own) produce what I consider to be a functional high quality product. As a lesson learned, i'll be doing this much more going forward. It is a fact I can do any of this stuff. Its a fact anyone can. Believing in ones self is so crucial, and that is something I wish I could go back in time and tell myself. Many others did, and why I didn't listen is a mystery.

Anyway thanks for the inspiration. I'll be re-reading this post and commenting more as many experiences are very congruent with what I am going through now.

Have a good weekend.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

The good news for you @PrettyBoyAJ and anyone else who is young & ambitious is that anyone can do this with enough determination & focus.

I turned my first home into a rental when my family outgrew it and so we were buying a second larger home. The market had a recent downturn and I was unwilling to take a loss on the first home when I could afford a bigger house & just rent the first one. I was 32 weeks pregnant with my second kid, supporting my family on solely my income, and if everything failed it was my ass. I was almost 35 years old and had been earning six figures in my field for 5 years by then. I have a bachelor degree level education.

So if a 35 year old chick with a family wholly dependent on her income can do it without a fancy advanced degree, surely you can. In fact you ought to kick my ass. Frankly I'll be disappointed if you don't.

I buy inexpensive rent houses & small multis, sometimes with issues other buyers are afraid of, fix & rent. I use property managers and I manage them remotely. That's all I do.

Read my thread Success Starts Between Your Ears in this forum for the mental fortitude side of things. Very important.

Now it should be obvious that the devil is in the details.

As far as the pragmatic side I needed something I could do on the side while working full time and traveling all over. Real estate fit the bill.

Since you are making good money, set plenty aside. Avoid debt, especially consumer debt & debt on things that lose value (cars). If you are not debt free with the exception of mortgage debt, get out of debt and stay out. Run on cash.

Live below your means & stockpile discretionary income in a liquid account so once you are ready you can deploy it.

While you stockpile capital do your homework.

What is your dream? Mine was originally financial independence before my kids were grown, so I could be a mom. It's Tuesday afternoon. I'm home with my kids about to take a nap. When I wake up I'll check client email & take the kids to eat and see a movie. Two houses rented up this week. Both times I got a text and a deposit. Life is good.

What drives you?

The answer matters because it tells you how to go & in what direction. It isn't enough to be envious of someone else's accomplishments...you have to be driven yourself by your own driving reasons. What are yours?

PM me or we can converse here.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my questions. Money motivates me to be completely honest. I'm a cheap guy but I like nice things such as places and cars.

I'm not interested in buying a house to live in. I'm actually fine renting. But I would like extra income on the side and you built it up to make six figures and I'm sure I can do that to if I put the time in.

My dream is to be able to own multiple businesses. Have multiple sports cars and just live life without a worry.

I look forward to hearing back from you. Also, I am located in the Atlanta, Georgia area.

 

[wifehunter]

Brainz....Is zombies favorite food.

 

[backbreaker]

there was as 3 week period back in.. 2003 where i came.. honenestly.. within days, of quitting my business.

**** had happened. our orders were being held by a merchant and we weren't getting paid. couldn't buy food. couldn't pay bills. i had to sleep on my dad's floor for a month. and the entire month, he's just ****ing wearing down on me. get a real job. why can't you just do this part time. why you sitting around here doingt this whyen you can be making real money

then one day, because i had got tired of sleeping ont he floor for 3 ****ing weeks and my back was hurting, i had the nerve to get a hotel room for 3 days to sleep in a real bed. i had done the grunt 2work to get our money released and i knew it was a matter of time before i got it, and i had made some moves to get 200 dollars on me to go sleep in a bed and order a pizza

my
so i get back t;o my dad's house and they literally have azn intervention style meeting with me. my mom is there. my dad is there. mind you.. this is 3 years before i touched a drug lol. i wasn't a drug addict, i was an entrapuener


and for 2 hours they let me have it. non stop. you need to go to rehab. an d i mean, i got to sit there and take it. how old was I? 19? I almost broke. I'm running a business that no one understands, no one cares to understand. that was the first time i ever stood up to my parents I remember saying look. you can call me a drug addict, you can call me lazy you can shame me, i know what i am, god knows what i am, and i'm not going anywhere utnil i do what i came here to do, which was to completely fix my merchant situattion once and forall so that going forward this wont' be a problem and i'm not making short term decisions to fix long term problems. You're not going to shame me into getting a part time job. YOu'ern ot going to run me off before i accomplish what i came here to do. I knew i was going to be gone in like 2 weeks anyway.

barely, but i made it 2 more weeks and never looked back.

Successful people, believe in themselves. To a fault. I knew my business I knew what was going to happen and I kjenw the only way it would not happen, the ONLY way, was that if was forced to move to early and i did something to rush the decision making process. they were doing fraud prevension **** on their end and needed time.


honestly i never really forgave my parents for that ****. never got an i'm sorry. nothing.