Think my girlfriend is losing attraction in me

[The North Dragon]

We're both 24 and been together for 6/7 months and evertthngs great until recently we've started arguing a lot more mostly about silly unnecessary sh1t. Apart from that though everything's good.

she came to mine tonight after we had a small fallout last. I got about loads of different things. One which was a guy that tried to hit on her whilst I wasn't there but we talked about it and everything's good. She was the one that told me about it and she's removed him from social media without me asking. I think he goes to her gym so they've obviously spoke before but I told her I'm cool with it as long as she dismisses his attempts.

However tonight she's telling me somethings changed in our relationship, we obviously arguing a lot more and it's getting to the point where she feels it's bothering her so much she doesn't want to see me as much. She wants the spark back again where she can't wait to see me. There have been signs that her attraction is diminishing like the amount of texts/cute ones , snapchats she usually sends and generally how flirty she is with me. Never turns down sex, that's the one point that's really good in our relationship. It's not like we see each other every single day either and I always try let her most of the texting when we're not together.

She still says she loves me and always tells me she's scared to lose me and thinks I could just leave the relationship at anytime without a care in the world but is also quite insecure.

I admit to opening up too early on in the relationship by saying how this girl seems different to any other I've dated and we spoke about potentially moving in together quite early on because we both stay 40 minutes away from each other and would be handy for both us in terms of work and me traveling to uni.

I kind of do feel I've lost my focus and drive to work on myself and my study and possibly made her more a priority recently therefore should I look to reverse this for the time being and back off from my girlfriend for a while and let her come back?

 

[christoff522]

Ask yourself what you will lose.

It sounds like you will lose drama.

Let her go, don't just back off, just stop talking to her completely, and work on getting your focus back.

I feel sad in saying this, but it was never going to last, she is not 'the one', but you will still be you in 10 years time, and if you are here writing a paragraph about this, you are wasting potential time that could be spent on studying, and getting yourself set up for the future.

As the Japanese sensei would say "FOCUS! FOCUS".

 

[narcissist]

Dude I feel you man.

The same thing has somewhat happened to me and my girlfriend. First 7 months was unbelievable. I gamed her so well. Then this last month, the spark seems to have dwindled a little bit and she's been somewhat distant (less cute texts, less snap chats, less engagement). Fortunately, there are no fights between me and her. She is not the type to argue at all, and nor am I.

Because she has been a little more distant than she was before, I have become more attached to her. I became addicted to her strong emotional attachment towards me. And now that it has dwindled a little bit I find myself fighting to get that strong emotional attachment back from her. This was what I have been doing for a couple of weeks. It has made me grow a little bit of a one-itis for her.

Good thing I have recognized this unhealthy aspect and decided that the best course of action for me was to get back on my own sh1t. Start going to the gym again, start approaching women, start going out more, etc etc.

I am not doing this because I want her to develop that strong emotional attachment to me again (even though I suppose it began as that), rather i am doing it because I realize that this aint going to last forever, and like Christoff has said, I gotta work on myself because I will always be present in my own life.

So, my advice to you is to just get back on your own sh1t and start improving yourself again. Go to the gym, start talking to some other girls (even if you don't want to cheat, it is good to have some around because it reduces neediness), start going out more, start a daily journal.

Also, stop arguing with her, she knows not to cheat on you, she knows what you will be okay with and what you wont be okay with (or at least she should at 6 months into a relationship), if she cheats then move on, you wont be able to stop that, but arguing with her about it is only going to make her not like you. Girls don't want to fight, they want to have fun and be around someone that makes them laugh and turns them on. Bickering and arguing is one sure fire way to make her vag1na dry mate. I have made that mistake in the past and I have to make a concerted effort to stop bickering. Its super unattractive.

Another tip, is to take her out on action packed and interesting dates. No more chilling at home when you see her. Take her out man. Go for walks. find new places. Go bowling. Go mini-golf. Go to a pumpkin patch. And be fun and sexy.

Worst comes to worst, you guys will break up. (I have had to come to this realization too.) But usually this is what happens. Relationships have a shelf life. Never forget that. You'll be hurt for 2 months, and then you'll get over it.

 

[Fireballs]

It sounds like you've become lazy and complacent and you've stopped doing the things that attracted her to you in the first place.. A lot of men make this mistake, myself included.. Keep doing your hobbies and get new ones .. Keep studying/bettering yourself/raising your SMV/smashing it in the gym

Never stop dating your girl.. don't get into routines of going over each other's house and watching tv being boring .. take her out to new places .. make her feeeeeeel things/emotions..

You might notice her arguments don't make logical sense.. that's her hamster trying to rationalise why you don't make her vag tingle anymore ..

If it were me I'd cut off all contact and wait for her to initiate and start focusing on myself and my goals ..

All relationships have an expiry date..this might be yours ..

 

[narcissist]

It sounds like you've become lazy and complacent and you've stopped doing the things that attracted her to you in the first place.. A lot of men make this mistake, myself included.. Keep doing your hobbies and get new ones .. Keep studying/bettering yourself/raising your SMV/smashing it in the gym

Never stop dating your girl.. don't get into routines of going over each other's house and watching tv being boring .. take her out to new places .. make her feeeeeeel things/emotions..

You might notice her arguments don't make logical sense.. that's her hamster trying to rationalise why you don't make her vag tingle anymore ..

If it were me I'd cut off all contact and wait for her to initiate and start focusing on myself and my goals ..

All relationships have an expiry date..this might be yours ..

100% agree with this mate!

Boring routines, laziness and complacency, petty arguments and bickering, and a lack of passion = death of all relationships.

 

[narcissist]

I feel like i might have to try this. ^^^

 

[backbreaker]

By the time you start thinking this it's too late

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Ok as you all know most relationships with women are a power struggle and a race to show indifference first so as not to be hurt and to come out "ontop" as they call it..

How many times have we been dumped of suddenly she stops acting cool wen we thought everything was great and she loved us? lol..

Its simple females are usually 3 to 4 steps ahead of us in the game. hence they do most of the dumping and ignoring etc. We can easily turn that table, but it takes bravery strength confidence and at least 3 other females options on had at all times...lol

WHEN ITS ALL GOING GREAT ANDN SHE SEEMS IN LOVE AND IS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT AND WANTS TO SEE YOU ALL THE TIME, TEH EMOTIONAL PEAK OF THE HONEY MOON PHASE, YOU MUST DUMP HER SUDDENLY WITH NO EXPLANATION FOR 3 DAYS!!!
Then contact her playing the victim and explain that you are just not sure if it can work out!! No be aloof let her call and text you only respond to one quarter of her contact! Sit back and watch her chase. She loves the drama and the instability that you threw upon her and se wants you more than ever.. WHY! cause you dont want her and you dumped her BEFOR she stopped wanting you!

Now you have 90% of the power and you can do what ever you choose just F her, take her back. or what ever you want she will be willing. You will be controlling the game not her

So pre-empt being dumped by being the dumper not dumpee?

 

[The North Dragon]

I think I have got lazy and complacement with her and not spending quality time with her actually doing things. We both lead busy lives over summer always doing things but it's slowly going downhill maybe I need to improve that.

Like I said before she's sick of arguing as am I but one thing she told me is when we do argue she thinks I talk to her in a patronising way which I think I may need to improve on but this is based on the way she acts around others when I'm in her presence. She doesn't like to be hated by anyone and it seems she will talk to anyone at anytime regardless of what gender which I suppose it's not a bad thing. I think this sort of makes me insecure because when she talks to people or if it's males I feel she should be disregarding them in the conversation a little bit quicker than I'd like her too if that makes sense? I never mention this to her though I keep it too myself but It may cause an argument in another way.

Another part I forgot to mention

She also told me this relationship is exactly the type she wants and has only ever desired to be treated the way she is by me but doesn't know why the ways she feels. Prior to me she was a LTR of 5 years and treated poorly, cheated on and eventually she left.

There is this girl at her work who recently came back from travelling and I think she's filling my girls head with ideas as she mentioned it to me. She isn't sure whether she wants to do it yet but isn't ruling it out. I gave her the freedom to do as she pleases and if she wants to go then she's more than welcome to.

 

[Igetit!]

I was going to do a long breakdown of your post to show you where I believe you went wrong at...."(and yeah......it's an error on YOUR PART),but seeing as how it's almost 5:30 am,I'll just go straight to the solution. Here..... (can't believe I wrote this 7 years ago)

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....ing-to-a-womans-emotions.156533/#post-1550301


If she's still willing to see you and spend time with you,you still MAY be able to salvage things.......but if she's flaking,making excuses,and just doing any and everything she can to not see or hang out with you,you're likely better to just simply move on.

 

[The North Dragon]

I was going to do a long breakdown of your post to show you where I believe you went wrong at...."(and yeah......it's an error on YOUR PART),but seeing as how it's almost 5:30 am,I'll just go straight to the solution. Here..... (can't believe I wrote this 7 years ago)

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....ing-to-a-womans-emotions.156533/#post-1550301


If she's still willing to see you and spend time with you,you still MAY be able to salvage things.......but if she's flaking,making excuses,and just doing any and everything she can to not see or hang out with you,you're likely better to just simply move on.

That's really interesting read right there so thanks for sharing that.

You mention about going back to the basics and treating her like a woman you don't know that well yet others are saying back off and let her get in contact. I can't help but feel if I just pull off from contacting her it could help the situation?

No she isn't flaking she's still opening to seeing me and stuff.

Would you suggest I let her try contact me and when she does just arrange a date the get off the phone followed up by meet up, have fun and possibly sex?

 

[Glassguy]

I think she told you about this dude from the gym to plant a seed in your head. That seed is "you dont have to worry about him" and behind your back she is talking to or seeing the guy. No woman will ever bring stuff up unless they want to give you a false sense of security.

Now move on to her saying "I want to get back to what we had": Here is the truth. Relationships change. No relationship stays in the "honeymoon" period forever. NONE.

She is basically verbalizing what is going on in her head, which is a power struggle between the security of your 7 month relationship and "new fun and adventure". Thats all it is. At 7 months the relationship has hit a comfort zone, its not as passionate and exciting anymore.

If she is at the point that she brings this up to you, ITS OVER. You're probably being the most normal version of yourself at this point in the relationship (stopped being an actor to impress her) and that's not getting it done for her. If she is bored with you at 7 months, imagine what this relationship is going to be at 2 years. Dont let her change you dude, move on.

The best thing you can do is tell her that you agree and move on. Let her see how green the grass is on the other side.

 

[El Payaso]

The only way to get your girlfriend's attention again is to NOT WANT IT.

That means, like others have said, doing things for yourself. Studying, working, working out, taking part in hobbies you find interesting, spending more time with your actual friends instead of her and most importantly, dating other women.

Yes, date other women. You will find that the pedestal that is growing under your girlfriend will start to whittle away.

Drop this mental idea that you have to be faithful because I guarantee you, women don't hesitate to delay the branch swinging process when they lose interest in you. She's already talking to other men. All it takes is one argument and she will seek comfort in another man.

Another tip is, at the start of a relationship, when she sends you constant cute texts, snaps, pics etc. Tell her point blank not to send them. Rationalize it to her that you don't like phone interactions because they're shallow. You prefer in person because it's more authentic.

It might sound cool blooded but the real reason is so you can reduce her various forms of emotional entrapments.

I also wouldn't recommend taking her out on more "action dates" to "increase her interest". You don't increase your efforts when a woman's efforts are decreasing. What you do is start to withdraw yourself away. You should always give a woman half the effort she gives.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She's very insecure and can't deal with the fact that relationship dynamics change after the initial thrill is over and it settles into a more mature relationship. She's addicted to the initial thrills and wants to feel them again, not realizing that that ship has sailed.

In a case like this, it's always necessary to pre-emptively turn the tables. This will shock her and turn her on her head. My response would be:

"I think you're right. Since you don't feel the same way, and you don't want us to be together as much, it's obviously best that we part. I wish you well!"

This will thrust her into confusion-land where she will be forced to RESET her valuation of you and the relationship. It puts the responsibility of your leaving squarely on her shoulders, and women HATE responsibility (obvious, I know). She will be sent reeling, questioning herself and questioning the validity of her own doubts.

Most likely she will regain respect for you and come begging. If not, then the right thing has happened and you will be free of a relationship that would have dragged you down for months on end.

Preemptive strike, but make sure she knows it was HER idea. No drama, no discussion. Present it calmly and matter-of-factly, perhaps with a bit of wistfulness but projecting the calm demeanor of "It's for the better".

One other thing:
No discussion.

Oh, and one last thing:
No discussion.

p.s.
No discussion.

If you engage in discussion, you will absolutely lose frame. Take care of business and wait. She will either come back begging or you will be rid of something that was toxic to your well-being.

Sometimes these women need a serious reality check, to be shaken out of their silly conjectures and forced to take responsibility for their words and actions.

 

[sph21]

The only way to get your girlfriend's attention again is to NOT WANT IT.

That means, like others have said, doing things for yourself. Studying, working, working out, taking part in hobbies you find interesting, spending more time with your actual friends instead of her and most importantly, dating other women.

Yes, date other women. You will find that the pedestal that is growing under your girlfriend will start to whittle away.

Drop this mental idea that you have to be faithful because I guarantee you, women don't hesitate to stay the branch swinging process when they loser interest in you. She's already talking to other men. All it takes is one argument and she will seek comfort in another man.

Another tip is, at the start of a relationship, when she sends you constant cute texts, snaps, pics etc. Tell her point blank not to send them. Rationalize it to her that you don't like phone interactions because they're shallow. You prefer in person because it's more authentic.

It might sound cool blooded but the real reason is so you can reduce her various forms of emotional entrapments.

I also wouldn't recommend taking her out on more "action dates" to "increase her interest". You don't increase your efforts when a woman's efforts are decreasing. What you do is start to withdraw yourself away. You should always give a woman half the effort she gives.

El Payaso is right. Text game is bad if you want a good relationship. Too much texts will kill attraction faster because both of you will become bored faster. Over communicating is bad. You must give her time to miss you & you can't do it if you both keep texting every day.

You lose her because you cared too much for her. Why would you make the same mistake with increasing your efforts on taking her to some action dates?

If you want the relationship to work, your role is to care less than her. If she care less than you, then you have lost your role in the relationship. If you understand how women think, then you understand that women over think things. By being care less, you will be more mysterious to her. She will wonder her own worth towards you. She will try to prove herself to you. That means, she will think of you everyday & probably have a wild fantasy of you. If you decided to ignore her and she doesn't want to chase you, then you have lost the game. Let her go.

 

[sph21]

She's very insecure and can't deal with the fact that relationship dynamics change after the initial thrill is over and it settles into a more mature relationship. She's addicted to the initial thrills and wants to feel them again, not realizing that that ship has sailed.

In a case like this, it's always necessary to pre-emptively turn the tables. This will shock her and turn her on her head. My response would be:

"I think you're right. Since you don't feel the same way, and you don't want us to be together as much, it's obviously best that we part. I wish you well!"

This will thrust her into confusion-land where she will be forced to RESET her valuation of you and the relationship. It puts the responsibility of your leaving squarely on her shoulders, and women HATE responsibility (obvious, I know). She will be sent reeling, questioning herself and questioning the validity of her own doubts.

Most likely she will regain respect for you and come begging. If not, then the right thing has happened and you will be free of a relationship that would have dragged you down for months on end.

Preemptive strike, but make sure she knows it was HER idea. No drama, no discussion. Present it calmly and matter-of-factly, perhaps with a bit of wistfulness but projecting the calm demeanor of "It's for the better".

One other thing:
No discussion.

Oh, and one last thing:
No discussion.

p.s.
No discussion.

If you engage in discussion, you will absolutely lose frame. Take care of business and wait. She will either come back begging or you will be rid of something that was toxic to your well-being.

Sometimes these women need a serious reality check, to be shaken out of their silly conjectures and forced to take responsibility for their words and actions.

Do what Atom Smasher said. No drama & no discussion. I did that but made a mistake by adding drama to it. You can read my very first post on this site to see my mistakes.

 

[imported]

Never turns down sex, that's the one point that's really good in our relationship.

That mean's nothing. Many girls will never turn down sex, even till the day before she breaks up with you. She could have zero interest level and still never turn down sex.

Also her bringing up another guy is a sign of her low IL, and you biting the worm meant that you failed her test. You should have not reacted to it at all and stayed collected. If she had further interaction with the guy then you get some girl to interact with you, the gf would get the hint.

 

[Jetleg]

You failed her sh1t test.

when a woman says "its not what it used to be" she means "you are boring, i need to suck someone else's c0ck"

 

[wifehunter]

get a life!

no, seriously, women love guys with stuff going on!