Dealing with this 'Maybe' BS

[Konada]

Asked a girl out on a second date, got a whole load of BS.

Me: Free this Friday/Sunday? Let's go something fun and less accident prone
HB: Haha I'm not free. What do you have in mind though!
Me: Its a secret! Alright, you seem pretty busy so let me know when your schedule clears up and we'll make plans.
HB: Alright! Its my dad's birthday this weekend that's why, maybe next week?
Me: Okay, what days are you free next week?
HB: For now, maybe Tuesday/Saturday?

What response should I give?
1. Set a definite date based on a maybe
2. Tell her straight up 'Gotcha, let me know if you really have Saturday free and then we'll make definite plans.'

 

[marmel75]

You should realize she is waiting on a better opportunity to come along and even if you do make plans with her, she will likely bail if she gets a better opportunity between now and whenever the date it set.

I would tell them when they can give me an answer one way or the other to let me know and then not expect to hear from them.

 

[Filter]

I'd just text her close to the date and see what she says. Or try again in a week.

I agree it's relatively low interest.

 

[Konada]

You should realize she is waiting on a better opportunity to come along and even if you do make plans with her, she will likely bail if she gets a better opportunity between now and whenever the sate it set.

I would tell them when they can give me an answer one way or the other to let me know and then not expect to hear from them.

Yes I'm aware of it because I fvcked up the first date, I'm leaning towards going with option 2.

 

[Stugots26]

Under no circumstances do you accept a "maybe" date. You will be flaked on.

She has shown you no respect for your time. Essentially it's saying "I expect you to still be available last minute, so if nothing better is going on, I'll get back to you last minute."

You don't get what you deserve in life, only what you negotiate.

I typically say, "I'd prefer not to make a maybe date. It would be great to see you, so check your calendar, and when you figure out which night you're free, just let me know."

Then ghost her and let her get back to you. Stand your ground or get jerked around.

 

[marmel75]

Yes I'm aware of it because I fvcked up the first date, I'm leaning towards going with option 2.

How did you fvck up the first date?

 

[Konada]

How did you fvck up the first date?

Encountered resistance numerous times when I applied kino, arm around her, playing with her hair/neck etc. No kiss close.

 

[Shift]

I wouldn't say that's a maybe just yet! She 's opening up her schedule for you. Be a man and pick a day! "Okay Tuesday, it is then." Then gauge her response. If you get a maybe after that is when would say **** it and go NC until she responds

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Under no circumstances do you accept a "maybe" date. You will be flaked on.

She has shown you no respect for your time. Essentially it's saying "I expect you to still be available last minute, so if nothing better is going on, I'll get back to you last minute."

You don't get what you deserve in life, only what you negotiate.

I typically say, "I'd prefer not to make a maybe date. It would be great to see you, so check your calendar, and when you figure out which night you're free, just let me know."

Then ghost her and let her get back to you. Stand your ground or get jerked around.

Perfect. Date another plate during this time. She is playing the "too busy" or "I'm more important than you so I have more going on" GAME. When she contacts you before, during or after the date let her know you made other plans instead. Tell her she can get with you when she has a more concrete time in mind.

 

[grayclif]

Encountered resistance numerous times when I applied kino, arm around her, playing with her hair/neck etc. No kiss close.

I don't see this necesarily as a fvck up. This is low interest on her part and likely unworthy of a second date. Seek a date from a more interested lady.

 

[KingBeef]

IMO, I've got better things to do with my time rather than negotiate with some chick on a "maybe date." I would've dropped her and moved on.

 

[Stugots26]

"Ok great will you meet me TUES at (specific time and place)??"

I'd lose the question mark.

 

[Konada]

Went with my gut feeling and sent her this:

"I'd prefer not to make maybe plans. It'll be great to see you though, let me know when you have your free nights figured out."

The game is simple.

Keep approaching. Learn to love it.

Girl does what you want? She's a plate.

Girl doesn't do what you want? She isn't a plate.

No plates? Keep approaching.

Your abundance should dictate your own actions.



Well, for a start, my weekends are for more stable plates. Or it will be when I am fairly certain I will get the lay in my escalation with a new girl.

This girl is low-interest, and I would be losing motivation, if I were you.

I know that probably isn't what you want to hear. But I would roll-off. Possibility of flake is too high.

You have told her with your behaviour that you are lower-value than her. How do I know? I treat women like this. Once they get a whiff that you are in that position, they will start to jerk around your plans.

I'd next, if I were you. Or treat her as adventure sex, under a very limited circumstance.

Treat her like sh*t. You should be giving serious pushes to her - not chasing so much.

Well that's the confusing thing here. I'm not entirely sure how am I displaying lower value on the date by escalating and being present in the moment. Classic signs of hair flipping, eye contact and nitpicking herself don't mean sh!t if i can't escalate.

 

[Von]

When a girl says to a date invite : ''Maybe'' I consider that she's not interested.... or simply you a 2nd option.

When I say to a girl I wanna kiss you and she replies ''maybe'' - I consider it has a Yes (and I say it)... I always get the kiss.

Turn it into a playful thing.... either say '' I consider it a yes'' or tell her ''let me know now otherwise i'll organize myself differently''.

In all the cases... you have to lead her and give her the directions (no 2nd options or no... what you doing friday - sunday....) otherwise you confuse her.

Give her always a ''yes-no'' scenario...

Than go for it or next her

 

[Konada]

Do you have real abundance?

You can try to fake it, but women are very crafty. They figure out the smallest details - stuff that we don't even think about. You really can't fake it for long with them. It often shocks me the things women come out with.

A woman will very quickly place you into a category of what she thinks she can get away with. I have even noticed it often in the initial approach.

You have already had a date with this woman. That is plenty of time for her to size you up. Something about your vibe is giving off the impression that you can be messed with.

Now, you can improve this by making superficial adjustments, or you can improve this by increasing your abundance.

Less than I'd like to. No problems getting dates, getting past the first date is something I have never accomplished before.

 

[RangerMIke]

Maybe means no. Have this attitude and you will never be confused.

 

[ubercat]

No second dates is a bit odd. But hey at least you're not wasting time. I went through an annoying stage last year where they would often flake after the second date. Sometimes the universe just throws rocks at you for a while.

Then I had four interested girls in a row. So don't make too much of it good and bad runs happen.

I think maybe you need to go back to basics. Keep the date short ie. Make sure you're the one to end it. Kino to start and end. Keep the conversation on them. Drinks and playing pool in a bar. Bounce to a couple of venues e.g. ice cream or another bar. Walk them to their transport whenever it is. Go for a make out session.

If you followed this basic routine with 3 girls you d think you would get a second date with one of them. If not you're going to have to post some detailed field reports and get this sorted.

 

[MrWiggles]

Depends on how the first date went but she did say tuesday or friday. I think she was giving you an opportunity to lead when and where. "Ok Tuesday at so and so time and place" Then if she says ok see you or ok maybe then you can tell her you dont take maybes.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Me: Free this Friday/Sunday? Let's go something fun and less accident prone

I want to see you and I'm open BOTH friday and saturday so I'll arrange my schedule around yours...

Alright, you seem pretty busy so let me know when your schedule clears up and we'll make plans.

My schedule is wide open and YOU are the ONLY GIRL I have a chance with. I'll be waiting patiently until you're not busy!

Okay, what days are you free next week?

I'm just sitting here waiting for you, so let me know when YOU are free and I'll plan my schedule around YOU my princess!

For now, maybe Tuesday/Saturday?

What response should I give?

All right, I'll call you when things shape up.

Call her Monday, set SPECIFIC PLANS (not maybe something fun) for Tuesday. If she can't make it, forget it, find somebody else.

 

[CMNILS87]

Yes I'm aware of it because I fvcked up the first date, I'm leaning towards going with option 2.

How'd you **** up the first date? I managed to shake hands with a chick and later kissed her on a first date. Worst opener ever to a kiss. What'd you do?

You gotta flirt dude and make it organic.
I just confirmed a 3rd date with. Possible plate(daddy issues...)

Me: hey how was your day
Her: blah blah blah
Me: free about 6:30 sat night?
Her: yes!
Me: k good, I'm free, I'll swing by. Be ready at 6:30. Make sure to look super good for the kiss cam.
Her: oh stop it!
(This does 2 things, she's excited, and in a state of perpetual anxiety about a public kiss for 3 days, love it)

In your case she's testing you to lead. Step and time/date/place man. If she says yes, done deal.