How to increase ******* in easy-mode relationship

[IBreatheSpears]

I've recently started seeing someone regularly, not actually a relationship at this stage, but she's already doing the girlfriend thing (cooks for me, did all the dishes at my house, stole my t-shirt). She's cool, so I'm happy with the situation, but I'm going a little too beta. In fact she even told me I "should tell [her] to shut up more often", which I took to mean she wants me to have firmer boundaries, be a little less nice and a little more demanding.

Thing is, she's barely approached my boundaries -- most girls around here push you and you have to push back to get them to do anything, but she doesn't push, she pulls, and I don't have to push her, she does all these things for me on her own steam. It's hard to be demanding when all your needs are already being met. So what's the way forward?

 

[CMNILS87]

i dont think this is about being more demanding. It's just about being more dominant. If a girl verbally told you to tell her to shut up more, i would think shes a big crazy dude. Most sane chicks wont say that to a guy theyre causlly dating.

 

[icantgetlaid]

There was a chick i was dating who used to hint about wanting me to be more dominant even though I already naturally am relatively dominant with girls. Ultimately I didn't really like the 'pressure'. I just maintained the frame of "this is who i am, you don't like it, find someone else".

 

[Filter]

If a girl said that to me, outside of sex anyway, I'd say she's crazy and probably has some sort,of underlying issues, with daddy or otherwise. I've heard all sorts of weird **** during sex, but that's different.

Like I said, I'd say she's crazy and keep her at plate status. But, the way I view boundaries is from my experience with dating multiple women simultaneously. If, for example, girl A acts up, but I have girl B, why deal with girl A at all?

I keep this mentality throughout the relationships I have (as best I can anyway, it becomse severely more difficult the more committed and exclusive you are), and I think it translates into dominance to some extent. I often find myself scolding and lecturing girls I'm screwing these days because sometimes they act like brats and I have to,play the role of their father which seems to turn them on.

What I'm saying is, when she acts up, act like you have options.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm I bet @Bible_Belt could give you a few ideas. Maybe even some that won't get you arrested ;-)

 

[devilkingx2]

I've recently started seeing someone regularly, not actually a relationship at this stage, but she's already doing the girlfriend thing (cooks for me, did all the dishes at my house, stole my t-shirt). She's cool, so I'm happy with the situation, but I'm going a little too beta. In fact she even told me I "should tell [her] to shut up more often", which I took to mean she wants me to have firmer boundaries, be a little less nice and a little more demanding.

Thing is, she's barely approached my boundaries -- most girls around here push you and you have to push back to get them to do anything, but she doesn't push, she pulls, and I don't have to push her, she does all these things for me on her own steam. It's hard to be demanding when all your needs are already being met. So what's the way forward?

 

[IBreatheSpears]

The other guy she's dating that you're being compared to is more of an azzhole.

Don't think she's dating another guy, spent a lot of time with her last week. Doesn't really matter though.

Sounds like she nags or has a motormouth.

She doesn't; she talks about bull**** sometimes but all women do that. She also makes fun of me, but it's in a teasing way and I find it funny. I don't think she meant it literally. Think she meant she wants me to be willing to tell her to shut up. To be less nice basically. She does keep saying how sweet I am. Maybe that's another hint.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

If a girl said that to me, outside of sex anyway, I'd say she's crazy and probably has some sort,of underlying issues, with daddy or otherwise. I've heard all sorts of weird **** during sex, but that's different.

Like I said, I'd say she's crazy and keep her at plate status. But, the way I view boundaries is from my experience with dating multiple women simultaneously. If, for example, girl A acts up, but I have girl B, why deal with girl A at all?

I keep this mentality throughout the relationships I have (as best I can anyway, it becomse severely more difficult the more committed and exclusive you are), and I think it translates into dominance to some extent. I often find myself scolding and lecturing girls I'm screwing these days because sometimes they act like brats and I have to,play the role of their father which seems to turn them on.

What I'm saying is, when she acts up, act like you have options.

That's the thing, she doesn't act up, but she seems to think she does. She said it in an offhand kind of way, no harsh or demanding tone in her voice at all.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

That's horrible. Maybe she's not dating him now but she dated him in the past and that is her litmus test for you

Good to know. I'm gonna game some other girls and demote her to side-chick then. Ghost her for a few days and see what happens.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I had a girl last year who was fairly hot, former stripper, tell me "I like to be told to shut up." That was the first time I had heard a woman say that.

Go check out fetlife.com - it's a free site. They make you create a profile to join, but then you can see other see other profiles. I usually tell new women I am with that I want them to make a profile and list their kinks so that I can know them better.

 

[Glassguy]

Good to know. I'm gonna game some other girls and demote her to side-chick then. Ghost her for a few days and see what happens.

You know that may not be your best bet.

If the chick is into you, use your fvcking mouth and just ask her exactly what she meant by that. No reason to go from hot to cold on this chick for no reason.

Maybe she just wants you to be more assertive? Have a quick, no pressure talk with her about it. If the talk leads to more issues or red flags, deal with them then.

When chicks start getting comfortable, its not a great time to make them feel vulnerable. If you dont want her to do nice things for you (laundry, cook, clean) then by all means go ghost and run her off.

Point of the story, be yourself. You'll either mesh together or you wont. Dont do drastic sh!t because you arent mature enough to ask her what she meant.

 

[El Payaso]

Don't be fooled by the things she's doing. She's merely prepping you so you get used to those things. Sort of like a drug.

That's part of why you think you're getting beta. It's because you're getting too comfortable. When you least expect it, she will pull the rug from underneath you and stop doing those things she's doing right now.

The first few months are the easiest part of a relationship. Maintaining the relationship post-honeymoon is the challenging part.

Stay on your toes.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

You know that may not be your best bet.

If the chick is into you, use your fvcking mouth and just ask her exactly what she meant by that. No reason to go from hot to cold on this chick for no reason.

Maybe she just wants you to be more assertive? Have a quick, no pressure talk with her about it. If the talk leads to more issues or red flags, deal with them then.

When chicks start getting comfortable, its not a great time to make them feel vulnerable. If you dont want her to do nice things for you (laundry, cook, clean) then by all means go ghost and run her off.

Point of the story, be yourself. You'll either mesh together or you wont. Dont do drastic sh!t because you arent mature enough to ask her what she meant.

That is good advice, thanks. I tend to think in extremes, might be anxiety. Something to work on.

Don't be fooled by the things she's doing. She's merely prepping you so you get used to those things. Sort of like a drug.

That's part of why you think you're getting beta. It's because you're getting too comfortable. When you least expect it, she will pull the rug from underneath you and stop doing those things she's doing right now.

The first few months are the easiest part of a relationship. Maintaining the relationship post-honeymoon is the challenging part.

Stay on your toes.

So, let's say I want her to keep cooking for me, don't care about the others but it's nice from time-to-time; how do I maintain this frame? I assume she'll stop slowly: one week she can't because of some excuse on one day, the next week it's two days, until eventually she never does it. So what do I do to prevent/remedy that?

 

[El Payaso]

That is good advice, thanks. I tend to think in extremes, might be anxiety, something I have to work on.


So, let's say I want her to keep cooking for me, don't care about the others but it's nice from time-to-time; how do I maintain this frame? I assume she'll stop slowly: one week she can't because of some excuse on one day, the next week it's two days, until eventually she never does it. So what do I do to prevent/remedy that?

You maintain the frame by not becoming dependent on it. Once in a while, decline her cooking or cleaning or whatever else and do it yourself.

Always maintain your independence. She does these things because she wants to feel needed by you. When you show her that you don't need her, her attraction for you will grow even more than it currently is.