What's my title???

[ZTIME]

Kind of important

I don't think of her that way, but it did come up from some other posters.

I looked into b type personality disorders, and went through the list of symptoms.

According to the list......every chick walking on the planet has some sort of type b issue.

I do agree with some posts on here about women wanting to show off on social media, and use the "girlfriend" title to do so.

 

[hithard]

Ahh yes.... the "boyfriend" title.
Next step is mold ztime into her perfect man.
Problem is women are really $hit at it, fluck it up and then bail on their finished project.
(This is all women)
They are just more when they know they have trapped you. Then they can get to work demolishing your barriers. All they need to do is get you into your "comfort zone".
Once there, you are less likely to play up or seek out competition that threatens her authority. You will also eat whatever bs she is feeding you. Take a good look around, because its where most guys in relationships are at.

She can call you whatever - just so long as you are never willing to fall into flabby ignorant bliss.

Be strong in who you are and what you want to achieve.

 

[hithard]

They are just more when they know they have trapped you.

They are just more happy.

 

[ZTIME]

Ahh yes.... the "boyfriend" title.
Next step is mold ztime into her perfect man.
Problem is women are really $hit at it, fluck it up and then bail on their finished project.
(This is all women)
They are just more when they know they have trapped you. Then they can get to work demolishing your barriers. All they need to do is get you into your "comfort zone".
Once there, you are less likely to play up or seek out competition that threatens her authority. You will also eat whatever bs she is feeding you. Take a good look around, because its where most guys in relationships are at.

She can call you whatever - just so long as you are never willing to fall into flabby ignorant bliss.

Be strong in who you are and what you want to achieve.

Truly. Thank You! We should all remember that perspective is the purpose of this forum.

 

[BeExcellent]

Honestly it's very simple. Either you are willing to go exclusive or you aren't. If you aren't then don't. You can only control you.

If she likes you well enough then she'll keep seeing you. It is a good litmus test of where her interest level is as noted above.

Most women do want to pair off eventually as is common knowledge. So if you remain unwilling to go exclusive or progress and her goal is to pair off then eventually it will run its course. So choose what you want and control you, let her worry about her.

If she's really someone who appeals to you it isn't going to crimp your style to be exclusive or whatever eventually but I think 3 months is rather early for exclusivity. At the 3 month mark there is still a great deal you don't know/haven't observed in the other person.

If she does the ultimatum thing it's a power play on her part. That is a bad sign if it happens. My advice is don't give her what she wants just yet even if you might entertain the idea. Consider it a wonderful opportunity to see how she handles not getting her way in addition to a gauge about how high her interest level is.

Great covert way to assess the situation if you ask me.

 

[Serenity]

Sounds like a conflict of interests. You don't seem sure to want a relationship (thus the ambiguity), she seems to want it and is growing impatient. You could try saying you might want it in the future and would understand if she wants to leave, as has been suggested. That too will only work for so long though, if it works at all. If that's how you look at it then go for that response, your ambiguity surely make it seem like you really are unsure.

As long as her will remain fixed on wanting a relationship it will eventually take her in that direction. If she won't get it with you she will surely move on and find a man who wants the same. So while you may be able to prolong it you will ultimately come to the two-way decision. This will only have two outcomes, either a relationship or nothing.

Personally I don't see the point in prolonging the inevitable. If I didn't feel ready for a relationship with a girl who wants it I would say it as it is clearly. If she did strike me as good girlfriend material the decision would be obvious, I'd call it a relationship and be done with the issue.

 

[hithard]

Its perfectly fine getting in relationships so long as you understand 'relationship dynamics'.

 

[ZTIME]

This modern relationship stuff is really not conducive to the lifestyle I like to live!

Update: I agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with this lady I've been seeing. Once that was done the minor **** tests begin.

1. My free time is questioned and often frowned upon when hanging with my social circles.

2. If I have an issue I'm told to find someone with no issues that better suit me.

3. My business travels are frowned upon and handled by saying she's too busy before I leave, so I won't see her for a while.

4. I was sleeping one night when she called, so she left a voicemail saying that if I didn't talk to her that night I should never call her again.

I laugh it off and act like it doesn't bother me, which leads her to believe I'll dump her. However, in my head I'm like WTF is this chicks issue?? (Insecurity, stress, entitlement, or a combo of all?)

It's humorous that you think a chick is pretty cool.............. Then Bam!!

They all talk a good game, but when it's time to get on the field and play, it's not as advertised.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

It's all about frame. She must defer to your frame, which she will in your demonstrating higher value. Look at Guru's thread here on "FRAME":

This modern relationship stuff is really not conducive to the lifestyle I like to live!

1. My free time is questioned and often frowned upon when hanging with my social circles.

You: I will have my free time 1x a week with my friends. This is my standard behavior in exclusive relationships.

Her: I object.

You: Well then, it seems that we are incompatible.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME.

2. If I have an issue I'm told to find someone with no issues that better suit me.

Your response: Ok.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME

3. My business travels are frowned upon and handled by saying she's too busy before I leave, so I won't see her for a while.

Your response: Ok.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME

4. I was sleeping one night when she called, so she left a voicemail saying that if I didn't talk to her that night I should never call her again.

Your response: Ok.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME.

When she defers to your frame, give her value in other ways--outside of her and seemly unrelated to her deference.

 

[ZTIME]

It's all about frame. She must defer to your frame, which she will in your demonstrating higher value. Look at Guru's thread here on "FRAME":




You: I will have my free time 1x a week with my friends. This is my standard behavior in exclusive relationships.

Her: I object.

You: Well then, it seems that we are incompatible.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME.



Your response: Ok.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME

Your response: Ok.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME

Your response: Ok.

Walk away. If she comes back, she will come back with acceptance--and your FRAME.

When she defers to your frame, give her value in other ways--outside of her deference.

Thanks.

The responses you posted are the ones I use, but it's just the stupidity that frustrates me.

The no problem is always easy. The walking away is something I normally don't do. I just go about doing my own thing and go ghost for a while.........then the phone starts to blow up.

"I'm sorry"

"I miss you"

"Can we talk"

Etc. etc. etc.

The stupidity of the whole thing is all of this could be avoided if she didn't act like a child.

The problem is that this is repetitive behavior in all women.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

The no problem is always easy. The walking away is something I normally don't do. I just go about doing my own thing and go ghost for a while.........then the phone starts to blow up.

The bolded item is key here. If "walking away" is something you normally don't do, then she probably senses the same. Then how is your value demonstrated, if she is free to do whatever she wants, and irregardless, you will be there. This lowers value. Further, with no consequence, there is no accountability.

If you are seemly unwilling to walk away, you compromise frame. The act of going ghost can originate with two intentions: (1) Leave of absence; or (2) Walking away. You seem to being leaning toward the former. "Frame control" following a transgression deals more with the latter. Not much changes in your behavior, but your intent (in going ghost) changes. "Intent" is seemly inconsequential, but paramount in frame control.

 

[ZTIME]

The bolded item is key here. If "walking away" is something you normally don't do, then she probably senses the same. Then how is your value demonstrated, if she is free to do whatever she wants, and irregardless, you will be there. This lowers value. Further, with no consequence, there is no accountability.

If you are seemly unwilling to walk away, you compromise frame. The act of going ghost can originate with two intentions: (1) Leave of absence; or (2) Walking away. You seem to being leaning toward the former. "Frame control" following a transgression deals more with the latter. Not much changes in your behavior, but your intent (in going ghost) changes. "Intent" is seemly inconsequential, but paramount in frame control.

I get what you're saying, and it's not that I am not willing to walk away. I just don't use it as leverage, as I feel I'd be stooping to her level.

When I want to hang with my friends......I do. She may be upset, but I go when I want.

If I have a business trip, I go......It's really her problem if she doesn't like it.

When she says find someone more suitable, I laugh.

I just really don't say, "If this is what you're going to do I'm walking away". I just continue on with what I want to do.

I'll go ghost and she'll eventually call or text.

It just all feels rather childish at my age and at hers!

Guess it's just more of me venting.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

I just really don't say, "If this is what you're going to do I'm walking away". I just continue on with what I want to do.

Verbalizing your intent to walk away lowers value because instead you should be walking away.

If you go ghost, you state that she will eventually call. This is key. But, the questions are:

1. Does her previous behavior that caused you to go ghost, continue?

2. Does she acknowledge overtly or implicitly that such behavior will not continue?

 

[CMNILS87]

I get what you're saying, and it's not that I am not willing to walk away. I just don't use it as leverage, as I feel I'd be stooping to her level.

When I want to hang with my friends......I do. She may be upset, but I go when I want.

If I have a business trip, I go......It's really her problem if she doesn't like it.

When she says find someone more suitable, I laugh.

I just really don't say, "If this is what you're going to do I'm walking away". I just continue on with what I want to do.

I'll go ghost and she'll eventually call or text.

It just all feels rather childish at my age and at hers!

Guess it's just more of me venting.

Did you set boundaries besides the 1 day a week to yourself????

1. we hang 2-3 times a week max
2. Sex 3 times a week
3. we cook together and hang 1 night, the other is a date night
4. I need time to myself to work on myself, be alone, be happy, work on hobbies
5. i wont text you back immediately. It will always be sporadic depending if im working, doing hobbies, or just put my phone away. (gives you more mystery on your end) plus it gives you a chance to just unplug from all social media.
6. All online dating and other people you're seeing need to go bye bye.

If all of those were met with a verbal agreement by her, id agree to my committment. I would've have grilled her more @ZTIME. I would've asked her,
1. Why do you want commitment from me?
2. What should be different now from when we started dating?
3. If you want commitment so i stop "supposedly" seeing other women and sex, what can you offer me in a committed relationship besides sex and just hanging out like we do now?

It really is a business agreement when you get down to brass tax. I think Des set up some good ideas about boundaries in a new committed relationship on one of his threads.

Question is, do you want to constantly go ghost for her behavior, actually address it, or be done with it and go back to casual? Honestly if its worth the trouble. Have a sit down with her and go through more boundaries now and tell her how it is. No remorse, if shes truly that into you and not social status she will follow your lead and cut out the behavior, but you gotta address it or she'll think you're playing games. which technically you are by ghosting.

 

[ZTIME]

Did you set boundaries besides the 1 day a week to yourself????

1. we hang 2-3 times a week max
2. Sex 3 times a week
3. we cook together and hang 1 night, the other is a date night
4. I need time to myself to work on myself, be alone, be happy, work on hobbies
5. i wont text you back immediately. It will always be sporadic depending if im working, doing hobbies, or just put my phone away. (gives you more mystery on your end) p-lus it gives you a chance to just unplug from all social media.

Got em all. Learned a lot here on this site.

1. Most 4 nights a week. 2 nights max if I have to drive to her place.....the rest she drives to me.

2. Sex anytime I see her. More the twice a day of it's an all day thing.

3. We cook together. We go out often (with social groups or alone).

4. I'm solo 3-4 times a week.

5. I hate phones and texting. So it's rare for me to get back to anybody right away (except for business).

I've been following most of the stuff I read here, It's just women with their emotional nonsense that turns me the hell off.

 

[guru1000]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/boundary-implementation.218036/

Five minutes of discussion can save five hundred hours of headache.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Tell her she can call you master, and love God, El burrito grande, paramour, and lover, and bit of fluff, and Shaw buddy or anything but if she wants to call you her boyfriend then she has to work a bit harder convincing you that she is worthy of the girlfriend title.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

OP what is this? You are on some Indian Philosophy! Haha. Honestly you guys are running Party God in Adventure Time. Sign yourselves for Meggido 2 LOL

SRSLY save yourselves 2012 happened

 

[Once Bitten]

My friend and I still joke about one of his exes.

Her line was "So where are we at with that M word?" Good for a laugh.