ex-girlfrien reemergence blues

[jimjam]

Gents! I had originally posted this under health and fitness. I moved it here at @ubercat suggestion. Kind of long. Suggestions, disparagements, advice, opinions appreciated. Anyway....


I have a six year old son who is the world to me. Fact, the breakup between myself and his mom is what ultimately led me to this site. I've read the bible 2x, read a lot of red pill info and internalized a lot of it. I still don't know what led to the break up but I've given up obsessing on it. I've moved on and I no longer harbor any ill will towards her. Whatever it is, is. She's my son's mom and we both get along as far as he's concerned, which is what's important and where it counts.

About 2 months ago she starts being nicer to me, for want of a better word. She invited myself and my son over to her sister-in-law's to go swimming. (She has primary custody but this was on my weekend to have him). While there, she tells me that our son is asking her why she married her current husband. She told him that if she didn't then he wouldn't have his baby brother. she says that my son says to her that you still had me even though you didn't marry daddy. Perhaps nothing but she is usually, not cold, but all business around me. Anyway, I didn't think too much of it at the time. Then about a week later she comes over to my house to pick up my son and she brings ice cream for all of us, which was totally uncharacteristic of her, but not unlike her when we were dating so long ago.

It wasn't too long after this that I received a call from her mother (I'm on good terms with her rents). She tells me that Petra is getting a divorce. She tells me on the qt as she wants to let Petra tell me herself. This has nothing to do with me and more to do with the fact that Petra's mom hates her husband. He's a real controlling bstrd and I never cared for him myself. But, that was her choice... she wound up telling me about a month ago.

Since then, I've been nice to her as well. she'll text me pics of our son doing various things and I'll text her back, sometimes making stupid jokes. Whatever. I don't know what's happening but I'll fool around. why not? But what really got me wondering was about 2 weeks ago. It was my weekend to have our son and in the morning one Saturday, we were driving to the store and my phone rings. It's her, which is not out of the ordinary for her to call and see how he's doing. On this particular day we were going to a local event that was advertised. My son tells her we're going and she asks him if he'd like her to go. So we meet her there. Okay. We weren't really palling around or anything but then she suggests that we all go to lunch. Okay, I say. she drives. It wasn't anything fancy, just a place where you place the order and they deliver it to the table. She's standing in line and I'm sitting at the table with my son. I catch her looking at me a few times. Of course, she could've been looking at our son but we did lock eyes. I offered to pay but she wouldn't accept it. Added to all of this, I'm cracking these really lame and stale jokes that she's laughing at. I'm thinking WTF.

Well, my son hurt his leg a week \ago or so and I text her the following day to find out how he's doing. She says he's whining and I text her back that he gets that from her. She texts me back saying I'm "hysterical" with a little smiley face

Then this Friday I'm still trying to figure out. I was bored at work so I figure I'll fvck with her. I text her:

Me: Are you taking me to lunch again tomorrow?
Her: sure!
He;r: Wait, what?
Me: I'm planning my day.
Her: This is Petra
Me: Oh. Well, okay. I'll go anyway
Her: Am I missing something? Besides my sanity?
Me: Nothing new there. first you say one thing, then another. ???
Her: Do we have plans to go to lunch?
Me: No, but I'll go anyway since you're so interested.
Her: Thanks for making me laugh

then she invites me to an event that involves my son/s little league team. I tell her I'll meet them at the place and she tells me to wear my baseball uniform. It's a joke, she knows I don't have one. On Saturday I meet them and she say to me "why didn't you wear your uniform?" I didn't say anything. I was kind of shocked that she'd even think to bring it up. But my son goes "What?" And she says that "I told your dad to wear his uniform. He doesn't listen." I look at her and say "You can reprimand me later."

Now------am I playing with fire, making too much of this. Truth be told, I feel like heading out to the local strip club, getting blasted and have those ladies rub all over me just so I can forget all about this. My fault, I know and only a fool trips over what's behind him. I feel like I'm betraying myself by even thinking about this sh!t. I'm either fooling myself or gambling it all on nothing. I really have no idea.

 

[ubercat]

For the record my reply on the original thread:

"I hate to be the Grinch here. My optimism doesn't apply to reheated relationships. Since she pulled the pin for unknown reasons are you ever going to feel secure with her.

I'd also suggest that you focus on building yourself up and dealing with your current issues. And then progress to some casual dating if you feel like it. Messing around with your ex is going to be a minefield of feelings which could derail all the hard work and progress you've begun to make. Nothing wrong with being friends with her as long as you can keep it platonic.

Frankly I'd see the massage parlour as the lesser of two evils compared togetting it wet with your ex-wife."

 

[sodbuster]

NOW she see's you as a better deal. BUT you get to raise the other man's child? Well, Unless she was the best you ever dated at EVERYTHING and is 2 points higher than you are, no way in hell..... she's made her bed, she can lie in it

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Don't be a Misfit!

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

It's a trap

 

[Desdinova]

Fact, the breakup between myself and his mom is what ultimately led me to this site. I've read the bible 2x, read a lot of red pill info and internalized a lot of it. I still don't know what led to the break up but I've given up obsessing on it.

There was a period of about 5 years where the woman who drove me to this site seemingly wanted to get back together with me. I really struggled with the idea. I knew she dumped me because I was a weak AFC back in the day. That problem has been resolved. I also know that I'm currently at the top of her HSL, mainly due to our history and how I've changed into an exciting, confident man who can invoke emotional fluctuation.

She's honestly not a bad candidate for a LTR. But you know what? I just couldn't get over the garbage that she pulled during the relationship and the lengthy breakup. She lost the engagement ring, she was fvcking around with some other men, and she eventually ended up getting pregnant after returning to the guy who was higher up on her HSL at the time. That stuff is in my mind permanently, and it will always be there.

Would I be better off to keep this chick solely because I'm at the top of her HSL, or would it be better to start fresh with a clean slate? I eventually chose the clean slate route.

Your previous relationship issues and the breakup don't go away because you want to try having another relationship. That 5hit is still going to bother you. There's other people on this forum who state that women should get one chance per lifetime. I believe this is something that we should adopt.

The way I see it is after I break up with a woman, she earns a large red flag solely from her being an ex. If it didn't work out once, it likely won't work out again.

DO NOT GO BACK TO HER.

 

[BeTheChange]

NOW she see's you as a better deal. BUT you get to raise the other man's child? Well, Unless she was the best you ever dated at EVERYTHING and is 2 points higher than you are, no way in hell..... she's made her bed, she can lie in it

This. Mother of your child might have been worth taking back under very specific circumstances (i.e. you were the reason for the original breakup AND she was a good mother) but as soon as she birth's another man's child...done. No way should you be taking care of someone else's sperm.

 

[Alvafe]

I serious never understand why a guy would take a single mom serious? or anything then quick lay, if she is not incredible rich, hot, and with a daughter who is 18+ nympho and want to have sex with her new "daddy", don't see the reason to even wonder if is ok

 

[jimjam]

I gotta be nuts. I don't know what the fvck I'm doing

 

[The Duke]

Go to the $trip club, they'll get your mind off all of this. Keep going back until you can think clearly about all of this! Its my home away from home. I once had an exwife that tried to get back into my good graces. She drove herself to counseling trying to pull it off. I was as tough as nails.

My best advice is to move very very slow. Don't have sechs with her or any intimate contact. Just talk. Give it several months. The right answer will eventually surface.

Always hold people accountable for their stupid decisions. They will keep making them until somebody slams the door on them.

This really stood out for me:
Nothing new there. first you say one thing, then another.

 

[MrAddiction]

Anybody considering getting back with an ex for whatever reason should read this carefully and then rethink if she is really worth it.

... To follow..

Hope that helps to set some things clear.

MrAddict

 

[MrAddiction]

From another Website:

Is she a crazy *****?
This isn ’t a rhetorical question. If you’ve asked yourself more than once, “Is my girlfriend/wife/fiancee a crazy *****?” as a clinical psychologist, I’m here to tell you the answer is, “Yes. Diagnostically speaking, she may very well be a crazy *****.”

Here’s a quiz to find out if your wife, girlfriend or ex is an abuser:

• Does she fly into rages without warning over relatively trivial matters like a web page loading too slowly?
• Are you always the scapegoat/bad guy whenever she’s frustrated, disappointed or just plain bored?
• Do her friends (that is, if she has any) describe her as a “drama queen?”
• Does she describe herself as a drama queen? If so, congrats. You found one with a modicum of self-awareness.
• Is her lipstick a little too red? Is it applied like theater makeup and a tad crooked?
• Did sex begin with an earth shattering bang and fizzle into infrequent, transactional and conditional sex?
• Is she a black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinker?
• Do you lie to your family, friends and colleagues about what goes on at home?
• Do you find yourself making excuses to your family, friends and colleagues for her inexcusable behavior?
• Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around her?
• Does she hate your friends and family and become angry or tearful when you spend time with them?
• Is she pathologically jealous?
• Does she project her feelings onto you? For example, she’s yelling and raging and then accuses you of being angry.
• Does focus solely on her emotional experience while exhibiting little or no empathy for yours?
• Have you distanced yourself from friends and family because of your relationship?
• Does she place you on a pedestal one day only to tear you down the next day? “I’ve never known anyone like you before. You’re so wonderful!” Next day: “You’re the devil! You’re the most selfish bastard I’ve ever met! You don’t love me!”
• Did she change her identity after she landed you? For example, when you first met her she was a sexy, adventurous, sweet ballbuster; now, she’s afraid of her own shadow, has no outside interests and goes ballistic if she has to do anything without you.
• Does she put you into “no win” situations in which nothing you do is good enough and you’re guaranteed to fail?
• Does she exhibit stalker behaviors? This usually occurs during the courtship phase or when she senses you’re about to make a break for it. For instance: Calling and hanging up? Calling over and over and over until you answer the phone? Does she wait outside your home, uninvited, until you arrive? Does she show up at places she know you’ll be, also uninvited? Has she tried to get close to your friends in inappropriate ways?

If you answered “yes” to more than two of these questions, you may be involved with a female abuser. You’re not alone. They’re everywhere.

 

[jimjam]

Don't be a Misfit!

HaHaHa

 

[jimjam]

$crew all this. I got home from work and worked out heavy. first time in two months. first time since my surgeries. 110 squats, dips, leg raises, 30 pullups and 100 pushups. I felt great and forgot all about all of this bvullsh!t!!

Yeah

 

[blind_one]

$crew all this. I got home from work and worked out heavy. first time in two months. first time since my surgeries. 110 squats, dips, leg raises, 30 pullups and 100 pushups. I felt great and forgot all about all of this bvullsh!t!!

Yeah

Thats the spirit !!

 

[jimjam]

Yeah.

Wanna hear a hot one?

Since she's getting divorced she's moving into a new place. Now she wants me to help her move. My 6 year old son is looking forward to his dad helping him and his mom move into their new place. WTF?

If it was just her there'd be no confusion at all. But my son wants me there. I mean, I'd do anything for him. What am I supposed to say? Fvck that?

 

[Alvafe]

Yeah.

Wanna hear a hot one?

Since she's getting divorced she's moving into a new place. Now she wants me to help her move. My 6 year old son is looking forward to his dad helping him and his mom move into their new place. WTF?

If it was just her there'd be no confusion at all. But my son wants me there. I mean, I'd do anything for him. What am I supposed to say? Fvck that?

I guess its time for you to talk with your boy about what your mommy does is not daddy problem anymore, i'm don't even doubt it was her who put that idea on his head

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I guess its time for you to talk with your boy about what your mommy does is not daddy problem anymore, i'm don't even doubt it was her who put that idea on his head

You can do boyfriend favors if she's giving up pvssy.

 

[dude99]

Gents! I had originally posted this under health and fitness. I moved it here at @ubercat suggestion. Kind of long. Suggestions, disparagements, advice, opinions appreciated. Anyway....


I have a six year old son who is the world to me. Fact, the breakup between myself and his mom is what ultimately led me to this site. I've read the bible 2x, read a lot of red pill info and internalized a lot of it. I still don't know what led to the break up but I've given up obsessing on it. I've moved on and I no longer harbor any ill will towards her. Whatever it is, is. She's my son's mom and we both get along as far as he's concerned, which is what's important and where it counts.

About 2 months ago she starts being nicer to me, for want of a better word. She invited myself and my son over to her sister-in-law's to go swimming. (She has primary custody but this was on my weekend to have him). While there, she tells me that our son is asking her why she married her current husband. She told him that if she didn't then he wouldn't have his baby brother. she says that my son says to her that you still had me even though you didn't marry daddy. Perhaps nothing but she is usually, not cold, but all business around me. Anyway, I didn't think too much of it at the time. Then about a week later she comes over to my house to pick up my son and she brings ice cream for all of us, which was totally uncharacteristic of her, but not unlike her when we were dating so long ago.

It wasn't too long after this that I received a call from her mother (I'm on good terms with her rents). She tells me that Petra is getting a divorce. She tells me on the qt as she wants to let Petra tell me herself. This has nothing to do with me and more to do with the fact that Petra's mom hates her husband. He's a real controlling bstrd and I never cared for him myself. But, that was her choice... she wound up telling me about a month ago.

Since then, I've been nice to her as well. she'll text me pics of our son doing various things and I'll text her back, sometimes making stupid jokes. Whatever. I don't know what's happening but I'll fool around. why not? But what really got me wondering was about 2 weeks ago. It was my weekend to have our son and in the morning one Saturday, we were driving to the store and my phone rings. It's her, which is not out of the ordinary for her to call and see how he's doing. On this particular day we were going to a local event that was advertised. My son tells her we're going and she asks him if he'd like her to go. So we meet her there. Okay. We weren't really palling around or anything but then she suggests that we all go to lunch. Okay, I say. she drives. It wasn't anything fancy, just a place where you place the order and they deliver it to the table. She's standing in line and I'm sitting at the table with my son. I catch her looking at me a few times. Of course, she could've been looking at our son but we did lock eyes. I offered to pay but she wouldn't accept it. Added to all of this, I'm cracking these really lame and stale jokes that she's laughing at. I'm thinking WTF.

Well, my son hurt his leg a week \ago or so and I text her the following day to find out how he's doing. She says he's whining and I text her back that he gets that from her. She texts me back saying I'm "hysterical" with a little smiley face

Then this Friday I'm still trying to figure out. I was bored at work so I figure I'll fvck with her. I text her:

Me: Are you taking me to lunch again tomorrow?
Her: sure!
He;r: Wait, what?
Me: I'm planning my day.
Her: This is Petra
Me: Oh. Well, okay. I'll go anyway
Her: Am I missing something? Besides my sanity?
Me: Nothing new there. first you say one thing, then another. ???
Her: Do we have plans to go to lunch?
Me: No, but I'll go anyway since you're so interested.
Her: Thanks for making me laugh

then she invites me to an event that involves my son/s little league team. I tell her I'll meet them at the place and she tells me to wear my baseball uniform. It's a joke, she knows I don't have one. On Saturday I meet them and she say to me "why didn't you wear your uniform?" I didn't say anything. I was kind of shocked that she'd even think to bring it up. But my son goes "What?" And she says that "I told your dad to wear his uniform. He doesn't listen." I look at her and say "You can reprimand me later."

Now------am I playing with fire, making too much of this. Truth be told, I feel like heading out to the local strip club, getting blasted and have those ladies rub all over me just so I can forget all about this. My fault, I know and only a fool trips over what's behind him. I feel like I'm betraying myself by even thinking about this sh!t. I'm either fooling myself or gambling it all on nothing. I really have no idea.

Be careful and tread lightly. She is riding a roller coaster of "feelings" because her current marriage has failed.

Whenever a womans current relationship fails they always always always think to their past and wonder if leaving their ex (you in this case,) was a mistake and her hampster wheel is spinning of all the good you provided in the past.

She is also on the rebound. She wants to get her feelings all over some one else as soon as possible to forget about her current divorce.

Why did the two of you break up in the first place? Those problems will still be there. If she left you to upgrade ( in her mind ) she will do it again and all you will do is feed her ego and then get hee back on her feet emotionally just to leave you again.

I believe women get one chance per lifetime. She already blew it with you. This is the mother of your son so here is my advice:

Date other women. Spin plates. Have fun and.......PUT HER IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

 

[Von]

She knows you care about the kid, she knows the kid will be happy to see mom or dad help mom, she knows you wont say No! to him.

She plays your emotions and relationship towards your son to drag you back.

Reason? She probably left the guy for similar reasons than she did for you.

In my opinion, going back to your EX is never a good idea. There are exceptions of course but do you really want it?

The issues in your past will come back, yeah will put her ex issues on you.

After you gave her all the support and rebound... will she be there or with someone else?

Complications or posting on this forum are a sign of the grey clouds ahead.

Think about it... she started being all friendly and clingy as soon she started divorcing the other guy