How to get rid of the thought your Ex is fcukING her new Boyfriend?

[MrAddiction]

Hey Guys,

Been a long time lurker. Know this site for about 9 years - don't know my former account password any more. But however. I found answers to nearly all my questions. But this one is a tough one for me.
How do I get rid of the imagination my Ex being fcuked by her new Boyfriend.

Long Story short: my probably (90%) borderline 8year LTR Ex, with which I had no sex for all to long, startet to hang around with one guy, which I felt, that would be her backupguy. This and some other borderline escapades and disrespectfull behavier made me break up with her. Trust was gone, no sex any more and I was not willing to put up with the stress any more without nothing in return.
Fast forward to today: it's been three months since I broke it up, she now is in a relationship with the guy I smelled to be her backup guy. 10 years older then her, stuck in a marriage = textbook BPD behavior. So: What surprise?!
I know this Woman is no good for me - the break up was well thought and planed. I had nearly three months without Bad feelings. Than something switched, and made me miss her. And now knowing that she is definately fcuking the other guy, I feel in some kinda way betrayed. He is now getting what I wanted so long and didn't get. I know I have put up with that shxt way to long- and should have been breaking up earlier - I'm guilty on that. What happend happend, but how do I get the picture out of my mind, her and him together in bed and having the fun I never got in the end.
It doesn't help much to know that this guy will also only get the fruit in the beginning, when she is lurking him in, and probably the relationship will end up like mine or even worse.


So I could need some help from you guys to get my head straight and rid of this disgusting picture.
Thanks for your input!

MrAddict

 

[Young OG]

No Contact, delete/block her number, delete/block her on all forms of social media. Keep yourself busy. Hit the gym, find some hobbies, and start improving your life in anyway possible. Meet and bang some new women.

Your lucky you don't have to talk her anymore. I was in a LTR with a bi polar/bpd who cheated on me and I still have to talk to her cause we have a kid together. Its time to take your life back and make it better then it ever was!

 

[Prime_Beef]

Why give a sh@t? Opposite of love isn't hate, isn't resentment, it's apathy. Endeavor to be as apathetic as possible. Put a rubber bad on your wrist, every time u think of the woman, give urself a snap.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The easy way to get off her is to get new pvssy

 

[Dingo]

Another thing that has helped me is to do what you are hoping not to do....

Think of her ****ing, sucking the new guy in every position possible.... giving up her ass hole to him.... etc, etc........

Helps me get through the pain and anger through quicker....

 

[MrAddiction]

Guys, thanks for your Input. Helped a lot.
Deesade you nail it: I entered orbiter territory - how could I forget about that!!!
I had some other thoughts that were forced of your input regarding my lameness.
So true it was lame not to kick her out when she first deserved it. And for sure scarcity.
Regarding to that I came to the conclusion that I Must admit to myself that I still have a crush on her, that I Must fight. Maybe I have to come to terms that I got some late form of oneitis - let's call it Post LTR oneitis ( PLO) ;-)
My actuell problem seems to be like the Investor in the stockmarket. I invested in a stock (Girlfriend) when it was already expansive. It went up - and the down. But instead of selling, I kept it in the hope it would rise again. But it didn't rise again - it keept on falling till it became a pennystock. Now at least nothing worth I sold it. Knowing it would never rise again (at least not for me). Then another bought the pennystock and it suddenly seems to rise again.
I lost all my investment - and thats what I'm obviously dwelling on and have problems to come to terms with.
The moral is not that I should have kept the pennystock. The moral is I should have sold when it was beginning to descand and invest in other stocks. Many other stocks.


And so true what you deesade wrote in an other Thread: Do not underestimate how your game skills atrophy.

After 8years LTR I nearly Start at ground zero.

So that is the Future Plan.
Get clean of my Ex - becoming sober.
Regaining confidence - part of the investment I lost.
Game Game Game - relearn and sharpen
Getting other chicks and spinning plates
Not investing in any particular chick any more.
Getting much more of an abundance mentallity
Do not expect emtional support from women. Instead tread em like kids.

Your thoughts? Any good reads to link? Anything to add?

MrAddict

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Yeah, those thoughts of the ex banging the new guy are tough - especially if it looks like he easily is getting what you didn't get after putting in a ton of work. It really wrecks your self esteem. The advice here is good- try to meet and bang new women. And try to remember that everything about your ex is ordinary, just like a billion other vaginas out there.

 

[SteR]

What happend happend, but how do I get the picture out of my mind, her and him together in bed and having the fun I never got in the end.]

...

So I could need some help from you guys to get my head straight and rid of this disgusting picture.

One thing you have to remember here: No matter what you think is happening, that's not what's happening in reality. We all do this in these situations ie. picturing the ex off with some other guy, smiling and happy, having the best time in the world while we're sitting around miserable.

The problem with that is it just isn't true. You have absolutely no idea how she's doing at the moment. Yes, she may be having sex with another guy but I'll bet you a million bucks she isn't happy. It's quite likely she's still trying to heal over your break-up too, she's just happened to grab another body in the mean time to deal with it.

It's very easy to sit around and torture yourself with these false thoughts. Just remember your choosing to believe them. Just remind yourself every time that it's very unlikely she's happy. After all, if you're going to entertain false beliefs, you might as well focus on ones that make you feel better?

Good luck man, it'll pass in time..

 

[btownbuck2012]

This is why it's important to hold a strong frame in your LTR for as long as possible. I'm going through a rough breakup myself BUT while I was with her she was consistently telling me when I was about to finish that she wanted me to shoot my load all over her face. She bought me things, spent alot of money on me and I was basically getting sex on demand.

She left me because I've been battling mental illness for a few years now and had an episode that scared the **** out of her and she was gone. BUT I know that whatever guy she gets with in the future won't be getting anything I didn't get when I was with her. That's how I deal with it.

But yeah, to the OP's point. I read stuff online about guys who's women only "allow" them sex every so often and once they do get it only certain positions are "allowed". These poor bastards then go on to learn that their lady or ex lady is taking it up the ass and on her face from some other guy on the side. Now if I was in that position I would certainly lose my ****. That's why holding frame is so important with these women, if for nothing else just to give you peace of mind when they eventually move on for some unrelated bull****.

 

[MrAddiction]

Btownbuck2012

Frame: that is a good reminder of the most important thing.
The hard thing is to keep Frame if the circumstances Are tough - especially with a bpd. That Schall not ne an excuse only an explanation. You must became a total fcukING *******. Not easy if you really like someone. For me my mentality always was: I wanna Do this or that, you wanna join? Ok! No, you so mit like it? Ok, I'll Do it alone.
When I definately messed up frame was, when I wanted to break ist up because of lack of sex and then her mother died and for sure I did not do it. That is what I mean with you must be willing to go to total arxhole mode and keep frame no matter what the circumstances are. This compared with some scarcity mentality due to Health issues made me fck it up.
Someone once said you must get a total abundance mentallity and not care about anything regarding the women. That is the hard thing to do. Especially if it goes against you moral beliefs.
Sometimes the hard thing is to put in action what you know about in theroy - and that I think is a generel Problem for many here. We were not raised to operate in this necessary arxhole mode. Thats what we have to learn and practice.

MrAddict

 

[MrAddiction]

Good Point SteR - reality is what you make it. Always to remember. Thank you very much.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Why does it matter? You are not with her any more. Just like you could be intimate with some other girl, she could be with some other guy.

If you feel jealous then it is insecurity. Work on it.

 

[MrAddiction]

Hey Royal Tiger,
That is the Point. Actually knowing that it has not to matter and i should bot care is one thing. But making your heart believe that what you rationaly know is my problem. Call ist insecurity, Jealousy, call ist what you want. Any tips how to get rid of this insecurity or feelings are welcome. Any further idea how to work on that insecurity?

MrAddict

 

[SteR]

Why does it matter? You are not with her any more. Just like you could be intimate with some other girl, she could be with some other guy.

If you feel jealous then it is insecurity. Work on it.

I think you're being a little harsh here. The guy has just ended an 8 year relationship. Of course he's going to have some emotional attachment to the woman.. for quite some time at least. He shouldn't beat himself up for feeling jealous, it's natural.

 

[BeTheChange]

I think you're being a little harsh here. The guy has just ended an 8 year relationship. Of course he's going to have some emotional attachment to the woman.. for quite some time at least. He shouldn't beat himself up for feeling jealous, it's natural.

Indeed. However tough love is necessary so you understand and see how truly weak and dependent you allowed yourself to be. The best advice is supportive while providing the kick up the ass you need. I certainly benefitted from the sharper sentiments here, which is why after little over 2 months after my 3 year LTR ending I was pretty much over it, despite feeling dead inside when it first happened.

Also, OP picture it! Embrace that sh*t! Imagine your ex getting pounded by that D. Sounds grotesque but you will detach yourself much quicker if you see her as damaged goods - simply a h0e soaked in another dude's semen....which is what she is at this stage.

 

[Royal-tiger]

I am not trying to come across as non-supportive instead I believe that as painful as it may be your self pride is more important. When you let your emotions rule you (which is quite natural), you might miss out on someone who is better than your ex in so many ways.

Relationships are sometimes Russian roulette. Only difference is we can dictate the choice sometimes if we don't let the unworthy individuals control us. I assure you that when time has healed the wound of OP, he will see the silver lining in the present cloud of pain. And that is being with somebody who is better.

Being a good Don Juan means not letting emotions (from wrong people) influence us i.e., self control and immense confidence. Losing a battle is fine as long as you win the war!

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

The only way to get over a girl is to get under another one.
If you can picture them farking then why can't you picture the other stuff you got away from. Her going batsheet crazy on him. Her being paranoid, possessive, a horrible emotional whirlwind... or picture them having really bad sex...

It's your mind. You should be able to control what goes on in there. As other posters said all the horrible emotions are natural at the end of a long-term relationship.
Congratulate yourself on getting free and start building the life of you couldn't have before.

 

[sharkbeat]

Time heals everything. Purge everything that would remind you of her. Photos, trinkets, whatever it is, destroy it. Kick that **** to the curb and walk the **** away.

 

[Once Bitten]

Aim your radar elsewhere. Lots of other things to live for, than one woman on any given day.

 

[expos]

I went through something similar OP and it was really tough and felt very unfair - especially if they have someone and you don't. They are called "mind movies" and they can ruin you. A lot of good advice here already, but I will give a few more facts and thoughts that will make you feel better and put some things in perspective. All of this comes from personal experience or what works and doesn't work.

1. Any women, no matter how ugly, can get laid any time they want. There is no shortage of desperate, beta, and pathetic men who will jump at the first chance to put their junk into a woman. It is no achievement that she has a new man....and it just shows that she is not capable of living without one.

2. Things are not as they seem. Wait until the honeymoon period wears off and normalcy kicks in. If this guy has any sense to him, he'll see the same things you did and pull the plug on the relationship if she is, in fact, a broken woman. If not, than the guy is a loser for allowing himself to be treated the way that she treated you and taking your sloppy seconds. He's also a complete fool for getting into a LTR with a women only 3 months out of 8 year LTR. At best, she should have been a smash and dash for him, but he probably doesn't have better options. There is no reason to be jealous of this guy at all. You've been there, went on the ride, and got off.

3. If you have any desire to make her feel bad or guilty or sad about your relationship ending three months ago, the best and only option is to completely disappear or get yourself in a LTR in the near future when you are ready again. Women like you described have big egos and HATE when they get replaced because they think you are waiting in the wings for them when things don't work out. From here on out you will completely ignore this woman like she never existed. That will be a very big statement that she does not matter anymore and she will HATE it. Over time, her non presence in your life will become commonplace and you'll forget that you were ever with her. I barely remember my ex-wife, what she is like, and have no clue what she is up to. The last time I saw her, she looked like garbage and I knew I wasn't missing out (especially because my new woman was/is hotter).

4. Don't stalk her on IG, Twitter, Facebook, etc. Social media is ****ing lame and huge waste of your time anyways and you should probably delete it. I got rid of mine years ago and I don't miss it at all. She'll only be presenting the very best of herself and it will make you feel bad. Social is media is NOT the truth. It's selective statements of a person's life designed to impress.

5. You are better off without her and you can do better. There are better women out there for you. Even the best get replaced. Records are always broken. When you were with her, you cannot tell me that you saw hotter women pass you by in public. You are total liar if you say no. I was all heartbroken when I thought I couldn't find anyone hotter than my ex, then I went out one night and found three women who were hotter (and possibly single). Don't think she is THE ONE, because she isn't.

6. The end of this relationship was a healthy thing for you. It will allow you to reclaim your life and figure out what you want going forward. She was a dead end and your life would not improve with her in it.