moving to next state. advice appreciated...

[Once Bitten]

I'm looking seriously into moving out of state. Been married twice to bytches who have made it socially awkward on me to remain in the same place. Hoping to change my name also, to prevent any search and blowback. My kid is good with this, never sees other parent much anyway. We just want to start over three hours away where we aren't known.

Should I get a job first, or an apartment? I've been asked all kinds of interesting dumb questions over the years when applying out of town, sort of like interrogation...totally unnecessary, no criminal record. However people seem do it all the time. What's the password they need to hear? I'm tired of my gossipy dumb-bytch area it svcks. Any ideas on sites for advice or is someone here able to give good advice on this? I need to do this early in the coming year if possible. Can wait if needed. Suggestions?

 

[Dingo]

Changing name seems excessive...

 

[Once Bitten]

When you have search engines for looking people up, it really isn't. My name is just unusual enough to be distinct.
I have other distant family in close proximity to my area. They are very popular. My little branch, not so much. I need a re-do. A real chance.

 

[Tamura]

Usually you start with the job, then comes the apartment.

Those questions are legit, do not tell them your whole story just that you wanted a change for example.

And be aware that some problems you can't run away from. Probably you'll find ****ty people in the new neighbourhood too if your personality attracts such kind.

 

[sodbuster]

I'd get the job first..... without money, you are homeless and don't need to worry about a place to live.... I wouldn't change my name. That's just admitting they won.

 

[Once Bitten]

Usually you start with the job, then comes the apartment.

Those questions are legit, do not tell them your whole story just that you wanted a change for example.

And be aware that some problems you can't run away from. Probably you'll find ****ty people in the new neighbourhood too if your personality attracts such kind.

I don't believe it's my personality so much as my past choices. Or their choices... First wife changed after we married. She wanted to hang out with her co-workers, we were like, 21yo. and they were 50s-60s. (??). I was into Metal, she liked it and Country. So we ended up hanging out where I just wasn't into it. (VFW, in the early-mid 80's, Country music only). She had put on some weight as we dated (she actually needed to). Her sis made fun of her, so she crash dieted and looked like crap afterwards. Thanks, sis-in-law. Wife was 5'6, 95lb and three-roll gut (!) from crappy nutrition (chips and pop, no exercise). Smoker. Lips would dry up and crack so bad she couldn't smile, looked fvcking stupid. (What's Chap-Stick?) lmao...Started wearing men's jeans. Started hanging with troublemaking fat chicks who saw me as "way too nice, i.e. "boring". So much for that sh!t.

Second wife was eight years younger, much prettier but grew up poor. Which made it easy for my shy azz because she didn't play head games, just wanted me, and out of her bad situation.
She had two boys with ex, he taught them to be sh1ts to me. They lived by it. Anyway, her sis and co-workers were jealous that she had a good guy, so they started making her feel she hadn't been with enough men. So they split us up. Long story...not worth going there.
I don't think I'm the problem. My therapist says I'm fine, but to be wary of who I date. Because of all the area drama, I've gotta leave. I tried working around here, everybody knows me. Women put the smack down, and men fall into line with them cause they need women's validation. For them, to not follow the chicks would be kamikaze.

Now you see why I need to leave, and that it's not me. Therapist is amazed I came out of all this as well as I have, and is helping me a lot. I agree there are sh1tty people everywhere, but a fresh start is in order.

 

[ubercat]

Geez mate no good eh. Nothing wrong with a fresh start long as you realize you always take you long. Now I d be shocked if u couldn't find a dozen threads on red flags. For fcvk sake read them and STOP marrying your mistakes.

What I do feel from reading this thread you need a crash course in social self defence. Carlos Xuma is a pain in the arse. Because like most PUA types he doesn't edit his material so u find stupid advice probably from some blog site mixed in with solid material. However he does have an interesting CD on social games. It's audio so you can throw it on the headphones while your working out. I would then read the 48 laws of power. And the then if you are moving to a city book yourself in for some improv classes. If you work hard on that material you will be at least a mid level Pack member wherever you go.

 

[Tamura]

[To cut a sad long story short]

Now you see why I need to leave, and that it's not me. Therapist is amazed I came out of all this as well as I have, and is helping me a lot. I agree there are sh1tty people everywhere, but a fresh start is in order.

Your Therapist ist paid by you and would rather chop his arm off than telling you otherwise. I see your first problem is, you're only seeing others mistakes. Stop that, you won't change others. Maybe you're a nice guy, maybe you're just lazy. Get out of your comfort-zone. Don't marry the first puzzy that crosses your way for longer than a few weeks. Read da fckn manual!

If you don't change, you'll end up with the same shyte in different colour in your new place soon before long.

 

[ubercat]

So OP you ve had some pretty heavy advice. What s your reaction?

 

[Once Bitten]

Your Therapist ist paid by you and would rather chop his arm off than telling you otherwise. I see your first problem is, you're only seeing others mistakes. Stop that, you won't change others. Maybe you're a nice guy, maybe you're just lazy. Get out of your comfort-zone. Don't marry the first puzzy that crosses your way for longer than a few weeks. Read da fckn manual!

If you don't change, you'll end up with the same shyte in different colour in your new place soon before long.

Tamura, you don't know me or my situation nearly well enough to tell me that. I've already read the fvckin manual. And I know I won't change others. I'm starting a new job the first of the year, then I'm gone. You're talking to a 52yo man, not an idiot. I've been on this forum learning since 2012 when I moved out on the bytch and her fvckhead kids. D was final on 1/2014. This job pays real good, so things are turning. Along with an old workplace releasing a pension check, things are looking up. I've learned a he!! of a lot and am not repeating my mistakes. That is no sh!t. And yes I know that my therapist is milking me at this point. That is going to get fixed real soon.

Uber, I have had four years away from my mistakes and enough time with my own friends to see the obvious. You probably remember me as Glass Half Full when I first came here..I've copied a lot of the information I've learned here for studying. and thanks for your advice above. I'm nowhere near the guy I was while in my earlier part of the second marriage.

 

[ubercat]

Mate u should have disclosed. If we d known who it was u wouldn't have got the 101. You were a very solid poster. Anyway the reading list I suggested is what I'll be reading for the summer

 

[Once Bitten]

Thanks Uber...you always were a cool "Cat".

 

[Alvafe]

well anytime you want to move, first thing is job, having some savings for rent before you really settle, or are lucky to find a good place from start.
others question will be made, criminal records are basic stuff, even more if they ahve anything important and valuable, and since you will be complete new that will pick people interest,

by your age you can always say ah its a middle age crisis and wanted new things in life, in a playfull manner can be helpfull to disarm people, or just say you like this climate better and last place was too hot/cold/wet for your taste

I would ask if your therapist is female or male, if female you can try to talk with a male one, you know a new POV can always help

 

[Once Bitten]

I'll just tell them after two marriages it was time for a change of scenery. At my age that should be understandable, I hope.
They should figure that since my daughter came with me, I must be an okay guy. Therapist is male. He has been a tremendous help for me.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

I'm looking seriously into moving out of state. Been married twice to bytches who have made it socially awkward on me to remain in the same place. Hoping to change my name also, to prevent any search and blowback. My kid is good with this, never sees other parent much anyway. We just want to start over three hours away where we aren't known.

Should I get a job first, or an apartment? I've been asked all kinds of interesting dumb questions over the years when applying out of town, sort of like interrogation...totally unnecessary, no criminal record. However people seem do it all the time. What's the password they need to hear? I'm tired of my gossipy dumb-bytch area it svcks. Any ideas on sites for advice or is someone here able to give good advice on this? I need to do this early in the coming year if possible. Can wait if needed. Suggestions?

You get the apartment key Haha. Get into fiber is the only way. Heal up by getting the commander vibes. With a week of Oatmeal early in the morning you get the Commander Feel where you can plan. Figure out if you caught anything from your ex's. Figure out things from running cable with Travel Channel on. After two weeks of Cable with Commander feel. Get the job. Post on Anything else. Get moving. I'll TTYL P.S.- This was my last project it was in a movie recently and that's my example.