The scarcity mindset and quality women

[SteR]

It's been said a lot on these forums that men need to get rid of the scarcity mentality with women, and while I wholeheartedly agree, I'm not sure how this works with quality women.

The problem is that quality women are a lot scarcer (or at least they appear to be in my life). It's relatively easy to bring in an abundance of women, but the majority of those wouldn't be of any value to me. Now I know I could date these women just to reinforce the belief of abundance, but the older I get the less I can be bothered with wasting my time dating women I don't want to date.

While I know there are plenty of women around, I must admit I do find it difficult to keep an abundance mentality with decent ones. How do you guys handle this?

 

[Pandora]

The following is a post made by taiyuu_otoko that may be helpful. It was helpful to me. Basically you have to endure the painful process of searching and disqualifying low quality women. Its difficult for everyone so dont feel bad. There are just not that many quality women. There are not that many quality households in order to produce quality women.

"Whether or not a large percentage of women don't like "alpha" really isn't much of an issue.

It all boils down to sorting. Meet as many women as you can, increase how quickly you can disqualify them, and continue to look until you find one that meets your criteria.

Just like most people are fat and addicted to unhealthy, processed food, there are plenty of people purposely eating healthy.

Your job is to find a women that isn't addicted to beta-supplicating behavior,and seek that women that APPRECIATES "alpha" qualities.

It is easy? No.

Are you guaranteed success? No.

Is it a pain in the arse fraught with emotional pain and anguish? Absolutely.

Precisely why so few are capable of doing it.

And precisely why when you DO find a women that appreciates "alpha" behavior, she'll appreciate your worth, and you hers.

The BEST THING about being a man is the OLDER you get, the EASIER this gets.

Meanwhile, your targets are always the same age."

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

It's been said a lot on these forums that men need to get rid of the scarcity mentality with women, and while I wholeheartedly agree, I'm not sure how this works with quality women.

The problem is that quality women are a lot scarcer (or at least they appear to be in my life). It's relatively easy to bring in an abundance of women, but the majority of those wouldn't be of any value to me. Now I know I could date these women just to reinforce the belief of abundance, but the older I get the less I can be bothered with wasting my time dating women I don't want to date.

While I know there are plenty of women around, I must admit I do find it difficult to keep an abundance mentality with decent ones. How do you guys handle this?

OK, so we are supposed to have an 'abundant' mind-set.

But what does that exactly mean? I don't think that necessarily means that you have to have an abundance of women/ plates at your beck and call. For I doubt these are going to be 'high quality' women.

Rather, abundance means you have a lot going on in your life besides women. Hell, you might still have an abundant mind-set even if you don't have a woman in your life. It's the 'you are enough' mentality. You are not desperate for women because you have your libido under control.

To me this is Alpha, and it is abundance in this sense that is going to attract the quality women into your life. The more 'abundant' you are, the more you can afford to be selective towards women, and not chase any piece of skirt.

 

[SteR]

The following is a post made by taiyuu_otoko that may be helpful. It was helpful to me. Basically you have to endure the painful process of searching and disqualifying low quality women. Its difficult for everyone so dont feel bad. There are just not that many quality women. There are not that many quality households in order to produce quality women...

I actually saw this post already, and I completely agree

OK, so we are supposed to have an 'abundant' mind-set.

But what does that exactly mean? I don't think that necessarily means that you have to have an abundance of women/ plates at your beck and call. For I doubt these are going to be 'high quality' women.

Rather, abundance means you have a lot going on in your life besides women. Hell, you might still have an abundant mind-set even if you don't have a woman in your life. It's the 'you are enough' mentality. You are not desperate for women because you have your libido under control.

To me this is Alpha, and it is abundance in this sense that is going to attract the quality women into your life. The more 'abundant' you are, the more you can afford to be selective towards women, and not chase any piece of skirt.

I think you raise a good point here, and I was actually pondering over it while making the original post. I believe the point of an 'abundance' mentality may be simply having the courage to get rid of women that don't fit your criteria, with the belief that there are always more around the corner.

If so I'd say I'm pretty much on track. I guess I'm just worrying unnecessarily!

Thanks to both though

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I must admit I do find it difficult to keep an abundance mentality with decent ones. How do you guys handle this?

It's very subtle, and if you look for "proof" it's can be a trap. But consider this:

Every time you "next" a "low quality" women you're effectively reinforcing this belief:

"This women is lower than my standards, and I'm nexting her because I believe that there are better quality women out there."

And goofy and "law of attraction-y" as it seems, the very act of nexting low quality women will INCREASE your own value in the eyes of other women.

So if you want to define "abundance mindset' in a world filled with a plethora of low quality skanks and few high quality women, you can augment you can say:

"Every time I next a skank, I not only reinforce my own value in my own eyes, (nexting is saying she is lower quality than I'll tolerate), but I increase my social standing in the eyes of other women."

You can sort of see a pyramid type social status structure. All the high quality men and women are at the top, and all the skanks and betas are at the bottom. Every time you next a skank, you move up a higher level of quality. When you get to a level where YOU are getting nexted as often as you are nexting others, you're in the big leagues. Then you'll be FORCED to increase your game to keep moving up levels.

So abundance is accepting tons of women, accepting that we exist in a social hierarchy and believing that you have an abundance of "potential" to work your way up the social status ladder until you're at the big kids table.

On the other hand, a scarcity mindset would be:

"Gee, this girl is a skank, but if I next her I might have to fap to porn for the rest of my life."

 

[Atom Smasher]

I enthusiastically agree with taiyuu_otoko's post.

Women can NEVER be comfortable dating down. They must value you above themselves for them to even be interested in you. By working through the less desirables, you develop a sense of self-worth that others sense.

You get to the point where you realize that YOU are vetting the desirability of all women, not the other way around. At that level, all women you deal with must prove their worth to you. That's where I'm at today, after coming here utterly clueless about women nine years ago. It's a real good place to be, and if I made it here, anybody can, because when I say I was clueless, I mean 100% clueless.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

It's a real good place to be, and if I made it here, anybody can, because when I say I was clueless, I mean 100% clueless.

This is why it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better to be a man.

As much "privilege" as females experience, the magnetic power of their vjayjay, etc, etc, there is ALWAYS a clock ticking. No matter how much they'll try and pretend otherwise, they KNOW there is a clock ticking.

Men, on the other hand, can ONLY GET BETTER.

 

[zekko]

Rather, abundance means you have a lot going on in your life besides women.

That sounds good, but really, abundance mentality means you have an abundance of women to choose from. Decent women are harder to come by, but what helps me is that I have become the kind of guy who attracts quality women. The trashier women go for the jerks.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That sounds good, but really, abundance mentality means you have an abundance of women to choose from. Decent women are harder to come by, but what helps me is that I have become the kind of guy who attracts quality women. The trashier women go for the jerks.

Makes sense. They do it because they relate.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

That sounds good, but really, abundance mentality means you have an abundance of women to choose from. Decent women are harder to come by, but what helps me is that I have become the kind of guy who attracts quality women. The trashier women go for the jerks.

Yeah, I think I want to temper or moderate my desire. Too much desire can lead to frustration.... not that I want to be completely Buddhist about it and enter Monkdom. ha ha. All things in moderation is my motto.

 

[resilient]

That sounds good, but really, abundance mentality means you have an abundance of women to choose from. Decent women are harder to come by, but what helps me is that I have become the kind of guy who attracts quality women. The trashier women go for the jerks.

Excellent point, Zekko. The better we work on ourselves as DJs, the more the abundance mentality improves and sets in. I think if we discover that we're constantly attracting the crazy ones, we have to take a hard closer look at our egos and see what needs improving. Or ask ourselves why we keep finding ourselves dating the same toxic types? Simultaneously, ask what hasn't improved since the last relationship, interaction, other factors outside of dating like investing in assets, work/career and see where we have to step up to the plate to become mature enough to attract the life we want that's more transcendent, less exiguousness.

 

[BeExcellent]

It's been said a lot on these forums that men need to get rid of the scarcity mentality with women, and while I wholeheartedly agree, I'm not sure how this works with quality women.

The problem is that quality women are a lot scarcer (or at least they appear to be in my life). It's relatively easy to bring in an abundance of women, but the majority of those wouldn't be of any value to me. Now I know I could date these women just to reinforce the belief of abundance, but the older I get the less I can be bothered with wasting my time dating women I don't want to date.

While I know there are plenty of women around, I must admit I do find it difficult to keep an abundance mentality with decent ones. How do you guys handle this?

Sort ruthlessly as noted above. I also agree with the idea that when you have a criteria and you NEXT based on that criteria you not only increase your value through the "law of attraction-y" stuff that @taiyuu_otoko refers to, you are also at the same time programming your sub-conscious to filter for you. People relate to one another on a sub-conscious as well as conscious level. Once you have got your mind on autopilot in regards to your filters (or settings if you will), then women will sense your value sub-consciously, and the better women will gravitate to you.

Now if all a man wants is sex the sorting is far less important because getting sex is easy. Getting a good life mate (as many guys here actually want) is another matter entirely.

My dad used to talk all the time about "opportunity cost". How you need to weigh all your choices with consideration of what any given decision is costing you had you decided differently. If you go exclusive with a woman who meets 70% of your criteria for example then what are the chances that you block your opportunity to meet a woman who meets 90% of your criteria, or 100%, etc.

And I agree with @zekko that the better you become the better your options and choices become. So the combination of really being choosy AND really improving yourself will bring good results in time. Once you are in a position where you are meeting and interacting with quality people more often than not then it really becomes a question of selecting based on what your own personal preferences are regarding more surface traits.

Value the deeper character traits first and looks second. Eventually you'll see that you start to find good-looking people who have the deeper character traits you desire.