Inquiry for those with authentic self confidence

[Berom]

There have been some major moments of self realization the past couple years for me. My first 'red pill' experience was realizing how women work/think, thanks to Rollo's books and you all. My second eye opening experience, with the help of weed, was dropping the religious game. My third experience, with the help of LSD and Psilocybin, led me to come to terms who I am fundamentally.

I say this because each experience has felt like I'm shedding my skin, weights being lifted off of me, or my eyes being opened wider-you pick your imagery. I feel more comfortable in life; I'm anxiety and stress free for the most part. What's more is I'm slowly beginning to realize that I have constantly put on masks and mirrored personalities unconsciously. And that my authentic self, my true character/personality is something I've suppressed for a long time. At least it feels this way.

This, I believe, is the root to why there is a lack of self confidence. I have always acted how I want others to perceive me. And it's ****ing annoying.

I don't care much on where you stand with psychedelics, but one thing they've helped me with is realizing I want to become a better self while simultaneously discovering my authentic self.

Maybe this is my 4th red pill experience, I'm not sure. I can't help but feel I'm being held back when it comes to focus, success, and creativity; especially when I see the few out there that seem to get it. But what is the it?

Take all my words with a grain of salt.

What I'm talking about here is self improvement-we all deal with this. Basically I'm curious on if anyone has been through a similar journey in life and has practical advice I could use to drastically getting rid of doubt and have max confidence.

I'd be super interested to hear what made it click for you in regards to having confidence in everything you do.

Thanks buds.

 

[Billtx49]

Self confidence? A lack of fear to forge into the unknown, as the future always is, and trust in yourself that you can do whatever it is. If your efforts do not produce the result you worked for, then use self forgiveness on youself, and move on to life's next deal. The confidence comes after you rack up enough successes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you ever eat WAY too many mushrooms, you will get the feeling you're going to die. You won't. It happens to everyone and is just a side effect of eating too many mushrooms.

 

[ubercat]

If u have total confidence all the time you re probably a sociopath. Confidence comes from experience. I ve learned how to fix houses so when the need arises I m confident. I know jack about cars so I pay a mechanic

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yes, all things in moderation. We need to learn confidence, but moderately so. That needs to be tempered by other ideals in life. Being the two-footed creatures we are, we are both animal and social... or a social animal.

con-fide... with faith.

 

[Prime_Beef]

If u have total confidence all the time you re probably a sociopath. Confidence comes from experience. I ve learned how to fix houses so when the need arises I m confident. I know jack about cars so I pay a mechanic

Close. Confidence is reasonable surety your assessment of people, things, issues and proper judgment to deal with them is correct. Now, good judgment comes from ...experience. ..which often comes from ..bad judgment

Knowing that you can do your best and fail, in some cases fail big, still be alright, work your way thru, learn and better set up for the win next time makes confidence. People smell success, especially haters. It's infectious.

I've failed probably more than I've won but my wins vastly exceed my losses..therefore I'm pretty certain whatever I do will eventually come out right.

 

[The Duke]

Confidence comes from the idea that I NEVER FAIL....I ALWAY'S LEARN SOMETHING.

Confidence comes from the fact that I never give up on what I truly want.

Confidence comes from succeeding at small things and building on those.

Confidence comes from self-reflection and self-improvement to get what you want.

Confidence comes from having a strong desire to win. Winning builds confidence.

Confidence comes from pushing your self towards something better.

Confidence comes from taking risks and succeeding.

Confidence comes from not being afraid to fail.

 

[Killakittie]

Confidence for me means having an unwavering sense of self satisfaction, assurance, and contentment. Not drawing validation from other people, places, or materialistic things, but allowing it to naturally flow outward from within. Knowing who i am, being who i am, and feeling good about myself.

Throughout my life i have always felt this way about myself, when i was homeless for 6 months, now that i have a cozy townhouse, a career, and money to do what i want it has remained the same. Very rarely have other people had enough influence on me to affect that.

 

[The Duke]

Have you ever noticed that most females aren't truly confident? And they lack every single thing that has been listed here.

The best thing you can do in life is stop caring about what others think. Live life for yourself. Fuhk it if they think you are a little selfish.

 

[Killakittie]

I've never met a truly confident secure woman. I am sure they are out there though. From what i have seen the more attractive they are the more insecure they are. Ironically the ugly and over weight ones seem to be the most down to earth and secure subgroup of women. Though again there are secure and confident attractive women, just much rarer.

 

[Arcturus]

This is a complicated question to answer because you asked for practical advice and not philosophical theory. You can have all the knowledge you like, "oh girls are self conscious too, a few years from now it won't matter, blah blah etc.." but it isn't really enough. Because deep inside knowing something on a purely intellectual level doesn't cut it. You have absolute confidence when you remove all insecurities, deal with all problematic areas of your life, have a ton of successes under your belt leading to positive reference experiences and all of that eventually leads to BEING a high confidence person.

Imagine there is a bridge 100 feet up int he air and there's a 6 foot gap that you need to jump. You can read about how the average man can jump such a distance or you can lift weights and build leg strength at the gym, but how "confident" would you be jumping it for the 1st time? Now imagine you've jumped it every day for 10 years. You have all those positive reference experiences. Now how confident would you be in clearing that gap one more time?

There are also things that can sap or bring down your confidence even when you have positive reference experiences. Such as insecurities, neediness in the form of unfulfilled desires etc... Dealing with those is very important as well, for dependable self confidence, that won't suddenly fade or get clouded by fears.

As for practical advice in how to get there. That depends on where you are in life and in your game and skill level. It doesn't help to give someone advanced techniques that require vast skill, constant micro-calibration and solid game, if they are just working up to approaching hot girls at night clubs. Where are you at in life and in game? What is your confidence like currently? What are your major areas of concern, trouble spots, insecurities?

 

[sodbuster]

No matter what, you will still have doubt. If you don't, you are irrational. you want to eliminate doubt that paralyzes you. But for example, I'm not really in the stock market right now, because I have my doubts about the company earnings, the election, maybe I'm missing something, etc..... But that doesn't stop me from making money and waiting for what I THINK is a bettter time/ place for my money. Even after I invest, I'll have doubts.. but I'll watch and try to self correct. The times I lost the most money is when I DIDN'T have doubts...

 

[raider87]

the actions of confidence come first. The feelings of confidence come second.

 

[BeExcellent]

As you behave so shall you become.

Before confidence comes courage. Courage is the ability to feel the fear and move forward any way. Courage is learning to trust your own abilities and judgement. Courage is embracing obstacles, barriers, problems and so on.

When you have the courage to act you will gain the experience of a.) facing your fears, and b.) some result will come from your actions. This trains your mind to fear action less...and you can then digest your result (your experience) and determine whether the result is what you wanted and to what degree.

Then repeat the process. After you put yourself through this you will become unafraid to act as circumstances dictate. This is confidence. Borne of courage and action, which becomes experience.

I'm a woman. I'm a self assured self confident person because I had courage to act in all sorts of settings and the process above is the process I used to overcome shyness, awkwardness, insecurity and all sorts of other things over the years. I started the process in my late teens and by my early twenties was already seeing positive results. I exude confidence now. It is a deeply internalized inherent quality I possess.

And I didn't get that way by accident. Or by never making errors. It starts with courage to act. Everything follows from there.

 

[resilient]

Another proponent to be aware of is how the brain craves novelty.

By jumping into new hobbies and interests you're rewiring the neural plasticity in your brain. You're improving your working muscle memory to instill new knowledge. In a rut? Take up something new that people would never think of you doing. I.e. Social anxiety? Take up toastmasters. Afraid of the ocean? Take up open-water certification (PADI/NAUI) like me.

As soon as I dumped my ex-fwb, I felt a wave of loss since I had absolutely no plates or fall back plan. I impulsively registered for an international scuba travel trip and then thought next: oh sh!t.... I need to get PADI certified to actually be able to dive with the others, so now I'm getting PADI certified before this trip late fall/early winter.

I'm learning you have to repetitiously step out of your comfort zone if you want to make headway into developing authentic self-confidence.

I still have a long way to go to achieving the success I want in life with women, career, etc... yet each day I feel a little better knowing that I'm taking control of my destiny and forging life how I want to be and not to continue to live in the fear of what happened to me or remain in the rejection/loneliness.

Comfort zone = No growth

 

[wifehunter]

Actual confidence always has a supernatural element to it.

Always!

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Actual confidence always has a supernatural element to it.

Always!

Yes, I'd agree with this. When you are in a completely confident state you have escaped your own small self-constructed ego. The ego is defensive and protective, it is fear-based. When you are in the confident poetic state of flow, you are receptive to, and appreciative of, all aspects of reality; you attain to a generalized sense of well-being.

I think we only get glimpses of these, which in turn serve as the stepping stones, or the mile-stones, of our life. This makes our journey a destination.

 

[raider87]

The ego is defensive and protective, it is fear-based

I like this. Get rid of you're ego and accept yourself as you are.

 

[JohnChops]

Self confidence? A lack of fear to forge into the unknown, as the future always is, and trust in yourself that you can do whatever it is. If your efforts do not produce the result you worked for, then use self forgiveness on youself, and move on to life's next deal. The confidence comes after you rack up enough successes.

this is it right here."A lack of fear to forge the unknown". Starting is the hardest part because at first you think you can do it and you are full of positive thoughts. Then when you start, negative thoughts fill you head. Confidence to me is remaining positive when all you want to do is think negative, keep going.

 

[Serenity]

True confidence comes when you with very little doubt know something to be true. The way to achieve that is constantly check if something consistently is a certain way. Look for patterns, notice how many things are the same or very similar.

I've been full of doubt all the way down to doubting my existence. That's one deep fvcking philosophical hole. Until I realized that every piece of evidence clearly says I do exist. My mind was locked down at the time, but I slowly turned rational by weighting the most likely possibilities based on my observations. There's still no absolute certainty, but one does not practically need that.