I am loosing the girl i am dating, please help!

[summersky]

Hi everyone,

so i met this girl and we had a really awesome connection. Things were developing great. We can talk for hours without geting bored of each other, we also got the same humor and opinions about many things.

On the third date we got intimate and had so much fun together. But then we went out and got drunk. When I am drunk, i tend to get needy, too jelous and aggressive. So i got rude with her because she just was into dancing and ignored me a little bit. I am more into sitting somewhere and talk. Her dancing in front of another guy also made me jelous and i became kind of aggressive. The night ended with me getting into a fight, brought to the hospital with some wounds on my face. She stayed with me the whole time. At the hospital I also got a little too emotional and told her how much I like her. Then we went to bed at my place and the next day she went home.
All this would never have happened if I didnt drink alcohol. It was my mistake, I know you will tell me to stop drinking in the future but I already realized and will do everything possible to not drink at all for the rest of my life!!!

Few days after that she seemed distant, we were talking and she told me she is not sure if she wants to continue, she has to think about that. She is a little afraid by seeing me like that and dont really know if I am the kind, good man, she met before. She also had a similar experience and doesnt want to experience something like that again. She also told me that she doesnt know now if she could trust me.

I told her that I understand, apologized and said it was my fault. I told her that I am a different person when I am drunk and that I am the man she got to know before that. I also promised that if she decides to continue, I will never drink, as long as this between us will go on, so she will never get hurt again like that. She told me that she has to made a desicion weather or not there is a chance after things like that happened. Then we had some smalltalk and I ended the call.

I know how much i messed up and I know that propably I will loose her. I am feeling so bad. Not that it would be enough to have wounds on my face, i am also loosing a girl I really like.

So please guys, what would you do in my situation and how would you behave to get the most positive outcome?? I think I shouldnt chase her and give her space. Maybe not talk about it and ask her out again after my wounds are healed. But I am not sure!? Never was in a situation like this before. Should I wait till she reaches out to me? I mean of course she will ask me how I am, so I would have the feeling she is reaching out just to know how I am because I got wounds.

How would you behave, if you really liked the girl? What is the right way to keep her in my life?
Would be happy about every opinion and advice!

Regards!

 

[Desdinova]

So please guys, what would you do in my situation and how would you behave to get the most positive outcome??

Here's how you should have played it out...

Few days after that she seemed distant, we were talking and she told me she is not sure if she wants to continue, she has to think about that. She is a little afraid by seeing me like that and dont really know if I am the kind, good man, she met before. She also had a similar experience and doesnt want to experience something like that again. She also told me that she doesnt know now if she could trust me.

What your response should have been:

"Okay, I'm going to give you some time to think about what happened, but I'm probably going to end up seeing other women. Take care of yourself."

What the wrong response was:

I told her that I understand, apologized and said it was my fault. I told her that I am a different person when I am drunk and that I am the man she got to know before that. I also promised that if she decides to continue, I will never drink, as long as this between us will go on, so she will never get hurt again like that.

You need to be willing to walk away at any point. If she doesn't change her mind, then pursue other women. There are plenty out there.

Take this experience as a life lesson. If you get all fvcked up while you're drunk, then you need to cut out the alcohol. Work on that and you'll be a better man for the next woman who comes along.

 

[Reykhel]

Listen to this very carefully: Your main concern should be developing into a mature man....

Whoever happens to come along for the ride, happens to come along for the ride and should really be
inconsequential........

You need mature masculine power......your post suggests you are some way off this target....

....and just to remind you.....surely you know, the moment you fear losing her.......you've already lost her........(HINT:you care too much)

Game, has a lot to do with energy...........it's a push and pull......it's the masculine and feminine polarity...........imagine two magnets put on their side and moved towards each other.......BANG......

 

[The Duke]

Your problem isn't the alcohol. Your problem is you are needy, insecure, and jealous. <----work on this. You will lose every girl you ever get with.

 

[Francisco de Asis]

On the third date we got intimate and had so much fun together. But then we went out and got drunk. When I am drunk, i tend to get needy, too jelous and aggressive. So i got rude with her because she just was into dancing and ignored me a little bit. I am more into sitting somewhere and talk. Her dancing in front of another guy also made me jelous and i became kind of aggressive. The night ended with me getting into a fight, brought to the hospital with some wounds on my face. She stayed with me the whole time. At the hospital I also got a little too emotional and told her how much I like her. Then we went to bed at my place and the next day she went home.
All this would never have happened if I didnt drink alcohol. It was my mistake, I know you will tell me to stop drinking in the future but I already realized and will do everything possible to not drink at all for the rest of my life!!!

The fact that you are willing to commit to give up drinking for the rest of your life just because of this is worrisome (specially if it was on your 3rd date), and denotes a LOT of neediness. Sometimes it's hard to keep your cool when women do this, specially when the advice given is, "go and talk to other women" and all you can think of is in how pissed you are, if this happens just relax, breathe and think positive. I personally have never been in a fight over a woman, the oposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Few days after that she seemed distant, we were talking and she told me she is not sure if she wants to continue, she has to think about that. She is a little afraid by seeing me like that and dont really know if I am the kind, good man, she met before. She also had a similar experience and doesnt want to experience something like that again. She also told me that she doesnt know now if she could trust me.

You've lost frame, not much to be done here, she's labeled you as low value and changing the stigma is probably not worth the time and effort.

I told her that I understand, apologized and said it was my fault. I told her that I am a different person when I am drunk and that I am the man she got to know before that. I also promised that if she decides to continue, I will never drink, as long as this between us will go on, so she will never get hurt again like that. She told me that she has to made a desicion weather or not there is a chance after things like that happened. Then we had some smalltalk and I ended the call.

Holy ****. This is a disaster, it has everything you should not do: openly display low value, self-deprecation, rationalisation, negotiation of desire...

I agree with the above in that this cannot and should not be recovered.

 

[ZTIME]

Well, thinking that alcohol was the reason for your behavior is way overstated. Although alcohol has a way of helping you drop your filters, it surely doesn't add the needy/jealous tendencies you carry inside..........Do you see this differently?

After only 3 dates you allow yourself to get this connected.......why?

You stated the following:

You went to a club, but you don't like dancing and prefer a more quiet environment. So why go? Who's in charge here?

She was ignoring you and dancing with another guy. Yet you still want to be with her? Why?

You got overly emotional in the hospital after 3 dates. This shows a very clingy side to yourself.

We all know that girls process there emotions differently. Right now it's my belife that she thinks you're an unstable mess and you'll be very difficult if a breakup occurs. So doing now is a great option for her.

But who cares about her? If you can't figure out your constant need for social validation. And how to control your emotional neediness........the girls will never matter, as the same result will endlessly happen.

Unfortunately, you may now have a couple little scars to help you remember the lesson.

 

[summersky]

Hi everyone, so i want to give you an update.

After she told me, I was acting fine. Of course I was worrying but I kept my cool. She still wrote me as much as I wrote her. We were flirting and had funny conversations. From the way she was texting it seemed that she started to open up to me. One day she told me that she is feeling bad and I made the mistake to ask her if it was because of what happened. She told me no, it was because of her personal problems.

One day later, when I asked her out again, she said that she decided to not date me anymore. What happened scared her away and she isnt sure what kind of a man I am. She dont think its a good idea to continue because she is afraid that things like that will happen again. But we could stay friends if I want to.

I told her that I understand her, i made a mistake and I have to live with the consequences. Its sad that that it turned out that way. I am wishing her all the best and that she should be happy in her further life.

That she rejected me, really hit me hard. Did I reacted right? I mean how would a strong, confident man react in this case? Would he just say that its ok and have a good life? Or would he just not take her words serious? Or would he turned it around on her, saying that he knows his worth and if she doesnt get over one mistake, she doesnt deserve him (staying proud of himself)? Let me know please..

Next thing is, I know this girl is gone.. Could I have reacted different to keep her somehow attracted? What do you think, is there still a tiny chance, maybe in the future that i can re-attract her??

I am happy for every answer I get!

Regards

 

[Glassguy]

You could have acted like a man with options from the get go and not been so needy. You have no other options because you're not talking to other women. That's the first place you messed up. Secondly, you put this chick on a pedestal. Strike 2. You acted like a faggot when you said "I have to live with the consequences". WTF? You barely know this chick. You'll have forgotten about her in a few weeks if and hopefully when you're banging a new chick and spinning 2 more plates.

Man up. And to answer your feminine question about a tiny chance to re-attract? No chance. You struck out. The last text you sent her was strike 3.

Its ok to make mistakes. Learn from them and be a man next time up. You lead, women follow.

 

[summersky]

Thank you Glassguy, but how would you respond to her in that situation?

 

[resilient]

That's the other thing, summersky. If she senses that she's your one and only plate, she'll get the drift that you're desperate to date her. You've already lost frame at the point in which you won't be able to re-attract her.

Unless you work on yourself and have other plates pursuing you while cultivating a persona of indifference, it's not going to work. Even if it did work with her.... her interest level won't ever rise to the stop and stay there very long because of her initial impression of you.

First impressions are hard to fix after the damage has been done. That's why it's been said on other threads here that she "buys" into you and will follow your masculine lead if you got your act together. If you don't, she'll next and move onto the next guy that's more Don Juan.

Also, the "decided not to date anymore" is just ego-protection for you. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. If she finds a bigger better deal, she'll latch onto that next big catch when she's suddenly "ready to date again".

 

[Glassguy]

Thank you Glassguy, but how would you respond to her in that situation?

She said she didn't want to date you. Totally ignore her. Do not initiate any communication and if she does act half interested and rush off the phone. Tell her that it was good to hear from her but you have a lot of things going on and you'll catch up later. Then ignore again. If she comes back around she will eventually ask you out. Even at that don't jump right on it. Make her chase or if she doesn't next her

 

[Desdinova]

What do you think, is there still a tiny chance, maybe in the future that i can re-attract her??

There are thousands of women out there, but you still need to keep this one bytch who doesn't want you. WHY??? Go find a new woman and start with a clean slate.

Do yourself a favour and go read the DJ Bible.

 

[oOh Nasty]

Your problem isn't the alcohol. Your problem is you are needy, insecure, and jealous. <----work on this. You will lose every girl you ever get with.

^ This. I was going to say the exact same thing as I was reading this post.

You're a username that I've seen in the past. I would have thought that by now, you would understand the basics.

Forget about this girl and spin some plates.

 

[sodbuster]

The only way to possibly save this would have been to break up with her first. Just tell her"this isn't going the way I want, I think we should end it" THAT will get her thinking... and she'd want to keep you

 

[summersky]

Thank you for the answers!
Of course I know I should pursue other women but I cant at the moment cause my face is a mess and it will take more time to heal. Cant even speak really well cause my lip is feeling numb. And of course I shouldnt chase a girl and I wont.

But what is really bothering me that now she thinks I am a bad, weak person. And by my reply I somehow confirmed it. I mean of course it was irresponsible to drink despite knowing that I can get aggressive and emotional when I am drunk. Alcohol always had a different impact on my brain; it isnt the normal Impact people usually get. And yes I do have some anger inside of me, but everyone does. And I can control it when im sober, I am also letting it out by telling what is on my mind. I can understand that she has a weak picture of me in her mind but I am not this person because when I am drunk because I cant control my emotions at all. I made a mistake yeah, but still I know my worth as a human being. Loyal and honest like not many people out there. I am still proud of myself and what I achieved in life but I reacted to the rejection like I am thinking of myself like she is.

What is making me angry is, that she is seeing me like sh+t now, only because I did one mistake. She doesnt care about all the good things, she projects her similar past experiences with other people on me. And the most important thing is she saw me in a weak, weird, crazy state and has this picture in her mind (it doesnt matter if I had a blackout and didnt know what I do). Most funny thing is, she told me she is sometimes doing crazy stuff herself when she is drunk!

Maybe I should have reacted differently when she told me and maybe I should tell her all the stuff I wrote down here. Her desicion is not fair and just stupid to let a good person go because of one mistake! And I dont know maybe I will still tell her. Not in a way to convince her but in a way that I know my worth and that her poor desicion puts a bad light on her.

What do you think?

 

[Poon King]

Your dignity and self-respect is always more important than keeping a woman.. ANY woman.

When you pedestalize you lose.

If being who you are is not enough to keep her then she isn't worth keeping. Also, if she is turning you into co-dependent beta clown.. the you've already lost the game. Probably a long time ago.

NEVER try to raise a woman's interest level. Its a sign of desperation.

 

[wifehunter]

The fear of loss is very unattractive to females,

 

[summersky]

I get what you are telling me. Got to and will work on my neediness and deep fears. Also have to deal with my emotions. Decided to not drink anymore at all.
Now that I am not communicating with her, I see things more clearly. That she was not perfect and that I had a mild case of Oneitis.

Like I said, what is annoying me that my reply to her rejection sounded weak! If I would have to reply today, I would have told something like "I made a mistake I know, but a woman that is not seeing the real my beyond my mistakes, is not worth my time. Youre not perfect either and there were some things that bothered me to but I wanna be sure before I make the mistake of dismissing good people in my life!"

Got the urge to still tell her but guess its too late now and wouldnt change anything.

I am happy about more comments from you!

 

[nismo-4]

You already lost her. When she said she didn't want to date anymore, that was a rejection. I would've moved on right there.

AFAIC, your princess is in another castle, and she'll laugh at anything else you text her. And get railed again by her new BF.

Case closed. Stop getting attached.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You already lost her. When she said she didn't want to date anymore, that was a rejection. I would've moved on right there.

AFAIC, your princess is in another castle, and she'll laugh at anything else you text her. And get railed again by her new BF.

Case closed. Stop getting attached.

I believe he can "have" her, but he needs to focus on getting the phvck in and not a relationship.