Everybody deserves a second chance?

[Powersurgeon]

Need your advice please.
Male, 36 yo in a relationship with a 26 yo woman, 8/10 for about 1 1/2 y. So far she has been a good woman, she cooks, cleans, iron my clothes, good sex whenever I want, and has shown respect and commitment and you can even say adoration for me.
The sh¡t hit the fan four days ago when we were in a reunion with some friends and at some point she was between me and a mutual friend, suddenly, while he was talking to me he started caressing her shoulder, her hair, etc., I was about to burst but decided to wait for a reaction from her, that never came until she went to the bathroom and we switched places. Then, at her place I told her that it was over and that I didn't want to know from her anymore.
I let the weekend pass and yesterday we talked, she shows what looks like genuine remorse and says it was a terrible mistake not having moved from that situation. She obvioulsy wants me back, but I still don't know
Any thoughts?

 

[PantyWhisperer]

This guy is a friend and he was touching your woman in front of you in an obviously inappropriate way???? WTF? Her response seems minor compared to that. He would be the first person I'd talk to. I'd want to know exactly what made him think he could do that in front of you? You may learn something about how other men see you as a result of that conversation. Wow.

 

[Powersurgeon]

This guy is a friend and he was touching your woman in front of you in an obviously inappropriate way???? WTF? Her response seems minor compared to that. He would be the first person I'd talk to. I'd want to know exactly what made him think he could do that in front of you? You may learn something about how other men see you as a result of that conversation. Wow.

Yes, I'll deal with the guy too. I guess I'm seen like a total cuck.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Yes, I'll deal with the guy too. I guess I'm seen like a total cuck.

Let's hope not but that is some ballsy move on his part. Get some new friends and maybe a new girlfriend too.

 

[ZTIME]

If your same friend got into your car and did a burn out, would you say something?

If the same guy picked up your beer and started drinking it, would you say something?

If he verbally stated to your girl that he wanted to bang her in the next room, would you say something?

As men, we are required to set our own boundaries of what we're willing to accept.
Not just from her but from all of your associates (men or women).

Seems like she got up without causing a scene and switched places with you upon returning.

Next time step up and say "Hey Jimmie (fake name), I'll massage her whe we get home. Thanks for trying to help". Then switch seats with your girlfriend and say. "I do have a knot right here, want to help out with that?"

 

[guru1000]

I sense a deeper issue here; one that prompts another man to touch and continue to touch your girl directly in front of you.

I also sense that if you reconcile, your girl will be breaking up with you soon because of the above "inner game" issue that you are slowly becoming cognizant of. Let us know how this relation works out for you.

 

[Juanto]

This is a quite unusual situation to say the least... how many times do we see a friend of ours touching our gf this way? Id say that guy isnt properly screwed AND isnt your "friend". As for the gf, big question marks on why didnt she brake it off immediately....

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Power Surgeon,
A regrettable situation for sure,but hardly her fault...What did you expect her to do?...Slap his face?...For what?...As others have observed the person to have this out with is your "Mate"...frankly bystanders would see any outbursts on your part as jealousy...Just let things slide.....I picked up one of my Plates at the Airport recently...A mutual Friend was also there waiting for someone else...As my Plate walked towards us,my Friend advanced towards her,.hugged and Embraced her with a Kiss,before I had a chance LOL...Cheeky Huh?....That was Six months ago...I never mentioned it,and it doesn't worry me,nor should it!

 

[Powersurgeon]

My reaction came, maybe too late, but I did snap. A lot of alcohol was involved, not that it's an excuse.
To guru1000, yes, I'll let you know, right now I'm trying to figure out if I can really trust her.

PairPlushRoyalFlush the only traits I identify in her are the umbilical piercing, her big breasts and that she curses a lot. She comes from a rural area, her parents are still together, has girlfriends and no male friends just acquaintances, has a good relationship with her dad, only two previous sexual partners who were LTR(her say, I know women never disclose that information), doesn't smoke, no tattoos, no abortions, not a feminist, does the house chores. Don't know if I'm missing something or didn'd understand the question.

To Scaramouche, maybe it shouldn't worry me, but now I feel a breach in trust and I feel like I need tu further investigate, I'll let you know.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Powersurgeon,
Pretty much anyone will enjoy someone reasonably attractive massaging our shoulders or whatever else feels nice. It's an instinctive feeling that appeals to our basest senses. The real key however is if someone can willfully remember what sort of relations they are in with someone else.

"Hey I'm married, that's not cool"
"I'm seeing this other person, this isn't acceptable behaviour"
"I just got out of a LTR, so this is fine"

The point is in the above scenarios, the higher level thinking of our brains understands the social constructs of relationships in our society and follows what the majority of people consider to be acceptable rules. If this young woman you're with can't make that connection with these rules, that alone probably says more about her than any words will.

I dont say this to try and help hammer in the last nail in the coffin of your relationship with her, but in my experience thus far in my life, people rarely change. Making real change takes considerable effort; it can be done, but by and large most people are lazy and thus they will not change. She now says she sees her error...will she change? Again, I'm not saying she can't change, only you know her the best out of everyone in this thread.

 

[Powersurgeon]

You got me. I would stick with her since she might have learned her lesson. Just know that she probably doesnt really mean the apology and theres a "first time for everything."

I decided to stick around and keep my eyes wide open. You know looking for her actions instead of listening her words.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Oh man, first I would have knocked his hand off of her shoulder, and if he flinched, he would have got knocked the fuuck out!!!

PLEASE BELIEVE IT..

I tolerate no disrespect, he not only disrespected her but he also disrespected YOU!

If she can't control her mouth she can't control her pusssy either. So whats next? You allow some guy to walk up and grab her ass?

Had a guy just last night jump in front of me in line at the checkout counter. Best believe I checked his asss! Told him he was a rude mother fuucker. He didn't say a word either..

 

[Duffdog]

Oh man, first I would have knocked his hand off of her shoulder, and if he flinched, he would have got knocked the fuuck out!!!

PLEASE BELIEVE IT..

I tolerate no disrespect, he not only disrespected her but he also disrespected YOU!

If she can't control her mouth she can't control her pusssy either. So whats next? You allow some guy to walk up and grab her ass?

Had a guy just last night jump in front of me in line at the checkout counter. Best believe I checked his asss! Told him he was a rude mother fuucker. He didn't say a word either..

Agreed,

This is just disrespect. It looks like the friend thinks the OP is a doormat and anything he has can be easily taken from him. I have blown up at my male friends before for putting his arm around my girlfriend and told them both to F off for disrespecting me. To the OP: If you don't like it, don't let it happen.

 

[Nicolito]

Just to play the devil's advocate here.

Is he a good friend of yours? Do they know each other for long?

If no,then it is ABSOLUTELY disrespectful,i would call him out straight away.

If yes,i say it MIGHT be a friendly gesture,although a creepy one.Maybe he hadn't a bad intention after all.

 

[Powersurgeon]

Just to play the devil's advocate here.

Is he a good friend of yours? Do they know each other for long?

If no,then it is ABSOLUTELY disrespectful,i would call him out straight away.

If yes,i say it MIGHT be a friendly gesture,although a creepy one.Maybe he hadn't a bad intention after all.

Yes, he's a good friend. I agree was a creepy gesture. I want to believe it was just the alcohol and the familiarity between us. For now on I'm keeping my eyes more en my girl and right now she is doing very well relationship wise.
Thank you for your insight.