Can it be too late to set boundaries?
- Thread starter El Payaso
- Start date
Most people are like children, they will push you to see what they can get away with. If you give most people the opportunity to walk all over you, they will!
I don't believe you can reset boundaries, if you aren't strong enough to set clear boundaries at the start of a relationship, then you shouldn't be in one.
A guy I know is testament to this. His relationship is doomed to fail because he is getting his frame back but his GF isn't really changing. How can he legimately lead her when she has led him down a merry dance already?
He paid her to renovate his house (Me & everyone else told him this was fvcking stupid.) and a year and a half later it still isn't finished.
I don't believe you can reset boundaries, if you aren't strong enough to set clear boundaries at the start of a relationship, then you shouldn't be in one.
A guy I know is testament to this. His relationship is doomed to fail because he is getting his frame back but his GF isn't really changing. How can he legimately lead her when she has led him down a merry dance already?
He paid her to renovate his house (Me & everyone else told him this was fvcking stupid.) and a year and a half later it still isn't finished.
Peace and Quiet
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
You don't have to "make" or "force" someone to respect you, they either do or they don't.
It is never too late to put your foot down. If it is a brand new boundary and you let her know it wont be tolerated, there is nothing wrong with that. Now if she doesn't respect you she may not respect the new boundary. Then you need to kick her to rhe curb
ImTheDoubleGreatest!
Master Don Juan
Sh!t, you tell me.
This is the type of question a man asks when he is NOT willing to walk away from a toxic woman.
Do your legs work? Use them. Spin plates. If a woman refuses to give you the relationship you want.. then ask yourself what you're sticking around for. Time is valuable. Don't waste it on disrespectful c*nts.
Hypergamy is real. Learn to recognize when a woman/relationship has reached the expiration date and move on. That gallon of milk in the fridge WILL expire some day. Don't be surprised by it and don't try to reverse it. Find another gallon of milk that's fresh. Disney movies teach us "Love is forever". That is why so many men are faggots and expect women to be consistent.
MEN: Understand that every woman you date for a long period of time WILL change on you. Usually not for the better. The price of her p*ssy will rise and she will offer less while expecting more. This is what I call the "expiration date". Keeping women past their expiration date is a sign of desperation and lack of options. Learn to leave when its over. Its over once the relationship is no longer on YOUR TERMS. This can be after a week or after several years.
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A 'Soft Next' can work wonders if you have her investment (where you remove yourself immediately after unacceptable behavior and ignore any attempts from her to make contact for 3-14 days or until an acceptable apology). But with most girls you're fighting an uphill battle--her 'boundaries' towards men were determined by her relationship with her father and reinforced through whatever relationships/social conditioning she's had since then--and you're better off setting your frame from the start, holding it throughout, and starting over with someone else using what you've learned instead of trying to apply it retroactively to an already unbalanced dynamic. Yes, you can temporarily alleviate negative symptoms; I was able to do this pretty effectively with my BPDex on 3-4 occasions, which kept the relationship on a positive trajectory for most of 2 years--but by that point the relationship's already infected, the weakness is already there, and you'll forever be treating the virus instead of finding a cure (which is quarantine lol).
I mention setting frames from the start. What does that look like? When I screen a girl for relationship material I know that past the honeymoon phase:
The sooner and more accurately you can categorize girls, the better--but in the meantime keep access to a minimum. Everything needs to be earned, not given--and her compliance will be the highest early on. Make following your boundaries fun--she literally has any thousands of dudes who'll not hold her to hardly any boundary whatsoever--so pulling a huffy puffy, I won't tolerate any disrepect. Look at me, I'm ready to walk away, is a losing play. If you're always ready to walk away, she'll pick up on it (and if you're not, your boundaries don't mean sh1t). Make your frame and your rules part of the flirting process. Create a playground for the girl so that she can see what flies and what doesn't. She might playfully see what she can get away with but will quickly apologize and qualify, to the extent she fears losing you. And you should playfully dominate her (don't get all butt hurt over flirtiness) but make it extremely clear the moment she crosses any lines by correcting her or removing access. So it becomes a sort of role-play or dress rehearsal that she can use to get a sense of what your expectations are without any huge repercussions. By the time disrespect is real and overt, it's probably too late to ever have the kind of relationship you want.
I mention setting frames from the start. What does that look like? When I screen a girl for relationship material I know that past the honeymoon phase:
- I won't feel like texting her everyday
- I won't want to be around her all the time
- I'll have times where I'll need my space
- I'll want her to still have a social life independent from mine (so I won't go all mate-guardy, you can't hang out with your friends, will there be guys there? since I'd literally rather have her cheat on me than to become her babysitter everything)
- There are things that are OK for me to do, but not for her
- My purpose is THE purpose--my life trajectory is to be hers for as long as she decides to tag along
- I don't deal with jealousy/nagging/insecurity/manipulation/sexual withdrawal
The sooner and more accurately you can categorize girls, the better--but in the meantime keep access to a minimum. Everything needs to be earned, not given--and her compliance will be the highest early on. Make following your boundaries fun--she literally has any thousands of dudes who'll not hold her to hardly any boundary whatsoever--so pulling a huffy puffy, I won't tolerate any disrepect. Look at me, I'm ready to walk away, is a losing play. If you're always ready to walk away, she'll pick up on it (and if you're not, your boundaries don't mean sh1t). Make your frame and your rules part of the flirting process. Create a playground for the girl so that she can see what flies and what doesn't. She might playfully see what she can get away with but will quickly apologize and qualify, to the extent she fears losing you. And you should playfully dominate her (don't get all butt hurt over flirtiness) but make it extremely clear the moment she crosses any lines by correcting her or removing access. So it becomes a sort of role-play or dress rehearsal that she can use to get a sense of what your expectations are without any huge repercussions. By the time disrespect is real and overt, it's probably too late to ever have the kind of relationship you want.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
@Poon King & @fastlife are on the money.
Once boundaries have been blown out the water the relationship is generally dead anyway, move on to the next one.
The point isn't to force anyone to respect you, it is to respect yourself and only keep people in your life who act in kind.
When I wasn't willing to walk away from women in my AFC days I got walked all over. Now I respect myself, I don't.
Once boundaries have been blown out the water the relationship is generally dead anyway, move on to the next one.
The point isn't to force anyone to respect you, it is to respect yourself and only keep people in your life who act in kind.
When I wasn't willing to walk away from women in my AFC days I got walked all over. Now I respect myself, I don't.
Skyline
Master Don Juan
I personally think it's never to late to handle disrespect. But the earlier you tackle it on the better. If you let one disrespectful behavior happen more than twice, you're probably already in the process of getting walked over.
My biggest vice is tone of voice. If a girl starts acting b*tchy and talks 'in that way' I will usually call her out on it and it usually stops. I've even had some dudes tell me 'I was being too harsh' on telling her to not talk to me like that but I completely disagree.
My biggest vice is tone of voice. If a girl starts acting b*tchy and talks 'in that way' I will usually call her out on it and it usually stops. I've even had some dudes tell me 'I was being too harsh' on telling her to not talk to me like that but I completely disagree.
Respecting your boundaries is the relationship. If she doesn't respect your boundaries then you mean nothing to her and you are nothing but entertainment for her.
Respect = relationship. No respect. No relationship.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
You will never see me setting 'boundries' like some needy b!tch.
The minute some woman starts acting up I walk away. If she really likes you she'll straighten up... if she doesn't there are other women.
Women are not FVCKING stupid. She knows you better than you know yourself. Telling her you are upset with her behavior and why is a waste of time because she already knows.... and she is doing it anyway. Think about THAT, before you have some whiney needy @ss chick-like BS tea party.
The minute some woman starts acting up I walk away. If she really likes you she'll straighten up... if she doesn't there are other women.
Women are not FVCKING stupid. She knows you better than you know yourself. Telling her you are upset with her behavior and why is a waste of time because she already knows.... and she is doing it anyway. Think about THAT, before you have some whiney needy @ss chick-like BS tea party.
I walked away from my exgf after for the 2nd time I found out she was talking to some guy who even she admitted was interested in her. Warned the 1st time she did it, walked away the 2nd time I found out about that one.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Skyline
Master Don Juan
I disagree with you on something for once,
Sometimes women need to be put in their place. If you walk away, instead of confrontation, you're kind of allowing her to do it in the future because she doesn't know what she did explicitly. Realistically speaking, most guys who don't say anything and leave usually end up coming back when she reaches out.
But this isn't to say that once you call her out on it, and she does it again, you shouldn't walk away.
This is how feminism basically started, men walked away from their stupidity, rather than telling them to stop being stupid. Now you have a massive organization of what a terrible relationship would be, the woman ignoring basically everything.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Waste of time trying to put women in their place... I'm not a chick's FVCKING Father.
For every man like you out there trying to set things straight there are 10 weak @ss boys that are willing to kiss her feet for a shot at her pvssy. Any good you MIGHT do will get undone by her Facebook male orbiters who will join gladly in bashing you for being mean to her.
Sorry dude... that is the truth of things.
Yep. 'Support' network step in if they haven't already encouraged her to cross the line. Loosing fvcking battle.
I often wonder whether they learn or just go more underground/on to someone they can push the boundaries further with.
Skyline
Master Don Juan
Women generally lean towards figures of authority and power, like their father.
I'm not saying to sit down and have a discussion on 'why what she did was bad' but a simple 'don't do that again' or 'stop right now' and if she does again, THEN you walk away. Her orbiters and female friends are the ones that will sit down and discuss why she was told not do something.
Orbiters bashing a girlfriends boyfriend is a bad move to make. I used to be that guy and I never got the girl in the end. Now whenever a girl complains about her boyfriend to me, for whatever reason, I either don't take it seriously or say that it isn't as bad as she thinks. This has gotten me far more positive results because women generally say and do what they feel and regret it the next day.
So bashing her boyfriend with her is not a good idea because she will still be with him tomorrow with a completely different view towards him.
Women's role are to submit, she says or does something you do not like you shoot it right down. She doesn't like it, then you leave.
Its never too late to retract your attention or leave
That's how you set boundaries. By being 100% willing to walk away. Always. Problem is most guys are too afraid and insecure to pull this off
Tell her once when she disrespects you, if she continues... later. No arguing, no debating. Kindly excuse yourself like nothing happened and do something else, with another girl
No point in trying to fix a girl's behavior broken behavior
Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.