48 Hours of Hell...

[Johnny Alias]

Man I haven't posted on this site in a LONG time, but could use some input from you all.

I'll try to make this short if I can. About 2 months ago I started seeing this woman. Very hot, very sexy, witty, etc. We'd banged around before but nothing ever came of it. This time we decided to give it a shot and things went nuts pretty fast.

4 weeks or so in she tells me she's pregnant. We decide to have the kid and spend more time together. Shes pretty much a loner with no friends (major red flag) so we spent most of our time with her 5 year old who was a sweet kid who became a good buddy of mine. We were playing house really now that i look at it. Staying in, watching tv, grabbing dinner, making legos, hunting pokemon for christ's sake. Again we're pregnant and I'm giving this my best damned effort. Met her family, went to little guy's bday part, went camping with her brothers.

In the end she decides to terminate this thing and claimed to have seen doctor about a week ago. I'm 40 so I was a little disappointed. At the very worst I thought I'd have a kid and that would be great, but she was nervous as hell about how fast all this was happening and how much pressure she was under.

So I stayed with her all weekend after. Even took her and the kid to a dinosaur expo thing here in town. Then was with her all week. Taught the kid how to ride a bike for christs sakes. Everything is fine. We're kissing laughing yadda yadda... up until Thursday night. We had put the kid down for bed after reading him stories and she just explodes on me. Starts ripping on my home, how much money I make (6 figures!), and even my dog. I was in utter shock. Next morning she says we're broken up and I'm blown away.

That night my friends see her at a charity gala with another guy. I try to reach out and nothing. Finally writes me a COLD text on Sunday saying she was unhappy and reached out to her ugly ex bf who's worth 20 million. Sorry. Your stuff's outside.

My friends are shocked. She never met any of them. Always had an excuse. Her having no friends was stupid of me to ignore. I also never saw a pregnancy test myself and took her at her word. Dumb I know. Half of my friends think she made the whole thing up. She also had a copy of the Sociopath Next Door on her bedside table when we met and I'm honestly thinking shes got ASPD (Antisocial personality disorder). So much of it matches up. She was also obsessed with ghosts, hauntings, was crazy implusive, and just didn't care. She bought a $3000 cat on a whim she hated and when it ran away from her she didn't give a $hit.

Anyway, I'm still in total disbelief. We were talking about me joining her gym, her moving in, taking a trip to new mexico, and all is right up to that night... and then out of nowhere she's switched off her emotions like a robot man. The I love you's (she said it first) and all the boyfriend talk... OFF. Her ex friend says she does this with every guy she meets and that she sees people as conveniences and that's it... which is why she's all alone except for these ugly rich dudes.

Looks like I needed to vent more than anything. This is all very fresh so sorry for being verbose. I went from having a family to being a bachelor with a dog in 48 hours. Thanks in advance for any comments.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If she really was pregnant, it's abortion guilt. All women have it, and she is projecting it at you.

Otherwise, she's just nuts (could be both). Intense love, too much too fast, then driving the man away is a hallmark of bpd.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

It may not seem like this now, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Better to find out now, and have no baby involved, than to have gotten locked in with an obvious psycho-wench

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Best thing you can do is move on. I know that some guys throw a red flag at a person with no friends, but I've in that situation before myself. Whenever I moved across the country that was one, now being married I don't always have time to meet new people. It can happen to anyone.

But the point of your whole venting post was to not just get it out, but to also see another person's perspective on this. She did you a favor, do NOT get back with her even if it's just for FWB. Do NOT even think of using her as a plate. She needs to be out of your life permanently.

 

[Desdinova]

About 2 months ago I started seeing this woman.

Then what did you do?

We were talking about me joining her gym, her moving in, taking a trip to new mexico,

After 2 months???

I've known my gf for 2 years, and I've been officially with her for 6 months. I went on a trip without her. She wants to move in and I told her after a few years. If she sticks around for a few years and continue to be a good woman, I'll grant her the privilege of moving in.

You need to make her earn all that 5hit. Saying "You're pretty! Pack your stuff!" doesn't make her a good candidate for a relationship, a travel partner, a roommate, or the mother of your child. You need to choose wisely before you jump into all that stuff or you're gonna get screwed.

 

[Johnny Alias]

So thanks to all for your commentary. I agree with it. As for how fast this moved i thought we were pregnant. Like it or not I can't force her to terminate. I don't get a vote on that, so I tried to make it work as best I could when she said she wanted to have it. I dont feel any shame in giving my all for someone who is gonna be the mother of my child... but i do feel like an idiot for not making damned sure she was telling the truth.

Still and all I'm glad I found out now. Everyone says I dodged a major bullet. Still gonna miss her kid tho... And now I got to get my stable cranked up again... that'll help.

 

[Desdinova]

As far as loner girls,I wouldn't say that's a red flag necessarily.

Neither would I. Women who aren't the social type are going to be less likely to cheat because they aren't presented opportunities to do so. They are also willing to abandon everything to join your world.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Well after talking to her one ex friend she made it clear that this is a pervasive pattern with her. She gets guys, wraps them up and then, pushes them away at the drop of a dime and always goes back to rich ugly or old ex boyfriends. She wasn't surprised this had happened at all.

And I quote "people are just a convenience for her. Once she's gotten what she needs she throws them away" she's burned bridges with everyone she know apparently. Oh, and lied constantly.

Anyway thanks for your support.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Best thing you can do is move on. I know that some guys throw a red flag at a person with no friends, but I've in that situation before myself. Whenever I moved across the country that was one, now being married I don't always have time to meet new people. It can happen to anyone.

Agreed with the above for recent transplants, but when you live in an area, like I do, where most people who live here always have, a woman who has no or extremely few friends is a big red flag. I know of one who is a total nightmare, and she only has one real friend with a duration of more than 5 years. Any other "friends" she has are just former, current, or future FB's and orbiting, hopeful men. She's not even really close to her sister - who is the opposite of her. I wish that I had paid more attention to that at the beginning. I certainly was aware of it but I put it down to her attractiveness. Some extremely attractive women have a hard time making or keeping female friends, so I just put it down to that. But I was so wrong. She's a sociopath.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You dodged a bullet. You need to be thanking God you didn't have a kid with this woman. Plus she already has her own kid. Run, run, run as fast away as you can.

 

[Weaver]

OK, yet another story about a psycho b*tch. We've heard it all before. Let's focus on the other party.

Again we're pregnant and I'm giving this my best damned effort. [. . .] In the end she decides to terminate this thing [. . .] so I was a little disappointed. [. . .]
So I stayed with her all weekend after.

You really should "feel like an idiot for not making damned sure she was telling the truth," but regardless of the actual facts, the way you handled the situation speaks volumes about your failure as a man. Assuming arguendo that she told you the truth, she sabotaged your "best damned effort" by having your unborn child ("this thing") murdered without your consent, and you rewarded her with more of your time and attention, even though you were "a little disappointed." It's hard to imagine a less manly reaction to such a terrible betrayal. Can there be a more thorough repudiation of you as a mate than destroying your offspring while you're busy investing in her child from another man? Can there be a more self-degrading response than your little disappointment accompanied by pathetic efforts to comfort her?

Yes, the market is bad: many women are slvts, gold-diggers or crazies. But ask yourself: why would any decent woman (rare and in-demand as she is) have anything to do with Johnny Alias? If you do not respect yourself, no woman will.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

OK, yet another story about a psycho b*tch. We've heard it all before. Let's focus on the other party.


It's hard to imagine a less manly reaction to such a terrible betrayal. Can there be a more thorough repudiation of you as a mate than destroying your offspring while you're busy investing in her child from another man? Can there be a more self-degrading response than your little disappointment accompanied by pathetic efforts to comfort her?

Yes, the market is bad: many women are slvts, gold-diggers or crazies. But ask yourself: why would any decent woman (rare and in-demand as she is) have anything to do with Johnny Alias? If you do not respect yourself, no woman will.

I agree 100% but must admit I was in a similar spot a few years ago. The aborted baby in question was a "love child" so there weren't as many options on the table but yes, what I bolded above is true. I just wish that I had somebody to whisper it in my own ear when I was going through it.
I would have immediately told her to fvck off, if I had it to do all over again.
That is sage advice, to be sure, and obvious from the outside looking in, but when you are in the middle of such an emotional situation, it's not always easy to have that perspective.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Thanks for those thoughts. I really was in the middle of it and didn't see what was happening. It's easy to be objective when you're not in it. And the sex just swept me away...

A few things:
1) For the record beating me up doesn't really help. Don't know how anyone on here can think ripping me a new one is beneficial. If kicking another man when he's down makes you feel good about yourself you probably need therapy. Sure it's a free forum, but I thought this site was supposed to be about advice and support not insults. Thanks to those who didn't go that route...

2) Murdering my baby? WHAT??? It's a glob of cells. I didn't shed a tear. Was a little disappointed over it but again Its a decsion that's completely out of my hands. Then trying to be supportive of someone after the fact who said she loved me and vice versa... yeah... super unmanly.

3) As for her having a kid, when you get to be 40 a lot of chicks have them. That's just fact. Especially the good looking ones. There's still a Dad involved so it's not like he's a major inconvenience.

Anyway I think we'll have to agree to disagree on some of these points. Thanks again to those who offered constructive criticism. I'll be sure to raise up my alarms in the future... all will be well.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Not to turn this into a Roe V Wade thread, I'm semi pro choice, but even at that, it's no "glob of cells" - it's a human being. And whether by coat hanger or Plan B pill, it's still kind of murder. My particular abortion buddy had 3 medical abortions, 3 years in a row, in her late 20's to early 30's. And as such, I consider her to be a triple murderer. I just do. Anyone can make a mistake and get one free get out of jail card, but three in a row? I so wanted to ask her if the abortion clinic had a rewards card?
I paid for the procedure in question - I was #2 of 3- the middle child, Jan Brady of abortions, and in my mind, I paid to have my own child murdered. I don't dress it up for myself to make me feel better. It messed me up for a long time and even now, not a day goes by where I don't think about it.
If you can walk away with no such guilt, I don't condemn you as much as I envy you.