Another BDP story... How to keep my friends while staying free from her?

[Infern0]

^^ouch @Infern0 ....the recycle while you were in recovery is BRUTAL...cant believe u allowed that to happen but i kno how it goes brotha...lol oh well right.


best way to describe it tho...they come back to pick the bones..emotional vultures

Yeah it was a two part thing really, although I was in recovery I was still Jonesing for a hit so I get this message

I miss you infern0

I'd also been reading up on bpd and felt bad for her so was like "maybe I should just be mature and be a low contact friend"

But yeah I was getting bikini shots within a day and nudes not long after, and as I say had another 18 months of it.

Jeeeez

Often i think the world would be a better place if anyone with BPD was just sent to a gas chamber but other times i think if it wasn't for encountering a BPD then many of us would never have had the chance to face and heal our childhood wounds.

It literally is a case of what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

Too harsh imo.

The second part is certainly right. If we didn't have our childhood **** that needed sorting we wouldn't get hurt by these bpds because wed just be like oh well she's damaged, not my responsibility and move on.

What hurts us is that we assign them (unknowingly) the ability to heal our damage, and use them as a drug. If you can stand back and be non judgemental you see its just a dance of two damaged people one evolved to be a predator and one prey but both abusive. Every codependent is manipulative and passive aggressive, none of us were innocent in these relationships, we ran our own scripts we just weren't overt like the bpd was

The sad thing is the lack of society to educate on this subject. All these girls are a result of despicable things being done in childhood

Think about the pain you went through at the hands of your BPD as an adult.

They go through that as a child, too young to reason and with no frame of reference so they think the whole world is like that.

Bam, bpd.

It's tragic for them too.

 

[FinallyFree]

Not sure If I'm making progress or not. She hasn't contacted me in days and I'm controlling myself. Still extremely depressed and socially isolated.

Was reading dr/psychiatrist forums and came to realize even seasoned mental health professionals sometimes avoid working with borderline patients due to their unique ability to emotionally damage the therapist.

We spend years in bed with and giving our hearts/lives to people who professional psychiatrists are afraid of. It's just so terrifying for me to get back into dating, any mention of women makes me shake.

 

[Twodogs]

Not sure If I'm making progress or not.Was reading dr/psychiatrist forums

It's just so terrifying for me to get back into dating, any mention of women makes me shake.

Too much obsessive reading mate. Continuously focusing on how fvcked up they are doesn't help.
Time to just accept she is how she is and use your time to sort your own sh1t out.

Keep going like this and you'll soon be seeing borderlines everywhere. Not all women are borderlines.

Forget dating for now, when you're ready to start dating again you will approach it with a healthy skepticism.
You'll be alert for red flags and women will instinctively know they'll have to qualify themselves to you.
This will work to your benefit and your future will be brighter.

 

[xstang77]

Yeah it was a two part thing really, although I was in recovery I was still Jonesing for a hit so I get this message

I miss you infern0

I'd also been reading up on bpd and felt bad for her so was like "maybe I should just be mature and be a low contact friend"

But yeah I was getting bikini shots within a day and nudes not long after, and as I say had another 18 months of it.

Jeeeez



Too harsh imo.

The second part is certainly right. If we didn't have our childhood **** that needed sorting we wouldn't get hurt by these bpds because wed just be like oh well she's damaged, not my responsibility and move on.

What hurts us is that we assign them (unknowingly) the ability to heal our damage, and use them as a drug. If you can stand back and be non judgemental you see its just a dance of two damaged people one evolved to be a predator and one prey but both abusive. Every codependent is manipulative and passive aggressive, none of us were innocent in these relationships, we ran our own scripts we just weren't overt like the bpd was

The sad thing is the lack of society to educate on this subject. All these girls are a result of despicable things being done in childhood

Think about the pain you went through at the hands of your BPD as an adult.

They go through that as a child, too young to reason and with no frame of reference so they think the whole world is like that.

Bam, bpd.

It's tragic for them too.

Excellent on point post,I just had my first date after mine and it was nice to enter it more aware. Actually mine messaged me "hey" after one month nc and I ignored then an hour later I get messaged by this new girl,so it pays off,then a week later she text me saying "who's number is this?random number in my phone" then the same text again 45 minutes later,mind you I've had the same number for years including the 2 we dated I'm sure she knew who it was but I'm staying strong and had that first date the next day. Getting back out there has really helped me and my self esteem in a way just building myself back up couldn't.

 

[FinallyFree]

And she's back. Reinitiated contact. She hopes I found someone else to date but misses me as a friend.

Taking all of my strength to ignore her. I've written a list of all the things she did to me and taped it right in front of my desk. It's still so hard. She meant more than life itself to me.

 

[BeTheChange]

Too much obsessive reading mate. Continuously focusing on how fvcked up they are doesn't help.
Time to just accept she is how she is and use your time to sort your own sh1t out.

Keep going like this and you'll soon be seeing borderlines everywhere. Not all women are borderlines.

Forget dating for now, when you're ready to start dating again you will approach it with a healthy skepticism.
You'll be alert for red flags and women will instinctively know they'll have to qualify themselves to you.
This will work to your benefit and your future will be brighter.

THIS. Took a month away from women and now I am back in the game I can spot red flags and crazy signs intuitively. It's not a cynical, damaged type of dynamic. More that I no longer have a tolerance for bullsh*t from women anymore. I nexted one of my recent lays because after we banged she gave me this sob story pretty much as an excuse for her to hang out with me for the rest of the day even though she knew I had important stuff to attend to (it's all about them remember). She also gave "justifications" for why her last three boyfriends overlapped. In my mind I was like "this is the type of emotionally manipulative crap my ex would try and pull and justify. Bye bye. Ding!"

 

[Infern0]

And she's back. Reinitiated contact. She hopes I found someone else to date but misses me as a friend.

Taking all of my strength to ignore her. I've written a list of all the things she did to me and taped it right in front of my desk. It's still so hard. She meant more than life itself to me.

How lovely, she's trying to throw you in her bpd friend zone dungeon which is one of the worst places on earth.

If you go there I'll fly out to wherever you live and slap some sense into you myself.

Be prepared for her to start sending more suggestive stuff once you ignore her. KEEP POSTING IN THIS THREAD so we can analyse it for you.

 

[FinallyFree]

She called on an unblocked number. Sweet little girl voice is back. I said hello asked if it's an emergency then hung up. Just hearing her ****ed me up bad but I did as instructed. Am I alpha yet. No probably gonna cry myself to sleep again. But I didn't let her control me. I feel some shred of dignity.

 

[Julian]

And she's back. Reinitiated contact. She hopes I found someone else to date but misses me as a friend.

Taking all of my strength to ignore her. I've written a list of all the things she did to me and taped it right in front of my desk. It's still so hard. She meant more than life itself to me.

bro i know the feel. ive been NC on my bpd ex for a month. she has contacted me for a couple weeks. i still think about her and although i can think of all the fked up chit she did i cant help but forgive 95% of it and think of our fond times together. but thats all it is bro, some false memories and thats that. you need to move on. dont respond to her. she meant more then life itself but those days are over

 

[MrOctober]

Don't give her anything. Not a word.

I still think about my ex bpd dude. Some claim they're ex was bpd but there's a difference of you just losing a girl and dealing with a true bpd split. Mine wanted "friends" too I was thinking like after all this? She knows with me there's one option I'll accept. But that in itself is validation so I'm screwed. I was too beta by the end all in love and chit. Thing is you don't love her dude, I wasn't in love I was addicted. Chasing the attraction high she USED to give me. Those days are gone.

I've been there. So many of us playing the field have had that line drive hit to us man stay strong.

 

[BeTheChange]

She called on an unblocked number. Sweet little girl voice is back. I said hello asked if it's an emergency then hung up. Just hearing her ****ed me up bad but I did as instructed. Am I alpha yet. No probably gonna cry myself to sleep again. But I didn't let her control me. I feel some shred of dignity.

Bro. My crazy hore of an ex lives 30 seconds from me. Her choice to move there once she moved out my place. Literally across the road. Now I have to watch her walking round like she is the Queen of our neighbourhood just because she is getting banged by another dude. I don't even have the benefit of "out of sight out of mind" anymore. Will I move? Fvck that. Why should I run away. I like it here. If I can resist the urge to contact her when she is 200 metres away then so can you.

 

[FinallyFree]

Well to update I'm feeling a bit more mentally/emotionally stable. Exercise no matter how difficult to get started has remained my escape.

I'm trying to motivate myself with the idea of going full chauvinist alpha pig and banging tons of girls but damn it's hard taking that first step when you know your heart still belongs to someone else. I just look at them and start comparing them to her and they all fail the comparison.

Enrolling in a yoga class. Hanging out at the library. Boxing gym wasn't exactly crawling with women and there's no way I want some crazy bar/club chick

She contacted me again and sounded panicked, said she knows I have a girlfriend "by now" (Every time she dumps me for a couple weeks she acts like it's been a decade... Which just tells me she's already found someone and can't stand the idea that I might too).

I'm sure as soon as I tell her I don't have a girlfriend she goes back to ignoring me. If I lie and do say I have a girlfriend then I'll be offered fake sex. So I'm sticking with NC.