Anyone have a problematic mother?

[BlueAlpha1]

My mom is 55 and has a real Jeckyl and Hyde personality. She got it from her mother who is now deceased, but was the master manipulator and was a very sick & troubled person. My mother was always watered down version and not as bad, but I'm telling you as she ages she is slowly closing that gap.

The problems relate to financial irresponsibility and a huge burden she has been putting on the family for a long time, but it's getting much worse lately. With normal relatives it could easily just come down to "no I won't loan you the money" and move on, but she wants to fight. And our arguments have been getting very heated for the last year for one reason: she is used to successfully manipulating and owning every man who walks into her life. I've seen the script play out 3 times over with my father and two others since. Only I don't put up with it and neither does my little brother.

I've told her straight up the reason she sounds like a child with zero logic in these disputes is because she's not used to the men in her life standing up to her so she gets flustered, and that someday when she's old and gray she'll respect the fact that she raised boys who refused to take shlt off anyone, including their own mother. Her logic and "arguments" are idiotic, nonsensical, and pathological as she actually believes the nonsense she puts out there. But once you've taken the red pill, you learn to check this shlt from women wherever it appears and no matter who it is.

In 2014, I remember thinking there were 2 people making my life a living hell; my father and my BPD. I knew that it was inevitable they both somehow had to change or go, or I'd soon be dragged into their level. Well soon after my father passed away and my BPD left. I felt like I'd lost both my arms but in a way was liberated and had very little toxicity in my life. However, while not at that level yet, my mother is slowly filling that void, proving yes AWALT, even middle aged moms.

I want to know how to nip this in the bud like an alpha but with grace, by teaching her no means no and NOT getting pulled into the extra stuff. Please do not advise me to abandon her. I am not walking away from the only parent I have left. None of this is that serious - just a HUGE pain in the azz every other month, like that in law with the foul mouth you just want to slap.

Thanks

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I want to know how to nip this in the bud like an alpha but with grace, by teaching her no means no and NOT getting pulled into the extra stuff. Please do not advise me to abandon her. I am not walking away from the only parent I have left. None of this is that serious - just a HUGE pain in the azz every other month, like that in law with the foul mouth you just want to slap.

Thanks

We can choose our friends, we can't choose our family. Sometimes with the roll of the dice in life you end up born into a family of losers. That one thing has become what I consider to be one of the greatest sadnesses in my entire life - innocent children who will be born into a family and will uncared for and unloved. It happens every day, all over the world to people living in totalitarian sh!thole countries to welfare rats only concerned with getting their next hit of meth.

Anyway it doesnt sound like your situation is quite that bad compared to what I stated. Some people do choose to simply walk away from members of their family, but that's fine that you say you dont. You might instead try going silent on all contact and only contact her on your schedule and when you want. Anytime she tries to call, dont answer. That might not be much but it could at least put you in the general direction of trying to manage this relationship with her a little better.

 

[Steady Eddie]

As soon as I could, I left home. I've had no contact with my family for 18 years. The only person I would like to remain in contact with is my twin sister.

Blue, why don't you take over the running of your mother's finances. I realise she'll object to this but the alternative will be her filing for bankruptcy. If she has a mortgage, it'll mean she loses her home.
Blue, it might be best to keep this scenario in mind. Are you willing to have your mother move in with you?

 

[TheGambino]

Same here. My mom has that personality from her mother. Very controlling, manipulating, not cooking if I disrespect her (in her pov), even calling me ''fat'' ''piece of sh1t'' ''not worthy'' and go on. I make it hard too sometimes but she is a controlling person. She cooks, cleans, worries a lot about me and I am all she has but she wants me to live my life like she wants. If I don't listen and obey she is f8cking nuts and crazy, yelling throwing stuff and trying to put me in the ground with words like I can't do anything. It's really hard. I live a great life outside the door but when Im home she is all negative all day. She doenst have a man and Im sure thats part of the problem. And she tries to hold my bankcard to safe money for me (I was a problem gambler a year ago, but im done with that) but she is really really controlling.

any tips?

 

[Julian]

i think every guy on this site has mommy issues LOL

my mom and I are very much alike. We definitely butt heads. She can get an attitude quick too, my mom boosts me up alot though and sees me as a superior man so she always concedes during our little spats we have. My dad plays mediator and tells us both to STFU lol. The older ive become and having gone through a couple relationships, it doesnt matter if its your mother, your grandma, your GF, the lunch lady, the fkin queen it doesnt matter. AWALT. flat out, straight up. Its not necessarily a bad thing because you deal with 1 and you've dealt with em all. but it goes to show that you can fight with your own mother about some dumb chit just as easy as you can have an argument like that with a GF.

Your only freedom is total and complete independence from all women including your mother. That means when you dont live under her roof she wont act a certain way toward you. Also keep in mind your mom lost her husband bro, idk what their relationship was like but that can fk peoples heads up.

 

[Dingo]

It will only get worse as she gets older. I see it everyday in my job. If you are a POS when young you will be a even bigger POS when old.

Cut toxic people from your life.... that includes family. Leave and move on with your life.

 

[dustmuffin]

My mom is toxic. When my mom is an unresonable ***** I just calmly get up and leave. My mom has settled down since I have started doing this and treats me with respect.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

i think every guy on this site has mommy issues LOL

my mom and I are very much alike. We definitely butt heads. She can get an attitude quick too, my mom boosts me up alot though and sees me as a superior man so she always concedes during our little spats we have. My dad plays mediator and tells us both to STFU lol. The older ive become and having gone through a couple relationships, it doesnt matter if its your mother, your grandma, your GF, the lunch lady, the fkin queen it doesnt matter. AWALT. flat out, straight up. Its not necessarily a bad thing because you deal with 1 and you've dealt with em all. but it goes to show that you can fight with your own mother about some dumb chit just as easy as you can have an argument like that with a GF.

Your only freedom is total and complete independence from all women including your mother. That means when you dont live under her roof she wont act a certain way toward you. Also keep in mind your mom lost her husband bro, idk what their relationship was like but that can fk peoples heads up.

I agree - would bet most here have some sort of mother issue. It's why we chase skirt - over and over - it's that searching still for a mother's love or approval..

At least that's what my therapist said...lol

 

[Alvafe]

I agree - would bet most here have some sort of mother issue. It's why we chase skirt - over and over - it's that searching still for a mother's love or approval..

At least that's what my therapist said...lol

I hope at leat its a guy...


never had too much problem with my family per see(mom dad and brother), I just hate everyone from my mothers family save for the cousins with most are just okish, but not close to anyone, just a waste of time, my father family is more easy to deal with since they are more laidback and less likely to knife my back when i'm not looking(also a lot smaller only 1 auntie and 2 cousins against my mothers side6female and most female cousins) I also hated the guts of my grandad, my mom's fathers, in such a way when he died I almost said finally I won't have to see that old bastard. me and my brother also are not really on good term, we ignore each other most of time, mostly becasue he can't be trusted to do anything, and he would sell anyone if that would make him look good with hsi friends, even almost at 30 he still is weak minded and do anything to please others and that means sells me (with he did several times, so no there is no excuse and willing to deal with the little ****)

but after that little story, one thing I always do is keep close only people you like everyone else is expendable and only deal with if you have to, and that means family, hell I say especially family, since you can't choose who you are forced to.

with your mom blue only one way to deal with ignore when she get bitchy and leave her talking alone, only deal with her when you have time and make it short if she does not behave, don't discuss, don't borrow money, she is the parent not you so if she can't control herself its her problem not yours, and if lose her home or is on risk of it tell her you will not live with me I will put you in a asylum and make your other son pay half of the bill, if you think that is too harsh think about it like tough love, she can do whatever she want with her life but can't drag you down with her unless you let her