Hi guys,
I started dating this girl that I went on and off for the last 3 years give or take. Some 4 months ago we both decided to make it more serious, so we took that decision together. She lives 300km away from me in a different city, so it was never going to be an easy situation to begin with, however we felt we should give it a try. I am 34 and she is 30.
After 3 months, things were going reasonably well (apart from the distance) but I found out about something that really bothered me. While watching a football match with her on the telly, I noticed she kept texting some other guy on her phone while sitting right next to me. Obviously I didnt think that was very normal so the next day I found out after looking up her interactions with the guy via facebook that this was some guy she met a week or so before in a party in a lady friends house, and started talking since then. Talk was mostly "inoccent" (if you can call it that) apart that he did ask her out for coffee but she refused and did tell him she had someone. However, that didnt stop her from continuing talking to him.
After I confronted her with this couple of days later, she was obviously surprised at the moment I addressed it, and later acknowledged she was in the wrong, and apologized for her behaviour. However, when I asked her previously if after the game (on a wednesday night) she talked to that guy again, she said no, when in reality she did reach out to him the following morning and initiated conversation again. When I confronted her with the fact that I knew what happened, she then said she didnt remember about it, and that I was right.
I told her that the kind of behaviour from her part was not acceptable from my side, told her I was angry and sad about it, she agreed with it and I decided to move on from this.
Obviously the trust I had in her was completely in check, so I kept my guard up since that moment. So a few weeks later I wanted to check if she really broke contact with this guy, which apparently she did, by unfriending him on FB and therefore cutting the conversation. But by checking this, I also found another conversation, with another guy, that also invited her for coffee days before she came over to visit me at my city. She refused, but the way she refused was not correct in my view, as she literally said she couldnt because she was travelling to my city. Granted, that was the truth, but if you REALLY want to cut someone out effectively, you just stop this kind of interaction, you dont give a plausible excuse for not accepting an invitation.
But what really tipped it for me was that couple of days later (obviously she didnt know I read that brief interaction before) she told me that the some guy couple of months ago (before we went more "official") made a clear move on her, which she said she rejected right away. But the fact is, she remained in contact with the guy, exchanging likes on facebook and so on.
I confronted her again with this 2nd situation and she got defensive this time, saying it was different because first of all she knew this guy before we started officially dating (even called him a "friend"), and secondly because it was only harmless conversation. She also denied during this conversation that the guy had ever asked her out, which I know he did. With all this said, I just told her this was not respectful from her, and that I did not accept this kind of behaviour. She naturally asked me (typical...) if I didnt trust her anymore, and I told her of course not, how could I? So I told her I needed some space to think about all this, and right now I am really inclined to putting a stop to the relationship after these events. I have been with zero contact with her for 2 days but I think I will wait just 2 or 3 more and then just call her up and break if off completely. Just a small part of me wants to wait and hear what she might have to say about this, if she at least realized what she did and apologizes, or not.
Anyway, its always great to have second opinions on this issue, I dont think I overeacted with my decision, but its always good to have some validation or even different opinions. What do you think?
Thanks in advance for reading and helping out
I started dating this girl that I went on and off for the last 3 years give or take. Some 4 months ago we both decided to make it more serious, so we took that decision together. She lives 300km away from me in a different city, so it was never going to be an easy situation to begin with, however we felt we should give it a try. I am 34 and she is 30.
After 3 months, things were going reasonably well (apart from the distance) but I found out about something that really bothered me. While watching a football match with her on the telly, I noticed she kept texting some other guy on her phone while sitting right next to me. Obviously I didnt think that was very normal so the next day I found out after looking up her interactions with the guy via facebook that this was some guy she met a week or so before in a party in a lady friends house, and started talking since then. Talk was mostly "inoccent" (if you can call it that) apart that he did ask her out for coffee but she refused and did tell him she had someone. However, that didnt stop her from continuing talking to him.
After I confronted her with this couple of days later, she was obviously surprised at the moment I addressed it, and later acknowledged she was in the wrong, and apologized for her behaviour. However, when I asked her previously if after the game (on a wednesday night) she talked to that guy again, she said no, when in reality she did reach out to him the following morning and initiated conversation again. When I confronted her with the fact that I knew what happened, she then said she didnt remember about it, and that I was right.
I told her that the kind of behaviour from her part was not acceptable from my side, told her I was angry and sad about it, she agreed with it and I decided to move on from this.
Obviously the trust I had in her was completely in check, so I kept my guard up since that moment. So a few weeks later I wanted to check if she really broke contact with this guy, which apparently she did, by unfriending him on FB and therefore cutting the conversation. But by checking this, I also found another conversation, with another guy, that also invited her for coffee days before she came over to visit me at my city. She refused, but the way she refused was not correct in my view, as she literally said she couldnt because she was travelling to my city. Granted, that was the truth, but if you REALLY want to cut someone out effectively, you just stop this kind of interaction, you dont give a plausible excuse for not accepting an invitation.
But what really tipped it for me was that couple of days later (obviously she didnt know I read that brief interaction before) she told me that the some guy couple of months ago (before we went more "official") made a clear move on her, which she said she rejected right away. But the fact is, she remained in contact with the guy, exchanging likes on facebook and so on.
I confronted her again with this 2nd situation and she got defensive this time, saying it was different because first of all she knew this guy before we started officially dating (even called him a "friend"), and secondly because it was only harmless conversation. She also denied during this conversation that the guy had ever asked her out, which I know he did. With all this said, I just told her this was not respectful from her, and that I did not accept this kind of behaviour. She naturally asked me (typical...) if I didnt trust her anymore, and I told her of course not, how could I? So I told her I needed some space to think about all this, and right now I am really inclined to putting a stop to the relationship after these events. I have been with zero contact with her for 2 days but I think I will wait just 2 or 3 more and then just call her up and break if off completely. Just a small part of me wants to wait and hear what she might have to say about this, if she at least realized what she did and apologizes, or not.
Anyway, its always great to have second opinions on this issue, I dont think I overeacted with my decision, but its always good to have some validation or even different opinions. What do you think?
Thanks in advance for reading and helping out
