Triangulation

[Tuttleycool]

Can someone explain to me what triangulation is and what the signs are?

 

[fastlife]

Can someone explain to me what triangulation is and what the signs are?

Let's say a relationship, at its most fundamental level, is between 2 people. Now imagine a stool with two legs--unstable, no? That'd be a pretty dangerous stool. Triangulation is any third party that is introduced to 'solidify' (or undermine) the structure of a relationship. It could be a parent, it could be friend, it could be a dog, it could be a job, it could be a religion, it could be a hobby, or it could be another lover or an ex.

Triangulation is healthy and necessary for the stability of relationship (unless you're looking for a codependent relationship that's forever out of balance). It's why the manosphere stresses the importance of having a purpose that women come second to or spinning plates. But it can also be tremendously unhealthy. If you feel like a third party is making your relationship with another person unsatisfactory for you, or that you're being put in competition with the third party, then it's time to bail.

 

[Tuttleycool]

The triangulation I believe I have been experiencing is that of my gf telling me guys are hitting on her. She also complains alot about her ex and bashes him frequently, saying he is still hung up on her. Despite the fact he is married again. She also bashes her other exes saying that her history with men is that they usually get hung up on her.

Before we started dating she was with a guy whom she was sleeping around on with me. The more I spend time with her the more I dislike her negative attitude.

 

[Tuttleycool]

I feel she may pit guys against each other. She tells me her ex despises me but I've never really talked to the guy.

 

[Tuttleycool]

I sometimes questions her intentions for doing it. She almost always has negative things to say about her exes. Would even show me text conversations where they were trying to talk to her, maybe trying to get back together, and her denying them.

Makes me wonder what she says about me or will say if things go south.

 

[Billtx49]

I sometimes questions her intentions for doing it. She almost always has negative things to say about her exes. Would even show me text conversations where they were trying to talk to her, maybe trying to get back together, and her denying them.

Makes me wonder what she says about me or will say if things go south.

Sounds like she has devalued the exes. Question is, did she do it before or after she split with them. Knowing the answer to that question will tell you quite a lot about her.

 

[Tuttleycool]

Sounds like she has devalued the exes. Question is, did she do it before or after she split with them. Knowing the answer to that question will tell you quite a lot about her.

How so? Are we delving into personality disorder territory here?

 

[Billtx49]

How so? Are we delving into personality disorder territory here?

Possibly that, based on what you have said, or maybe she doesn't respect men, or maybe the exes were douches…
All I know is the situation sounds very familiar to me and I'm not a douche…

 

[Tuttleycool]

Now I'm interested. Details? And the devaluing started before she left them.

 

[Billtx49]

Now I'm interested. Details? And the devaluing started before she left them.

The combination of the exes still being hung up on her, aka them still missing the initial idealization stage, and their devaluation before their split "might" fit BPD or NPD, yes. I'm no therapist though…
Bottom line - If she has the same type of problem with All her exes, the cause may not lie with them.

 

[Tuttleycool]

The combination of the exes still being hung up on her, aka them still missing the initial idealization stage, and their devaluation before their split "might" fit BPD or NPD, yes. I'm no therapist though…
Bottom line - If she has the same type of problem with All her exes, the cause may not lie with them.

Yeah, she would be the common denominator. I'm guessing you experienced an instance similar to this? What happened?

 

[Tuttleycool]

Who cares about the details. You should just worry about protecting yourself.

A bad investment do you think?

 

[xstang77]

A bad investment do you think?

If her ex's are still hitting her up its because she's letting them/giving them a reason to, her telling you all her ex's are hung up on her is a big red flag,and I most certainly agree this could be PD territory.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Triangulation usually means someone gets in your relationship business and two go against the one. Like your wife letting a guy at the bar make an aggressive move on her and she sticks up for him.

 

[Billtx49]

If her ex's are still hitting her up its because she's letting them/giving them a reason to, her telling you all her ex's are hung up on her is a big red flag,and I most certainly agree this could be PD territory.

Agreed, when involved with a PD, she may actually have stronger feelings for the more distant man as opposed to her current involvement.…
The most important mindset is to recognize her disorder ahead of time instead of starting to think "she likes the other guy more than me".
Things can get downright messy when a PD triangulates on you…

 

[xstang77]

Agreed, when involved with a PD, she may actually have stronger feelings for the more distant man as opposed to her current involvement.…

Yup I remember when I first started dating my bpd ex she told me all her ex's etc. we're stuck on her/ go head over heels about her,she also mentioned most her ex's blocked her online eventually too lol.

 

[Tuttleycool]

My situation is I'm being told the ex is threatened by me because I have so many qualities superior to him. She also says he hates me despite the fact we've barely talked. At first it was a bit ego boosting but lately it's become annoying. She just seems like a bitter person about alot of things.

 

[xstang77]

My situation is I'm being told the ex is threatened by me because I have so many qualities superior to him. She also says he hates me despite the fact we've barely talked. At first it was a bit ego boosting but lately it's become annoying. She just seems like a bitter person about alot of things.

You shouldn't even be in this situation to begin with my friend,she shouldn't be talking to an ex period If she's in a relationship with you,it's very disrespectful.have an ex or a plate start texting you and see how it makes her feel. Then if she makes you out to be the one in the wrong go bang her best friend because then it's even more likely she's has a PD and she deserves it.

 

[Billtx49]

You shouldn't even be in this situation to begin with my friend,she shouldn't be talking to an ex period If she's in a relationship with you,it's very disrespectful.have an ex or a plate start texting you and see how it makes her feel. Then if she makes you out to be the one in the wrong go bang her best friend because then it's even more likely she's has a PD and she deserves it.

Amen
She probably wouldn't be even talking to or about the ex if she didn't still have feelings for him…
Danger situation for OP here…
Sounds to me like she could flip either way.

 

[xstang77]

Yup possibility of monkey branching as well for when she makes her own abandonment and shatters his heart. Op dump her ass and tell her ex's wife on the way out, Satans minion deserves no mercy.