Final Blowout or Silence Forever?

[PantyWhisperer]

I'm pretty new here, so I'll apologize if this has been covered before.

When you know you are done, and the reason you are done is that you found out one or more seriously hardcore things that this person has done to you and/or lied to you about - do you confront and rage on them with your knowledge of what they did, or do you just let them think they got away with it and go silent?
I've done both and one thing is for sure, when you go off on them for something that is totally legit and you say things that just cut them right down to the bone, they are never going to forget it. You can theorize that you've done some seriously permanent damage. On the other hand they know they got under your skin and they also know that forever.
Silence gives them something to stew about, but it seems like that something evaporates sooner?

I'll give you a specific - "this guy I know" had a one night stand at 48 with a smoking hot 29 year old. They had previously only had a 3 year flirting relationship, one light make out session, some sexting and some nude pics. Not really friends but just sort of this long "are we ever gonna do this?" dance.
Btw he is married and has a child. Marriage is actually more solid than this story would have you think.
So out of the blue she invites him to go out drinking and there is a strong "we're finally going to do this" vibe to the evening. She even buys his drinks and makes sure he is toasted. They do it in the back of his car, she goes cold the next few days, claims to be feeling guilty, when all she ever does is sleep with married men. She has married men for breakfast. Maybe 3-4 weeks later, she's pregnant and he pays for the abortion. Everything about it smells but he has to take her word for it. He maintains relationship initially just out of a sense of duty, but then mainly to conduct an investigation. Over the course of the next two years, he gets to 90% certainty that she was already PG when they did it and deliberately targeted him and set him up to pay for the abortion. One fact of the matter is that she had 3 abortions in 3 years and his was the middle un-child.
Everything about how she did it - she told him of PG via text, Would never agree to discuss it face to face. Never saw the test results. For awhile he thought the whole thing was a lie, but found out from her friend that the abortion did occur.

So should he schedule a raging blowout and get in her face with the facts, and just say some seriously ugly sh|t that will rip her to her core, or just give her silence and make her wonder why he won't speak to her anymore?

 

[Killakittie]

Absolutely not. Best course of action is to exit and go no contact immediately!

The ship has steered off course a long time ago, we are navigating unknown and dangerous waters, all stop!

Any further communication with this women at this point is paramount to willful participation knowing she's deceptive and knowing she will fvck him over. Don't say anything just go no contact forever! He runs the risk of being pulled back in...and it's obvious your "friend" has been caught up in her whirlwind for awhile.

Think about it man. What if this women decided to not get an abortion and "chose" your friend as the father. Is the pvssy worth it? They are not even regular fvck buddies, she's out to use him.

This women is a threat to his lively hood.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Can't say that I don't agree with all of the above. He, me lol, is on day 51 of no contact. The having of the kid was not a bluff I was willing to risk but in hindsight I should have told her to **** off. The good news here is that there is little chance that she will ever go public or to the Mrs.
I do hate the thought of her thinking she got over on me. She now openly has a boyfriend but lied about it to me for months. Weird because we are not intimate or really is there any realistic threat for us to transition there.
You could say that she is lying to spare my feelings but I've never given her any reason to believe that I'd give a crap. She just seems to need me to be at arms length on a back burner should she find herself with no options. Like a true ass, I actually emotionally helped her after abortion #3 a year later, thinking at the time that it was only abortion #2 and that there was a better than 50% chance #2 really was mine. I didn't find out that she was the Trinity Killer until I got close to her best friend. That is how I ended up finding out so much. The whole thing never added up, but it all came into focus when I befriended the friend. Who does that - just targets someone they have never even slept with, because knowing he has money, a family and much to lose, that he'd quietly and happily pay. That's seriously messed up. Had never been anything but kind to her. In her mind she probably thought I'd be relieved and grateful to her. Plus the one brief text convo we had about it a year later she said "I didn't know it would bother you that much"
I'd never given any indication that I was just some philandering DB who solves his mistakes with infanticide.

Live and learn.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

And PS this is a grown ass woman who did this - 28, 29, and 30 were the ages she had these abortions, she's 31 now and has an 11 year old son being raised by her mother. So beautiful to look at but so ugly on the outside. Her new BF has a long rap sheet from more than 10 years ago, but they were ugly crimes like multiple armed robberies, arsons and 1st degree assaults. Did real prison time. Turned his life around, or so it is said. She obviously knows her own value, at least.

 

[Killakittie]

What draws you to this women? Because your aware of the multiple red flags and nasty behaviors she exhibits yet your thinking about her way to much.

There's no point trying to figure out why she does what she does. She doesn't even know why, she's just out for her own interests. She sounds like a lousy mother, has no redeeming qualities, and could have mental issues.

Flatly she does what she does due to her own solipsism. If you blow up on her she will only see it as you being weak and that will feed her ego. If you want to get back at her the best way is to pull your attention away from her and go no contact.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

What draws me? If I could figure that out I'd have it licked. It would be like turning a light on to disperse the monster under your bed.

Yes, I agree - I am following the complete NC path. Have not cut the social media ties, but I won't even like her relatively rare posts. I think I like her because she doesn't want me. A bit of narcissistic personality disorder, I self diagnose. I do agree that one effect from the blowup could result her self-satisfaction, but how self-satisfied must she be to think that she got away with all of that and I'm still out here holding a light on the moon for her?
That's the kicker.

 

[Killakittie]

She's not thinking that she got away with anything because in her mind she didn't do anything wrong in the first place. She is what she is, with no self awareness, and even if deep down she knows she's fvcked up she has plenty of social conventions to blame shift the responsibility off of. That's why blowing up on her only makes you look weak and pvssified in her eyes. Going no contact strips her of all her power and control.

Remember the one with the control is the one who needs the other least.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

"Remember the one with the control is the one who needs the other least."
Great statement. It's just getting to that point is the difficult part. Of course I realize that even if it's not true, I'm the one showing I need her least. She has been liking my social media posts, and even tried to communicate with me indirectly via her friend over the weekend. I hope it's driving her crazy that I'm not biting. The last two direct messages that she sent me back in June, which weren't questions or messages that absolutely required a response, I ignored. And I have NEVER done that. The previous best NC period I've had was 37 days and normally, when things are really bad, we'll go no more than 10-14 days' with NC.
I would have higher hopes of being in her head, but I think she thinks I'm pouting about the boyfriend but feels like I will still be there when that falls away, as I have always been. This has been a 5 year entanglement with many many layers.

 

[The Duke]

I always lay the facts out in front of them in a stern manner. Then I walk away. You don't have to raise holy hell and bury them in the ground. You see women know full and well what they do wrong regardless of what they admit, and regardless of how they try and spin it.

The ultimate "get even" weapon is they internalize this stuff for years. I've had several girls contact me years later and apologize for doing me wrong. Its like they had been waiting for the right moment to get that negative weight off their chest so they could continue on.

Always control your emotions and take the high road in life. It makes for a lot less emotional baggage to carry forward.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I get what you're saying. Yes there does seem to be a happy imagining on my part of me laying out the cold, hard facts and just putting it in her face that I'm not nearly as dumb as she thinks. And I also have an enormous amount of counter-ammo should she try to jump the fence and dime me to the Mrs. It was never going to be a loud blowout. Think Hannibal Lector in the first Silence of the Lambs, except I wouldn't make the sucking sounds through my teeth...lol

But the words would destroy her. I also know that she would vehemently deny and turn the rage back around towards me - she would just shut down/walk away. I'd have to have her someplace where she couldn't easily leave. Because I'm sure that the moment she realized that I was calling her a liar, she'd get furious.
There's nothing a liar hates worse than being called a liar.

 

[sodbuster]

AND, so she tells your wife..... let this die. Save your "pride" it will only get you in trouble

 

[dude99]

I'm pretty new here, so I'll apologize if this has been covered before.

When you know you are done, and the reason you are done is that you found out one or more seriously hardcore things that this person has done to you and/or lied to you about - do you confront and rage on them with your knowledge of what they did, or do you just let them think they got away with it and go silent?
I've done both and one thing is for sure, when you go off on them for something that is totally legit and you say things that just cut them right down to the bone, they are never going to forget it. You can theorize that you've done some seriously permanent damage. On the other hand they know they got under your skin and they also know that forever.
Silence gives them something to stew about, but it seems like that something evaporates sooner?

I'll give you a specific - "this guy I know" had a one night stand at 48 with a smoking hot 29 year old. They had previously only had a 3 year flirting relationship, one light make out session, some sexting and some nude pics. Not really friends but just sort of this long "are we ever gonna do this?" dance.
Btw he is married and has a child. Marriage is actually more solid than this story would have you think.
So out of the blue she invites him to go out drinking and there is a strong "we're finally going to do this" vibe to the evening. She even buys his drinks and makes sure he is toasted. They do it in the back of his car, she goes cold the next few days, claims to be feeling guilty, when all she ever does is sleep with married men. She has married men for breakfast. Maybe 3-4 weeks later, she's pregnant and he pays for the abortion. Everything about it smells but he has to take her word for it. He maintains relationship initially just out of a sense of duty, but then mainly to conduct an investigation. Over the course of the next two years, he gets to 90% certainty that she was already PG when they did it and deliberately targeted him and set him up to pay for the abortion. One fact of the matter is that she had 3 abortions in 3 years and his was the middle un-child.
Everything about how she did it - she told him of PG via text, Would never agree to discuss it face to face. Never saw the test results. For awhile he thought the whole thing was a lie, but found out from her friend that the abortion did occur.

So should he schedule a raging blowout and get in her face with the facts, and just say some seriously ugly sh|t that will rip her to her core, or just give her silence and make her wonder why he won't speak to her anymore?

Just walk away. He can be thankful that she didn't have someone elses baby but name him the father anyways and find himself on the hook for child support for a child that isn't his.

Tell him walk away. Do not look back. Never have anything to do with her ever again

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Having someone else's baby and blaming me would never have worked - DNA tests being what they are and all. I know the best choice is to walk away and wash my hands, nay scrub them. With Brillo pads.
I have heard stories of women who had several men and deliberately blamed the wrong one to get abortion money, but I still have never heard of, nor can find any reference to on the internet, a woman who is already pregnant and targets a man she has never slept with and was friends with in fact, for sex in order to pin the tail on his donkey.
I literally cannot find another story like that. It's like she's the worst person on the planet. I am relieved that I don't have the murder of my own child on my soul, but the fact remains that I paid for the murder of someone else's child and dealing with the WTF of having another human being actually doing this to me - is almost harder on me than if the whole thing had been true. This is a person who let me believe that I murdered my own offspring, simply to extort $420 from me. I can't even wrap my head around that. I can't even put it in my brain as a full fact, because I'm afraid that if I face that truth fully, there will be another murder that I would be involved in.

 

[dude99]

It has happened incertain states. Men are on the hook for kids that are not theirs and DNA tests do not get them off the hook when rhe state has declared them the father. Mens health had a huge writeup about this. Men were coming home from iraq and finding their wages garnished and other men who had no idea a woman had named them the father. Check your state laws. You have 30 days to refute their claim. But if you do not know there was even a claim and the state deems you the father.... a judge will make sure you pay for 18 years whether you want to or not.

You dodged a bullet.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Perhaps but she wouldn't have taken it that far, I don't think. I don't feel like I dodged anything. I was deliberately set up to be extorted out of money. Live and learn.

 

[dude99]

Perhaps but she wouldn't have taken it that far, I don't think. I don't feel like I dodged anything. I was deliberately set up to be extorted out of money. Live and learn.

Live. Learn. Next.

 

[sodbuster]

When you sign the marriage "contract" it set's you up for all kinds of sh1t storms when you violate the "rules" of said contract..... you just found out what kind of women are out there, if your wife isn't THAT bad, remember it when you are wondering if you should Divorce her....or do something that can cause her to Divorce you....

You can date the crazy women with only half your **** if you get caught.....

 

[PantyWhisperer]

There's never a day that I'm not glad that I'm not out there fishing to survive, but fishing for sport. Single life can be a fun place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.