What is flirting by definition

[Prodoge]

After reading numerous articles in the bible I still have trouble exactly defining what flirting is.

I always believed that flirting was talking about specific subjects.

As I understand flirting now it's not what you say, but how you say it. In other words a normal conversation can go flirty by simply introducing some kino.

What are other possibilities to turn a normal conversation into a flirt except kino ?

Recognised this as one of my problems where i can have a conversation with a girl but can't really get into flirting

 

[RangerMIke]

After reading numerous articles in the bible I still have trouble exactly defining what flirting is.
I always believed that flirting was talking about specific subjects.

All women will flirt. They do it to be polite, but there is a difference between flirting with interest and flirting to be friendly. Men who are good with women know the difference. Is she facing you and not looking around the room... eye contact.... smiling.... does she work to keep the conversation going?

As I understand flirting now it's not what you say, but how you say it. In other words a normal conversation can go flirty by simply introducing some kino.

Yes. If she is bragging about herself, or sharing personal information this is a good flirting sign. If she touches you it's a very good sign.

What are other possibilities to turn a normal conversation into a flirt except kino ? Recognised this as one of my problems where i can have a conversation with a girl but can't really get into flirting.

This is where the PUA clowns fvck up dudes. There's nothing you can do to create interest other than just being a man. You can not 'act' like a man... you have to be one. Having said that there are a couple of things you can do to TEST the woman you are with and draw out the attraction she has for you if it is already there. (1) Share something personal about yourself, if she reciprocates and counters with something personal about herself, then she has interest. (2) See if you can get her to brag about herself. Ask her leading questions that give her the opportunity to share positive aspects of herself. "What do you think are your best qualities?", Rather than asking her what she studied in college or what she does for a living ask her "Why did you pick that major?" Give her a chance to brag about herself, if she won't she isn't interested.

NEVER, let me say again... NEVER. Touch a woman first. Why? Again this is BS PUA stupidity. This only really works with drunk, stupid, or very young women. Besides, you miss out on the best gauge of her interest. If she touches you before you touch her, that is the BEST sign she likes you and you should make your move. Putting your hands on her before she touches you first indicates you are not patient man and know NOTHING about attracting quality women.

 

[Prodoge]

All women will flirt. They do it to be polite, but there is a difference between flirting with interest and flirting to be friendly. Men who are good with women know the difference. Is she facing you and not looking around the room... eye contact.... smiling.... does she work to keep the conversation going?

I don't have much experience in this, however I figured out that eye contact is super powerful. When i hold eye contact throughout a conversation, girls tend to hold eye contact as well and open up more about what they say. For instance last night I was talking to a girl and as soon as there was a short blank she started talking again. I would say the ratio was about 70-30.

NEVER, let me say again... NEVER. Touch a woman first. Why? Again this is BS PUA stupidity. This only really works with drunk, stupid, or very young women. Besides, you miss out on the best gauge of her interest. If she touches you before you touch her, that is the BEST sign she likes you and you should make your move. Putting your hands on her before she touches you first indicates you are not patient man and know NOTHING about attracting quality women.

This is why I find SS really confusing sometimes. Some people say initiate kino as soon as possible and keep escalating.

And others like you say you should let the woman make the first kino

This makes life difficult for people like me who are trying to get better around women. I don't really know who's advice to follow because I'm sure people had success with both approaches.

Keep in mind I am 20 so things will certainly be different to other age groups

 

[RangerMIke]

I don't have much experience in this, however I figured out that eye contact is super powerful. When i hold eye contact throughout a conversation, girls tend to hold eye contact as well and open up more about what they say. For instance last night I was talking to a girl and as soon as there was a short blank she started talking again. I would say the ratio was about 70-30.

This is why I find SS really confusing sometimes. Some people say initiate kino as soon as possible and keep escalating.

And others like you say you should let the woman make the first kino

This makes life difficult for people like me who are trying to get better around women. I don't really know who's advice to follow because I'm sure people had success with both approaches.

Keep in mind I am 20 so things will certainly be different to other age groups

It all depends on what you want.

I'm 50... so I'm at the point in my life that I don't want to spend any time with women that do not like me and are not interested in me and are going to work to make dates fun. I don't want to work for women anymore I will not put effort into a woman that does not already have high interesting me.

If you are only interested in hooking up with women... that's fine. Accelerate fast... go ahead and touch them... it works...or it doesn't... if it doesn't next one... but it only really works with younger women or drunk. Works in clubs and frat parties, but quality women will not fall for this, and you better be really good at reading women to know when this is not something she wants so you can back off before you pass the point of no return.

The advice you get here is going to depend on what you want.... if you ask for help, then state clearly what you are hoping to achieve, otherwise you will get advice from people who are doing things to get results which may be different from you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Flirting is just a playful interaction between two people who are attracted to each other.

There you go - that's the important part. Flirting is in the eye of the beholder. If a woman likes you, just about anything is flirting. If a woman doesn't like you, then you're just going to come off as pushy or creepy no matter what you do.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Learning body language & reading people is a good place to start for a young buck like yourself. Woman love to subletly flirt using their body. If you are making then comfortable with "light" funny conversation this will come naturally. No HEAVY subjects. You don't have to be a dancing monkey jokester.

Making them laugh, build rapport and she will want to touch you. Typical it's the forearm touch, that's your green light.

 

[Billtx49]

Flirting is about teasing and building sexual tension, and to see if the attraction is mutual…
If a girl is flirting on you, you should know where to take the action.…

 

[Bingo-Player]

flirting is for amateurs , as you progress through your experience with women they will begin to just simply bow to your will

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I don't have much experience in this, however I figured out that eye contact is super powerful. When i hold eye contact throughout a conversation, girls tend to hold eye contact as well and open up more about what they say. For instance last night I was talking to a girl and as soon as there was a short blank she started talking again. I would say the ratio was about 70-30.





This is why I find SS really confusing sometimes. Some people say initiate kino as soon as possible and keep escalating.

And others like you say you should let the woman make the first kino

This makes life difficult for people like me who are trying to get better around women. I don't really know who's advice to follow because I'm sure people had success with both approaches.

Keep in mind I am 20 so things will certainly be different to other age groups

Try different stuff, stick to what works, change if the situation requires you to do so.
Different guys different types of gaming women. You'll get approached by aggressive bitchy women if you won't bend to their doings, and they are used to having all the power in their social groups.Play the teacher card with artsy girls, as they tend to be interested in philosophy, ecology, politics, treat them as if they knew nothing about those topics. Play the bf card with shy inexperienced girls as they are attracted to men they perceive as strong, serious and experienced. I have problems with more playful cheerful girls as I'm not a playful cheerful guy, but of you are very expressive and out-going you could so well with these. It's all about playing your cards right.
Play the role they want to ****, you'll play better with women the roles that you play in life.

So basically, try different roles, see what fits you well and stick to it, discard what doesn't.

 

[Prodoge]

Learning body language & reading people is a good place to start for a young buck like yourself. Woman love to subletly flirt using their body. If you are making then comfortable with "light" funny conversation this will come naturally. No HEAVY subjects. You don't have to be a dancing monkey jokester.

Making them laugh, build rapport and she will want to touch you. Typical it's the forearm touch, that's your green light.

What kind of body language can you expect when a woman is into you other than the forearm touch ?

Is the forearm touch a greeen light in any given situation (not from family members of course) like from someone of my social circle ?
Because since we are comfortable around each other we joke and get some kino, which makes it difficult to tell if friendly or actually attracted.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

What kind of body language can you expect when a woman is into you other than the forearm touch ?

Is the forearm touch a greeen light in any given situation (not from family members of course) like from someone of my social circle ?
Because since we are comfortable around each other we joke and get some kino, which makes it difficult to tell if friendly or actually attracted.

You just know it, if you have doubts its probably something else.
She will focus on you, the rest of the room/people won't exist. Her body will face you, she will mimic your movements....you will just know it to be honest.
I remember once, this girl was so into me that when her friends went back home and told her they were going she just said "yeah ok" without even looking at them.

You will know it BUT look for these:
- Focus on you, you are her whole experience at that very moment.
-Open and submissive body language (she gets her hair out of her neck, she sits without crossing her legs, etc).
-She mimic your movements ( this is just part of the first thing I listed, you are so much her whole experience that she mimics you without noticing it.)

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

One favorite of mine is a kind of 'blue steel' stare; narrowing of the eyes, kind of smirking, giving them a look like you're about to grab them, kind of like you know something that they don't. The psychology I use behind this is I just think to myself, 'I'm going to fck you later'. It ALWAYS gets a reaction like, 'Whaa-at [are you looking at]??'.

As you go along though and you get more comfortable with the physicality of it all, you come to realise that the simple things work best; anything with and air of confidence is better than nothing. After a date or two and it's going well, I ramp it right up, almost bordering on the perverse when out on dates; slapping backsides, grabbing t!ts etc etc. You really have to know what you're doing to get to this stage quickly though, and you need some of this reciprocated; she will be putting her hands on you as well.

From her point of view, the normal signs of attraction will be there, which we shouldn't have to google for you, OP.

However, as time goes on, you know that a woman's interest is rising, or indeed is high, by noticing the following:

-Her attention will be almost exclusively on you while you are together. She won't be looking at her phone, or engaging with others.
-She will be laughing at almost everything you say, and smiling A LOT.
-She might not say a lot at times, especially to begin with, rather have this look like she's transfixed by you, like she's constantly waiting for you to kiss her.
-She will be getting near, making physical contact with you, even kissing you, if you've done everything right.

 

[Prodoge]

You just know it, if you have doubts its probably something else.
She will focus on you, the rest of the room/people won't exist. Her body will face you, she will mimic your movements....you will just know it to be honest.
I remember once, this girl was so into me that when her friends went back home and told her they were going she just said "yeah ok" without even looking at them.

I see what you mean, once there is a natural vibe going it doesn't matter what you say. Every thing just seems to flow with no effort.

You just know it, if you have doubts its probably something else.

Is it possible that sometimes they are not sure themselves if they are attracted or not and try to test the waters by showing signs of attraction to see what happens ?

This reminds me of a girl from my social circle, who i get the impression is kinda sorta attracted. We often have playful chat, she has initiated kino on me without me really doing anything, just after something i said for example. She also asks me about things I'm up to.
Just an example of things she does that make me believe she is interested: we were talking and the topic came to snapchat (i assume most people here know what this is) and she said: "I don't even have you on snapchat"
I don't even use snapchat so I told her, and she answered:
"Aww, so I can't even harass you with my daily rubbish" (or something like that)

It's nothing obvious, but this is where I need to get better at reading people.

 

[Prodoge]

I have to say really some great replies here! Thanks guys.

Ps: anyone got a link or tips to practice reading people ?

 

[Konada]

I have to say really some great replies here! Thanks guys.

Ps: anyone got a link or tips to practice reading people ?

The only thing you need to do is fail. Fail, fail, fail.

The intuition/gut feel is something you develop with repeated personal experiences of interactions and their outcomes.

That is why asking socially inexperienced people to go with their gut feel is borderline social suicide becsuse they have insufficient experience to operate on an instinctual level.

If you want to know whether a girl is into you or not, always take the bolder option and ask her out. You will get harsher rejections but at the same time it builds your social acumen really fast. Very soon you will be able to tell without thinking whether a girl is into you or not, on a higher level whether her resistance are token or definite.

Tip 1: If it feels like you're pulling teeth talking to a girl, chances are she's not into you. Girls who are interested/semi interested will give you cues to continue conversation.

 

[JohnChops]

NEVER, let me say again... NEVER. Touch a woman first. Why? Again this is BS PUA stupidity. This only really works with drunk, stupid, or very young women. Besides, you miss out on the best gauge of her interest. If she touches you before you touch her, that is the BEST sign she likes you and you should make your move. Putting your hands on her before she touches you first indicates you are not patient man and know NOTHING about attracting quality women.

Maybe it is because I'm still a young gun here but I usually touch first and it works out quite well for me, it is when they do not reciprocate the touching is when it goes south.

 

[guru1000]

NEVER, let me say again... NEVER. Touch a woman first. Why? Again this is BS PUA stupidity. This only really works with drunk, stupid, or very young women. Besides, you miss out on the best gauge of her interest. If she touches you before you touch her, that is the BEST sign she likes you and you should make your move. Putting your hands on her before she touches you first indicates you are not patient man and know NOTHING about attracting quality women.

RM, the rest of your advice is spot on, but I disagree wholly with the quoted item. Frankly, I could care less about her thoughts or IL. If I'm interested, I initiate contact. If she welcomes it, great for her; if not, could care less. In the context of physicality, who is she that I need to "game," or "be patient" (or insert any other virtue to get into her good graces)? I've more than likely been with hotter women than her either way, so I view my physical attention as a gift upon a "bourgeois" that should be appreciated.

 

[Prodoge]

The only thing you need to do is fail. Fail, fail, fail.

The intuition/gut feel is something you develop with repeated personal experiences of interactions and their outcomes.

That is why asking socially inexperienced people to go with their gut feel is borderline social suicide becsuse they have insufficient experience to operate on an instinctual level.

If you want to know whether a girl is into you or not, always take the bolder option and ask her out. You will get harsher rejections but at the same time it builds your social acumen really fast. Very soon you will be able to tell without thinking whether a girl is into you or not, on a higher level whether her resistance are token or definite.

Tip 1: If it feels like you're pulling teeth talking to a girl, chances are she's not into you. Girls who are interested/semi interested will give you cues to continue conversation.

Over the last few months i feel like i have made some good progress in holding a conversation. Especially in holding eye contact. Before, I didn't really look people in the eyes as i was talking to them. I started forcing myself to hold eye contact while talking to people. Now it has almost become automatic that I look people in the eyes when having a conversation. And the results are quite amazing for such a simple thing, people seem alot more comfortable when talking to them, especially girls seem to open up more.

 

[RangerMIke]

RM, the rest of your advice is spot on, but I disagree wholly with the quoted item. Frankly, I could care less about her thoughts or IL. If I'm interested, I initiate contact. If she welcomes it, great for her; if not, could care less. In the context of physicality, who is she that I need to "game," or "be patient" (or insert any other virtue to get into her good graces)? I've more than likely been with hotter women than her either way, so I view my physical attention as a gift upon a "bourgeois" that should be appreciated.

I didn't say it didn't work, only when you do this you give up a gauge of interest, and you really don't have to do this. It's a lot more fun getting her to want to touch you first. Remember if a woman doesn't put effort towards you she not worth going after.