Being kind = synonym for being a nice guy?

[Prodoge]

I think the title is pretty clear.

An example of what i mean:

A girls a met not so long a go took me to town twice over the last 2 weeks (no dates but hangouts with other people).

Tonight i am going to a funfair and offered to take her there in return.

Would you consider this nice guy behaviour ?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

^^ This is true.

Kindness, expecting something in return = 'Nice guy/beta/whiteknight'.
Kindness for the sake of it = pure kindness.

OP, if you are expecting to get somewhere with this chick, you need to get her out along and escalate. Group dates are fine, for 'friends' - genuine friends. If you want more, it needs to be just the two of you.

 

[Prodoge]

Thanks for the replies guys!

I wouldn't consider it to be anything.

There's nothing at all wrong with being nice. The problem isn't in the act. Typically, the problem is that the decision to be nice often comes from a place of desperation and/or low self esteem which prevents the average person from realizing when "nice" is appropriate and OK, and when it's not and starts to raise red flags.

If you really want to know if you're being nice in a bad way, ask yourself whether or not you're doing it to avoid something else; some kind of short-coming, something you know that you can't seem to do or achieve when it comes to women: Ask her out, call her out on sh*t, go for the kiss, saying NO to her, etc...If the answer is "yes", then the odds are you're reverting to "nice guy" tactics that are going to fail. If the answer is "no" and you feel confidant, then it doesn't matter. F*ck her if she can't appreciate a person who can be nice to her. It means she's the one damaged, not you.

I offered to take her simply to be polite and she had said the last time i saw her that she wanted to go.

^^ This is true.

Kindness, expecting something in return = 'Nice guy/beta/whiteknight'.
Kindness for the sake of it = pure kindness.

OP, if you are expecting to get somewhere with this chick, you need to get her out along and escalate. Group dates are fine, for 'friends' - genuine friends. If you want more, it needs to be just the two of you.

I actually used this example because it was the most recent event. The post was meant to be rather general. But it doens't matter since i am interested in this girl.

To be honest i didn't have time to ask her out for now, i will do some time next week.
So i'll ask her out and if she agrees: good she is intersted too. If she doesn't want a date with me: well then she is not interested.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Im kind to people but only when its mutual. I used to be a nice guy, but this comes from insecurities. I still get pleasure from people pleasing, but dont let them walk all over me. Also a fight is always resolved better with fists than with words. I just hate situations where I am obliged to fight with some nasty ******* verbally because you cant win if you want to prove a point and he wants to make you miserable. Either dont talk or punch him in the face. Bravery is good. Fearless is good. As it often turns out, nasty people are very sad and weak on the inside and heartless. The power of your heart intimidates them and reveals who they truely are. Find that bravery in your heart, fuk it, jump 1v5 if they talk **** to you. You get your ass kicked and it stings for a while in the heart (and the head , but your pride is intact, couse they were the puussy squad that fight unfair and youre a man.

 

[MrWood]

there is no pride in violence, and frankly... you need help.

 

[GoodOne123]

No need to be obsessed by appearing as a nice guy or not. As long as you aren't approval seeking or letting people walk over you, you are fine.

Besides, people have different definitions for the word nice. For example, when girl A calls you nice they mean you are being a chump, but when girl B calls you nice they mean you are a gentleman of good character.

My point is don't be worried about being identified with being nice. As long as you know you aren't being a chump or a wimp, when people call you nice they will mean it in a positive way.

Lol at some of the people here that seem to be afraid of the word, as if they will catch ebola if they got called it...

 

[Dingo]

“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness"

Be kind and helpful.... just don't be the chump.

 

[zekko]

I have always really disliked the term "nice guy", because as others have said, it doesn't really have anything to do with being nice. The "nice guy", as PUAs use the term, means a wimpy, manipulative, supplicative chump. And to PUAs, an "@sshole" is a strong, masculine man who goes after what he wants. Neither description really fits the term.

In fact, in the PUA world, the nice guy is really a jerk, and a jerk is really a nice guy. Because their jerk gives without expecting anything in return, and the nice guy only gives if he thinks he can get something from it.

There are some very hardcore people into pickup who think that any sort of decent behavior will repel women, but that is nonsense IMO.

 

[Trump]

I think the title is pretty clear.

An example of what i mean:

A girls a met not so long a go took me to town twice over the last 2 weeks (no dates but hangouts with other people).

Tonight i am going to a funfair and offered to take her there in return.

Would you consider this nice guy behaviour ?

You have been out with her twice and haven't slept with her? I would consider that what are you doing behaviour.

 

[Prodoge]

You have been out with her twice and haven't slept with her? I would consider that what are you doing behaviour.

Yes but with other people, not real dates.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Yes but with other people, not real dates.

If you want to be something more than just her friend, you need to go out with her alone and escalate, because at the moment, that's all you are - just friends.