2mo after the last Facebook validate me message she initiated and NC I get the "Hello MrWood! How are you?"... again
I dont know if I even want to respond, again it would be out of character if I didnt. instead of a "I'm ok. Thanks." I will go with "hello there" and see what she spits back
Think I can deal with whatever, but dont know if I want to see her again, I cant be friends or a friend to her.
Don’t do it. If she wants you she will explicitly say. Let that anxiety build until it hits a crescendo. Allow her to be miserable and fully appreciate what it means to have you absent from her life. You have to allow them reach out. My ex did so on Saturday and went full blown psycho - Banging on my door, ringing my doorbell constantly, trying to speak to me through my bathroom window. She even threatened to beat up any girl she saw me with. I ignored her the first time, put my earphones in and watched a film. Then she came back later even though it was raining pretty heavily and did the same thing for about 15 minutes before I let her in.
She tells me she’s been “a mess” this last week and “lost” without me. She admits to having been on dates or going out clubbing with 4 different guys every day since the breakup, drinking regularly. In fact she still looked hung over and had her eye makeup on from what looked like the night before. She claims nothing happened with any of them. Being the honest guy I am, I tell her about Monday with the other girl. She takes it very badly – rolling round on the floor crying, etc. But what’s worse is that I eventually (and only through tricking her) get her to admit that she DID hook up with one of these guys - blowj0b with the guy I saw her with on Wednesday on the same night I saw her can you believe it! (And only because she was on her period that week)
I was prepared to accept that “heartbreak” and 3 years of me unknowingly chipping away at her self-esteem through my indifference might turn her into a busy girl. It’s her right to find a distraction as it was mine and as I said I was emotionally and physically abusive for a large part of the relationship and she deserved better. I’ve been a confident guy for quite a while now so it’s hard for me to imagine how someone else’s words or behaviour towards you can have such an impact on your self-worth but obviously it was massive for her. I’m starting therapy soon as I do want to tackle this and become a better man. HOWEVER I was hoping that she wouldn’t reach out until after a few months.
@LiveYourDream and co. What do you think about this whole situation?
She goes on holiday next week and gets back while I am away so it works out that from that time they’ll be a period where we can’t see each other for a whole month. I’ve told her that I want to do NC during this time for at least 30 days just to collect my thoughts, sort my life out and make a more objective decision. She’s reluctant as she is “scared I will fall out of love with her” or “find another woman” and in the past refused my NC request when we were going through some issues last year. However this time she appreciates I need some time away so has reluctantly agreed to respect my wishes for NC.
