Too many mixed signals

[ZTIME]

So I met this girl a few weeks back. Hb8, with a thick Russian accent. She's 39, good job, own place etc.

I take her to a beach party with a bunch of friends and we have a blast. We go back to her place have a few drinks and start making out. We escalate to her room and all is good. I get up at 4am to head home and get ready for work.

So the girls texting me a lot and calling me every night, talking about her life etc. etc. she tells people at her job about me, and wants me to meet her close friends, etc. so last night I stop by her place and meet one of her friends. After her friend leaves she starts getting a little weird, and starts saying things like "whatever happens between us, I still want us to be friends" and "we really need to take things slow" and she starts to talk about other guys she's dated. All of this with a thick Russian accent. I'm starting to think that I gotta get the fvck outta here.

I try to escalate she shuts me down! So I say listen it's getting late, I need to go.

I get these like 10 texts askin if I arrived home ok which I responded to this morning saying "home thanks".

What I don't get is that I really haven't pursued this chick. I boned her on our first date. She's texting and calling constantly, and suddenly.......... Cold shoulder! I think chicks are nuts!

I'm thinking of never responding to this girl ever again.

 

[LiveYourDream]

She's already imagined moving in, your wedding, and life happily ever after.

 

[Asmodeus]

ABANDON SHIP!!!
Honestly, that woman is playing games for control and you are letting her win. She calls you every night, making sure that she remains important to you and that she still has some control. She is trying to control you with sex also, she is making sure that she calls the shots with sex and her blowing you off was simply her exerting her control. Like what LYD said she has already imagined marriage, you should watch the move "Love Stinks" when you watch it I think it will all click and you will understand, it is all about these power games that people play on each other in relationships.

Like this>>>

 

[ZTIME]

ABANDON SHIP!!!
Honestly, that woman is playing games for control and you are letting her win. She calls you every night, making sure that she remains important to you and that she still has some control. She is trying to control you with sex also, she is making sure that she calls the shots with sex and her blowing you off was simply her exerting her control. Like what LYD said she has already imagined marriage, you should watch the move "Love Stinks" when you watch it I think it will all click and you will understand, it is all about these power games that people play on each other in relationships.

Like this>>>

Thanks! It's just funny! I've kept cool. I don't answer when she calls every night, I date other chicks, and this was like date 3! They're some manipulative bitc*es out here in dating land!!

 

[wifehunter]

Like this>>>

Thanks for posting that, had to watch the whole thing!

 

[The Duke]

So I met this girl a few weeks back. Hb8, with a thick Russian accent. She's 39, good job, own place etc.

I take her to a beach party with a bunch of friends and we have a blast. We go back to her place have a few drinks and start making out. We escalate to her room and all is good. I get up at 4am to head home and get ready for work.

So the girls texting me a lot and calling me every night, talking about her life etc. etc. she tells people at her job about me, and wants me to meet her close friends, etc. so last night I stop by her place and meet one of her friends. After her friend leaves she starts getting a little weird, and starts saying things like "whatever happens between us, I still want us to be friends" and "we really need to take things slow" and she starts to talk about other guys she's dated. All of this with a thick Russian accent. I'm starting to think that I gotta get the fvck outta here.

I try to escalate she shuts me down! So I say listen it's getting late, I need to go.

I get these like 10 texts askin if I arrived home ok which I responded to this morning saying "home thanks".

What I don't get is that I really haven't pursued this chick. I boned her on our first date. She's texting and calling constantly, and suddenly.......... Cold shoulder! I think chicks are nuts!

I'm thinking of never responding to this girl ever again.

Sounds like she went into emotional overdrive, then got the feeling that you weren't into this as much as she was so she shut off access to the p*ss, gave you the cold shoulder, and assigned you official friend zone status.

 

[ZTIME]

Sounds like she went into emotional overdrive, then got the feeling that you weren't into this as much as she was so she shut off access to the p*ss, gave you the cold shoulder, and assigned you official friend zone status.

Yeah, I think you're right. Last night my social schedule was a little empty so I stayed home. She of course called, so I answered.

She's asking questions about me leaving abruptly, and I explain that I'm not looking at girls for friendship at the moment.

She gives me the "I like you more then anyone I've ever met", and the "When I like someone so much I put all of my effort into it" speech.
She throws in a little "I'm just really afraid to be hurt" to tie it all together. She ends with the "I really miss you and want to see you any free time you have this weekend".

Most of my answers were pretty short, and I ended with, "I'm pretty busy this weekend, but I'll let you know".

I'm ok with dating options right now, but I'm starting to feel like if I keep nexting every chick for their psycho babble or svht tests, I'm going to be nexting 100% of all I meet!

I'm starting to feel like this is my fault, but I'm pretty unavailable, I don't take girls out where I have to pay for anything, I don't talk about futures with them, etc. I'm just nice. Yet the last 5 girls are all similar situations.

 

[ZTIME]

I'm posting here because if anyone sees something I'm doing wrong, feel free to chime in.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Was this the girl you stole from your best friend?

Just kidding ya man. It is what it is, but I would run from this one though. She played her best cards and lost. At least you were able to tap that a'ss though.

NEXT!!!

 

[The Duke]

ZTime- I run into the same thing. I had a recent girl after one date decide she "was all about me" and thought I was the best thing ever. I barely kissed her twice and was totally honest with her. She invited me to stay at her place one night and then come to mine the next. She then changes her mind and goes cold. The following week she repeats this behavior with making plans and is all about me again then I get a text saying this:

"I can't do this. I am scared. Scared of my past and the distrust that developed. I am in a place where I look for fault and flaws in men. I think all men have an agenda. If you are smart, run away. I am not in a place to have a relationship with anyone."

After I got this I picked the "RUN" option and thanked her for being honest.

On the surface this HB8 I was entertaining has a great job, very smart, nice house, no kids, one divorce, stayed off the cahk carousel, and a very orderly life. Beneath it all is a crazy mess.

I think there is a lot of crazy out there and more than ever before. The world we live in gives women way too many choices/opportunities. Many can't resist the temptations the dating world presents and a lot make bad choices in the men they select. This results in failure that takes a mental toll on them. Women are such "feelers" by nature, not "thinkers" and aren't equipped to stay out of these situations. And once you put your penis in them, they lose even more control. There are a lot of guys out there that aren't helping the situation either.

Just look at yourself and this girl......her "feelings" were going crazy, she chose to ignore all rational thought and let her emotions control her. Meanwhile you applied rational thought in the form of "thinking" and kept you and her out of a deal that surely would have ended badly.

the older I get the more I see that just because I can stick my dik in a chic doesn't mean I should. Women internalize all of that. Its hard for them to get over it. They can't "just have" sechs like we can and go home the next morning. They carry all of that forward and eventually they have a mountain of baggage that makes them crazy and difficult to date.

 

[ZTIME]

Was this the girl you stole from your best friend?

NEXT!!!

No. Although this last run of crazy bitc*es could be my penance for my evil deed!

 

[ZTIME]

ZTime- I run into the same thing. I had a recent girl after one date decide she "was all about me" and thought I was the best thing ever. I barely kissed her twice and was totally honest with her. She invited me to stay at her place one night and then come to mine the next. She then changes her mind and goes cold. The following week she repeats this behavior with making plans and is all about me again then I get a text saying this:

"I can't do this. I am scared. Scared of my past and the distrust that developed. I am in a place where I look for fault and flaws in men. I think all men have an agenda. If you are smart, run away. I am not in a place to have a relationship with anyone."

After I got this I picked the "RUN" option and thanked her for being honest.

On the surface this HB8 I was entertaining has a great job, very smart, nice house, no kids, one divorce, stayed off the cahk carousel, and a very orderly life. Beneath it all is a crazy mess.

I think there is a lot of crazy out there and more than ever before. The world we live in gives women way too many choices/opportunities. Many can't resist the temptations the dating world presents and a lot make bad choices in the men they select. This results in failure that takes a mental toll on them. Women are such "feelers" by nature, not "thinkers" and aren't equipped to stay out of these situations. And once you put your penis in them, they lose even more control. There are a lot of guys out there that aren't helping the situation either.

Just look at yourself and this girl......her "feelings" were going crazy, she chose to ignore all rational thought and let her emotions control her. Meanwhile you applied rational thought in the form of "thinking" and kept you and her out of a deal that surely would have ended badly.

the older I get the more I see that just because I can stick my dik in a chic doesn't mean I should. Women internalize all of that. Its hard for them to get over it. They can't "just have" sechs like we can and go home the next morning. They carry all of that forward and eventually they have a mountain of baggage that makes them crazy and difficult to date.

You're right! It's a shame with girls like this though. Such a waste of good material.

I was actually fond of this one, and I'm still debating if I stick around to see how it plays out. Or at least svx a couple more times.

 

[guru1000]

A 39-year old to you ZTime, a successful DJ in his mid-40s, is easy pickings. You clearly have more value irrespective of how she looks.

Any games that she plays is likely due to her awareness of this value differential, and thus her need for stronger game.

Proceed in any manner you see fit. Anything that you do will work, and the relation will continue as long as you want it to continue.

 

[ZTIME]

A 39-year old to you ZTime, a successful DJ in his mid-40s, is easy pickings. You clearly have more value irrespective of how she looks.

Any games that she plays is likely due to her awareness of this value differential, and thus her need for stronger game.

Proceed in any manner you see fit. Anything that you do will work, and the relation will continue as long as you want it to continue.

It's this value that makes me Leary of any girl I date. You can never tell if they're into you for you or what they think you can provide. It seems like they all try to latch on rather quickly.

I've been very good at going on dates with no cost. I normally have them meet me at places I'll already be. (Dog beach, Nature hike, social gatherings, etc.). I don't want to come off as the "white knight provider", but I often think that's how girls perceive me.

Since my break up I've dated several girls in lots of age groups I find that girls in their mid 30's are a little more accepting of my schedule, and easier to fit into my social circles. And there's also the benefit of more mature conversation.

Where I live, if I were dating a girl in her mid 20's, people would call her a gold digger, or wh*ore.

I guess there's no reason for this thread other than to vent frustration. It's been 2 yrs since my break up, and about 20 chicks later, I find one I'm highly interested in, and BOOM!! Nothing but doubt.

 

[guru1000]

It's this value that makes me Leary of any girl I date. You can never tell if they're into you for you or what they think you can provide.

She's into you for what you can provide--just like every other girl. Whether that providing constitutes financial, status, stability, physical attraction, fulfilling other specific needs; it is irrelevant. Also contrariwise, you are into her for what she can provide, whether that's sexual fulfillment, status spawn by her beauty, self-fulfillment, nurturing, etc. Once either party no longer meets the other's specific need(s), the relation ends.

 

[guru1000]

It's good to keep things simple.

Sometimes we can get confused when we get the feels . But it really is a back to raw basics approach that allows you to see the situation for what it is.

Yup. It's quite simple. I have communicated this "needs" approach to my girl quite a few times. This is important so that the girl is fully aware that you are aware that the minute she no longer meets your need(s), it's over. No manipulations of "I love you for you" or "I will always be here no matter what." Just a simple: "Relationships are conditional."

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

ZTime- I run into the same thing. I had a recent girl after one date decide she "was all about me" and thought I was the best thing ever. I barely kissed her twice and was totally honest with her. She invited me to stay at her place one night and then come to mine the next. She then changes her mind and goes cold. The following week she repeats this behavior with making plans and is all about me again then I get a text saying this:

"I can't do this. I am scared. Scared of my past and the distrust that developed. I am in a place where I look for fault and flaws in men. I think all men have an agenda. If you are smart, run away. I am not in a place to have a relationship with anyone."

After I got this I picked the "RUN" option and thanked her for being honest.

On the surface this HB8 I was entertaining has a great job, very smart, nice house, no kids, one divorce, stayed off the cahk carousel, and a very orderly life. Beneath it all is a crazy mess.

I think there is a lot of crazy out there and more than ever before. The world we live in gives women way too many choices/opportunities. Many can't resist the temptations the dating world presents and a lot make bad choices in the men they select. This results in failure that takes a mental toll on them. Women are such "feelers" by nature, not "thinkers" and aren't equipped to stay out of these situations. And once you put your penis in them, they lose even more control. There are a lot of guys out there that aren't helping the situation either.

Just look at yourself and this girl......her "feelings" were going crazy, she chose to ignore all rational thought and let her emotions control her. Meanwhile you applied rational thought in the form of "thinking" and kept you and her out of a deal that surely would have ended badly.

the older I get the more I see that just because I can stick my dik in a chic doesn't mean I should. Women internalize all of that. Its hard for them to get over it. They can't "just have" sechs like we can and go home the next morning. They carry all of that forward and eventually they have a mountain of baggage that makes them crazy and difficult to date.

Boy, you summed up one of the biggest problems of "todays" woman, too much power/infinite choices but no responsibility/accountability!