How to respond to hot+cold test?

[Tedhe]

Hello guys!

Looking for some help here

Meet a girl a few months ago and been spinning her plate for a bit now. Last week she finally agreed to come over (confident persistence pays) and we ended up having a great time - no sex. A couple of days after I shot her a note and said we should do it again and she agreed - so left it be and shot her a note yesterday that we should connect this weekend and her response was just "cool, we'll talk"

I know this is a test and she is making me work for it, my question is - how best to respond?

I am drawn back the free flowing conversations for now to match her hot/cold vibe.

 

[Casillas]

I would show more interest and invite her to some place, if she also show the cold vibe in person I would pull out, if she doesn't it means that her cold vibe its only a test.

 

[Tedhe]

Good points - my biggest concern is showing too much attention as this girl has said many times that she has men obsessive over her - I am very careful not to come across that way

I have gotten this far by balancing staying cool, being a man of my word and not making her feel to special (from a beauty + physical prospective) - albeit I like how we are together. I know when's he was over last time she was really comfortable - I want to grow that feeling

I am thinking of responding like:

"Deal - let's talk and connect if you can. We found a great vibe with one another last week and I would love to grow that some more"

Thoughts?

 

[Tedhe]

If I were you, I'd just tell her where and when you want to see her.

You've already had her over your place.

Why backtrack?

You seem to be complicating things.

I'll bet she WANTS you to invite her over.

For sex.

Any examples on how to ask?

I usually play the low key sex card

 

[dude99]

Hello guys!

Looking for some help here

Meet a girl a few months ago and been spinning her plate for a bit now. Last week she finally agreed to come over (confident persistence pays) and we ended up having a great time - no sex. A couple of days after I shot her a note and said we should do it again and she agreed - so left it be and shot her a note yesterday that we should connect this weekend and her response was just "cool, we'll talk"

I know this is a test and she is making me work for it, my question is - how best to respond?

I am drawn back the free flowing conversations for now to match her hot/cold vibe.

"Cool yeah we can have a talk. Be ready Saturday at 7pm wear a cute ****tail dress."

 

[Tedhe]

"Cool yeah we can have a talk. Be ready Saturday at 7pm wear a cute ****tail dress."

I'll come at it from this direction - with my own flavor of course

 

[Tedhe]

I wouldn't be low key. She knows what you want. They LIKE guys who go for it.

"I'd like to see you. Will you meet me at my place at ____ pm tomorrow night??"

I suppose the part of my game I struggle with is when the girl knows I am interested and I know the girl is low key interested - forces me to become more direct which is not my game. I like to keep it mysterious - I need to be more direct and keep my options open in case plan A fails

 

[dude99]

I'll come at it from this direction - with my own flavor of course

Of course

 

[Tedhe]

Of course

This girl is a major over thinker - so I'll just remind her that there isn't really anything to talk about because we get along really well, I'll end it telling her to be over Sat night

 

[Tedhe]

Nothing to "talk" about. That's her way of trying to regain control of the frame, in my opinion.

Agreed!

I can imagine if she uses this line on most guys they get confused - I took it as a "I'm tryin to regain control of this convo" thing - I'll play it cool

 

[BeExcellent]

What Espi said is true. Vague begets vague; cool begets cool, etc.

Don't get wordy over text. She is also being cool/chill/coy etc., as she doesn't want to come across needy just like you don't.

But you are the dude. So she expects you to ask her out. I think a playful approach works well. We women love playfulness.

Suggestion:

Text her something like this:

"7pm Saturday; you in heels & a short skirt; destination fun; where am I picking you up?"

This sets the tone as flirty/sexy, keeps it a little mysterious (gee I wonder where we are going/what we are doing) and gives you control over transportation and location without overtly saying come over here to my place.

Once you pick her up you could do anything from go grocery shopping together for food/beverage to make dinner at your place, to grabbing a bottle of wine to drink outdoors somewhere cool, to going somewhere for music & drinks, an art opening, really whatever you think would be a fun activity to do together.

Picking her up gives you an easy way to chat & set her at ease while you drive to/from where ever you go. It makes the transition to being at your place more natural, and puts you in control, but isn't as direct as 'come over at 7 to my place'

You can kino & escalate & be in charge of when she goes home too this way, and do so having built emotional investment on her part.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You offered her nothing, two times in a row. You think you were offering openings. They were openings attempting to subtly encourage her to lead the conversation into the next date. Women don't want to lead the men who want to seduce them. A woman wants a man who shows no hesitation in seducing her. You were playing not to win, but to avoid rejection.

1. A man that is direct and goes for what he wants, without apology, is attractive to women.
2. A man that hesitates and dances around what he wants, wondering if he is worthy is not attractive to women.

Imagine you are a woman and you like a man. At some point you imagine getting physical with him. Which of the two above is going to give you a night to remember, #1 or #2 ? One makes a woman wet in anticipation. The other leaves her to choose something else, better to do with her time.

You may say your choices are about seducing her to get to that point to start escalating and you just are not there yet. Who you are along the way shows her who you are.

You think you are playing it cool. You are not. You are showing her you aren't sure if she likes you back so you feel timid and unsure if you are worthy. You are showing her you NEED her to respond more clearly so you feel comfortable that you won't get rejected. That conveys needy and insecure.

I know this sounds harsh. That is not my intent. I just want to be direct and help you understand how your interactions are perceived.

A man who unapologetically wants what he wants, and wants it enough that he is willing to be bold and be rejected in its pursuit, THAT is attractive to women.

Quit fearing rejection (it doesn't define you) and go for what you want.

 

[Tedhe]

You offered her nothing, two times in a row. You think you were offering openings. They were openings attempting to subtly encourage her to lead the conversation into the next date. Women don't want to lead the men who want to seduce them. A woman wants a man who shows no hesitation in seducing her. You were playing not to win, but to avoid rejection.

1. A man that is direct and goes for what he wants, without apology, is attractive to women.
2. A man that hesitates and dances around what he wants, wondering if he is worthy is not attractive to women.

Imagine you are a woman and you like a man. At some point you imagine getting physical with him. Which of the two above is going to give you a night to remember, #1 or #2 ? One makes a woman wet in anticipation. The other leaves her to choose something else, better to do with her time.

You may say your choices are about seducing her to get to that point to start escalating and you just are not there yet. Who you are along the way shows her who you are.

You think you are playing it cool. You are not. You are showing her you aren't sure if she likes you back so you feel timid and unsure if you are worthy. You are showing her you NEED her to respond more clearly so you feel comfortable that you won't get rejected. That conveys needy and insecure.

I know this sounds harsh. That is not my intent. I just want to be direct and help you understand how your interactions are perceived.

A man who unapologetically wants what he wants, and wants it enough that he is willing to be bold and be rejected in its pursuit, THAT is attractive to women.

Quit fearing rejection (it doesn't define you) and go for what you want.

Well said

 

[VladPatton]

YOU should be the one doing the hot and cold treatment, not her. She has the full power and holds the wheel. Stop calling her, act busy, and see if she gives a sh1t to test you to hang out. If not, guess what, she's not interested. Even a fat ugly fvck will get his cell blown up by a chick who wants to bang or go out, because she is INTERESTED in getting sh1t done, not playing games. Don't play along.

 

[Tedhe]

What Espi said is true. Vague begets vague; cool begets cool, etc.

Don't get wordy over text. She is also being cool/chill/coy etc., as she doesn't want to come across needy just like you don't.

But you are the dude. So she expects you to ask her out. I think a playful approach works well. We women love playfulness.

Suggestion:

Text her something like this:

"7pm Saturday; you in heels & a short skirt; destination fun; where am I picking you up?"

This sets the tone as flirty/sexy, keeps it a little mysterious (gee I wonder where we are going/what we are doing) and gives you control over transportation and location without overtly saying come over here to my place.

Once you pick her up you could do anything from go grocery shopping together for food/beverage to make dinner at your place, to grabbing a bottle of wine to drink outdoors somewhere cool, to going somewhere for music & drinks, an art opening, really whatever you think would be a fun activity to do together.

Picking her up gives you an easy way to chat & set her at ease while you drive to/from where ever you go. It makes the transition to being at your place more natural, and puts you in control, but isn't as direct as 'come over at 7 to my place'

You can kino & escalate & be in charge of when she goes home too this way, and do so having built emotional investment on her part.

Great points

STRONGLY suggest you read this:

Powerful article! It's bang on - Iv been playing the coy card for too long - she's said multiple times she's interested in me so it's time to dance

 

[marmel75]

Any examples on how to ask?

I usually play the low key sex card

Which is why you find yourself in this situation. She was in your house, you should have banged her last time. Stop playing switch foot and act like a man.

Men Fvck women who come to their house. Women understand what they are agreeing to if they accept the invitation. Not only did you fail to act on your end, you failed to meet the expectation of what she expected.

 

[Tedhe]

Which is why you find yourself in this situation. She was in your house, you should have banged her last time. Stop playing switch foot and act like a man.

Men Fvck women who come to their house. Women understand what they are agreeing to if they accept the invitation. Not only did you fail to act on your end, you failed to meet the expectation of what she expected.

Disagree, somewhat.

 

[Tedhe]

So boys a bit of a twist on the story, my friends and I are heading to the bar she works at - I will def see her there - already messaged each other and said we look forward to see each other

Should I just tell her to come over tmrw directly?

 

[BeExcellent]

Did you read any of what people took the time to write? It apparently didn't register.

Read it again & you'll have your answer (quit being a fraidy cat!)

 

[ubercat]

Dude even in my shameful AFC past I pretty much tried to f*** any girl who entered my doorway. Of course I had no idea how to go about it. But as the Bros said that is why she is there so I course I had plenty of success. It does change a bit as you get older but you aren't there yet. Basically you should always have at least 2 girls on the go. You push all your girls for sex and it happens at whatever speed it happens. And thank god for that or all week long your ass would be dragging and your balls would be empty. Women are deeply sexual creatures and you just have to give them the excuse.